Wait a second, bro?
At this very moment, the progress bar for Fire was genuinely moving.
The speed wasn't particularly fast, but it was noticeably quicker than when Lin Li had burned himself with cigarette butts before.
Which meant he was forced to arrive at a conclusion:
The method of tempering the Fire Element was actually as bizarre as the Metal Element's "returning lost property" trial.
In other words...
Was the Fire trial literally just eating spicy food?
Feeling the burning heat still lingering in his throat, Lin Li had to admit…
You know what?
You really, really couldn't deny it.
It was indeed quite fiery.
Faced with this raging flame, Lin Li, who had once been mistaken for a Korean by a crematorium employee suddenly felt the spirit of Korea possess him.
Unable to stop himself, he shouted:
"Ah, shibal! Shibal-la-ma!"
Damn it all.
A mission was a mission.
But spicy was still spicy.
What the hell was wrong with this stall?
Why did their "heavy spicy" taste like everyone else's extra-spicy?
What kind of scam was this?
"Kid, stop eating it. Just throw it away. I'll make you another one."
Seeing Lin Li begin speaking foreign languages from the pain, the stall owner immediately spoke up.
"...Actually."
After noticing the mission progress, Lin Li, who had genuinely planned on giving up, sighed inwardly while hissing through clenched teeth.
Then he raised his head.
"Boss, there's no need. I'm good again. It's not that bad. Besides, if I don't eat it, it'll just get thrown away. What a waste."
For the sake of the mission...
Even if it was Ollie…
No.
Wait.
Absolutely not.
If the system ever told him to eat shit, Lin Li would abandon the mission on the spot.
The mission wasn't worth that much.
But this was only spicy food.
So after speaking, he viciously took a third huge bite.
The thing that comforted him was that the moment he did so, the Fire progress bar immediately accelerated.
The positive feedback came right on time.
Unfortunately...
The feedback from his mouth arrived even faster.
The stall owner stared silently.
"..."
Not spicy?
Then why are you taking one bite of squid and drinking three mouthfuls of fruit tea?
Do you just naturally enjoy drinking water?
"Not spicy, huh?"
Ding Sihan and Qu Wanqiu were laughing so hard they could barely stand.
They directly voiced the thoughts in the stall owner's heart.
Lin Li raised a thumbs-up.
"YEAH!! NOT SPICY!!"
"If it's not spicy, then that's good. But Lin Li, I've actually wanted to ask you something for a while now."
Ding Sihan held back her laughter and asked maliciously:
"What shade of lipstick are you wearing today? I really like the color. I want to buy one too."
"Who the hell is wearing lipstick?"
Lin Li hissed through his teeth.
"This is from the cold weather, idiot."
Even while being tortured by chili, he still found time to look down on her.
Ding Sihan immediately covered her face and laughed harder.
"Lin Li, stop forcing yourself."
Chen Yuying stepped forward and gently patted his back.
Seeing his entire face scrunched together, she couldn't help smiling either, though she tried her best to suppress it.
"If it's really too spicy, just throw it away. It's okay. Wasting food in a situation like this isn't shameful~"
"Don't worry, Class Monitor."
Lin Li waved his hand.
"The truth is, I'm actually very good at eating spicy food."
"When I was little, my mom accidentally bought chili powder instead of baby formula."
"She mixed it with water and fed it to me for three years."
Chen Yuying blinked.
Auntie was really careless.
"Earlier I just wasn't mentally prepared."
"But now that I've adapted, I feel incredible."
"I feel like I could eat a hundred skewers."
"Honestly, this heavy spicy is starting to feel like Guangdong-style clear-broth hotpot."
"You know? Slowly soak it. Slowly soak it."
"I'm already considering whether I should challenge extra-spicy."
Thank you to Lin Li's stubborn pride for sponsoring this flight.
Strangely enough, Lin Li had the vague feeling that the progress bar was moving faster whenever he stubbornly refused to admit defeat.
Apparently, pride was contributing to the trial.
"Lin Li."
Bai Bufan grinned.
