Chapter 10

Princess Yonaga had stayed silent the whole time. Of course, normally she would be launching into a tirade about “infidelity” and “adulterers” and “dancing on graves,” so she must have deemed the presence of Surge acceptable because she only had eyes for another man. Surge’s dilemma probably bored her. On the other hand, she likely did have some interest in the outcome of a romance between a book and a human. When I started talking to Surge, I could tell that the princess was straining to listen. “Surge, you knew Mejirogawa likes Ms. Suzue.” “Yes… Whenever Sir Mejirogawa comes to the library, he always searches for her. His eyes fill with happiness as he stares at her from gaps between the books on the shelves or around the ends of the stacks. It’s the same look he gets reading me at home,” Surge answered with reservation. I pictured a beautiful young woman with pale skin, elegant yet modest, speaking with downturned eyes. “Suppose things had gone well between Mejirogawa and Ms. Suzue, and they had become lovers; what were you planning to do?” “I don’t know. I’m a book, so…all I can do is watch over the person I care about. But if that’s the case, I would rather see Sir Mejirogawa smiling happily than suffering.” She was too noble for her own good. It was heart-wrenching. As expected, Princess Yonaga had been silent as she listened to Surge’s beautiful musings. “……” I’d gotten the feeling the princess was internally deriding the other woman for being a naive, helpless fool. I was glad she didn’t mock her out loud. So that was how Surge had reasserted her request to me and why I had come to Mejirogawa’s place of employment. When he brought over my order of fluffy pancakes and a caffe latte with an angel drawn in the foam, I questioned him without pretense. “By the way, you like Ms. Suzue from the library, right?” He nearly dumped my latte all over the table. “H-h-h-h-h-how did you—?” “It’s pretty obvious.” “Huh?! That means Ms. Suzue must have noticed, too— Aaah, what do I do?” Hugging the tray, he seemed close to collapsing on the floor in distress. I reassured him. “I think you’ll be fine as long as you stop slinking around and act normal around her. I don’t think it bothers her.” “You’re right…,” he mumbled despondently. “A girl like her would never bother with a guy like me at all…” I could practically see his ears drooping like a dog. “I don’t even think she remembers that I exist…” Doesn’t remember you? Didn’t I see you two having a conversation? “Um, if you need me to lend an ear , I’ll listen.” One hour later— Once he was finished working, Mejirogawa removed his apron and pulled up a seat at my café table. Sorrowfully, he told me about how he met Ms. Suzue and developed a heartbreaking, one-sided love for her. Actually, should we take this somewhere else? The cook at the counter and all his coworkers are looking over here with pity. They can definitely hear us, and they’re definitely listening. But Mejirogawa kept talking, as if his goddess—Ms. Suzue—were the only person who existed in his world. “That book was what made me fall in love with her. At the time, I was only ten years old, in fourth grade. They were holding public readings at the library, and that one happened to catch my interest, so I went. But it wasn’t geared toward children, and everyone there was much older than me, all high schoolers and college kids and adults.” Since he was the only elementary schooler in a small group, he had stuck out like a sore thumb and had curled up bashfully in his chair out of embarrassment. But when Ms. Suzue, who was a college student at the time, had held the heavy hardcover book in her delicate hands, turned the page, and started reading— “The surgery was to take place at a certain hospital in the Tokyo suburbs, and the Countess Kifune was the patient on whom my dear friend Doctor Takamine was to perform the operation. Driven by curiosity, I imposed upon Takamine to allow me to attend. In order to present my case as strongly as possible, I concocted an argument about my being an artist and why seeing the surgery would be useful to me.” She read out the beautiful passage in her graceful, soothing voice. Mejirogawa told me that it sounded just like water flowing smoothly down a river with no breaks, clear and sparkling, absorbing and reflecting rays of light from the sun. Characteristic of Kyōka Izumi’s style of writing, there were many passages where the meaning of the words wasn’t immediately apparent on first reading. Add to that the fact that he was a fourth grader, and Mejirogawa hadn’t gotten much of the story at all. Even so, the words that flowed one by one like a sequence of glittering glass marbles from the mouth of the pretty older girl with pale skin and a kind face had been bewitchingly beautiful, and he’d found himself drawn in, utterly entranced. “And there in the center of the room lay the Countess Kifune, focus of concern for both those outside the room and those inside, who were closely observing her. Wrapped in a spotless white hospital gown, she lay on the operating table as if a corpse—face drained of color, nose pointing upward, chin narrow and frail, and her arms and legs seeming too fragile to bear even the weight of fine silk. Her teeth were slightly visible between pale lips. Her eyes were tightly closed, and her eyebrows drawn with worry. Loosely bound, her hair fell lightly across her pillow and spilled down on the operating table.” Pure sensuality— It must have been the first time the young fourth grader had felt such things stirring inside him. The college girl reading “The Surgery Room” aloud had looked as pure and holy as the Virgin Mary, and her voice had been soft and graceful. But something had been equally frightening about the beautiful words that spilled out every time she opened her light-pink lips, and it sent a shiver up his spine. He had wanted to listen to her forever, feeling that shiver all the while. That was what he had thought, he told me. When the public reading was over, he had been too dazed to stand up from his chair. The college girl had approached the young Mejirogawa, holding the book she had just read to her chest. Once she’d reached him, she bent her knees a little so that she could look him in the face and spoke to him with gentle eyes. “I guess that was difficult for an elementary schooler, huh? Try reading it again when you’re a little older, okay? It’s a harsh but wonderful tale. My favorite short story, in fact.” His heart had been threatening to explode out of his chest, so he had only managed to get a few words in. “Okay, I’ll read it. I’ll definitely read it.” The older girl had smiled chastely. “I’m happy to hear that.” “And that was Ms. Suzue?” “Yeah, after that, I tried reading ‘The Surgery Room’ right away, but the sentences are long and there are a lot of difficult kanji, so it was totally incomprehensible to me. And then we moved because my dad got transferred at work, and I couldn’t go to that library anymore, so I didn’t have any other chance to get my hands on the book…” Now that he was in university, Mejirogawa had, entirely by chance, started living alone on the same train route as the library from his memories, and he had stopped in for old times’ sake exactly a year ago—last autumn. He told me that he had sought out the same hardcover volume Ms. Suzue had read from and that he was elated when he found it. He’d signed up for a library card, checked out the book, and taken it home with him. Reading it had filled his mind with Ms. Suzue’s voice and likeness and sent his heart into overdrive. Then two weeks later, when Mejirogawa had gone to the library to return the book, he saw Ms. Suzue, who was working there as a librarian, again. He’d started trembling the moment he caught sight of her working behind the counter and had apparently gone out of his way to line up in front of a different librarian. Though he tried countless times after that, he