Adonis had disappeared.
Ever since the night Kir took leave of his senses, he’d shut himself away inside Bamboo and refused to come out. No one knew where he’d gone, so they had no way of knowing what he was thinking.
Belle sat on the cold, dry bed in Adonis’s empty room. Silent, sullen, she frowned and looked up at the dirty ceiling, her sword resting against the side of the bed. Black petals floated in through the window, and Belle suddenly realized that the only reason Adonis kept it open was to let the raven flowers in.
“…This is too extreme, idiot.”
She had called out to Adonis many times already, knowing that if there was anywhere her voice could reach him, it was in that room. No other place came to mind. Every now and then, she got the feeling that Bamboo was straining its ears to listen, but he didn’t show himself.
Her wounds from Kir’s sword were mostly healed, all thanks to the sacred ashes. Soon even the faint, nearly indiscernible scars left would also be completely gone.
Belle had spent almost her entire convalescence waiting for Adonis in his room. There was so much she wanted to tell him about Kir’s sword and about departing on their journey.
“…Let’s leave on our journey together,” she called out into the empty air again, only to get no response.
Every time Belle mentioned leaving, something welled up deep inside her. It almost felt like lovesickness. Most of it came from a sense of victory. She was an outsider, someone forced to always be at odds with the world, but her moment of triumph was approaching. It wouldn’t be long until the king guided her to the Key to the Door of Journey.
The moment that thought went through her mind, Belle got the urge to scream. The sorrow of parting melded with the joy of departing on her journey, causing her to tremble. All of those emotions had converged and crystallized into a single shining light, and she needed to share them with someone who understood her.
Her usual conversation partner, Kitty, had been gone for a while, leaving only Kitty the Nothing. Gaff was bedridden from the injuries inflicted by Kir. His wounds had been severe enough to kill him, but he’d survived by drinking water with sacred ashes mixed in. The first time Belle had gone to see him after the battle, he hadn’t been in any condition to speak. The second time, Sherry had been by his side and Belle hadn’t been able to bring herself to enter the room.
The princess had been holding Gaff’s hand, sobbing softly.
“…I’m sorry,” she said, her voice terribly thin and forlorn. “My tears rusted your sword. I knew that, but somewhere deep down, I hoped it would keep you out of harm’s way…”
Stumbling to a stop in the doorway, Belle overheard Sherry’s complicated feelings. To the princess, Gaff was like a lifeline tying her to the castle and keeping her alive.
“It almost feels like the castle is trying to take away my joy of singing, so that I take away your joy of sword wielding. I don’t know what to do anymore… It feels like I’m making a grave mistake just by talking about this… Aaah, I wish I could see Belle. I wish she was here to share some of her strength with me. But I’m scared, Shandy… I forced Belle into that cruel battle. What if she resents me for it…?”
Gaff, who had remained silent up to that point, suddenly spoke up.
“…Sherry, until now, we’ve both craved being needed by people. We’ve relied too heavily on that necessity. My Meister, the previous King Minor, said that to be seen as necessary, one must exert control over those they’re needed by. It has only been recently…since Belle came here and became my guest, that I’ve come to understand what that means.”
Gaff gently placed his other hand on Sherry’s.
“We’re afraid of needing someone… That’s why you’re in so much pain, Sherry. Be brave…”
“Oh, Shandy…” The tremble in Sherry’s voice took on a different tone. “You always make me feel so brave.”
Hesitating in the doorway, Belle felt the two of them were about to convey their love for each other. Something about it made her feel like she’d been left behind.
I’ll go home…
Belle had made for the exit, believing she’d have been better off if she’d gone sooner.
As she walked away, a thought flickered through her mind:
I’d never say anything like that, even if my life depended on it…
And yet somehow, she also felt like she’d been thoroughly defeated by Sherry.
Belle hadn’t seen Sherry since. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to go and see her. Sherry wanted the two of them to need each other, while Belle wanted her to know how happy she was to leave on her journey. Those two things just didn’t align.
Belle saw Guinness and Benet fairly often, but both wanted to remain in Schwertland, which made it hard for her to bring up leaving.
So all she could do was wait for Adonis. She spent most of the day sitting curled up in his room in the barracks, her thoughts washing over her like waves. Her journey wasn’t the only thing on her mind; she also ruminated on what Adonis and Gaff had talked about on the night of the ball and whether it was related to why Adonis had sunk into despair now. The need to know grew stronger in Belle by the day.
There were a few things she was sure of. One was that Adonis was still in the country. It was said that in order to become a Nomad, a person needed to have an invisible spell carved upon their soul. Without that, they couldn’t pass the many barriers set by God, something the Guidance within Belle had explicitly told her.
She also knew there were beings that were the opposite counterparts to Nomads—the Dearth March. Since Adonis was so desperate to flee the country, there was the possibility that his despair would lead him to lose all pleasure in this world and he would be swallowed by that swarm of shadows. But Belle rejected that idea outright. Adonis wasn’t the kind of man who’d be easily swallowed up by the Dearth March, and he wasn’t in such despair that he would willingly cast himself into the shadows.
The reason Adonis cooped himself up inside Bamboo was because he was fighting a battle against himself and his own fastidious nature that prevented him from involving others in that fight. Those feelings just unnecessarily added to his pain. If he was simply lost in misery, nothing would hurt anymore, and he likely would have come out of Bamboo long before then.