I heaved a heavy sigh and Jamie offered me a sad smile.
“You’ve been sighing a lot today, Viola.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to.”
“They say that every time you say, you let out a piece of happiness, you know.”
I visited Jamie’s house in the afternoon to spend some time with her, but I couldn’t stop thinking about my argument with Phil from last week. As a result, more sighs than words passed through my lips.
“Your fight with Lord Phillip must’ve been an awful shock,” Jamie said.
“It wasn’t really a fight. It was...”
It was more like I was the only one getting mad at Phil, who seemed perplexed the entire time. I wouldn’t necessarily call that a fight.
I’d told her that Phil and I had a disagreement, and left it at that. Jamie was someone who treasured her friends deeply. If I told her the entire situation between us, I knew she would get mad and try to push her way into the palace.
“I want to cool off for a bit. I would like us to spend some time apart.”
“Some time apart? That’s the last thing I want, please, Viola, wait.”
Ever since that day, I hadn’t met with Phil, nor had I reached out to him. Just once, he’d sent me a letter. However, I didn’t open it and simply left it on the table.
“I’ve got to say, I’m really surprised. I thought that Lord Phillip was the kind of person who would apologize his heart out if something happened between you two.”
“Yeah...”
“In the first place, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you angry, Viola.”
Though I’d known Phil for a very long time now, I’d only gotten mad at him once—when I overheard him insulting me and I told him that I hated him. Back then, Phil and I weren’t on the best terms. We were engaged, yes, but a large part of me considered him a stranger rather than my betrothed. Even so, it was shocking and hurtful to hear him talk about me that way.
“It’s not that I’m angry. I’m just really sad...”
The reason behind the disagreement was different this time. But now that I’d fallen in love with Phil, the pain in my heart was far worse. It felt like there was a weight in my chest and I couldn’t stop thinking about him, even if doing so made me even sadder.
I couldn’t stop sighing, nor could I focus on any of my tasks. Normally, even if something sad or painful happened, I could move on and go about my day. I wasn’t the type of person who would let it continue to affect me. However, that was probably because I was used to giving things up. Back when I thought Phil hated me, I thought it was a given since nothing about me made me a suitable wife for him.
This time though, it was impossible for me to think of things that way and let bygones be bygones. It was a painful reminder of just how important Phil had become for me.
“Lord Phillip’s probably sulking in bed around now, isn’t he? Or is he so busy these days he doesn’t even have time to hide in his room?”
I could very easily imagine how Phil was doing at this moment. But I didn’t want to see him anymore, at least while the princess was still in this country. For the three weeks until the ceremony ended, I wanted to live quietly and avoid seeing him. I didn’t want to hear about Phil or the princess anymore.
“But why did the two of you even start arguing?” Jamie asked. “Lord Phillip loves you so much, and he always puts you first.”
“I can’t really explain it, but a lot of things happened... Besides, I don’t even know why Phil likes me so much in the first place.”
Jamie hated cheaters above all, so I couldn’t discuss this with her. And even though he got a little strange when it came to matters involving me, Phil was a perfect human being. He had everything and could do anything. So I simply couldn’t understand why someone like him would like me. However, I remembered him saying that he realized his feelings when he saw me crying.
“Why don’t you just ask him that? Viola, I’m sure you want to hurry and make up with your beloved Lord Phillip too, right? The threads you keep choosing are all the same color as his hair and stuff.”
I couldn’t say anything back because Jamie was right. Even though I wanted to be mad at him, I was still embroidering a handkerchief that I planned on gifting him. It was likely that I could never hate Phil, no matter what he did or said.
I’ll ask him why he likes me after we solve all the problems between us.
With that resolution in mind, I continued to move the needle.