Lin Li had to admit, this kid really knew how to live life.
When boys were little, they really were incredibly juvenile. Whenever they saw a boxed drink that had been finished, they felt an overwhelming urge to stomp it flat. The exact millisecond it exploded, you felt like you had detonated a landmine. It was cool as hell.
If your foot slipped and you missed, meaning it didn't explode but just crumpled miserably, that was a massive fail. As for stomping with one foot and somehow hitting yourself in the process, that was the ultimate king of fails.
This kid had used both feet when he jumped, displaying exceptionally rich experience. It was clearly not his first offense.
Once they grew up, boys became much more mature. They moved on to twisting empty water bottles instead.
From this kid, Lin Li saw a shadow of his own past self.
However, just like how some people work as security guards during the day and curse at delivery drivers, then deliver food at night and curse at security guards, Lin Li didn't think a shadow of his own self was anything good.
"I hate kids." Therefore, returning to the group and facing the snickering trio, Lin Li let out a heavy sigh.
Having said that, Lin Li's gaze stealthily drifted toward Chen Yuying. Baby, I will definitely pay extra attention to that in the future.
Chen Yuying blinked. She felt that Lin Li's current gaze was highly perverted, but she lacked concrete evidence. "I think he was pretty cute," she said.
Oh, then I won't pay attention anymore.
"It's pretty good. At least it's much more acceptable than him picking it up to drink because he genuinely couldn't afford it. It's just that his concept of hygiene needs some serious improvement," Qu Wanqiu said with a smile.
"Little Qiuqiu, you're practically a saint, aren't you?" Lin Li gave her a big thumbs up.
Qu Wanqiu: "?"
Before Qu Wanqiu could start cursing at him, Lin Li quickly hauled out Chen Tianming's philosophical theory on the benevolent and malicious intent of human nature, explaining that he was actually praising Qu Wanqiu for her kind heart.
But he still got yelled at.
Lin Li had no choice but to switch to a different method to praise her: "Little girl, you look pretty average, but your heart is surprisingly in the right place!"
This time, Qu Wanqiu didn't get angry. Instead, all four of them turned their eyes toward Bai Bufan with teasing smirks, Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu were well aware of what had transpired on the bus through their group chat.
Bai Bufan: "...Wait, what?!"
How did this manage to deflect onto him?! That son of a bitch taxi driver! Why can you only leave a one-star review once per ride? I want to leave another one. I'm taking this all the way to the central authorities!
The trash still hadn't been thrown away, so after they finished laughing, the "three people" walked toward the trash can. Bai Bufan and Lin Li waited on the spot.
"Lin Li, you don't like kids, right? Don't worry, I'll make sure to wear protection in the future," Bai Bufan spoke up at this moment.
Lin Li found it hard to keep a straight face. Not because of the actual content of the statement, but because Bai Bufan had likely wanted to say this the exact moment Lin Li muttered his dislike for kids, but because the other girls were present, he had forced himself to hold it in until now.
"What's the fucking point of wearing protection?" Lin Li merely shook his head. "I heard using protection means there are no eggs to fertilize."
Bai Bufan: "(；☉_☉)?"
That actually seems scientifically accurate.
In the future, when engaging in online gender wars, one could just say that once a woman hits menopause, she has no eggs left to lay.
"Fine, forget it. I won't wear it then. You can just take the pill yourself," Bai Bufan said, a true master of face-changing.
What a toxic scumbag. Lin Li couldn't begin to imagine how many single dog-mothers in Nansang had been abandoned by Bai Bufan.
"Bufan, do you know the origin of condoms? A thousand years ago, Arab Muslims invented an early version of the contraceptive sheath, which was actually the intestinal tract of a goat," Lin Li educated Bai Bufan since they had nothing better to do.
"That early? How come I remember it being something invented only in the last few centuries?" Bai Bufan raised a doubt.
"I wasn't finished. In 1873, the British perfected this design, by taking the intestinal tract out of the goat's body," Lin Li supplemented.
Wait, what?
"Huh? Hold on? When the Muslims used it, the goat's intestinal tract hadn't even been removed from the goat's body yet?! Huh?! Huh? Wait, what?!"
The moment his brain registered the information, Bai Bufan's mind completely short-circuited.
Wait a minute.
"How the fuck does that count as a condom?! What kind of ancient Indian behavior is that?!"
