While my mind was occupied with unimportant observations, Lord Heinreid threw a leg over my waist and straddled me, then pressed his backside against my length.
“Haah, ah—”
With little fanfare or hesitation, he sank down onto me. The swollen representation of my desire buried itself in his hole, freshly loosened by his own fingers. The sight of me invading his body, slowly but surely, inch by inch, was utterly intoxicating. Unable even to speak, I looked on helplessly as he swallowed me up.
Then—just as my thickest part was almost through his tight opening—one of his legs jolted and gave out.
“Hhghhh!”
“Ah! Ngh!”
With his support gone, naturally, his hips fell. My length, penetrating him only shallowly moments ago, suddenly impaled him, sliding inside him to the hilt. I gulped at the sensation of it driving in, prising open his insides. Once I’d made it through the shock of pleasure, I tried to glare up at him, wondering whether the entire thing had been deliberate—but I quickly saw that it hadn’t been. A coughing gasp spilled from his throat, as though he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him. His eyes were as wide as saucers; his body twitched and tensed.
“Hwa? Nh, auh— No—what’s—oww—!”
Looking closer, I saw he’d lost his footing on the side where the former king had left him with a scar. His foot must not have been able to handle the strain of supporting his weight in that awkward position; it shuddered and trembled, pressed against the sheets. Still struggling with the sudden, unexpected rush of sensation, he didn’t seem to understand what had happened or realize his body had hit its limit. He tried to raise himself back up again, but of course, his leg still didn’t have the strength to lift him, and his squirming only ended up drawing me in even deeper.
“Nnnhhhhh!!! Nooo, ah, aaah! C-Craig, I’m sor—ngh!—I can’t—!”
He finally began to sob as it dawned on him that no matter how he struggled, he wouldn’t be able to get himself free. But for my part, I didn’t have room left in me to heed his cries. The cloying scent of roses, the mark of his old lover, had already been inflaming my temper to begin with. And now, after he’d ordered me not to move and begun doing as he pleased, what had finally driven his hips down onto me was the wound the former king had given him. I didn’t bear this man any hatred for that, of course, but how could I be expected to put up with it all?
I sighed in exasperation. “You’re the one who started this, aren’t you, Your Lordship?”
I’d only meant it as a small retaliatory gesture. Ordinarily, he would just have glared back at me, eyes wet with humiliation; that was what I expected to see as I gazed up at him, holding myself back from any further outburst. But my words seemed to hit him far harder than I’d imagined. I heard a heaving sob from his throat, and his trembling body stiffened for a moment. Then he slumped forward, hanging his head limply like a worshipper confessing his sins. All I could see of him was his heavy black hair; his face was hidden from view.
Something was plainly amiss. I was at a loss for how to respond. I tried to ask him what was the matter, but before the words could reach my lips, I heard him quietly mumble something.
“Yeah... I did... But I couldn’t...”
“Lord Heinreid?”
“I told myself, I’ll do better—ghh—do better this time... I promised myself I would... But I’m still just—auh—just pushing it all off onto other people... I’m trash...”
“Wait, what are you talking about...?”
His words were fragmentary, interrupted by faint sobs and frail cries, and I couldn’t quite make out what he was saying. But what I did manage to pick up didn’t sound like it was only referring to the present situation. Before I could sit up and press him for details, his head slowly lifted, and our gazes met.
“I’m sorry... I’m sorry, Craig. I’ll keep on living—I swear I will. And I... I’ll do what you tell me. So just, please... I’m begging you... Hurt me...”
That hoarse, pleading voice—that brow, furrowed in anguish—those deep scarlet eyes, wet with tears, overflowing with faint light—would always fan the flames of my arousal. But now, somehow, they all filled me with a shudder of revulsion. He was giving me his word that he would live, but I felt as though I were hearing the exact opposite.
Kill me.
I jolted upright on pure impulse, shoving him off of me. His back thudded onto the sheets. As we changed positions, I hooked onto the most vulnerable spot of his insides, and he let out a scream. I heard it loud and clear, but I just picked up his legs and pounded my hips straight into him.
“Hgh, ah, aah! Aaauh!”
“You—!” I growled. “What the hell do you want?! Why are you making me—? Ngh!”
“No, you’re—you’re too deep!!! It’s too—hh!”
He threw back his head, and I sank my teeth into his throat, reaching down at the same time to claw into his tip with my fingernails. I tormented him, dragging a climax out of him by force, and he trembled pitifully as he spent himself. The heat spilling out onto his stomach made his insides writhe and clench around me. Unable to bear it any longer, I released my lust into him as well.
He panted and heaved, trying desperately to recover his breath after I’d forced him to his peak with a violent haste. But without even waiting for his breathing to steady, I immediately resumed rutting into him. The squelching noise of my spend mixed with the balm grated on my ears.
“Hgaah! W-Wait, I’m not done— I’m still—!”
He shook his head in agony as I forced my desires onto him, his black hair flailing and whipping against the sheets. I briefly paused with my full length buried inside him, staring down as he gasped for air.
“Won’t you let me save you...?”
I spoke the words like a prayer.
Please. Please say yes.
I didn’t care if it was conceited of me. I didn’t care if it was only for this single moment, while he was dazed and confused. I just wanted him to seek forgiveness rather than punishment. After all, it wasn’t as though he enjoyed suffering, and he certainly didn’t have a great tolerance for pain. He ought to have wanted to be free from it. He ought to have wanted mercy and salvation. He’d always tried to withdraw into himself before, but over this past half year, I’d wanted to believe that he’d come to cling to me—to depend on me—at least a little.
But even now, even in this haze of abandon, Lord Heinreid still rejected my words.
“N-No... I don’t need it... Agh—aaaugh! I— I can’t, I can’t stop it... Hghh, hffh, aaaughhh...”
I didn’t want to hear that answer. I resumed violently pounding into him once again, and his words were cut off amid moans and sobs, just as I’d hoped. But my own spirits were none the lighter. He shook his head, he wept, he apologized, but no matter how far I pushed him, the one thing he would never do was plead for me to help him.
By the time it was all over, Lord Heinreid was completely unconscious. I jostled his shoulder and lightly slapped his face, but his eyelids stayed shut. The faint rising and falling of his chest was the only sign that he was still alive at all. He hadn’t passed out since our first time together...but nothing was the same now as it had been then. I gazed down at his body covered in teeth marks and darkening love bites, his eyes swollen from crying, his sticky, sullied nethers—I was staring at the scene of an assault.
What the hell am I doing?
I could plead all I wanted that this hadn’t been my intent, but no one would accept my excuses.
The evidence of my mistakes was lying right in front of me.