Chapter 4: Bold Feats on a Moonlit Night
AFTER Prince Rutherford ran off, we were informed that he’d locked himself inside his room. His guards were beginning to worry, as he wasn’t even letting anyone inside to bring his meals. But since he demanded, “Just leave me alone for a while,” from the other side of the door, they decided to wait out the rest of the day and see if anything changed.
I wondered what the second-born prince planned to do next. Prince Adelberd was right—no one was likely to believe him if he started telling people that his brother had suddenly grown a pair of animal ears. On the contrary, it could actually make people question Prince Rutherford’s sanity.
Was he going to gather more evidence or lure Prince Adelberd into a public setting and expose his secret to the world? Despite these anxious, negative thoughts, I still wanted to believe in the young prince, too.
I prayed that he wouldn’t be misled by those who described love as a weakness—that he instead harbored genuine concern for his brother’s wellbeing.
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AS the day came to a close, I was just about to crawl under my futon, still uneasy, when a knock came at my door. The inn was under heavy security, so I didn’t hesitate to call out, “Who is it?”
“It’s me… Rutherford. Can we talk?”
“Your Highness?!” I jumped out of my futon in a hurry and grabbed my haori.
“If you’re free, I want to meet in the same spot as last night…”
I didn’t even get a chance to answer before I heard his footsteps leaving. He could’ve easily ordered me to meet with him, but it seemed he was letting me choose.
I hesitated, but the perimeter of the inn was still surrounded by palace guards. If I were in danger, someone would come running as soon as I yelled. Besides, it would be incredibly risky to commit a crime in an environment like this. I decided it would be best to speak with Prince Rutherford and get a read on his next moves.
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“YOUR Highness.”
“…You came.”
Prince Rutherford had come to the same part of the engawa where the courtyard garden was on display. Just like the previous night, he was in a yukata, but this time he was seated and resting his feet on the stepping stones beneath. Sitting beside him felt too impudent, and it would be disrespectful to Siraiya as well, so I knelt in the hallway behind the prince—close enough that we could still converse.
“You said you wished to speak with me?”
“Right…” he answered. After hesitating, the prince broke the silence between us. “How long has Big Brother looked like that?”
“I’m forbidden from speaking on Prince Adelberd’s condition.”
“That’s right… Fine, then. I can draw my own conclusion.”
I answered carefully, fearing the potential that Prince Rutherford had someone eavesdropping on us, waiting for me to say something careless. He fell silent again. Then slowly, he leaned forward and let his head hang limply.
“Was I…not good enough? I used to be the person closest to him. But instead of someone who’s been with him all these years, he relies on some random friends he met at the academy…?!”
Prince Rutherford was much more honest than the previous night. He was allowing me to see his weak side. If this were Siraiya, I would have wrapped my arms around him without a second thought.
I replied from behind him, since I couldn’t get any closer. “Did you lock yourself in your room because you felt lonely? You were sad that Prince Adelberd didn’t trust you?”
“…No, the only thing I felt when I ran away was fear.”
“Prince Adelberd hasn’t changed as a person. There’s no need for—”
“That’s not it either. I was scared because I pictured a future where I was king. What if Big Brother stays like that, and I really do have to take the throne? It’s horrifying.”
“…But isn’t that the future you desire? Why would you fear such a thing?”
“I don’t want that at all…!”
Prince Rutherford let out a cry. I wondered if the guards would rush toward us. I wouldn’t mind that in itself, but I didn’t want our conversation to end there, since I hadn’t uncovered a single clue as to the younger prince’s intentions. Even worse, the tall teen before me clearly needed comfort from an adult. I couldn’t just leave him in this state.
His Highness slumped forward even further and covered his face with his hands. “I’ve never once wanted to be king. I’m not ready for something like that, but it’s the only value I hold…! All I can do is be the man who might someday take the throne…! Without that, why would anyone ever look my way…?! I’ve only been pretending to aim for the throne because that’s what everyone tells me to do…!”
I could tell he was crying, even though his back was to me. His voice trembled, and he sounded frightened.
I thought back to our discussion with Prince Adelberd. As the son of the king’s controversial second queen consort, everyone in the castle treated Prince Rutherford coldly, driving him further and further into loneliness as a child. Now, the first-born and second-born princes each had their own supporters in the dispute for the throne. Prince Rutherford probably figured out that people would give him attention if he pretended to be after the crown prince’s title.
Even if these supporters felt no love or affection toward him, suddenly having people who gathered around him must have made a neglected child so happy. He wouldn’t have wanted to give up the act for anything, even if he had no intention of becoming the king deep down.
I didn’t think a simple consolation like, “You’re a human being with worth,” would mean anything to the wounded prince. Instead, I called out to him, allowing the feelings that had been pooling in my heart to overflow.
“You must have been so lonely. Aren’t you tired of fighting all this time in solitude?”
“…Yes, that’s right. …I’m tired.”
“Would you have felt less lonely if Prince Adelberd had gone to you for help instead of us?”
“…I don’t know.”
Prince Rutherford wiped his eyes. Then he sat up straight and looked up at the moon. “I don’t know, but I think it would’ve made me happy, at least. When I was little, Big Brother always used to slow down so I could catch up to him, and then we would walk side by side. I didn’t think I could ever feel lonely with him around. But then he turned into a stranger as soon as he got engaged. I know the right thing to do would be to let us grow apart. My role is to keep fighting to be superior to my brother, and that way, Elzeria can have the strongest, wisest king possible. But still, I…”
“You want to have a good relationship with the brother you adore so much?” I ventured.
“…That’s right. I wanted him to be with me forever. I wanted to cling to him and scream for him not to leave me behind.”
“But you aren’t going to share those feelings with him?” When I asked that, the second-born prince’s head slumped again.
“I’m too scared. If he knows I’m jealous of who he spends his time with, he might not let me be by his side anymore. Even though we’ve grown so distant, I know that I’m weak, and I can’t say anything about how I really feel.”
Despite Prince Rutherford’s pained words, a pleasant breeze blew past us, rustling the leaves of the trees above. The moon’s glow cut through the darkness and illuminated both the prince and the courtyard.
“It’s such a beautiful night,” I said softly.
I wanted him to see the world around him. Even though he felt such despair, the place we’d come to wasn’t something dreadful at all.
After soaking in the hot spring, wearing matching yukata with everyone, sharing the same meals, and chatting about all sorts of things, I felt like our hearts had grown closer together. That was precisely what hot spring resorts were for.
I stood up and walked past Prince Rutherford along the garden’s stepping stones in my slippers. The central garden was kept in tip-top shape so that guests could always experience its fullest splendor. Even the stepping stones were well-polished.
When I turned back, I found Prince Rutherford watching me sadly, like a child who’d been left behind. “But you were able to say it to me, weren’t you?” I finally said.
His Highness inhaled sharply. Moonlight poured into those startled blue eyes, washing the sadness away from them.