No matter how long I spent in self-loathing, time refused to reverse itself—it only proceeded still onward, heartless and inexorable. With my sins staring me in the face, I had neither the right nor the time to wallow. I rebuked my sinking heart, collected my scattered clothes, and stood up from the bed.
Unable to give Lord Heinreid an apology, I wiped the mess off his body. Once I’d gotten him as clean as I possibly could, I dressed him in fresh clothes. I pulled off the soiled sheets and changed them out for spare ones, then set him back down in the bed, still unconscious. Just then, as if on cue, the door opened.
I’d heard the sound of someone making their way up the stairs, so I wasn’t surprised by the arrival. I turned slowly to face the man standing in the doorway. I needn’t have bothered checking, of course—it was Karl Anker. Steam and the scent of soup wafted over to me from the tray in his hand, and I realized belatedly that it was already dinnertime. His Lordship’s caretaker cast a brief glance at the man asleep behind me, then set the food down on the table with a dismissive sniff.
“Well?”
His voice was cold and contemptuous. There was no subject to the question, but presumably, he was demanding that I explain myself. If that was the case, then I had no words to offer in reply.
However, when he elaborated in the face of my silence, his question turned out to be surprisingly impersonal and practical.
“I am asking whether you’ve ascertained the cause of his illness. That is what you came here for, is it not?”
Well, what had happened here was obvious at a glance—Karl had even predicted it himself. Given his dislike for all things redundant or unnecessary, he would never have been interested in hearing my excuses.
Though my head had cooled a little, my mind was still dull and sluggish. I gripped a hand over my forehead in frustration, pressing at my temples almost hard enough to crack my skull, then gave my bitter reply.
“He feels guilt for his past evil deeds...I think.”
Lord Heinreid had never directly admitted it to me, but when I’d pushed him to his limits, I’d caught a glimpse of the shadows he was concealing. His pain had bled into the edges of his words and onto his anguished face—a plaintive, penitent remorse.
Living on like this, with no judgment or reprisal for his former wickedness, had never sat well with him. I’d known that much. But I’d thought that with time, here in this place set apart from the world, his initial discomfort had faded.
Why had I ever been under that mistaken impression?
I glanced across the room. It was furnished with all the necessities for everyday life, but this sealed-off space was far smaller than the estate had been. Lord Heinreid was high above the world, cut off from the bustle and clamor, in a place of quiet stillness. Here in this room, by his account, he had bad dreams and grew melancholy on gray, cloudy days.
There was no way he could ever just forget it all. This room was a prison—a place constructed to force criminals to confront their crimes.
Karl scoffed. “You think? What a half-hearted diagnosis. You played directly into his hands, you placed yet more unnecessary strain on him, and you weren’t even able to question him properly?”
He had every right to scorn me. Although I’d happened by chance to grasp a sliver of the answer, I’d committed a foolish blunder deserving of disdain, and in the end, I was no closer to solving anything.
“I shall accept my punishment,” I said.
“You intend to report all of this to His Majesty? You truly are an utter imbecile, Craig Bauer.”
“What?”
“If you absolutely must live your life honest to a fault, then do as you please. However, that man is only permitted to live because he is under Craig Bauer’s supervision. If you admit that even now, he still deludes and manipulates you as he pleases, what do you imagine the result will be?”
If I admit that I got tricked...to King Sighart and Queen Natasha?
The instant I understood his meaning, a chill ran down my spine.
Lord Heinreid had been concealing his illness, but at least Karl had picked up on it and delivered a report. However, I’d been completely taken in. They hadn’t commented on it at our meeting yesterday, but if they learned that I’d been played like a fiddle by the man I was keeping under confinement, they certainly wouldn’t overlook my failure. They’d lose all trust in me with regard to Lord Heinreid. In the worst case, their doubts might even extend beyond the present situation. If they became suspicious of my entire premise that Heinreid von Rodvelia was no longer evil, what then?
No... I couldn’t let that happen. At that point, things would be entirely out of my hands. In order to keep this man alive, I needed to keep on maintaining the impression that I was in control.
I silently stared down at the still-sleeping Lord Heinreid. He was kind but occasionally cruel; he appeared to care for others, but he was deeply self-centered at heart. And yet, despite it all, I had burned with longing for him, and I had confined him here. However much he deceived me, wounded me, refused to open his heart to me, though it filled me with rage, I could never let him go—not after everything that had happened. I recalled how I’d felt half a year ago, as I’d gone around using my decidedly underhanded tactics to win over person after person.
No way in hell am I letting him die.
I clenched my fist tight and let out a long, deep sigh.
“Sorry. I’ve cooled my head a little now.”
Karl, unchanging in his loathing for me, only ever offered me snide remarks, but his words were apt and observant. His advice had just saved me from committing the worst blunder I possibly could have, and I thought that perhaps I owed him a word of thanks. But before I could give voice to it, he had another unpleasant comment for me, and I swallowed my words back down.
“Although he may have been deliberately steering you, getting ‘His Grace’ to show you such vulnerability is certainly no easy feat.”
I stared back at Karl. “This man isn’t him.”
The problem was, Lord Heinreid himself refused to acknowledge it.