After I finished telling them about what happened, Rex made a pitying noise and Jamie covered her mouth with both of her hands.
“That’s...” she said, but her words trailed off.
“I didn’t dislike it at all. Honest,” I whispered. Every time I thought back to that moment, I felt so much guilt that I wished I could simply disappear.
“Don’t worry, I get it, Viola. Girls don’t mean it when they say ‘no,’” Jamie said. “But, I have to say, this does seem like something Lord Phillip would misunderstand.”
“Phillip really treasures you, and sometimes his feelings get the better of him,” Rex added.
Both of them looked frantic as they tried to comfort me, and I could tell that they were careful with their words. Hearing them say that neither Phil nor I were in the wrong was a weight off my chest.
“I guess you two have completely missed the opportunity to get to the next step of your relationship,” Rex said.
“Once, I tried to apologize and so brought this up with him. But he ran away,” I sighed.
Don’t worry. I understand. I’m sorry. After he said that, Phil ran off. I highly doubted he understood anything. Even if I could corner him and tell him that what happened that day was a misunderstanding, I didn’t feel like he would believe me. Rex and Jamie were still staring at me with matching expressions of vague sympathy.
“It’s not really your fault, Viola. But I do feel so bad for Lord Phillip. I can’t even begin to imagine how he’s feeling.”
“Phillip is usually such a lame coward, so it must have taken him a while to work up that courage. When I think about how all of that went to waste, I seriously feel bad for him.”
“It hurts to think about it...” I murmured in such a quiet voice that it was nearly inaudible. I covered my face with both of my hands.
They were right. Phil was usually very shy, he must have been so nervous waiting for me that day. Then, he heard me say ‘no’ and thought I was rejecting him. When I thought about how he must have felt at that moment, my heart clenched like it was gripped in a vice.
“It’s usually impossible to get a second chance when it comes to things like this, especially if it’s Lord Phillip we’re talking about.”
“Oh no, what should I do?”
“Is Lord Phillip otherwise his usual self?”
“Yes, he’s the same as he always is so long as I avoid bringing up what happened that night...”
In saying that though, it felt like he touched me less than before. I felt like because of my rejection, Phil was under the impression that I didn’t like him touching me. But I was always ecstatic to feel his touch. I felt like holding my head in my hands but before I could do so, Jamie held my hand in a tight grip.
“Viola, this isn’t the time to worry about what you should or shouldn’t do. This time, you have to do something. I’m sure that with how much of a coward Lord Phillip is, he isn’t going to make the first move under the current circumstances.”
“But what can I do?”
“Push Lord Phillip down on the bed.”
“P-Push him...” I froze, unable to believe what I just heard.
But Jamie was serious. “I feel bad for him. This entire time, wimpy Lord Phillip has been doing his best to show you how much he loves you. Don’t you think it’s time for you to return the favor?”
“She’s right. Despite how pathetic he is, the only reason you two are together now is because he put in the effort. Viola, it’s time for you to show how serious you are about Phillip too. You have to put in extra work to make up for how dumb he is.”
I’d never heard my husband insulted in so many different ways and this many times before. However, they were correct. It was true that I’d lacked assertiveness. Besides, I was the one in the wrong this time. Just thinking about pushing him down made me want to shrivel up and die from embarrassment, but I had to do my best. With that resolve in mind, I looked up and opened my mouth. But before I could say anything, another voice rang throughout the room.
“Sorry that I’m so pathetic and dumb and wimpy.”
We all turned around at the sudden voice and saw Phil standing there.
“Oh, Phillip. Welcome home. You’re early,” Rex said. Both he and Jamie looked somewhat awkward, and it was clear that Phil’s sudden arrival had taken them by surprise.
“The person I was with started feeling sick, so I came home after I sent him back to his manor.”
“So that’s what happened. Welcome home,” I said.
“Thank you. I’m glad to be back.”
Every time I greeted Phil upon his return home, he seemed happy. In the past, he’d said that this interaction made it feel more real that I was in the home that he would return to, and it always filled him with joy.
“So, what were you all talking about?” Phil asked.
“About your and Viola’s married life,” Jamie replied.
“Our married life?”
“That’s right. Viola was asking us for advice.”
“Advice?” Phil repeated, a perplexed look on his face. “Is there something you’re worried about, or something that you’re unhappy with?”
“Um...”
“It seems like Viola has something she wants to say to you, so we’ll be heading home now.” With that, Jamie stood up.
“Huh?” I exclaimed.
“Thanks for the tea. Good luck, Vivi,” Rex said as he stood up as well. “You don’t have to see us off,” he added before he and Jamie quickly left the room.
Jamie was my best friend, so I knew exactly why she said what she did. She created this situation precisely so that I wouldn’t chicken out and run away. Phil and I were the only ones left in the room, and I could feel an awkward atmosphere between us.
“Did I do something?” Phil asked.
“N-No, you didn’t! You really didn’t do anything. In fact, I’d said that I did...”
“In any case, let’s go back to our room first.”
“All right...”
The two of us walked through the garden side by side and made our way back to the manor. Usually, we would hold hands while walking through the house. However, my right hand remained empty. The lack of warm fingers threading through mine felt like yet another cold stab through the heart.