hadn’t been able to so much as look her in the eye. “Why didn’t you let her know you were the elementary schooler she spoke kindly to at the public reading? What would have been wrong about that?” Surely Ms. Suzue would be happy to know that Mejirogawa had borrowed and read “The Surgery Room” as a college student. “I’ve tried so many times. But whenever I glimpse her face, I blank out, and I turn white as a sheet. Even when she makes the first move at the counter by thanking me for returning my books, I get so nervous, I start shaking.” Well, I wouldn’t call that making a move, more like she’s just doing her job. “I’m much younger than her…and I know it would cause problems…to be with a library patron…” His cheeks reddened, and he looked down at the ground, squirming. This guy is a real shrinking violet. “B-besides, she’s getting married! Aaaaahhh!” “Ah! Please don’t cry!” I handed him a napkin, and he blotted his eyes. “S-sorry,” he apologized. But his eyes were already flooding with salty tears. Oh no. All your coworkers are looking at you. They seem worried! Even if he hadn’t been able to bring himself to approach Ms. Suzue, his secret was obvious to anyone paying attention. It was safe to assume Ms. Suzue had noticed it, too. The fact that she has been treating him the same as all the other patrons must mean she isn’t interested… Hmm, no surprise there. She’s gorgeous, so she must have always been pretty popular. I’m sure she knows a thing or two about dealing with unrequited love. She mentioned moving into her new home and getting entered into her husband’s family register next month. There’s almost no chance Ms. Suzue would ever get involved with Mejirogawa once she’s married. Actually, even now, it’s practically zero. Hmmm…… After mulling it over for a short while, I turned to Mejirogawa, whose eyes were like a bleary Chihuahua’s, and asked him point-blank, “How about confessing your love to Ms. Suzue?” “Whaaaaaat?!” He was taken aback. Most of the other wait staff at the café were leaning in to watch the show. “I told you, she’s getting married—she’s someone’s wife! She’s got a ring and everything!” “That’s exactly why! Before she gets entered into the family register and her name changes, you’ve got to tell her that you met her when you were a kid and that you’ve loved her ever since. If you do that, you’ll feel a weight off your shoulders, and even though she’ll turn you down, you’ll be able to move forward, right?” His coworkers had all gathered around our table. They nodded in his stead. “Mejirogawa,” I continued, “when I look at you, I worry that if Ms. Suzue gets married without you having confessed, the secret will weigh you down forever, and you’ll spend night after night crying into your pillow.” His coworkers nodded again, enthusiastic. “I know we just met—sorry for being so forward,” I added. Surge had requested that I help Mejirogawa regain his smile. “I’m a book, so…all I can do is watch over the person I care about. But if that’s the case, I would rather see Sir Mejirogawa smiling happily than suffering.” Ms. Suzue rejecting Mejirogawa would definitely hurt, but I reckoned he would feel surprisingly at ease after the fact. “But I’ll just cause trouble for Ms. Suzue.” “Sure you would, if you pressured her to break up with her fiancé and marry you instead or something.” “Wha—?! I w-w-w-w-would never say something so aggressive!” “Of course you wouldn’t. So there’s no problem.” I grinned. “First, you tell her that her public reading of ‘The Surgery Room’ deeply touched you when you were an elementary school student. Then you continue on to say you fell in love with her back then, so you got butterflies when you were reintroduced and realized she was your childhood crush. Try to keep it light when you talk to her. It won’t do any good to burden her with the knowledge that you cried when you learned she was getting married or that she was your first love. You want to wish her happiness—the key point is to keep your conversation cheerful to the end. If you can manage that, she’ll be able to laugh your confession off with a smile and maybe even feel flattered that it was a cute college boy who told her.” “Yeah…yeah, maybe…” All right! He’s coming around to confessing. “Definitely. I’ll help, too, and we’ll create an atmosphere where it’s easy to talk to her. Let’s do it—a love confession ten years in the making!” Mejirogawa’s coworkers all crowded around, shouting in encouragement. “That’s the spirit! You can do it, Micchi!” “I think I should confess, too!” “Show her what you got, Micchi!” So Mejirogawa is called Micchi, huh…? I guess his name is Michihisa… “Micchi” finally nodded. “O-okay. I’ll confess to her.” Two days later, on Friday— I bolted to the library after school, where I struck up a conversation with Ms. Suzue as she walked down the aisles pushing a cart laden with books. “Ms. Suzue, did you know that a new book in the Golden Rule series by Hisa Hayakawa is coming out?” “What? Really? I love that series. I’ve got all of them at home!” “I heard it’s going on sale next spring.” “That’s quite a ways off.” “I suppose you’ll already be a married woman by then. Oh! Mejirogawa!” I made a big show of waving to Mejirogawa, who was standing way behind Ms. Suzue, fidgeting nervously. He awkwardly shuffled toward us. “Look, his right arm and right leg are moving in sync.” “He’s dripping with sweat.” “You got this, young man!” Waves of encouragement erupted from the books packed onto the cart. Inside, I was also rooting for him. That’s right—get in there! Act a little more natural. If you get lost, just smile and start talking. “H-hey, Enoki. You came.” “Yeah, it’s rare to see you here at the library on a Friday.” “I…suppose…it is.” Mejirogawa couldn’t bring himself to look in her direction at all. Instead, his eyes kept darting around unnaturally. Ah, this might not work. We had decided ahead of time that I would strike up a conversation with Ms. Suzue first, then Mejirogawa would join us. We had even outlined our chat, but the script had probably completely flown out of his head. I’ve got to guide him. I don’t see any other way out. “Mejirogawa, don’t you always come here on Tuesdays? And I always see you checking out the Kyōka Izumi anthology with ‘The Surgery Room,’ right? Is there some reason for that?” “It’s, it’s because—” His face was visibly reddening. Ms. Suzue anxiously awaited his answer. “That’s because, um…uh…the thing is, you see—” “Uh-oh, he’s losing it!” “Get it together, man!” I was nearly squirming, too. If he delivered an anguished declaration of love as if it was a matter of life and death, Ms. Suzue would be frightened at best and disturbed at worst. Just as I was debating whether to call the whole thing off, Mejirogawa spat out a few words, still looking down at the floor. “…I was thinking about writing about ‘The Surgery Room’ for my university thesis…so, well, I’ll be taking this.” He bowed sharply and quickly scurried away. Ms. Suzue looked puzzled but understanding. “I see. So that’s why he is always borrowing the book, huh?” “I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” When I found Mejirogawa hanging his head in a corner of the library, he started bowing and apologizing before I could even get a word in. “…Mejirogawa, I’m repeating myself now, but you can’t talk to Ms. Suzue like you’re obsessed with her. You’ve got to keep it light and natural to the end. The idea is that you’re telling her about fleeting feelings of first love from your boyhood days. If you make her think you’re a stalker or make her feel threatened, that’s going to end badly for you, too, right?” “Guh!” “Talk to her normally.” Mejirogawa moved to bow and apologize but suddenly held his tongue and stared up at me, still doubled over at the waist. “Like the way I talk to Mrs. Shimazaki?” “Mrs. Shimazaki…as in Ms. Suzue’s coworker? The one who celebrated her fiftieth birthday recently? Whose three-year-old granddaughter