Chapter 11

At Mejirogawa’s words, Haruto’s jaw dropped open, and Tsumashina’s eyes goggled. Even I hadn’t foreseen this turn of events. To think that Mejirogawa, with his social anxiety and nerves, the guy always fretting like a little girl, would skip right over dating and go straight for the proposal! Ms. Suzue raised her head. Her expression was a soggy mix of anger, sadness, confusion…all these emotions and more. “How can you say that? I told you, didn’t I? I’m getting married next month. That’s not only unrealistic, but it’s also absurd,” she insisted. “Just leave me alone. Don’t concern yourself with me anymore.” But he stood his ground. “If it were only me, if my love were unrequited, I could have given up. But now, that’s impossible.” “I’ll be thirty-two next month.” “And in twelve years, I’ll be thirty-two.” “Then I’ll be forty-four.” “And I’ll still love you.” “I can’t. How could I possibly explain it to my fiancé or to my parents?” Ms. Suzue’s insistence was perfectly understandable. Dropping everything to get engaged to a college student would create a mountain of problems, especially for an adult whose marriage was a month away. Just thinking about it was disheartening. I raised my voice. “But Ms. Suzue is not yet a married woman.” Mejirogawa and Ms. Suzue turned their heads toward me. Seized by passion, I forged on. “Countess Kifune and Takamine’s love was barred not only by the wall of social standing between them, but also by the countess’s marriage and daughter. Death was the only way they could be together. But they might have met a different fate had Takamine overcome the barrier of status and they united before the lady became the count’s wife.” That’s easier said than done. But— “What are the walls that stand between Ms. Suzue and Mejirogawa? Age difference? Isn’t that something you could join together and overcome before she’s someone’s wife?” I continued. “Ms. Suzue—” I looked into her eyes and addressed her, “Mejirogawa is resolved. The rest depends on you. If you love him, I think there’s value in trying to make things work.” Her eyes wavered. She had probably been so desperately focused on keeping the secret hidden in her heart that she had never even imagined what she would do if the two of them could be together. She had never considered that there might be another path. Mejirogawa held the bouquet out to her and asked with an earnest look in his eye, “Ms. Suzue, do you remember the little boy who slipped into the public reading?” Her dainty hands extended falteringly toward him. And then— And then, she answered, her eyes filling with tears. “I haven’t forgotten.” Mejirogawa really did make it official and entered Ms. Suzue into his family register. Two weeks after our reading, Haruto heard the news and said, “Makes me want to get married, too.” I couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious. “Huh? What?! Do you have someone to marry?” I asked in a panic. Haruto smiled mysteriously. “Maybe.” I caught Tsumashina in the hallway during a break and told her, too. She responded with surprise, then pouted. “Really? He really put her in his family register? No way can I completely support what those two are doing. Just think about Ms. Suzue’s fiancé, who suddenly had his engagement broken off on him. It would be downright traumatic if he found out she got scooped up by some college kid. And I don’t think the marriage itself is going to be all that sweet, either. My own parents used to get along great, but then my dad cheated, and they got divorced,” she told me bluntly. She continued, “But…I guess that sorta love does exist, the kind that throws reason to the wind and all that. I hope they can follow through on it if they’re determined to be happy together and accept all the risk that entails.” “Mm, I agree.” The day before, Princess Yonaga and I had visited Surge together. Returned to the public library after the reading, she had sat quietly in the section where the modern Japanese literature was shelved. Mejirogawa must have been busy preparing to start his new life with Ms. Suzue. He hadn’t visited the library once since that day. “It’s better this way. Sir Mejirogawa has Lady Suzue, so I suppose my role in his life is finished.” Her words were soft and graceful enough to shatter my heart. But she also told us she had a lot of friends here on the shelf, so she wouldn’t be lonely. “Besides, even if Sir Mejirogawa forgets about me, I will always remember him.” “I haven’t forgotten.” My throat hitched, and I could feel my eyes growing hot. Surge was at once Countess Kifune and Dr. Takamine, who had each held on to their devoted love. I was sure she could continue to think of Mejirogawa with tender affection. Why are books such noble things? From my pocket, Princess Yonaga shouted as if she couldn’t stand it any longer. “You imbecile! You ought to hurry up and forget all about a cheater like that!” She carried on with great agitation in her cherubic voice. “You don’t have any reason to pray for the happiness of a man who chose a human woman! And there’s no value in cursing him, either. Just forget him.” I tried to put a stop to her outburst, but she kept repeating “Forget him” like a mournful refrain. …Surely Princess Yonaga was rooting for Surge’s love to prevail. And Princess Yonaga must have made her feelings clear to Surge. Surge replied with tender gratitude. “Thank you very much for your encouragement. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done, Princess Yonaga, Sir Musubu. But I can never forget him.” Princess Yonaga muttered: “…Dummy.” She was probably only being so quiet because she was on the verge of tears. I had told Surge I would come and see her sometimes. And that I would bring Princess Yonaga, too. Surge had answered softly, “All right, I’ll be waiting.” On the way home, Princess Yonaga, who had been quiet the whole way, spoke up awkwardly from my pocket. “Musubu…if you ever forget about me and find happiness with another woman…I will absolutely never forgive you. I won’t congratulate you. I’ll resent you as long as I live…as long as I live, you hear?” “Yeah…” “I assure you I’m dead serious. I would bring about disasters and take the whole world down with me…” “Sure…” “…Musubu, are you crying?” I took Princess Yonaga into my arms and embraced her tightly. The feelings I had held back the whole time we were in the library now overflowed, and hot tears streamed down my cheeks. Surge had requested me to help the person she loved find happiness. I had fulfilled that request, and she had thanked me. But, Surge— What I really wanted to do was to make your love come true. I wanted to make it so that he could spend his whole life by your side, always touching you and turning your pages. I am a voice for books, and I fought on your behalf, but you still ended up heartbroken… “…Princess Yonaga…if I ever seem like I might forget you, if that ever happens…curse me and kill me…” Through the tears my voice came hoarse and unsteady. Princess Yonaga turned my words back to me in a voice also choked with tears. “I’d kill you…without question. I wouldn’t hand you over to any other book or person… I would continue resenting you for the rest of my days.” That was her way of saying she would continue loving me her whole life and remember me always. “Enoki, what’s up?” Tsumashina asked me with concern. “You seem kind of depressed. Let me guess—you have some regrets about Ms. Suzue and that dude?” But I shook my head and answered, “It’s not that. It’s just… It’s hard to get a happy ending where everyone is actually happy… That’s all.” Tsumashina sank into thought for a minute, then said dauntlessly, “…It sure is. But even though it might be impossible to make everyone happy in one go, you can probably make them each happy in turn, right?” She said it bluntly, but her words did cheer me up. “I see. I suppose that’s one way of thinking about it. Yeah, that’s really good! That’s great, Tsumashina!” When I smiled at her, for some reason, Tsumashina’s face turned red. She looked away from me and muttered, “I’ll just go ahead and tell you this… I turned down the second-year who confessed his love to me.” “Huh, why? Wasn’t he some hot guy who was in a sports club and popular with the girls?” I was flabbergasted. She fidgeted nervously. “Maybe it was because of Ms. Suzue, but I thought that if I went out with him even though there’s someone else I like, it would just cause trouble down the line. And it would be really awful toward the other guy, too. Ah, but it really is a shame. Enoki, you’d better make it up to me.”