"Just tell me whether the final result involved a pregnancy or not," Lin Li said very calmly. "Did it prevent conception, yes or no?"
Bai Bufan: "...It'd be a massive miracle if that actually resulted in a pregnancy."
Having disposed of the trash, the five of them continued to stroll leisurely along the pre-planned route.
Holding their newly purchased snacks, the stage that Lin Li had seen ahead of time last night finally came into view. Today, it was naturally fully constructed, and a round of performances had already taken place this morning.
A few dozen chairs had been symbolically placed in front of the stage, but once the actual performance began, this tiny amount of seating would definitely be insufficient, most people would still have to stand. Currently, it shouldn't be time for the afternoon performance to start yet. Roughly a dozen people were scattered across the seats below the stage, though it was unclear whether they were waiting for the show or simply finding a place to rest.
"Brother, do you know how much longer before the performance starts?" Lin Li politely inquired of a relatively young man in the back row who was scrolling through his phone.
"The performance? Probably another ten minutes or so. The acrobatics troupe is already backstage preparing. Look, over there." Hearing the question, the passerby tilted his chin toward the back-side of the stage.
A crowd of people clad in performance costumes was currently waiting in the wings.
"Ten minutes. What do we think? Sit down and wait for a bit?" Lin Li turned back to face the other four.
There were no objections. Unknowingly, everyone had been walking for several hours already. Sitting down would allow them to rest, and it would also let them tackle the food in their hands with greater ease.
"Brother, is anyone sitting next to you?" The second-to-last row was a pretty good spot, and it happened to have five consecutive empty seats, which prompted Lin Li's inquiry.
"No, go ahead and sit." The man shook his head, actively standing up to slide five seats inward, giving up the outer seats to the five of them.
Bai Bufan, being very socially adept, was the first to follow him inside, with Lin Li and Chen Yuying closely behind.
"Thanks, bro. Have a potato puff." Lin Li was also happy to share, offering a tiny gesture of reciprocation to bridge the distance between them.
"No need."
"It's fine, it's fine. Have one, have one!"
"Thanks then."
Waiting and sharing food.
"The honey-glazed roasted whole chicken legs from these roadside stalls are just too definitive. They feel way tastier than the ones from those chain stores. I can't believe you three aren't eating any." Lin Li bit off the cartilage from the bone in his hand and crunched it down, thoroughly unsatisfied.
"Then when we loop back later, we can go try some," Chen Yuying said with a smile.
Placing the bone into a paper bag, which he then placed inside a plastic bag and tied securely, Lin Li wiped his hands together and turned to ask the girls, "Got any tissues?"
"Here." The girls naturally carried tissues with them, and Chen Yuying quickly fished out a small packet and handed it to Lin Li.
"I'm a student too, give me one as well," Bai Bufan opened his mouth to demand.
"Fifty yuan per sheet." Lin Li raised the price on the spot. Since Chen Yuying's things were basically his things, selling them off wasn't crossing the line.
"Wait a minute, Lin Li, you motherfucker still haven't paid me back that fifty yuan! You animal!" Bai Bufan froze for a second as he recalled the debt.
"Oh, then this sheet is yours." That actually seems fair, Lin Li nodded, pulling out a sheet of tissue and handing it to Bai Bufan.
Bai Bufan reached out to take it, only to find that Lin Li was pinching it incredibly tightly, making it impossible to pull away. He looked up, preparing to curse, but noticed that Lin Li's eyes were completely unfocused, as if he were lost in thought.
"Lin Li, what are you thinking about?" Bai Bufan also knit his brows.
"I suddenly have a doubt." Lin Li's expression was vacant. "I noticed that the tissues available on the market are basically only white and yellow. Why don't they manufacture black ones? But history clearly tells us that the black ones are much more resilient under heavy extraction, don't you think?"
Ding, Qu, Chen, Bai: "?"
How the fuck did you manage to make a racial joke out of tissues?!
"Maybe because all the black ones were taken to be made into a pyramid of skulls QR code," Bai Bufan cracked after a long silence, unable to hold it in.
The girls curiously asked what a "pyramid of skulls QR code" meant, and upon learning the explanation, they plunged into silence once more. Within the "Three People and One Dog" group chat, Chen Yuying's wooden-fish brain felt somewhat dazed from being hammered repeatedly in the silence.
Before long, time slipped by. As the music meant to draw the attention of the surrounding crowd flared up, the performance was about to begin, and the tourists in the vicinity gradually converged toward the stage.