"If you're determined not to waste it, why don't you wipe some of the chili sauce off with the paper bag first? It should help a lot."
Lin Li immediately looked at him with disgust.
"So your solution is rubbing it but not putting it in?"
"Anyone capable of saying something like that is beyond salvation, Bai Bufan."
As if to prove his point, he deliberately licked a smear of chili sauce from the squid.
Like a villain licking poison off a dagger.
A counterattack.
Bai Bufan froze.
"(；☉_☉)?"
Sometimes...
Even Bai Bufan struggled to understand Lin Li's logic.
If Lin Li ever became a Wallfacer from The Three-Body Problem—
Wait.
No.
That would be disastrous.
Because Lin Li definitely wouldn't spend his authority fighting the Trisolarans.
He would spend all of it tormenting Bai Bufan.
Whether Earth survived was uncertain.
But Bai Bufan was absolutely doomed.
The more he thought about it, the angrier he became.
Fortunately, Bai Bufan was basically a Dalmatian.
Ideas came quickly.
He glanced at his phone.
Then suddenly stepped forward.
"Class Monitor, could you let me stand there for a second?"
"Hm?"
Chen Yuying looked surprised.
Before Bai Bufan could explain, she simply stepped aside.
To be honest...
She kind of shipped the two of them.
Just kidding.
If Bai Bufan actually tried stealing the spot, she'd definitely get angry and take it back.
"What are you doing?"
Lin Li tilted his head suspiciously.
My brother's sweat better not drip onto my back.
The Southern Tong jokes were one thing.
Today was another.
Today his virginity still had practical value.
Bai Bufan said nothing.
He merely adjusted his position every time Lin Li moved.
Always staying slightly behind him.
Lin Li looked at him like he was an idiot.
Then…
Just as Lin Li swallowed another mouthful of squid…
The peace shattered.
"MAMBA ELBOW!"
"BUMBLEBEE ELBOW!"
Bai Bufan suddenly drove his elbow into the middle of Lin Li's back.
Right around the diaphragm.
Lin Li:
"?"
The next second…
"COUGH! COUGH!!"
His chest tightened.
Then he began coughing violently.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Getting spicy food stuck in your throat while choking...
That experience...
Powerful flavor.
No additional seasoning required.
In an instant, Lin Li felt every molecule of capsaicin inside his mouth explode and scatter.
The spicy sensation invaded places that had never been violated before.
It's over.
It's all over.
No!
Not there!
Absolutely not there!
That spot was still a first-time experience!!
"HOLY SHIT!"
"Y-YOU…"
"I ain't medium anymore!!"
"Cough cough!"
"I ain't medium anymore!!"
Lin Li cried out while coughing uncontrollably.
Meanwhile, Bai Bufan was staring excitedly at his phone.
"Holy crap."
"It really works."
"If you elbow someone in the diaphragm while they're eating, they actually choke."
"Five-star review."
Apparently he'd found this method online.
As for whether Lin Li might die…
First, Lin Li chewed thoroughly before swallowing.
Second...
If you closed the current page on Bai Bufan's phone, the next page open was:
Heimlich Maneuver Emergency Procedure.
This was called being prepared.
The three girls fell silent.
Chen Yuying.
Ding Sihan.
Qu Wanqiu.
They listened to Lin Li coughing miserably in the background.
Then lowered their heads.
Their shoulders began shaking.
Lin Li might not be human.
But Bai Bufan was genuinely a dog.
That was too cheap.
Way too cheap.
As for the victim himself…
Lin Li was genuinely hurt.
His eyes had become moist.
Actually moist.
"Holy shit, Bai Bufan!"
"You beast!"
"People like you are like freshly washed clothes!"
"They're not folded!"
"They're not hung up!"
"Even the hanger is still wet!!"
Lin Li cursed through reddened eyes.
His emotions were overflowing.
Yet Bai Bufan simply smiled.
Then perfectly copied Lin Li's earlier pose.
"Chu~"
"Ciallo~ (∠▽<)⌒☆~"
Repaying evil with evil.
Chen Yuying watched the scene.
Her expression became complicated.
