She was as white as snow, and her words descended upon the earth like cold ice.
“…Eek!” Kota shrieked. He tried to back away from her, but a tree trunk blocked his way. Looking down upon Kota, the girl smiled.
“My job is to claim souls and take them with me. So, I will kill this cat… You don’t care, do you?”
The sharp scythe, which had been pointed at Kota before, was now being pointed at Blue.
“Meow.”
He probably had no idea what kind of danger he was in. Blue just stood there meowing in a cute voice, which was quite inappropriate given his current situation.
Their eyes met. Blue, with his beautiful eyes that had compelled Mai to name him so, looked at Kota.
“Meow…”
It was as if he was calling out to Kota.
“I have to save him!” Kota said to himself.
The feelings he had locked away resurfaced. He remembered the time he and Mai had spent together. Blue was a handful, but he was so much fun. The times he spent with the two of them were gentle times. She, with her kind heart and warm voice.
He remembered what she had said to him.
“I’m the mom and you’re the dad, Kota. And Blue is our child!”
What was he willing to do for the sake of that smile? The tip of the scythe was almost touching Blue.
“Am I going to do it? Can I do it?”
There was no room for doubt now. He had to do it.
“Waaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhhhhhh!! ”
Frantically, Kota focused all his energy and leapt out. He needed to rescue Blue from this girl. When he slid into the dirt, Kota had Blue safely in his arms.
“I’m not going to let you kill him!” he shouted, mud dripping from his face. “After all… I… I’m… I’m his father!!”
Casually, almost unexpectedly, she said, “So you can do it.”
She smiled. If he hadn’t seen it, he wouldn’t have believed the coldness she had displayed just a moment ago could be replaced by a gentle smile.
“Huh? Wha?!”
He didn’t understand what was going on. Beyond being taken aback, it felt like he had slipped into another dimension. The girl slowly approached him. This time, strangely, he felt absolutely no fear. Perhaps he instinctively perceived her smile meant that he had nothing to be afraid of.
“Don’t forget the way you’re feeling now,” she said. “If you ever try to abandon Blue again, she won’t be happy, even after she’s gone to Heaven.”
He knew exactly who the girl was referring to. “…Mai…Why… How do you know about Mai…?”
The black cat, who had been kicked aside, was now scooped up by the girl.
In an exasperated voice, the black cat said, “Like I said, she’s a shinigami! Get with it! Gosh, your master is a real idiot!”
He was chastising Blue, who was still being held tightly in Kota’s arms. Blue simply responded with a meow.
It was the girl’s turn to speak. “I came to claim Mai-chan’s soul, but she isn’t able to leave just yet. She still has some regrets. You understand, don’t you? She is worried about you and Blue.”
When they had first found the badly weakened Blue, Mai saw herself in the kitten.
This kitten is just like me, she’d thought. He’s weak.
She believed the kitten needed to be protected, the way Kota always protected her. She decided it was now her turn to protect another. And if she could raise this kitten to be strong, maybe she herself could become strong in the process. Those feelings spurred her to care for Blue so fiercely.
But in the end, her wishes did not come true. With her dying breath, she still very much wanted Blue to survive.
Her other final thoughts were for Kota. She knew he would surely be deeply hurt. Kota would blame himself for Mai’s death, and he would try to put the blame on Blue. By hurting another, he would hurt himself. Mai did not want Kota to harbor feelings of hatred and guilt. As time passed, if these wounds did not heal, they would only grow deeper.
“At this rate, Mai-chan will never be happy, even in death. She would worry about you forever and her soul would not go on to Heaven,” the girl said sadly.
“B-but I… What am I supposed to do…?” Kota asked. “I don’t know what to do…”
He didn’t have the confidence to raise Blue by himself. He was only able to do it because Mai was there with him. There was no way he could do it without her.
The girl hugged Kota and said, “You can do it! You were able to do it just now. You were brave. You can do it, I know you can.”
She felt warm. In her arms, he experienced a gentle feeling. Her whiteness made it seem like she would be cold, but it was quite the opposite. She felt so warm. For a minute, Kota puzzled over this warmth, and then he understood. It was the warmth of her heart. It was the same kind of warmth he felt when he was with Mai.
“You can do it…”
Yeah… he thought.
“You can do it…”
It was the girl’s voice and, as Kota listened closely, he noticed that it overlapped with her voice. Closing his eyes, he could vaguely see her image.
“…Mai…”
He searched his memories, envisioning her, and then suddenly… there she was.
It was the girl in white’s doing. Through her touch, Kota was able to make contact with Mai’s soul.
“Kota… I don’t regret a thing,” Mai told him. “I’m glad I got to meet Blue. I’m glad I was with you, Kota.” Her smile was so beautiful.
“Mai…” he called out her name.
“I’m no longer here… I can’t help you anymore… but please take care of Blue.”
“Okay,” he reassured her. “A-all right…! I… I’ll do my best… so you be happy up there in Heaven.”
“Thank you, Kota,” she told him cheerfully. “Now, I have to say goodbye…”
The girl and the cat now prepared to do what they weren’t able to do on that fateful day. Next to Mai, Kota could see the girl and the black cat whirling around, as if they were dancing. They were becoming hazy, but he could still see them. She was twirling the large scythe in her hand, but he no longer felt afraid. The dance looked so beautiful. It was a gentle dance, and yet somehow it felt sad at the same time.
So she is a fairy after all, Kota thought.
He felt as if he finally understood the girl’s true identity. Standing in the center of the dazzling dance, Mai looked brilliant.
“Okay, Kota… Bye-bye…”
“Bye-bye… Mai…”
He waved. He waved with all his might, so she could see him all the way from Heaven.
“You can do it… ‘Daddy’…”
Then a light, a brilliant light, enveloped Mai.
“—Okay. I’ll do my best.”
He smiled. He smiled though tears flowed down his face. The tears felt warm.
With their dance over, the girl and the cat approached Kota and embraced him. A single teardrop fell from the shinigami’s eye and slid down her cheek.
“You’re such a crybaby, Momo…”
The cat’s voice sounded as if it came from far away.
✦ ✦ ✦
—The rain finally lifted.
However, an enormous lightning bolt still fell upon Kota’s head.
“Kotaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!”
It came from his mother.
“Owwwwwwwwwww!” he yelped in pain.
He received a thunderous blow. Her eyes even looked as if they were about to shoot fire.
His eyes, on the other hand, were about to well up with tears. But he fought the urge to cry with all his might.
His mother’s wrath had not subsided yet. “I told you so many times that you can’t bring animals into the house!”
“Nooooo!” Kota protested. “I’m going to take good care of him this time, I swear it! I’ll protect him! I promise! After all, I… I’m his father!”
And so, the boy had grown up, just a little bit.
I have to let go
So I let her hand slip away
Remorsefully, I grasp for it again
I said I would never let go
Maybe, because your hand is so warm
Maybe, because I am weak
Maybe, because of your warmth
Thank you
I will never let go
I can’t let go.
✦ ✦ ✦
echo — fin