drew her a picture for a present? That Mrs. Shimazaki?” He nodded. “Mrs. Shimazaki has a son who’s a college student and the same age as me, so she remembers my name. When it’s raining, she’ll lend me one of the library umbrellas and say it’s okay to take it home. Once when I had a cold and a bad cough, she gave me some medicine and told me to drink it and keep warm while resting up at home. She’s nurturing and kind, so even I can talk to her without getting nervous.” She really likes Mejirogawa, huh…? Though I doubt he feels the same way about a plump, middle-aged woman of fifty as he does about Ms. Suzue, who’s still young and slim. “Oh, that’s it! You’ve got to think of Ms. Suzue as Mrs. Shimazaki and try again. Got it? Ms. Suzue is Mrs. Shimazaki, Mrs. Shimazaki, Mrs. Shimazaki…” “Mrs. Shimazaki, Mrs. Shimazaki, Mrs. Shimazaki…” He repeated her name like a spell. “Ready? Here we go.” Just as he started to walk over after I confirmed that Ms. Suzue was still there pushing her cart, Mejirogawa suddenly crouched down behind me. His face was bright red, and his breathing was ragged, as if he had just finished a marathon. “Hah…haaah…I j-just can’t do it. Ms. Suzue is nothing like Mrs. Shimazaki,” he muttered, tearing up. What a total shrinking violet! “I’m sorry, Enoki, my heart just isn’t ready… I’ll do better next time. I’m really sorry. I can’t skip any more work than I already have, so I’ve got to go. I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Mejirogawa hurried out of the library, apologizing weakly as he fled. Yeesh, seems like we have a long road ahead. Just then— “Tch, two-timin’ jerk.” A distinctly unfriendly voice from one of the shelves. That sounds like it’s coming from where they keep foreign contemporary literature… “Yer a good match for those giggling girlies in miniskirts. Say hi to ’em for me! Don’t show yer face around here again.” After straining my ears carefully, I pinpointed the source and pulled out the book—a hard-boiled detective novel with pictures of cryptids and roses on the cover. “Are you the one who was talking just now?” I asked. “Yeah, what of it?” “Who were you calling a two-timing jerk?” “That curly-haired guy who was just here. He acts all weak, but he’s two-timing for sure.” Mejirogawa is two-timing? What?! What does that mean? Still holding the book, I moved into a corner and brought my face close to the cover, then whispered, “Would you give me a little more detail? Who is Mejirogawa two-timing with?” The book answered in a somewhat sullen, dry voice, “There’s a girl in a miniskirt, a year behind him in university. He had his arms around her earlier, flirting. A young lady who graduated from Yurizono Academy. Heard they’re dating.” “Wait, Mejirogawa said that? He said he was dating her?” I unintentionally raised my voice. “Enoki? What’s wrong?” Ah, Ms. Suzue! “N-nothing, it’s nothing. I just remembered some urgent business and shouted at myself.” “Use your inside voice in the library, please.” “Sorry.” Ms. Suzue didn’t leave right away. She seemed to have something else to say. It’s probably about Mejirogawa. He was acting pretty strange today, and it probably put her on her guard. That could be a problem. She frowned a little, concerned. “Um…Enoki?” After starting off hesitantly, as if she couldn’t get the words out— “Never mind, it’s fine.” —she smiled politely and went back to the counter. So it was about Mejirogawa, huh…? I tried quietly asking the book about its suspicions regarding Mejirogawa’s alleged two-timing, but perhaps because Ms. Suzue had told us to lower our voices, the book didn’t say another word. “Huh? A girlfriend in a miniskirt? Me? Huh? Huuuh? When did I get a girlfriend?” Mejirogawa blinked rapidly in surprise after he brought me my caffe latte. A picture of two little birds kissing had been drawn in the foam. “I overheard she was a year behind you in school, a fancy girl who graduated from Yurizono Academy. At the…uh, library.” “A year behind me…? Oh! Maybe Ayuhara? Did you hear that from Mrs. Shimazaki?” I couldn’t tell him a book had told me, so I dodged the question. Apparently, the novel was mistaken about her being his girlfriend. But that must mean an underclassman who attended Yurizono Academy, a fancy girl in a miniskirt, went to the library at some point… “Once when we were out together on an errand for our club, I stopped in at the library to return a book. When we got there and I was about to turn in the anthology with ‘The Surgery Room,’ Ayuhara said she wanted to try reading it and borrowed it on the spot.” “Micchi, this is the type of stuff you read? Tell me, is it interesting?” “Yeah, I really like it. I’ve borrowed it loads of times.” “Hmm, well then, I think I’ll borrow it next!” They’d had that exchange at the counter, and the underclassman in the miniskirt, Ayuhara, had taken Surge home with her. But two weeks later, when Mejirogawa asked how she’d liked it, Ayuhara had answered dismissively: “It had a lot of kanji, and I didn’t really understand it.” He felt as if she’d been avoiding him ever since. “I guess that book really didn’t agree with her… It’s too bad.” Mejirogawa seemed pained by the fact that he hadn’t gotten her to take a liking to his beloved book. Actually, he looked downright despondent. “Mrs. Shimazaki asked me once if the girl with me that day was my girlfriend, but I told her no and explained the situation. Maybe she wasn’t listening.” The novel that told me about Mejirogawa’s alleged two-timing must have seen him with Ayuhara when they came to the library together and assumed she was his girlfriend. He probably framed it like that because he knew about Surge’s devotion to Mejirogawa and got angry seeing him flirt with another girl right in front of her. To double-check, I said, “So what it comes down to is that the ‘two-timing’ was all a misunderstanding on Mrs. Shimazaki’s part? No question about it?” “Of course! This is actually the first I’ve heard about Ayuhara graduating from Yurizono. I’ve been so focused on Ms. Suzue…” His face reddened at the mere mention of her name. This guy is hopeless… “In that case, stick to the script next time. If you act this suspicious again, you’re going to put her totally on guard, okay?” Never mind the fact that she’s probably already got her guard up… He responded earnestly, “Got it. Ever since the other day, I’ve been thinking over what you told me before, Enoki. I’d never considered telling Ms. Suzue how I felt about her, but like you said, confessing my love should let me move on with my life. If she’s going to be happily married, I want to wish her well from the bottom of my heart.” Ah, Surge said the same thing. That’s right… She said she wanted the person she loves to smile. Holding that feeling close to your heart is a sure sign of a strong, kind person. Mejirogawa may act like a blushing maiden, he might seem hapless and weak, but at his core, he’s probably a really solid guy. “I’m not expecting her to return my affection or anything crazy. I just… I at least want her to remember the day we first met and let her know how much she touched me back then. Being able do that would be plenty.” “I think your wish will come true as soon as you make the effort.” “Right. Okay, I’ll do my best.” His lips softened into a smile. It was a friendly smile: gentle and with a real winsomeness to it. Surge was the one who had asked me to counsel him in matters of romance, but at this point, I was genuinely rooting for him myself. If only I could steer this thing to a conclusion Mejirogawa could accept… But my hands will be tied if he starts acting fishy in front of Ms. Suzue again. Ah, that’s it! “Would you consider holding a public reading, Mejirogawa?” “You’re telling me a book asked you to help settle a love affair between humans? That sounds like something you’d get yourself into, Musubu. All right, I’ll arrange one of the rooms in the music hall for your use.” On the grounds of Seijou Academy, the