Then she quietly let out a breath of relief.
Thank goodness.
If this was the sort of thing the two of them had been sending each other earlier...
Then not seeing it had definitely been the correct choice.
Otherwise she probably wouldn't be able to finish her food.
As for Lin Li:
"...☉_☉"
Disgusting.
Absolutely disgusting.
At this point Bai Bufan had become completely immune to boiling water.
"Tianji Mirror."
"I have a question."
"The prophecy you gave me… 'No Rain Tomorrow'..."
"You weren't referring to this kind of speechlessness, were you?"
Of course, Lin Li wasn't genuinely angry over the elbow strike.
After all, a joke between friends was only truly a joke when both sides found it funny.
Unfortunately, both he and Bai Bufan had exceptionally low standards for humor.
Nobody believed in me.
But unfortunately, I myself was the least capable of proving them wrong.
Turning toward Chen Yuying, Lin Li said solemnly:
"Class Monitor, from now on, please don't casually entrust my back to other people, okay?"
"Okay."
Chen Yuying nodded obediently.
"Good girl. Head pats."
"Who's letting you pat my head?"
Not understanding that Lin Li was referencing a Da Bing meme, Chen Yuying immediately turned her gaze away.
She even took half a step backward.
Yet her lowered eyes carried a faint trace of anticipation.
Although she had stepped back, she was still well within Lin Li's arm's reach.
Unfortunately...
The current Lin Li was too busy being burned alive by chili to appreciate romance.
"Hiss… da-da… hiss-da-da—"
The fruit tea cup in his hand, which had long since been crushed out of shape, emitted a final tragic cry.
Through the straw came nothing but intermittent bursts of air.
The drink had given everything it had.
Not even ashes remained.
Only pale, empty air.
Lin Li froze.
Wait.
Had he already finished the entire thing?
Then what was all that "being considerate" nonsense earlier?
If he'd known he'd drain the whole cup anyway, he could've just used Chen Yuying's straw from the start.
From this day forward, Lin Li made a decision.
He would become Rough Lin Li.
No more being Careful Lin Li.
Never again.
"Here."
Ding Sihan finally took pity on him.
Afraid he might genuinely die from the spice, she pulled the straw out of her own fruit tea and handed it over.
"Want some more?"
"For now, no."
Lin Li shook his head.
"I'll try eating some ice."
Using his finger, he peeled back the plastic seal covering the cup.
Then he poured a chunk of ice into his mouth.
Crunch.
Crunch.
Crunch.
The texture felt a little like Bai Bufan's skull.
Ice and fruit tea truly were humanity's greatest fire-extinguishing inventions.
The burning in his throat gradually dropped to an acceptable level.
Saved.
At last.
Looking down at the remaining squid, he saw that roughly a quarter was left.
Lin Li walked over to a nearby trash can and tossed it inside.
After that choking incident, there was no way he could continue eating.
At the same time, he checked the system.
The progress bar for Fire instantly stopped moving.
Completely.
Even though traces of the spicy sensation still lingered in his body.
But honestly?
That result wasn't bad.
At least failing to complete the tempering didn't cause regression.
That was acceptable.
The reason he threw it away was simple.
Now that he'd confirmed spicy food was indeed the abstract completion method for Fire, there was no need to rush.
He could prepare properly next time.
Even if the system only recognized this particular squid stall as a valid source of "wild tempering," it didn't matter.
The market would continue for more than a week.
The stall wasn't going anywhere.
"Sorry, Boss."
Lin Li looked apologetically at the owner.
"I really can't finish it. It'd just be wasting food if I forced myself."
The owner stared at the discarded squid.
Then his eyes grew moist.
"Kid."
"Wait a minute."
"I absolutely have to grill another one for you."
"This time don't refuse!"
He sounded genuinely moved.
Honestly.
Comparison really did hurt.
The employee at the lost-and-found had told him yesterday that the lunatic who'd carried his belongings there was also a tall, handsome young man.
But clearly...
There were levels even among handsome young men.
Just look at this considerate, polite child.
