The next day, I’d made plans to meet with Phil in the afternoon. However, I was late because my mother and the other noble ladies came to check up on how my practice was going. This wasn’t the first time that I was late for a meeting and I felt really guilty about that.
“I’m sorry, practice took longer than I expected.”
“No, it’s fine. Was it all right for you to come here?”
“Yes. Lord Tillet let me end practice early.”
Sometimes, it felt like the countess could speak for days without ever needing to stop. Because Lord Tillet took it upon himself to converse with her, I managed to arrive at the meeting spot only a few minutes late. I couldn’t thank Lord Tillet enough.
“I see...”
After that, we sat next to each other on the couch as usual and conversed. However, I couldn’t help but worry about how Phil seemed like he wasn’t feeling well. It was clear that he was pushing himself to respond to me. There was a strange awkwardness in the air, reminiscent of when you’re left alone with a friend of a friend.
“Um, today, we practiced one of the more famous scenes from the story books. Lord Tillet taught me how to use a sword, so I think I’ll be able to put on a convincing performance.”
“I see...”
Phil didn’t say anything beyond that, so I wasn’t sure what to say either, which caused an odd silence. I started to seriously worry about Phil and how he didn’t seem to be paying attention. Silence was our status quo back in the day, but now it felt terribly awkward. I couldn’t stand it and continued talking in a desperate attempt to fill it.
“Er, Lord Tillet brought us some cake today and I had some. It was really good. Apparently, the store is on Third Avenue in the capital, so why don’t we find time one day to go to—”
Before I could finish talking, Phil suddenly closed the distance between us. His lips only touched mine for a brief moment, but it was so sudden that my heart skipped a beat before it started to pound in my chest. It was rare for Phil to kiss me out of nowhere like this. It was even stranger that he’d do this considering his earlier attitude. I stared at him, perplexed, and saw Phil looking back at me with a sad expression.
“I don’t want to hear about that.”
“Huh?”
“Lately, he is all you ever talk about when you’re with me.”
I didn’t mean anything by it. I’d thought that Phil and Lord Tillet were friends, so that might have been why I kept bringing him up. The bigger reason was that I’d only been going to practice lately, so I didn’t have anything else to talk about.
“I-I’m sorry. I thought you two were friends?”
“We’re acquaintances. In fact, I don’t think I like him very much.”
“Huh?”
Why would Phil dislike someone as sociable and gentle as Lord Tillet? Did something happen in their past? I did my best to try and calm the thunderous roar of my heart as I pondered this mystery.
“In the past, he kept complimenting you,” Phil explained. “He always said that you’re cute or that you’re his type.”
“Lord Tillet said...?”
“Yes. Apparently, he knew that we weren’t on the best of terms at the time and asked if I’d be willing to trade places with him. That’s when I started to hate him.”
“I see.”
I never imagined that such a conversation took place between the two of them. Yes, Lord Tillet praised my appearance a lot. I thought that he was trying to make me feel better, since my looks were the only praiseworthy thing about me when it came to playing the role of the goddess. I was honestly surprised, since I didn’t think he was serious about it.
It also seemed that Phil was jealous about Lord Tillet. Earlier, he’d said that he didn’t think he liked him. Now, he very clearly stated that he hated him.
“He ticks me off...” Phil growled.
It was my first time hearing Phil use language like that and my heart jumped for more than one reason. His far-too-beautiful face drew closer to mine again until our foreheads bumped together. We were so close that our breaths mingled. I felt so embarrassed that I unconsciously tried to back away, but he quickly stopped me with a hand on my wrist.
“You’re the only thing I ever think about,” Phil said. When my only response was a quiet inhale, he continued, “To tell the truth, I didn’t want you to play the goddess. I don’t want you to call another man’s name, nor do I want you to speak to one. Just the thought of someone else touching you makes me want to die.”
We were so close to each other that I could see my own reflection in Phil’s beautiful eyes. They burned with such strong passion that even though I wasn’t sad, I could feel a sharp burning in the bridge of my nose. Phil must’ve noticed because his face twisted like he was about to cry as well.
“I wasn’t ever going to say that to you...” he sighed. After a murmured apology, he pulled me close in a tight embrace and I felt my heart skip yet again.
“I know that I’m a petty man. I’m sure you no longer think as highly of me.”
“Th-That would never happen! But why did you never tell me that was how you felt?”
“I couldn’t. You seemed so determined to act as the goddess.”
“Um, that’s because...”
Phil had apparently been hiding his feelings of unhappiness and discomfort ever since I told him that I would act as the goddess during the Founder’s Festival. He even tried to secretly encourage other noble daughters to try and take the part from me, but after he saw how hard I was working, he stopped, thinking that he shouldn’t act selfishly. I actually wished that he had been more selfish. We were trying so hard to be considerate of the other that we ended up causing more problems in the end.