school I attended, stood a splendid music hall owned by the orchestra club. I’d asked my friend Haruto, the son of the school chair and director of the orchestra, to borrow a room in the hall for a public reading the following Saturday. “Thanks so much! Would you like to join us, too?” “Certainly, I’d definitely like to if I can. I was also thinking it might be nice to invite Tsumashina.” “Tsumashina?” We were in the same grade but different classes, and I had made her acquaintance through a fateful encounter with a certain book, just like I had met Haruto. She looked intimidating and spoke rudely, which reminded me a little of my older sister, who was away at medical school in Hokkaido. But why her? Haruto put on a sly smile. “She asked me if the reason you’re always dashing off after school is because you’re seeing someone…” Ah, so the rumors about having girlfriends have gotten around to me, too? The truth is that I’m already taken—by a book I call Princess Yonaga. But recently, I had been spending all my time with Mejirogawa and hadn’t had the time to hang out with Haruto. Besides, I had Surge at my house now, too. “I went ahead and told her that I didn’t think you were the type to have a casual fling. I suggested that if she wants to set the record straight on your girlfriend, she’d better ask you herself. Though she brushed it off and said she didn’t really care.” “I’m sure she was just making small talk.” “I wonder…” Haruto smiled coyly again, but if he’d seen how Tsumashina acted toward me on a daily basis, it would have blown any suspicions of his right out of the water. “Well, thanks for arranging the meeting room.” “Of course. Although this time, I think I’ll ask for something a little different as payment.” Ah, I knew that was coming. That same day, I went to the library and found Ms. Suzue reshelving returned books from her cart. I told her we were planning on holding a public reading at my school and that I wanted her to attend as well. She seemed reluctant, but I persisted. “The theme of the reading is Kyōka Izumi’s ‘The Surgery Room.’ I invited Mejirogawa, too, so please come. Actually, I think he wanted to invite you himself the other day, but he’s too shy. He said he gets nervous in front of beautiful women like you.” That’s all it took to get what I wanted. She was probably intrigued by the chance to take a look at our school library, which apparently housed many valuable books. “I understand. I finish work here at three o’clock that day, so I can come after that.” “Thank you so much. We’ll see you at four.” I told her I would message her the details, and we exchanged contact information on LINE. As I watched Ms. Suzue push her cart away, I heaved a sigh of relief. “So you’re into older women, huh, Enoki?” To my surprise, Tsumashina had been watching me, schoolbag hanging off one shoulder and a sour look on her face. “Wah! What are you doing here?” I yelped. My glasses slipped down my nose again, and I pushed them back into place. “I just thought I might do my homework in the library,” Tsumashina answered bluntly, with a hint of unease. If you’re going to do that, the school library is both quieter and more spacious. You’d probably get more work done there. At first, I simply acknowledged her statement, but then I decided to correct her earlier assumption. “Besides, I prefer younger women over older, I think.” “Ew, what, like a pedo?” “No, like my girlfriend is younger than me, is all.” Technically, she was quite a bit older if you went off the publishing date, but in my mind, Princess Yonaga was a younger girl skilled at getting people to spoil her. And that’s how she was, Princess Yonaga’s former owner, so— Tsumashina’s jaw dropped when she heard that I had a girlfriend. Then she scrunched her lips down tightly and drew the corners of her mouth up in a slight smile. “What a surprise. You, a girlfriend? And I guess you relax and have your dates at home on the weekends?” “She’s sulky ’cause I’ve been busy lately, which is rough.” “Are you humblebragging?” She pouted again. “So this younger girlfriend of yours, what type is she anyway?” “Hmm… I’d have to say she’s a princess, I guess.” “What? A princess?” Tsumashina’s eyes shot wide-open. “Oh, no way! Some young, sweet, pure princess in a poofy white dress? Talk about cliché! You want the same thing as every other guy!” She was really getting pissed. “Well, your love life’s got nothing to do with me, Enoki, so I couldn’t care less. I mean, I just got a love confession from a second-year boy who asked me to be his girlfriend.” “Oh yeah?” There was nothing wrong with that, but it did surprise me. I mean, I knew Tsumashina was both popular and beautiful, but her personality could be awfully grating. After the sexual harassment incident in the first semester with Mr. Takekawa, people had been all too happy to gossip about her being too ferocious to be anyone’s girlfriend. Since this had really hurt her, I thought it was great that she’d found someone who appreciated her. Tsumashina seemed to cheer up a little at my surprise. “He’s tall and good-looking and a regular member of a sports club, and he’s super popular with the girls,” she boasted. “Wow…” I wasn’t sure how to answer, so I made a dull noise of acknowledgment, and her face lit up again. She must have been quite happy to have gotten a love confession from an upperclassman. I bet she bothered to ask Haruto about me because she wanted to find me and brag about it. Well, if she likes this upperclassman back, then I’m happy for her. And I’m sure Pip is happy, too, looking down on her owner from above. “By the way, Tsumashina, are you free next Saturday at four o’clock? I’m borrowing a room in the music hall for a public reading. Do you want to go?” “Is your girlfriend coming, too?” “No, I don’t think she’ll be able to make it.” “I see. I’ll think about it. Give me your contact info.” Once I had exchanged LINE information with Tsumashina and we had parted ways, Mrs. Shimazaki, the librarian, asked with a smirk, “My, my, is that girl your girlfriend, Enoki? Making plans for a date? How nice.” This was the woman whom Mejirogawa had said he always felt he could talk to and who had recently had her fiftieth birthday. Mrs. Shimazaki liked looking after other people and loved to chat, so she often talked to me as well. “No, she’s not my girlfriend, and there’s no date.” “It’s all right; you don’t have to be embarrassed.” She’s totally convinced that Tsumashina is my girlfriend. Ah, I bet this is how Mejirogawa’s schoolmate in the miniskirt became his “girlfriend,” too. “It’s the truth. I’m holding a public reading next Saturday, so I was inviting her to that. Ms. Suzue said she would come, too, so if you’ve got the time—” “Oh, sorry, I’ve got work that day. Sure sounds fun, though. What story are you reading?” “‘The Surgery Room.’” At those words, Mrs. Shimazaki’s eyes went wide, and she said something I didn’t expect: “My goodness, I’m surprised Suzue accepted, seeing as how she hates that book.” I didn’t get home until after dark. I trudged up the stairs to my room on the second floor with a pit in my stomach, worrying over how to handle the public reading. I’m at a loss… What on earth is the right thing to do…? No matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t see any conclusion that would make everyone happy. Far from it, everyone was probably going to end up suffering. I stood in front of my door, let out a sigh that couldn’t be heard from inside, then stepped into my room. “I’m home, Princess Yonaga, Surge.” “Welcome home, Sir Musubu.” “……” Surge greeted me gracefully. Princess Yonaga was silent again today, but it seemed the two ladies—the two books, that is—had exchanged words while I was away. “This afternoon, I had a lovely conversation with Princess Yonaga.” Surge’s statement took me by surprise. Before Princess Yonaga had come to live at my house, all my books that had been in my room had complained