Then look at that deranged psychopath from last night.
How could the difference between two people be this enormous?
Since they were already waiting for the tofu and shrimp paste anyway, Lin Li politely declined several times.
But the owner remained stubborn.
Eventually, Lin Li surrendered.
Fine.
If the boss insisted this much, refusing any further would be rude.
At that moment, Lin Li turned toward Chen Yuying.
"Class Monitor."
"Your fruit tea is completely gone now."
"When we buy drinks later, tell me what you want."
Then he pointed at Bai Bufan.
"He's paying today."
Chen Yuying nodded obediently.
Yet Lin Li noticed something strange.
Hm?
Why did she suddenly seem a little unhappy?
No.
Unhappy wasn't quite right.
It was more like...
A tiny expectation had failed to come true.
Leaving her in a strange state of:
Slightly sulky, yet still happy.
"What do you mean I'm paying?"
Bai Bufan immediately turned around.
His face was filled with disbelief.
Recently his eyesight had deteriorated to a terrifying degree.
Whenever he opened his wallet…
He couldn't see any money.
Damn it.
Did anyone understand that feeling?
You go a long time without checking your balance.
You casually estimate that you should still have around three hundred yuan left.
Then you open your banking app.
Balance:
16.21 yuan.
"Oh."
"I'm finished."
That kind of despair.
And now, even in that state, Lin Li still had his eyes on Bai Bufan's remaining scraps.
Was he even human?
"Bufan."
Lin Li smiled.
Then he placed a hand on Bai Bufan's shoulder.
Pointing upward toward the tree canopy overhead, he spoke in a deep voice.
"You know..."
"When I was choking earlier, I suddenly realized something."
"Our lives are actually a lot like trees."
Bai Bufan fell silent.
Then his expression gradually became solemn.
Suppressing a laugh, he looked at Lin Li with expectation.
"You mean..."
"Even in a forest of steel and concrete, green flowers can still bloom?"
"Even when life is spicy and painful, you can still create your own fireworks?"
"No."
Lin Li's smile remained gentle.
His hand slowly slid from Bai Bufan's shoulder...
Toward Bai Bufan's neck.
"I mean life is like a tree."
"If you hit it with an axe..."
"It dies."
"So."
"What do you think?"
Bai Bufan:
"..."
Holy shit.
Was the chicken used for this chicken soup not properly bled beforehand?
Why did every sip taste so bloody?
"Class Monitor."
"Order whatever you want."
"I'm paying."
Bai Bufan immediately changed his answer.
Upon hearing that, Chen Yuying smiled again.
The tiny trace of disappointment disappeared instantly.
Lin Li felt delighted.
Excellent.
Once the grilled tofu and shrimp paste were finally ready, the group continued forward.
Meanwhile, Lin Li happily chewed on the replacement squid.
The genuinely medium-spicy squid.
After finishing it, his understanding of the mission deepened considerably.
Medium spicy clearly provided less progress than heavy spicy.
And something even more interesting happened.
When Lin Li casually admitted to Bai Bufan:
"Actually, medium spicy is still kinda spicy."
The progress speed immediately dropped again.
Which meant…
Being stubborn mattered.
Maintaining dignity.
At least verbal dignity.
Appeared to be part of the trial itself.
In other words:
Passing the trial while preserving face produced better tempering results.
Additionally…
When Lin Li completely finished the squid, the moment he swallowed the final bite, the progress bar jumped forward noticeably.
Apparently, completing an entire trial granted bonus progress.
The trial wasn't merely about enduring hardship.
Completion mattered too.
Lin Li quickly memorized these discoveries.
They would likely apply to the remaining three unfinished elements as well.
Paying attention to such details later would make future trials significantly easier.
By the time he finished organizing his thoughts, he realized the girls ahead had already been attracted by another stall.
They'd even turned a corner.
Lin Li and Bai Bufan hurried after them.
This time it was a pet stall.
The owner was a middle-aged woman.
Cages surrounded her.
At her feet lay a small sleeping puppy.
The stall wasn't large.
Yet it sold all sorts of animals.