The performance on stage officially commenced.
The show was not the type of traditional storytelling or opera that young people found utterly uninteresting, but rather an acrobatic performance suitable for all ages, blindfolded knife-throwing, balancing bowls on bamboo sticks, and human pyramids. It looked highly impressive and filled with genuine skill, offering an excellent visual experience. It seemed Xiling had truly put a lot of effort into organizing this, drawing wave after wave of applause from the crowd.
"One minute on stage takes ten years of practice offstage," Bai Bufan lamented softly.
Lin Li tilted his head to glance at Bai Bufan. It was a rare sight for this bastard to be serious for once.
"That guy on stage just now took fifteen seconds, but it required two and a half years of practice offstage," Bai Bufan continued his lament.
Lin Li: "?"
I retract my previous evaluation.
"Hey, Lin Li," Bai Bufan suddenly turned his head, asking in earnest, "Why don't the actors just practice directly on stage? Wouldn't that instantly double their efficiency with half the effort?"
"You'll understand when you practice a new champion in ranked matches," Lin Li scoffed.
Bai Bufan burst out laughing. It really was an extremely down-to-earth answer that brought instant comprehension.
"We will take a twenty-minute intermission. Even more spectacular content will be presented to everyone shortly. Thank you!" After performing continuously for over half an hour, someone who looked like the manager spoke into the microphone with a smile, then led the troupe backstage, seemingly to rest and prepare new props.
However, the stage didn't fall completely silent, a different person stepped up.
"Everyone, waiting around for twenty minutes is pretty boring. How about this? Why don't we hold a lucky draw? In a moment, we will send our staff down to the audience to add everyone as friends..."
"...We are from the 'Destined for This Life' Matchmaking Center. After adding us and participating in the draw, if you, your family, or your friends have any needs in this regard, you can contact us at any time. We..."
The dagger was revealed once the map was unrolled, it turned out they had stepped up mid-show just to run an advertisement.
The five of them, who had initially been somewhat interested in the lucky draw, instantly lost all interest upon hearing it was a matchmaking agency, completely tuning it out.
"Are there any lottery ticket stalls around here? Let's go compare our luck later. I happen to have fifty yuan right here, my treat." Lin Li pulled out a fifty-yuan bill, which was instantly snatched away by Bai Bufan.
Wretched dog.
"There aren't any here, but there seems to be a physical store on Pinglu Street. We can check it out when we head back tonight. But what we need to consider right now is whether we want to stick around to watch the next segment?" Qu Wanqiu inquired.
"Anything works."
The four of them gave an identical response, none displaying a strong inclination to watch or leave. In times like this, no one wanted to be the one making the decision, so they all turned their gazes toward Lin Li.
Lin Li then pulled out his phone and looked at Chen Yuying. "Class Monitor, pick a number between 1 and 2. If you guess right, we stay and keep watching. If you guess wrong, we leave immediately."
This was Lin Li's method of resolving such dilemmas. Since either option was fine, he left it entirely to fate.
"1?" Hearing this, Chen Yuying blinked, then provided an answer.
"You guessed right," Lin Li displayed the number on his phone, which was indeed 1, and snapped his fingers. "Then we keep watching."
"Alright." Everyone accepted the outcome with a smile.
However, after the girls discussed it for a bit longer, they chose not to sit around waiting. Instead, they planned to head down to the riverbank to snap some photos and then browse the surrounding stalls. Lin Li and Bai Bufan didn't tag along, staying behind to guard the seats, having a place to sit while watching the performance was still vastly superior to standing.
The staff from the matchmaking agency arrived at their row at this moment. "You three, add us on WeChat, and I'll pull you into the lucky draw group."
The reason it was "three" was because that passerby bro was still sitting right next to Bai Bufan.
"No thanks, no need." Lin Li and Bai Bufan both waved their hands in refusal, though the passerby bro actually added them.
"Are you two college students?" The passerby asked curiously after finishing the process.
Lin Li and Bai Bufan, who had lowered their heads to kill time on their phones, turned around upon hearing his voice.
"No, bro, the two of us are high school students," Bai Bufan replied.
The man had come alone, and they had engaged in occasional small talk while watching the performance earlier, making them somewhat "acquainted."