to me about her. They were so afraid of the princess that they didn’t even want to be in the same room as her. “Princess Yonaga has shown great concern and kindness to me. Besides, she’s so devoted and adorable. It’s only natural that you love her, Sir Musubu.” I couldn’t believe my ears. When I asked her just what on earth they had talked about, Princess Yonaga suddenly started clearing her throat loudly. Surge smiled. “It’s a secret.” She wasn’t going to tell me. “Sir Musubu, how is Sir Mejirogawa doing? Was he able let Lady Suzue know how he feels?” “Well, about that…,” I answered hesitantly. “We decided to hold a public reading next Saturday.” I told her we would have the participants take turns reading from “The Surgery Room,” and both Mejirogawa and Ms. Suzue had accepted the invitation. “Well, that sounds like a splendid plan. If she reads aloud from me, Lady Suzue will probably remember Sir Mejirogawa.” Surge was cheerful. “Besides that, the setting will surely make it easier for Sir Mejirogawa to tell Lady Suzue that he met her when he was in elementary school.” She was thinking only of Mejirogawa, not herself. I winced at her incredibly admirable attitude. But if I were to tell Surge what I heard from Mrs. Shimazaki today…it would probably depress her… “Say, Surge?” “Yes, what is it?” “Remember when I asked you something earlier? About what you were planning to do if Mejirogawa and Ms. Suzue were to start a relationship?” “Yes…” “And you answered that you didn’t know but that you would rather see Mejirogawa happy than see him suffering, so you wanted me to help him, right? If—just if—Mejirogawa were to forget about you, Surge, and never pick you up again, what would you do?” “Ah…” Surge gasped slightly. Princess Yonaga was listening carefully. “……” It was a cruel question. I really felt as if I was going to cry. “For instance, I think it’s possible that once Ms. Suzue rejects him, Mejirogawa might not want to go to the library anymore and might not ever want to read ‘The Surgery Room’ again. Or consider the opposite situation. If the two of them were to get together, he might no longer need the story in place of her and could forget about you.” After a short silence, Surge answered me gently. “If that happens—I’ll remember him.” It was an earnest voice. A sincere voice. “I won’t forget him. Not ever.” Even if the person she loved forgot all about her, she would remember him. That’s why this was okay. That thought made my chest tighten again. My throat caught. I really thought I was about to start crying, but I desperately resisted— I resolved to prepare myself as well. No matter what the reading on Saturday brough to light, no matter the final result, I would be a voice for Surge. It was the day of the public reading. Five of us had gathered in the room Haruto had prepared—myself, Mejirogawa, Haruto, Tsumashina, and Ms. Suzue. Arriving a little late on account of being on her way home from work, Ms. Suzue looked as if she was in a good mood. “Sorry for being late. But this hall is as impressive as I’ve heard. I can’t believe there’s even a reception desk. I went to an all-girls high school that had some joint assemblies here at Seijou Academy, so I’ve been in the school building two or three times. It brings back memories.” She smiled nostalgically. Mejirogawa looked nervous. He had apparently been the first to arrive, and when I turned up, he approached me. “What do I do?” he asked. “I can’t stop shaking!” His hands were trembling violently, but I handed him an old, weighty hardcover book and reassured him. “It’s all right. Today, the woman you have always loved will be right beside you, cheering you on.” He responded, “Yeah, that’s right.” He relaxed, and his hands stopped shaking. “Sir Mejirogawa, it’s been a while. Please just be the same Sir Mejirogawa you always are when turning my pages in your own home.” Surge spoke to him with grace and kindness. As soon as everyone took their seats in the folding chairs we had set up, we began the reading. I was acting as the master of ceremonies. “The story we’re going to read today is Kyōka Izumi’s ‘The Surgery Room.’ It’s a masterpiece, studded with vivid words as captivating as precious jewels and written in a unique literary style that flows like a coursing river. I hope you enjoy this tale of restraint and obsession.” Everyone had a photocopy of the “The Surgery Room” in hand. Mejirogawa held Surge on his lap, anxious and sitting up straight as a board. “I’ll ask you each to read two pages apiece,” I continued. “I’ll start us off.” “The surgery was to take place at a certain hospital in the Tokyo suburbs, and the Countess Kifune was the patient on whom my dear friend Doctor Takamine was to perform the operation. Driven by curiosity, I imposed upon Takamine to allow me to attend. In order to present my case as strongly as possible, I concocted an argument about my being an artist and why seeing the surgery would be useful to me.” The doctor, Takamine, is to perform surgery on the beautiful Countess Kifune. Stretched out on the operating table and dressed in a clean white silk robe, the countess looks pure and noble and lovely as she entreats the nurses to perform the surgery without using any anesthetic. “‘I’ve been keeping a secret in my heart. And now I’m afraid the medication will make me reveal it. If I can’t be treated without an anesthetic, then I refuse to have the operation. Please, leave me alone!’” She fears that if they administer anesthetic, she might give voice to the secret locked away in the depths of her heart. Since it weighs so heavily on her mind, she is certain she would let it slip. And so, she refuses the medicine. The role of reader passed from me to Haruto, then to Tsumashina. Haruto’s reading was showy and had a sense of depth, while Tsumashina’s was cold and dignified. Depending on the reader, the lines of “The Surgery Room” were imbued with a gorgeous sensuality or a noble strength. “‘Madame, your illness is not trivial. We will have to cut through muscle and shave the bone. If you could only bear with us for a short while.’ The operation was clearly beyond the endurance of any normal human being, yet the countess appeared unshaken. ‘I’m well aware of that. But I don’t care, not in the least.’” Her husband, the count, tries to persuade his wife to use the anesthetic, and even threatens to drag their young daughter in to make her change her mind. Even so, the countess begs him to keep their daughter away and repeats her desire for the doctor to perform the surgery without anesthetic. Tsumashina finished reading, and next it was Ms. Suzue’s turn. Her graceful, tender voice spilled out softly from her pink lips. “Takamine, now transformed into a sacred, all-powerful being… “…‘Yes,’ she answered with a single word, her ashen cheeks suddenly flushing crimson. The countess gazed directly at Takamine, oblivious to the knife now poised over her naked breast.” The reading flowed elegantly, sparkling cleanly like the murmurings of a clear river. Mejirogawa stared ardently at Ms. Suzue, as if reliving the day he first laid eyes on her and first heard her voice. He had sat curled up on a folding chair, surrounded by adults, and listened with all his young heart to a beautiful older girl reading the breathtaking prose of a complex, sensual text. In her delicate hands, she had held the thick, heavy hardcover. “A red winter plum fallen to the snow, the smooth trickle of blood flowed down her chest and soaked into her white gown. The countess’ cheeks returned to their pallid hue, but her composure seemed complete.” At last, Dr. Takamine begins the surgery without any anesthetic. He calmly opens up the countess’s pale body with his scalpel. The countess endures the pain. As she read out the breathtaking scene, Ms. Suzue’s face clenched. It seemed as though she, too, was enduring the countess’s agony. Mejirogawa was still just staring at her. He stared at her with all