After we made it to Phil’s room, we sat down next to each other on the sofa. The distance between us felt wider than usual. Even if it was just a trick of my mind, it still made me sad. Phil suggested that he prepare some tea for us but I told him that I was all right for now. I felt like saying it now before I started thinking too hard about it would be the only chance I had.
“Um, Phil, I need to talk to you about something.” I turned to face him and reached out to where he was resting his hand on his lap. I placed mine over his and felt him twitch under my palm as if he was surprised. “I’m sorry that I said ‘no’ the other night.”
“Viola, that’s...”
“I didn’t mean it. I was really happy, truly. I didn’t dislike it at all.” I did my best to communicate my sincere thoughts to him. I wasn’t able to find the right words to go about it, but I wanted him to know that I wasn’t just trying to spare his feelings.
“I’ve been so lonely this entire month because it felt like you were distancing yourself. In reality, I want to spend more time with you. I want to touch you.” It was so embarrassing, but considering how he must’ve felt that day, I couldn’t let that stop me. “I want you to—”
But I wasn’t able to finish my sentence. Phil pressed his lips against mine and stole my words from my breath.
“Are you really all right with it?” he asked after he broke off the kiss.
“Yes. In fact, I’m more than all right with it. I’d be delighted if—”
Once again, Phil kissed me. His fingers grazed my cheeks and ears, and even slowly made their way down my neck. After what felt like forever, he pulled away and stared into my eyes. His face was so close that the tips of our noses were touching.
“I thought that you never liked being touched,” he said.
“Um, I’m not sure if I like or dislike it. But I don’t mind being touched if you’re the one doing it, Phil.”
I worked up the courage to say that and my world spun a moment later. By the time I had realized it, Phil had pushed me down onto the sofa.
“Viola.” I couldn’t look away from his sweet, honey-colored eyes. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll make sure that no one can make fun of me for being pathetic again.”
“I like you even if you are.”
I gently cupped Phil’s cheeks with both of my hands and pulled his face down toward mine. His blush only lasted an instant, but I could feel affection welling up inside me at how cute he was.
“That was unfair,” he complained and I giggled in response. “I suppose that I’ll never grow out of this when it comes to matters involving you.” He slowly leaned down and pressed his forehead against mine. “May I try again tonight?”
“Yes, if you’ll have me.”
We looked into each other’s eyes and chuckled together. I was sure that this wouldn’t be the last problem we faced together. We would likely continue to misunderstand each other in the future, or have little arguments. But every time that happened, I wanted to face Phil head-on and get close to his way of thinking.
With that resolution in mind, I returned the hug that my beloved husband was giving me.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Wendy, here you are!”
I peered under the table in the study to discover my beloved daughter, who was hiding there with a book in hand. She had my violet hair and Phil’s beautiful golden eyes. Wendy gave me a mischievous smile and then looked at Little Vio perched on her shoulder.
“Hee hee, looks like they found us.”
“Wendy, angel!”
“Jeez, stop copying what father says. You kept on repeating embarrassing things in front of my friends, so I had to deal with them teasing me.”
Lately, Wendy was really into reading the books that were in the study, with Little Vio always at her side. Seeing them together made warmth bloom throughout my chest and I told her to read in a brightly lit room or else she’ll harm her eyes. Wendy agreed and immediately crawled out from under the table. Usually, she would read while sitting properly in a chair, so I wondered why she was under the table today.
I asked her that and Wendy, oddly, scrunched up her face like she was feeling awkward. “I was reading something kind of bad.”
“Kind of bad?”
I don’t remember any books like that in the study. I figured that she shouldn’t be reading any books detrimental to her development so looked at what Wendy had in her hands. It looked less like a book and more like a journal.
“That’s the ‘something kind of bad’?”
“Yeah. It’s father’s diary from when he was a kid.”
“Huh?”
Apparently, Wendy found the journal while rummaging through the collection in the study, wedged in between two other books. Though Wendy knew that she shouldn’t read a person’s private diary, she wasn’t able to resist the temptation, so she read it under the table. I had a bad premonition about what could be in those pages.
“It’s from the five years between ten and fifteen, and father wrote in it whenever something made him happy.”
“Happy?”
“Yep. This entire diary is about you, mother. He wrote about how he was able to say hello to you or that he saw you smiling.”
I couldn’t say anything in response. It was embarrassing enough to know the existence of this diary, but it was even worse to learn about it from my own daughter, who had flipped through its contents. This wasn’t even my diary and I felt this way. If Phil learned about this, then he would be so embarrassed that he would hide himself away in his room. I didn’t mind him recording his love for me, but he should really keep it in a more private place.
“Were the two of you on bad terms before?” Wendy asked. “When I read this, I feel like father liked you a lot more than you liked him. It’s a little scary how intense he is sometimes, but it’s still really cute.”
It was painful that I couldn’t completely deny it. However, if I didn’t say anything, then it would affect Wendy’s perception of Phil as her father.
“In any case,” I said, deciding to change the topic instead, “let’s put it back where you found it. We’ll be in a world of trouble if Phil comes and sees us holding this. Make sure you don’t tell anyone you found this diary.”
“Okaaay. But, I wanna hear more stories about your and father’s past later, all right?”
Truthfully, I was really curious about the diary’s contents, but it was probably for the best if we pretended we never saw it. The moment Wendy handed the diary to me, the study door opened.
“Were you two talking about me?”
“Father!”
His timing couldn’t have been worse. Phil had been looking for us and entered the study.
“Wendy, I’m so proud of you. You’re always rea—”
He must’ve been ready to praise Wendy like he always did. But the second his eyes fell upon the diary between us, he froze. In the next moment, his face fell and he looked like he was witnessing the end of the world. It felt like a somewhat familiar sight. I frantically tried to come up with a way to lessen the blow for him and in the end, I decided to pretend that we’d just found the diary and hadn’t actually looked through it yet.
Before I could say anything, Phil muttered, “Wh-When we were students, I beat up a stalker of yours and this was what came out of his bag. I think that’s what happened, anyway.”
He was so quiet that both Wendy and I had to strain our ears to hear him. Stalker? Doesn’t that mean you beat yourself up? I thought as I cradled my head in my hands. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Wendy barely suppressing a laugh.
Rex loved to spoil Wendy and dropped by often to visit her. As a result, she’d started to laugh just like him. One of my biggest worries lately was how I could break her of the habit. In any case, that wasn’t what I should focus on right now. This time, I would help to play along with his ridiculous lies. Right when I made up my mind and was about to signal to Wendy with my eyes, Little Vio opened her beak.
“When I read this, I feel like father is a little scary with how intense he is sometimes!”
Phil and I stared in stunned silence at Little Vio, and Wendy could no longer bite back her giggles. Little Vio just had to combine Wendy’s lines in the worst way possible. I could no longer look in Phil’s direction either.