"Ah, that's even better." Hearing this, the man shook his head, a look of reminiscent longing appearing on his face before he turned to look at Bai Bufan again. "It's for the best that you didn't add this matchmaking stuff. It's best if a person never has to use these things in their entire life."
"I envy you guys. As someone who has been through it, let me share some words straight from the heart."
"If you get the chance, you must experience romance while in school, especially in university. It's best to have a relationship that locks down the rest of your life."
"Once you graduate from university and start working, you'll realize that your social circle might literally just be those few fixed people from your workplace. It becomes almost impossible to meet girls. Over time, you'll degenerate to the point of relying on blind dates."
The man let out a sigh. He appeared to be advising Lin Li and Bai Bufan, but in truth, he was describing himself.
As for Lin Li and Bai Bufan, listening to the words of this so-called experienced elder brought zero real sensation. After all, let alone blind dates, even society and university were still incredibly distant concepts to them. A person cannot simultaneously possess youth and the wisdom that comes from experiencing it, how can you reminisce about youth while you are actively living it?
"And once you degenerate to blind dates, so-called true love is practically alienated from you. You'll only have the crushing responsibility of marriage weighing down on your shoulders. You will never know what kind of freaks, weirdos, and monsters you'll encounter." The man seemed to have developed an urge to vent, continuing his speech with relative warmth.
Lin Li and Bai Bufan's interest was instantly piqued. "Bro, elaborate. Have you encountered any bizarre ones?"
"Too many, far too many."
"Last time, I met a woman who specified she only wanted someone from the Northeast, or Dongbei. It practically made me laugh from sheer anger." The man shook his head, his expression filled with disdain.
Is this bro a geographical snob?
Lin Li blinked. "Bro, that's not so bad, right? Specifying a mate from a particular region is a pretty common requirement, isn't it?"
In fact, in some places when looking for a partner, even the neighboring village was considered a "stinking outsider." To a family, it was a distant marriage and a massive gamble.
However, the man closed his eyes.
"No, I only found out later that she didn't want a Northeasterner in the sense we understand it. She literally just wanted a Black guy with a giant dick to penetrate her, or Hei-Ji-Liao."
"Damn it, a total worshipper of Black men."
"And she fucking claimed she was a purist. What kind of purist is she? If her crotch had a password, a Black guy stepping up would just be hitting the 'any key' to unlock it."
Lin Li and Bai Bufan: "(；☉_☉)?"
What kind of Heilongjiang-Jilin-Liaoning homophonic pun is this?!
It turned out she didn't want the three provinces, she just wanted a Black, or Hei, Cock, or Ji, to Penetrate, or Liao, her?!
Holy shit, that really was a netherworld-tier dark joke!
Hearing this, Lin Li reached out to pat the bro's shoulder. After thinking it over, he still offered some words of consolation:
"Bro, ease your mind. Worshipping foreign things is, at times, a helpless reality."
"Look, the saint of our East is Confucius, or Kongzi, which literally means 'hole master', while the saint of the West is Jesus, or Yesu."
"But, Confucius only has one hole, whereas Jesus has two holes, with Ye sounding like 'also/two'. Jesus has Confucius on his body, and Zhuangzi on his back, but Confucius doesn't have Jesus on him. In terms of saints, we have already suffered a crushing defeat."
"Though I wish it weren't so, at times, we must admit that others are just impressive, one of theirs can match several of ours... We can only say we need to keep working hard, the road ahead is long and the responsibility is heavy." Lin Li muttered in a low, slightly self-deprecating voice.
Bai Bufan and the man: "(；☉_☉)?"
What kind of holes are you fucking talking about?!
Though it does seem like we have to admit defeat based on that logic.
The man couldn't help but let out a couple of chuckles, then nodded, breaking free from his previous anger before continuing to complain:
"The requirements for blind dates are ridiculously high across the board."
"You've definitely heard about apartments and cars, I don't even need to emphasize those anymore, since you probably think they're completely normal by now. Nowadays, academic degrees have depreciated, so academic discrimination has become widespread. But honestly, if your own degree is high and you look down on someone with a lower degree, I feel that's somewhat understandable. But a girl with an associate degree looking down on me, a graduate from a standard tier-one university? I genuinely couldn't fathom it. She even claimed that a master's degree was the bare minimum to be worthy of her. Absolute utter bullshit."
Outside the Fairy Inequality, there existed a Fairy Equality. Perfectly logical.