the pure surprise and deep emotion of the day they’d first met. He stared at her with all the happiness and heartache he had felt since their reunion. He kept staring, still hiding the one sentiment that was clearly in his heart— The surgery continues, and the scalpel strikes bone. For the first time, the countess makes a small gasp. She suddenly sits up and grasps Takamine’s right hand, the one holding the scalpel, in both arms. “‘Are you in pain?’ he asked. “‘No. Because it’s you. You!’” Ms. Suzue was frowning painfully. She read the countess’s words aloud almost in a whisper, and the intensity of the fictional woman’s hidden emotions filled her quiet voice. The countess gazes at Takamine and speaks. “‘But you couldn’t have known.’” Ms. Suzue shouted these words, filled with a flood of emotions. They echoed around the room before fading into silence. Haruto and Tsumashina looked as if their breath had been taken away. Mejirogawa was frowning just as intensely as Ms. Suzue, as if he might break into tears. Countess Kifune puts her hand on Takamine’s and plunges the scalpel deep into her own body, just below the breast. The doctor’s previous composure shatters, and he goes pale. “…‘I haven’t forgotten!’ “His voice, his breath, his handsome figure…” Mejirogawa stared at Ms. Suzue, taking in her voice, her breath, her handsome figure, still looking as if he might cry. “A smile of innocent joy came to the countess’ face. She released Takamine’s hand and fell back on her pillow as the color faded from her lips. “At that moment, the two of them were absolutely alone, oblivious to earth and heaven and the existence of another soul.” Ms. Suzue’s section had finished. Perhaps she had gone too far into Kyōka’s world; she looked dazed, with pain still lining her face. Next, it was Mejirogawa’s turn to read the ending. “Sir Mejirogawa, please, we’ll do it together.” Surge, in his hands, whispered this to him. Still pale, Mejirogawa straightened up once more. This was a story he had read again and again, in autumn, in winter, in spring, and in summer, alone in his one-bedroom apartment while thinking of Ms. Suzue. And now he would read it aloud in front of his beloved. He would read, together with the kind book who loved him. “—Nine Years Earlier “…Takamine, a medical school student…” At this point in the narrative, the story shifts to a scene set in the past. A snapshot from when the doctor, Takamine, was a medical student. As he and his friend are strolling through a botanical garden, they notice a group of showy people. “He is a coachman for a noble family. Three women follow, each carrying a parasol, and then comes a second coachman, dressed like the first. We can hear the smooth, crisp rustle of silk as they approach. Takamine’s head turns and follows them as they pass by.” Takamine is enchanted by one of the young ladies in that group of three. And that young lady, beautiful enough to make even the azaleas in full bloom seem to lose their color, later becomes a countess. “‘Not even the way they moved? It was as if their feet didn’t touch the ground. They drifted along in a mist.’” Mejirogawa’s voice grew more intense, and his cheeks flushed slightly again. Just like a person who had fallen in love with something inexpressibly beautiful. Surge’s graceful, gentle voice shadowed his, as if they were reading in unison from the same book. “‘Now I know what’s so special about the way a woman walks in a kimono. Those three were a breed apart. They were completely at home in elegant society. How could common trash ever try to imitate them?’” Takamine listens quietly to the two young men’s high praise of the ladies, occasionally chiming in with a word or two to his companion. Though he acts calm on the outside, the young lady who had seemed like a celestial maiden has captured his heart. Captivated, just like the young Mejirogawa, whose heart had been stolen by a beautiful older girl, a college student reading “The Surgery Room” in her lovely, polished voice. With her beautiful face still turned away from Mejirogawa, the woman he adored lowered her gaze to the text. “It has made me a very happy book indeed to be able to read with you like this, Sir Mejirogawa, our voices overlapping.” Subdued delight filled Surge’s whispers. There was no way Mejirogawa could hear Surge’s voice, but almost as if her words somehow supported him, his own voice neither wavered nor paused, nor did he speed along anxiously. With quiet sincerity, it flowed through the room. “I see, far across the park, gliding through the shade of a large camphor tree, a flutter of lavender silk. “Outside the park gates stands a large carriage, fitted with frosted glass windows and being drawn by two fine horses. Three coachmen are resting beside it.” Nine years later— Takamine meets the young lady again. Up until this point, he hadn’t breathed a single word about the countess to anyone. Despite his age and social status, this man, who ordinarily would have married by then, has remained a bachelor, and he has lived a diligent life free of vice after his school days were over. His behavior suggests there might have been someone in his heart. We headed into the ending of the story. “But I have already said enough. “Although their graves are in different places—one in the hills of Aoyama, one downtown in Yanaka—the countess and Doctor Takamine died together, one after the other, on the same day. “Religious thinkers of the world, I pose this question to you. Should these two lovers be found guilty and denied entrance into heaven?” The countess and the doctor—these two people both holding the same secret in their hearts—die that very day of their one and only rendezvous in the operating room. When Mejirogawa finished reading the final sentence, Surge let out a surreptitious sigh. It mingled with Mejirogawa’s own sigh of relief as he closed the cover of the book gingerly and sympathetically. After the reading, I asked each person to share their impressions of the book. Haruto went first. “I think this is a story that could only have been written in a time period when it was much more difficult to marry someone of a different social class and when attitudes toward adultery were much stricter. It’s hard to imagine someone with modern sensibilities continuing to pine until death for someone they simply crossed paths with once. It made me realize that such passionate love must have existed back then, too. I feel a little envious of them for getting to meet the person they had been longing for ardently.” Tsumashina, on the other hand, was rather unsparing. “I think the countess’s conduct was horrifying and selfish. She had a husband and a small child, didn’t she? And yet, she stabbed herself in the chest. She wasn’t thinking of her family, and she wasn’t thinking of Takamine by dragging him into it all. Even he was shocked by what she did. It haunted him so much that he wanted to die!” Ms. Suzue calmly concurred, “That’s right. Countess Kifune was selfish.” She continued, “But I think maybe that was her only option. She had probably been frightened and conflicted ever since learning that she was suffering from a major illness and might not survive, and she was worried that the feelings she had suppressed for so long might come spilling out. And when her feelings exploded in that operating room, the moment she exchanged words with Takamine, she decided to grab his hand and thrust the scalpel into her own breast… I think she did it not because she wanted to die happily at the hands of the person she loved, but so that she could use her death to protect her secret to the very end. To protect her dignity as a wife and mother, and her noble status as Countess Kifune.” “I see. Of course a librarian would have a deeper reading,” Tsumashina said with embarrassment. “Not at all. Everyone has their own interpretation when they read a book,” Ms. Suzue replied kindly. Next was Mejirogawa. “I—” Still gripping the