Chicks.
Ducklings.
Rabbits.
Puppies.
Hamsters.
The neighboring stall happened to sell aquatic pets such as goldfish and turtles.
The two stalls used separate canopies, but the space between them connected freely.
Inside foam boxes, countless chicks and ducklings chirped nonstop.
Honestly, anyone capable of buying those creatures and successfully raising them deserved respect.
When Lin Li was little, he'd managed to raise one to death.
After that, he'd never bought another.
"Rabbits are so cute."
The girls gathered around a cage where several rabbits were eating.
Ding Sihan sighed emotionally.
Lin Li immediately contributed a piece of knowledge.
"Rabbits eat poop."
"...Their own poop."
Ding Sihan:
"?"
"And sometimes they get sick because there's something wrong with the poop they eat."
Lin Li continued.
Then he smiled.
"Still cute?"
"..."
"Okay."
"Okay."
"Please stop talking."
"Get farther away from me."
Ding Sihan finally couldn't take it anymore.
Rejected by the girls once again, Lin Li wandered toward Bai Bufan.
As the saying went:
Birds of a feather flock together.
At the moment, Bai Bufan was squatting beside the puppy, teasing it.
"Lin Li, let me tell you..."
"Back in my hometown..."
Noticing Lin Li approaching, Bai Bufan raised his head.
"You were also lying next to your mother like this dog?"
Lin Li immediately interrupted.
Bai Bufan:
"..."
Bai Bufan's face immediately darkened.
"...Your mother."
He couldn't help but laugh and curse.
"I'm talking about my hometown."
"My grandma has a dog that's almost exactly like this one."
"Looks incredibly similar."
"Pure black."
"Oh?"
Lin Li raised an eyebrow.
Meanwhile, Bai Bufan turned toward the stall owner.
"Auntie, what's this dog's name?"
"Xiaohei."
The woman answered casually.
"A proper Five-Black Dog. Born from my family's dog."
"If you want it, four hundred yuan and it's yours."
"Vaccinated and dewormed already."
The moment she heard a young man asking questions, her instincts as a vendor immediately activated.
"Oh, okay."
Bai Bufan nodded.
Naturally, he wasn't actually planning to buy the dog.
Instead, he leaned toward Lin Li and lowered his voice.
"Such a boring name."
Then he grinned.
"Lin Li."
"Guess what I named the dog back home."
"Hm?"
Lin Li immediately became interested.
"There's a hint."
Bai Bufan raised a finger.
"The name doesn't contain the word 'black.'"
"But anyone who hears it will immediately understand that it's black."
"And not only that."
"It sounds incredibly classy."
The more he spoke, the more smug he became.
"Very classy?"
Lin Li stroked his chin.
Then he entered serious deduction mode.
"Alright."
"If it's classy..."
"First, we eliminate 'Real Estate Agent.'"
Bai Bufan:
"..."
"Then my answer is..."
Lin Li snapped his fingers.
"Black."
"Too crude."
Bai Bufan shook his head.
"Then..."
Lin Li thought again.
"Nig-dog."
"Too vulgar."
"Bruce Wayne."
Bai Bufan nearly choked.
"Its parents are still alive."
"And when it comes out of an alley, it usually has four legs."
"The conditions aren't met."
Lin Li nodded thoughtfully.
Reasonable.
Very reasonable.
Then he continued.
"Mamba?"
"No."
"Not even close."
Bai Bufan waved his hand.
"Stop guessing in that direction."
"Why would I give a dog a human name?"
"And besides, that reference isn't even outdated yet."
His expression became increasingly proud.
As though he were holding some earth-shattering secret.
Lin Li stared at him.
Then fell silent.
Several seconds passed.
Nothing.
A full half-minute passed.
Still nothing.
Eventually, Bai Bufan couldn't hold it anymore.
"Lin Li."
"I genuinely don't think you'll ever guess it."
"The name's pretty long."
"You probably couldn't even memorize it."
"Wait."
Lin Li suddenly caught something.
"Memorize?"
"So it's a name I've heard before?"
"Yep."