"I have deep personal experience with this," it was Bai Bufan's turn to perform. "Previously, I told someone that my partner is currently still in primary school and her academic record only shows kindergarten. A bunch of people started cursing me out as an animal and asking me when I'm going to die. Academic discrimination really is just too severe."
Lin Li and the man: "(；☉_☉)?"
What kind of academic discrimination is that?!
They're clearly just discriminating against you as a human being, alright?
The man, who had intended to share more, couldn't help but burst into laughter once again, before falling into a brief silence. He felt that if he continued to share, these two kids would just keep derailing the conversation with their antics.
"...In short, my point is that the vast majority of people in the world are actually normal. But once you degenerate to blind dates, as your age increases, the probability of encountering abnormal people grows higher and higher, until you look around and find nothing but freaks and monsters," the man summarized.
"Furthermore, the current environment is also exceptionally terrible. What used to be murky waters has become even more of a chaotic mess." Speaking up to this point, the smile that had been coaxed onto the man's face vanished, replaced by an expression of pure, teeth-grinding hatred.
"Is it because the world has achieved Great Harmony now?" Bai Bufan inquired.
"It has nothing to do with the world. I am strictly referring to the environment here in Xiling," the man waved his hand.
"Our Xiling has achieved Great Harmony too?" Lin Li was shocked. How had he completely failed to hear about such a massive case?
"No!"
"Alas, you guys are students, so you definitely wouldn't know."
"A few months ago, an anti-prostitution crackdown aimed at pulling things out by the roots was organized here in Xiling. At that time, virtually all the 'chicken farms' in Xiling were wiped out in that single operation."
"Even to this day, their vitality hasn't fully recovered. Barely any shops have reopened."
"But, heh, I've been going on blind dates all these years. Holy fuck, exactly one month after that anti-prostitution crackdown, the few matchmaking agencies where I hold memberships suddenly flooded with a massive wave of 'ultra-premium' resources!"
"A bunch of young, beautiful girls flooded the marriage market, hoping to find someone to marry immediately."
"If my brain hadn't turned quickly enough to connect the dots, I'd probably be a total sucker raising someone else's kid right now!" The man's expression was deeply complex.
"Damn it! The more I think about it, the angrier I get!"
"I have no idea which old john leaked all the information back then. An operation like that must have had an inside informant. He certainly had a blast playing the mole and probably raked in a ton of reward money, but what about people like us?!"
"Not only are our usual channels for resolving our needs completely gone, but they even made the marriage market even more teeming with demons! Their sins are too numerous to record! Bastards!"
"The person who reported them truly deserves to die! Just don't let me run into him! That absolute son of a bitch! Seriously! Don't let me see him! I'll fucking murder him!"
The man gnashed his teeth, slapping Bai Bufan's shoulder as he spoke, his grip gradually growing tighter.
As for the actual son-of-a-bitch culprit himself...
Lin Li and Bai Bufan sat perfectly straight and rigid on their tiny plastic chairs at this moment, their expressions incredibly solemn. Their eyes drifted a fraction of an inch toward each other, before instantly snapping back to look straight ahead, completely free of distractions.
Fuck, we can't make eye contact, we absolutely cannot make eye contact right now. If we do, we'll definitely burst out laughing.
We don't know anything! We definitely don't know that snitching dog! It has absolutely nothing to do with us, hehe.
Lin Li, who was laughing maniacally in his heart, suddenly froze.
> While encountering a fellow traveler on the road, you fortuitously intercepted a sound transmission. You have learned that the He歡 (Hehuan/Acacia) demons, whose charm bones were shattered and strongholds cleansed by you in yesteryears, have seemingly fled into the mortal world's Matchmaking Pavilion today. Disguised as women from good families, they seek Dao companions to continue bringing ruin upon ordinary cultivators.
> Exterminating demons and eliminating devils is inherently your responsibility. Coincidentally, your inner heart also yearns to break free from your solitary existence and locate a Dao companion at this very moment. Publicly or privately, this tribulation must be answered! Why not strike out and investigate its reality!
> Quest Triggered!
> Quest 1: Enter the Matchmaking Pavilion and experience at least three rounds of the mortal world (0/3).
> Quest Reward: Constitution Improvement: Charm Technique Resistance increased by 100%, Spiritual Qi Absorption Speed increased by 200%; Random Ability 1; System Currency 100.
>
Lin Li: ?
(End of Chapter)