thick hardcover book sitting in his lap, he stared at Ms. Suzue and began speaking fervently. “Ten years ago, I— When I was in the fourth grade, that is, I first encountered this text. I had inadvertently slipped into a public reading at the library, where a college girl with a beautiful voice was reading Kyōka Izumi’s ‘The Surgery Room.’” Surprise dawned on Ms. Suzue’s face. Her gaze met Mejirogawa’s, and his eyes flared with even more passion. I had advised him this whole time that he should keep his confession light and cheerful. The more serious he was, the more he would burden her, I’d assured him. But there was no way to casually divulge ten years’ worth of emotion. “I was only an elementary schooler, so the story was difficult for me, and I didn’t really understand it. But the beautiful words that the older girl read seemed to flow into me, sparkling like jewels, and my heart pounded with excitement. That was my first love.” This is good, I thought. Ms. Suzue was transfixed, her eyes still open wide. Confusion written all over her face, she seemed at a loss for what to do. “After the public reading had ended, the college girl came over to talk to me. She told me to try reading the story again when I was older. She told me it was an amazing work, her favorite short story.” “Okay, I’ll read it. I’ll definitely read it.” The young boy had nodded over and over. “I’m happy to hear that.” He told us how the older girl had smiled at him. How that pure smile of hers remained eternally in his heart and that, when he reunited with her at the library last fall, his chest seemed on the verge of bursting. How he had borrowed the same book she had read to him and pored over it obsessively, checking out that same volume every other week. I had made sure to disclose what I knew about Mejirogawa to Haruto and Tsumashina before the meeting, so the two of them listened to this confession ten years in the making as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. Meanwhile, Surge commented quietly as she listened. “Oh…yes…Sir Mejirogawa… I see—that’s how it was. Oh…I am very happy. I am quite gratified.” Ms. Suzue still wore an expression of surprise, her eyes fixed on Mejirogawa. “And that older girl, my first love, was—you, Ms. Suzue.” At last, Mejirogawa gave voice to the words he had been concealing. She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips tightly. “Ms. Fumina Suzue, I have always liked you. I was planning to keep it a secret like Countess Kifune, but now that you’re getting married and I don’t have a chance anymore, I wanted to tell you my feelings and get my heart broken properly.” He took Surge off his lap and set her in his chair as he stood up. Mejirogawa then pulled a lovely white bouquet from a paper bag he’d been keeping hidden behind him. He bowed dramatically and held the flowers out to Ms. Suzue with both hands. “Thank you for today. And congratulations on your marriage!” Tears welled up in Ms. Suzue’s eyes as she stared at the bouquet. Finally, her mouth relaxed into a smile. “Thank you. That makes me happy.” “I’m happy to hear it.” She extended both slender hands to accept the bouquet, brought it to her cheek, and looked up with a beaming smile. Mejirogawa trembled with relief and joy when he saw her expression. “So the elementary school boy who was at that reading turned out to be you,” she said. “Thank you for reading ‘The Surgery Room’ again, like you promised back then. And these flowers are the best wedding present I could ask for.” In that moment, her face lit up as if she were a bride in a church, wrapped in the blessings of her loved ones. Mejirogawa also beamed, while Haruto and Tsumashina looked on gently. “Sir Mejirogawa…how wonderful…” Surge was pleased, too. Everyone’s faces were bright and sunny. If everything had concluded there, it would have been a proper happy ending. No one would have gotten hurt. No one would have suffered. It would have remained a beautiful memory in the hearts of Mejirogawa and Ms. Suzue and everyone else watching. I knew that would be for the best. But— “Ms. Suzue, is it okay to end things here? Don’t you have something you’ve been concealing, too, like Takamine and the countess?” Mejirogawa and the others looked over at me, startled. Ms. Suzue stared at me in bewilderment. “What’s this all of a sudden, Enoki?” “I heard something from Mrs. Shimazaki—that you actually hate ‘The Surgery Room.’ When the story was supposed to be added to the library’s recommended summer reading, you spoke against it. You said that it was too difficult for ordinary readers, on top of being immoral, and that you didn’t like it.” Mejirogawa gasped and looked at Ms. Suzue. She turned her head to escape his gaze and replied, “Is that what she told you? I do remember telling her that I thought ‘The Surgery Room’ would be difficult for patrons who weren’t accustomed to reading things like that, but—” “You’re right—it was probably a misunderstanding on Mrs. Shimazaki’s part. But in either case, you did oppose adding the book to the recommended reading section. Because if other people had started checking it out, Mejirogawa wouldn’t have been able to borrow it, right?” “Huh?” He looked even more confused than before. “I don’t play favorites,” Ms. Suzue insisted. “I knew Mejirogawa only as the boy who frequently borrowed that book, and I only vaguely recalled his name.” “But you lent him an umbrella when he got caught in the rain and medicine when he came down with a cold, right?” Her shoulders hitched in surprise. “You’ve got it wrong, Enoki,” Mejirogawa cut in. “Mrs. Shimazaki gave me both the umbrella and the cold medicine—” But I cut him off. “I asked her about that. She told me that it was actually Ms. Suzue who asked her to do both of those things.” “My goodness, I’m surprised Ms. Suzue accepted, seeing as how she hates that book.” Mrs. Shimazaki’s remark wasn’t the only shocking thing she had revealed that day. “But I suppose she decided to go because Mejirogawa is participating, hmm? She worries about that boy, you know. Says he reminds her of her little brother. “Once, when it was raining, she asked me to give him a plastic umbrella that someone forgot here, insisting that no one was using it. And you know what else, when Mejirogawa caught a cold, she wanted me to take him some of her own cold medicine. “I asked her why she didn’t give it to him herself, and she said she was tied up with work.” “The umbrella and the medicine…were from Ms. Suzue?” Mejirogawa looked confused. His reaction was only natural. Up until now, Ms. Suzue had not acted particularly familiar with him, nor had she even really gone out of her way to speak to him. I’d thought the same thing. “Enoki, was the young man just now an acquaintance of yours?” “Huh? Um, I just met him a minute ago, but—” “I see. He always borrows the anthology with ‘The Surgery Room,’ so I think he probably wanted it.” Ms. Suzue had called Mejirogawa “young man” when she had asked me about him. As if she didn’t even remember his name and didn’t think too much of him. “According to Mrs. Shimazaki, the reason Ms. Suzue worried about Mejirogawa was because he reminded her of her younger brother. If that were true, you would expect her to speak to him in person all the time. But despite always greeting me by name, she never did the same for Mejirogawa. Why is that?” Ms. Suzue couldn’t respond. She squeezed her fists into tight balls and remained silent, in apparent distress. That was answer enough. “It’s because you harbored a special affection for Mejirogawa, didn’t you? You were embarrassed by it, so you intentionally pretended to have nothing to do with him. Am I wrong?” Finally, she motioned to speak, with tearful eyes that entreated me not to utter one word more. “Yes, you’ve misunderstood,” she insisted in a pained voice. “Today was the first time I had ever heard about meeting Mejirogawa back when he was an elementary school student.” I wonder, if