“WH-WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING, YOU IDIOOOOT!”
With steam blowing out of her entire body, Stella threw me as hard as she could.
“AAAAAAAAH!” I shouted. Never underestimate the sensitive, shy heart of a tsundere.
I soared through the blue expanse of the sky, aiming to pierce the heavens. Only then did I notice that the forest I had been buried in was next to a large Western-style mansion built out of bricks. There was some kind of bonfire burning by the entrance surrounded by armored soldiers. A shed beside the mansion had covered wagons next to it, with people taking care of the horses. This was distinctly not Japan.
After sailing for some time, I plopped into a pond at the edge of the forest.
Yeah, I got a bit carried away.
I reflected on my misdeeds as I sank to the floor of the pond. In the end, though, I had no regrets. Who wouldn’t get excited if the girl of their dreams suddenly appeared in front of them? Who wouldn’t shout their love to the high heavens? That said, given the current situation, I had clearly made a misstep somewhere.
I finally hit the pond floor.
For a moment I was worried I would drown down here, but then I remembered I was a staff. I didn’t need to breathe. I didn’t feel any oxygen deprivation, and my eyes weren’t filled with water either.
The problem was that I had been separated from Stella.
As a staff, I had no means by which to escape this pond. I’d be here forever unless she came to get me.
Mm, judging by Stella’s tsundere levels, she should probably come get me once she’s cooled her head a bit. I just have to wonder when that will be...
A shadow suddenly fell over me.
I looked over and saw a giant trout-looking fish, who I’d presume was the boss of this place. It opened its mouth like a black hole and started sucking in water. I ended up getting sucked in too.
“Really...”
What a disappointment.
I thought a tsundere had come to save me, only to be eaten by a trout instead. This dream kind of sucked. And, on top of that, the trout’s teeth digging into my body actually hurt.
“Ow, ow! Who wants a dream of being eaten by a trout?! Wake me up already!” I shouted. And that’s when it happened.
“GIVE ME BACK MY STAAAFF!”
It was like a silver star crashing into the earth. A girl, with her robes hitched up, slammed onto the head of the trout and instantly stabbed into its skull with a knife. It roared with pain not unlike a monster in a movie might and started flailing, swinging its head every which way. In the process I was flung out of its mouth and landed on the shore.
Stella promptly jumped off the trout’s head and landed next to me.
“Talk about fast,” I said. “I didn’t expect you to come for me this quickl—”
“Wrong! I didn’t come to pick you up, I just happened to have an errand to run over here,” Stella said, but she picked me up and cradled me gently regardless.
I started to ask what that errand might have been, only for a large shadow to wiggle up behind her.
“Behind you, Stella!” I shouted. The giant trout was opening its mouth to try and eat us.
Stella let out a “Ngh!” and rolled to the side, but the trout chomped down hard and managed to get part of her robe. She instantly cut it off with a knife to escape. There wasn’t a shred of hesitation in any of her movements.
“Are you a combat veteran, Stella...? Normal people can’t do stuff like that. Or I couldn’t, at least.”
“We can chat later! Running away comes first!”
Stella got up and began running from the pond with me in her hands. The trout roared again. It had us in its sight, and it came charging at us while slamming its fins into the ground.
“GAAAAAH!”
“Otaku?!”
The trout had bitten into my head. My screams left it unfazed; it kept its teeth locked on me.
Stella didn’t abandon me.
“Let go, you! LET GO!”
She grabbed my leg(?) and pulled, digging her feet into the ground. The problem was that the trout weighed several times more than she did. This was not a game of tug-of-war she’d want to play.
Stella’s feet were getting pulled into the pond, but she nonetheless tugged on me with fierce intensity. At this rate, we’d both end up as fish food.
“It’s too strong, Stella! Leave me behind and run!” I declared, trying to act as cool as possible. This was all a dream, after all. What harm was there in getting eaten by a trout?
“Leave you behind...? Don’t be ridiculous. You’re my staff...!” Stella yelled back, her tearful expression twisting. That caught me off guard, and as I faltered, Stella was pulled into the pond herself.
“EEK!”
“Stella...!”
It was then the trout opened its mouth wide, as if it had been waiting for this very moment. The fish intended to swallow us both down.
And just like that, with staff in hand, Stella was...
“Not happening!” she shouted with a flash of her eyes.
She twisted me to wield me more like a spear, then stabbed it upward into the top of the trout’s mouth.
I felt a kind of squishy pop as I tore into flesh. The trout roared again, but Stella didn’t stop her attack.
“This. Staff. Is. MINE! I’m not letting anyone else have hiiim!”
Stella repeatedly stabbed the trout’s upper mouth. The trout flailed each time before eventually settling down.
Whoa.
I just watched on in a daze like a lump of wood, which was fitting. Stella had far more strength than her dainty body implied. Tossing me over an entire forest and killing a giant trout was no easy feat.
Stella hopped out of the immobilized trout’s mouth.
The now sopping-wet girl held her staff (me) and left the pond to return to the forest. Her steps were the only sound in the quiet night.
“Thanks for coming to pick me up. I thought I would never get to see you again,” I said. Her shoulders jerked.
Since she was holding me upside down, I couldn’t see her face. If only she would flip me around.
“Like I said,” she replied after a pause. “I just happened to have an errand to run by the pond.”
“Right, right. And what was that errand?”
“None of your business, that’s what.”
Mm. Now that was the sauce for a tsundere lover like myself... That completely non-subtle way of hiding embarrassment. She actually had come to pick me up, but she didn’t want to admit it, so she was claiming she had an errand instead.
“Aaah, now this is a tsundere! I’m glad to belong to you, Stella!”
“A-Are you stupid?! Let it be known I hate your guts, Otaku!”
“If that were true, you could’ve just let me be.”
I laughed to myself; she really was dishonest. And this was a rare case where she didn’t immediately snap back.
She hesitated, then asked, “Are you not mad?”
Mad? Now that was a head-tilter.
“Why would I be mad?”
“You nearly got eaten by a magibeast. They even chew up bones, so staff or not, you would have been a goner.”
“Come again?!” I yelped.
Stella sniffed. “Did you not even know the danger you were in...? W-Well, I didn’t mean to throw you into the pond. I didn’t think you would go so fa—”
“That’s not what I mean, Stella.”
Apparently Stella was worried about me being mad or not, but that made no sense considering I was the one who had embarrassed her to the point of implosion. If I was mad about anything, it was something else entirely.
“Why did you put yourself at so much risk just to get me?! That was dangerous!” I exclaimed. A shudder went down my spine in retrospect. I had to thank my lucky stars Stella was okay. “What would be the point if you got eaten yourself trying to save me?! Your safety is obviously far more of a concern.”
“Don’t be condescending. That was a walk in the park for me.”
“Your robe’s torn up. And your clothes are soaked.”
“Good; I was just thinking of getting changed.”
“I’m glad you helped me, but I don’t want you getting hurt, Stella. Don’t put yourself in danger for my sake.”
“As if I’d ever do that for you, Otaku. Your misunderstandings are getting kind of irritating!”
“Fine, fine... Thanks, Stella.”
“Mnnn! You just don’t get it!”
Stella swung me around as if throwing a tantrum, which afforded me a look at her face. Her cheeks were so red it was visible even this late at night. Her eyelashes were lowered in embarrassment. And, long story short, my love of tsunderes was only reaffirmed.
“Stella, you shouldn’t wait on getting changed. You’ll catch a cold.”
“I was obviously going to do that regardless. You...weird spirit,” she said. Her tone was cold, but she tightened her grip on me.