Bai Bufan nodded.
"..."
Lin Li immediately sank into thought again.
But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't figure it out.
Sometimes...
Even Lin Li struggled to understand Bai Bufan's logic.
If Bai Bufan became a Wallfacer from The Three-Body Problem one day—
Wait.
No.
That would be a disaster too.
Because Bai Bufan definitely wouldn't spend his authority dealing with the Trisolarans.
He would absolutely spend all of it tormenting Lin Li.
Whether Earth survived was uncertain.
But Lin Li himself definitely wouldn't.
After thinking for a long while, he finally gave up.
"I surrender."
"Just tell me."
The smile on Bai Bufan's face instantly became identical to Wang Yousheng after winning a battle in Drawing Sword.
A smile so triumphant it practically glowed.
Then he proudly announced:
"I named it—"
"『The Noble Saintess Dyed White by Corruption』."
Lin Li:
"(；☉_☉)?"
The smile froze on his face.
"What?"
"What language was that?"
"It sounded like you were gargling marbles."
"Japanese?"
Bai Bufan simply smiled mysteriously.
Then he took out his phone.
Tap.
Tap.
Tap.
A message appeared in Lin Li's chat window.
Only after sending it did Bai Bufan provide additional explanation.
"It also has a Chinese title."
"'The Proud Saintess Dyed White by Defilement.'"
Lin Li looked down.
Read the title.
Then read it again.
His eyes instantly widened.
"(≧﹀≦)!!"
At that moment, countless memories surged into his mind.
The sacred wisdom of translation groups.
The glorious heritage of cultured websites.
The collective knowledge of humanity.
Everything returned.
Lin Li immediately straightened his back.
Then spoke solemnly:
"Forgive me, Commander."
"Earlier there wasn't a translation group present."
"The language barrier prevented me from recognizing your true identity."
"Thank you, Translation Team."
His expression was sincere.
His gratitude heartfelt.
His soul enlightened.
The surrounding air became filled with the fragrance of culture.
He'd tried to endure it.
Really.
He had genuinely tried.
But in the end—
He couldn't.
Absolutely couldn't.
Bang!
A fist landed on Bai Bufan's shoulder.
Lin Li burst out laughing.
"Holy shit!"
"That's incredibly black!"
"And incredibly classy!"
"This name is genius!"
"Anyone who gets the reference immediately understands how black it is!"
"And most importantly—"
"It's not a human name!"
Exactly what Bai Bufan had promised.
Black.
Stylish.
And non-human.
A perfect fit.
Truly black-black and beast-beast.
Bai Bufan's grin widened further.
Seeing his joke fully appreciated filled him with immense satisfaction.
Then he continued:
"Lin Li."
"Since we're talking about this."
"My Little Black Beast actually has a second name."
"You know what it is?"
Lin Li immediately glanced at the phone again.
Then his expression became one of supreme confidence.
"Teacher."
"This time I actually know."
Bai Bufan raised an eyebrow.
"Oh?"
Lin Li cleared his throat.
Then read aloud:
"『The Northern Capital Dyed in Silver Language』."
Silence.
A brief silence.
Then…
"Correct~"
Bai Bufan immediately applauded.
The two men looked at each other.
Their smiles grew wider.
And wider.
Then both began laughing.
They had entered a world that belonged solely to them.
A world inaccessible to ordinary people.
A world where culture flowed like rivers.
A world where references required licenses.
A world where sunlight itself seemed strangely silver.
At that very moment…
The stall owner watched the two young men standing in front of her stall.
One was laughing.
The other was laughing too.
Both were making strange sounds.
Both seemed extremely happy.
Yet she couldn't understand a single word they were saying.
Question marks practically floated above her head.
"..."
"..."
What the hell are these two little bastards talking about?
The more she listened, the less she understood.
Meanwhile, the puppy sleeping at her feet slowly opened one eye.
The stall owner looked down.
Then pointed at the two idiots.
"Xiaohei."
"Bite them."
The puppy blinked.
Then closed its eyes again.
Even it couldn't be bothered.
(End of Chapter)