He regretted everything that day and wished he could turn back time. He wished so hard, but nobody heard his pleas. The world had trampled on his feelings, ignored him.
Kota bit his lip. Everything was too late. Mai was dead.
It was her chronic disease, coupled with extreme stress and fatigue, which caused an acute inflammation of her trachea. That was the cause of death.
“Death?” Kota wondered. “What is death? Is it painful? Is it sad? Is it difficult? Is it dark? Does it hurt? Does it mean somebody is gone forever? What is it, what is it?”
Kota’s comprehension failed him. He wasn’t even crying.
On the day of the funeral, they displayed a picture of Mai on the altar. In the picture, Mai was smiling.
“How could she be smiling like that?” Kota asked. “Why is everyone able to cry?”
Kota couldn’t smile, but he couldn’t bring himself to cry either. Kota, after all, was only a young boy. He had not yet accepted Mai’s death. It was too sudden. It seemed like a lie.
Right now, he felt like he could still hear that soft voice calling out to him. He also remembered he had to return the manga he had borrowed from her. And there was that video game they said they would play together. That game wasn’t even out yet.
But there were other things as well. Like the shoebox at school—her shoes were not there. Her seat in class—nobody sat there anymore. On it now was a lonely bouquet of flowers.
The familiar way home, he now walked alone. The setting sun was beating down and created a single, solitary, elongated shadow. One thing was on his mind: rewind time. For he had promised to protect her.
A long time ago, Mai used to run around with almost as much energy as Kota. But when she became ill, she found it hard to keep up with Kota and the boys. Eventually, she couldn’t even pace herself with the girls. She gradually drifted away from her circle of friends.
Kota had then made a promise to protect her. He had wanted to make sure she would never be alone.
But it wasn’t true. He couldn’t protect her. If only he could turn back time.
When class ended that day, Mai had parted with Kota and gone to the shrine by herself. She took care of Blue and played with him for a while. As she was about to go home, it happened.
Blue slipped away from Mai. He had spotted a butterfly and chased after it. Mai followed Blue into the woods. The woods were dark, and Mai promptly lost sight of Blue. She eventually lost her sense of direction and became completely lost.
Feeling uneasy, Mai soon realized that things had turned from bad to worse. Something was wrong. She couldn’t breathe. And as if to add insult to injury, it began to rain.
Rain pierced the leaves and pelted the earth; it pelted Mai. Under the rain, Mai’s condition began to worsen. Her breathing became painful, her vision became blurry, and her body felt heavy.
She was alone. Who knew how much time had passed? She didn’t know where to go.
“Hheeh… hheeh…” The sound of her pained breathing leaked out of her dry throat. She was in pain, lonely and scared. Instinctively, she called out the name of the one she loved.
“…Kota… Kota…”
Her thoughts were on the one person who would always protect her, who always thought of her. He shined a light on her, like the sun. Under his light, she could blossom like a sunflower. He was her precious someone.
But today, he’d made up with his best friend. She couldn’t get in the way of that. She didn’t want to be a burden to him anymore.
However, being a mother meant she had to work hard. Still thinking of Kota, she summoned her remaining strength and walked forward. Finally, she found Blue.
“…Blue…” she struggled. “Let’s…go… home…”
She smiled gently. Hugging Blue with her trembling hands, she placed him back in his box.
“…The rain… it’s pouring hard… cough… I’m sorry. Huff, huff… this is all I can do for you…but I’ll make sure you won’t get wet… I’m sorry… cough, cough. I have… to go… home… now…”
Saying her goodbyes to the kitten, she walked away. Alone, in the rain. She had to get home or else everyone would start to worry. Kota, her mother and father… She didn’t want them to suffer the burden of worrying about her.
Her breathing became even more labored and she wobbled, but persevered. But when she finally reached her house, she had exhausted all of her energy.
“Kota…”
The light which called out that name may have been extinguished, but it would never fade away.
She wanted to smile, always. She thought of being next to him, by his side.
“I’m sorry,” she wanted to tell him. “I’m just too weak.”
“I’m sorry, Blue. I’m sorry, Kota…”
There was one last thing she wanted to do. She wanted to tell him. Before he hurt someone. Before he hurt himself.
“Please…”
—Ring.