I shut my mouth now, would everything be totally settled? No! This is just like the scene where Countess Kifune blurts out her secret, which shakes Dr. Takamine so much that he has to abandon the surgery and confess his feelings. Ms. Suzue’s wavering voice and fraught demeanor have unveiled her true feelings to Mejirogawa. The time for a happy ending where everyone got to leave the stage wearing a sunny smile had long since passed. I dropped the final bomb. “Do you remember when Mejirogawa’s friend, the underclassman Ayuhara, borrowed this book? Ayuhara probably liked him and thought she could get close to him if she borrowed his favorite book. But for some reason, she started to avoid him after that. Do you know why that was, Ms. Suzue?” “……” Mejirogawa looked incredulously at Ms. Suzue, who still had her body drawn in and her face pointed toward the ground. “Enoki, what are you talking about?!” he demanded. “When Ayuhara returned it to the library, Ms. Suzue told her Mejirogawa already had a girlfriend. She claimed that the other girl was a graduate of Yurizono Academy, a real refined young lady.” I could almost hear Ms. Suzue shouting Stop! “Tch, two-timin’ jerk.” “There’s a girl in a miniskirt, a year behind him in university. He had his arms around her earlier, flirting. A young lady who graduated from Yurizono Academy. Heard they’re dating.” I had mistakenly thought the “girl in a miniskirt” and the “young lady from Yurizono Academy” that the book had mentioned were the same person, but they were actually two separate people. Mejirogawa had even said that it was his first time hearing that Ayuhara was a Yurizono graduate. How had I been so easily misled? One more bit of information from Mrs. Shimazaki gave me my answer. “Last year around this time, Ms. Suzue said she wanted to focus on her career, so she wouldn’t be getting married for a while. But then, at the start of this year, she suddenly began hunting for a partner, and within six months, she had decided to marry a guy she met on a dating app. I guess that’s just how they do things these days. “You know, Ms. Suzue was a classy young lady, beautiful and refined and a Yurizono graduate to boot. She used to have plenty of admirers.” “The young lady who graduated from Yurizono Academy was you, wasn’t it, Ms. Suzue?” The book that had been so infuriated by Mejirogawa’s two-timing overheard what Ms. Suzue told Ayuhara, so he directed his ire at the guy who seemed to be flirting with a younger girl in a miniskirt despite dating a classy lady from Yurizono Academy. The day prior, I went to the library to set things straight. After keeping sullen and quiet for a while, the book let out a short but audible word of confirmation. “Yeah.” “Ayuhara had clearly taken a liking to Mejirogawa, so Ms. Suzue made up a fake girlfriend to drive her away. That imaginary girlfriend had an awful lot in common with a certain librarian. Isn’t that because, deep down, you wanted to be the one to date him, Ms. Suzue? If you were his girlfriend, then—” “Stop it!” she shouted, unable to bear any more. She covered her ears and shook her head side to side. “Please stop. I’m getting married next month! We’ve already chosen a new home and are ready to move in, and we’re holding the ceremony next year. My fiancé is a really good person, and my parents are happy I’m marrying him. So stop this,” she begged, in a voice that threatened to crack. “…Apparently, you met your future husband six months ago on a dating app… Prior to that, you said you weren’t interested in getting married for a while, so why did you have to find someone to marry so suddenly, Ms. Suzue?” She appeared to be crying. Her voice crawled from her lips as she hung her head, shaking her shoulders and hiccupping all the while. “I…I realized I’m not young anymore. I’ll be thirty-two next month…and I want children…so if I don’t get married now…” “You didn’t think you had time to date a college student, right?” “…Hic.” She hiccupped again. Her affections toward Mejirogawa had already been completely exposed, laid bare for all to see. Yet, she still couldn’t bring herself to admit it decisively and instead ranted as if she were vomiting up an ugly mess of emotions. “That’s only natural isn’t it…? There’s no way that I, a thirty-two-year-old woman, could date a college boy… I can’t do it. We’re twelve years apart, and he’s got to go to school for two more years and then find a job. By the time he could get married, I would be even older than I am now—I’d be an old maid. He’s headed into a crucial part of his life, a wonderful time when you really shine, and to have a worn-out old woman by his side would be…” And that’s why Ms. Suzue had sealed away her romantic feelings for him. Because a college student twelve years her junior was not a partner with whom she felt she shared a future. Although she had probably noticed Mejirogawa’s passionate glances and felt a thrill of happiness and a flutter of excitement in turn, she hadn’t let those feelings show and dutifully kept her secret. Ms. Suzue is attractive, well-kept, and kind, so I can easily understand how meeting her again rekindled Mejirogawa’s feelings of love. But to an adult woman, the difference between her and a twenty-year-old probably seems more insurmountable than even we teenagers can fathom. Especially when she’s the older one. Ms. Suzue dropped the bouquet Mejirogawa had given her, and white flower petals scattered across the floor. She put her hands over her face and sobbed. The room that had been overflowing with a celebratory mood until just a moment ago sank into a gloomy silence. Both Haruto’s and Tsumashina’s faces were stony. Haruto looked on in pity, while Tsumashina scowled as though she was angry at me. Heartbroken, Mejirogawa asked hoarsely, “…So you thought that because I was a twenty-year-old college student…we couldn’t be together…?” “…Y-you probably thought I was some horrible, unpleasant hag… You probably hated me…” As she wept, Ms. Suzue whispered in a vanishingly quiet voice. Mejirogawa’s face warped into more and more anguished expressions. Surely Ms. Suzue had wanted to leave Mejirogawa with a beautiful memory. But her selfish and ugly side had been exposed, and that idyllic hope had fallen to pieces. As for Mejirogawa, I was sure he was disappointed to glimpse the actual woman behind the pure, graceful, idealized image of the Ms. Suzue he had maintained in his mind. Everyone was suffering, and everyone ended up miserable. Maybe this wasn’t the right thing to do. Just then, as I was seized by dark regret, the sound of a graceful, kind voice suddenly reached my ear. “So Sir Mejirogawa…doesn’t like me anymore…?” Her question was not a servile entreaty, nor an emotional interjection. It wasn’t hopelessly masochistic. It was a gentle and graceful inquiry. One meant to soothe a chaotic heart, scoop fragments of truth from within it, and make him aware of their sparkle… In a voice Mejirogawa couldn’t hear. But as the kind book spoke to him in her reserved way, he moved. He picked up the bouquet that had fallen on the floor, got down on his knees in front of Ms. Suzue, and called out serenely: “Ms. Suzue, I—I will absolutely never forget the beautiful words and memories you have given me. This probably doesn’t mean much coming from me, but I love you. I have always loved you.” “That’s right… Sir Mejirogawa has always loved Lady Suzue. That’s who he thought of as he tenderly turned my pages, poring over every word and sighing happily.” “I’ve had these feelings for you for ten years now.” “He thought only of Lady Suzue.” “And ten years from now, or twenty years, or way into the future, I’m sure you’ll be the only one for me.” “No matter how many cute girls smiled at him, he was devoted to Lady Suzue. I’m sure that going forward, Sir Mejirogawa will continue to love her.” “Please give your hand in marriage. If you accept, we can go today and enter you into my family register.”