“When we see each other tomorrow...would it be all right if I held you and kissed you?”
“N-No! Of course not!” I blurted out.
“What a shame,” he chuckled. I was about to snap back when he continued, “I still love you. And you can tell me you love me too, if you change your mind.”
“I-I think it’s time for you to leave!” I shouted, my face on fire. How could he say something so embarrassing?! The crow flapped its wings and flew out the window once again.
“I look forward to hearing you say you love me tomorrow,” he said, and that was that.
“Wow, he’s intense, isn’t he?” Professor murmured with admiration, watching the crow disappear into the sky. “He loves you a lot. Why won’t you let yourself reciprocate his feelings? You love him too, don’t you?”
“I’m not the one Siegfried loves.”
“Sure you are. He just said so, didn’t he? He said he still loves you.”
“He can only say that because he doesn’t know who I really am.”
“I don’t know, I think he said that because he sees who you are now.”
That was a dangerous statement. I wanted to believe Professor, but I couldn’t—not while I still carried the memories of the years Kreis and Siegfried had shared. The one Siegfried wanted by his side was the Kreis who’d lived all those years with him, not a fraud who took his place.
“Hey, Professor.”
“Yeah?”
“Is it possible to switch me and Kreis back?” I’d been wondering about it since Siegfried said he loved me. I was ready to hear the answer, whatever it was.
“Sure, I can do that.”
“All right.”
That was all I needed to hear. My mind was made up; I would return this body to its original owner.
I would take on all of the dirty work. Even if the real Kreis came back now, he wouldn’t be able to save Siegfried, so I had to return the body to him after everything was over and done.
But just for now...just for a little while, I wanted permission to steal a bit of Siegfried’s love...and when the dust settled, I’d give Kreis his body back.
“You really are impossibly stubborn, aren’t you?”
“Should a god really be saying stuff like that?”
“What happened to the sly, mean-spirited person you claim to be?” Professor huffed, turning his back to me as he curled up on the sofa.
“What’s with you? You’re pouting now?”
“I’m not pouting. I’m exasperated. Honestly, you should just let yourself be happy.”
“You’ve been saying some really ungodlike things lately.”
“Even gods get irritated sometimes.”
I knew he was upset on my behalf. That alone was enough to remind me that I wasn’t completely alone in the world. Even if I disappeared once this was over, Professor would remember me as I was.
“Don’t be satisfied with that alone.”
“You said you didn’t want to interfere with this world too much, right? If I give this body back to Kreis, then your involvement stays minimal.”
“Yeah, that’s true. It’s the cleanest solution. I understand it, I really do. And I’ll go along with it. But I really hate this martyr complex you’ve got going.”
No matter how long we talked, we were never going to see eye to eye on this. I didn’t need him to understand. As long as he honored my wishes, that was enough.
I could feel the mood souring, so I sat down beside him and gently stroked his soft fur, steering the conversation to another topic.
“Hey, just how strong is the fallen angel?”
“Well, even though it’s fallen, it’s still a part of me. It can’t directly destroy this world, but without the divine energy to cancel it out there’s probably no one alive who could beat it right now.”
He sounded just a little too pleased with himself, which was frustrating.
“Hey, you do realize we have to take that thing down, right?”
“Take it down, huh? Well, for now let’s focus on surviving tomorrow.”
“If you keep talking like that, I’m going to get killed again. Isn’t there anything we can do that’ll make it disappear, like sunlight or holy water or something?”
“Now listen here. Even if it’s fallen, the child was once far closer to me than any human ever could be. And frankly, I find it insulting that you’d think it’s just some fragile little thing.”
“Then why don’t you smite it with divine wrath or whatever?”
“I can’t do that either. It may have turned its back against me, but it’s still my child. And if I were to unleash my divine wrath, the world would be destroyed.”
“You’re useless!”
“The only one who can possibly fight that thing is Siegfried, but not now, with his mana drained by Albert. If you die and he reaches his breaking point, he might be able to destroy it, but then the world will fall apart and you’ll reset again. He needs his mana back so that doesn’t happen.”
“If Gilles is executed, wouldn’t that automatically end the contract, since the sacrifice would disappear?”
“But the fallen angel is impersonating Siegfried’s fiancée now, right? So I highly doubt they will let Gilles be sentenced to death.”
Right... Risthea was the future queen, and she already wielded considerable influence. It wouldn’t take much effort on her part to reduce Gilles’s sentence.
“What if we force Albert to end the contract himself?”
“If you were Albert, would you end the contract?”
That was a good point. Albert would be thrown into jail, so he would likely view that stolen mana as a lifeline, and I couldn’t see him letting go of it willingly.
I suddenly had an idea. “Then we only have one option left.”
Professor lifted his head in surprise, having already read my thoughts. “Hey, now. Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme? That’s way too violent and—”
“This loop is never going to end if we keep hesitating!”
I couldn’t keep doing this. I had to end things quickly and give this body back to Kreis. Because if I didn’t, I was afraid that eventually I’d give in to the desire to keep his life for my own.
“I have to finish this quickly. Then I want you to put everything back the way it was before.”
“Yeah...maybe that really is the right call.”
Even though it was my own idea, I felt a pang in my chest when Professor agreed. I didn’t really want him to stop me, but some petty, selfish part of me still wanted him to care enough to try. And the fact that he could read me so easily only made me want to end this even more.
I’d finally be free once it was all over. I wouldn’t have to think anymore.
I wouldn’t have to keep wanting to be loved.
“I heard His Majesty’s been visiting you quite frequently lately, Lord Kreis.”
The rose garden in the palace courtyard was in full bloom. Risthea Kahrs—the king’s fiancée and our future queen—sipped her tea with an elegant smile, glancing between me and Siegfried.
But that was just a ruse. In reality, she was the fallen angel, the one pulling the strings behind the curtain. She was the true mastermind.
I didn’t know when she’d stopped being Risthea, though. Had it been from the beginning, or had she taken over Risthea’s body partway through, like me?
The calm, gentle smile she wore now was in stark contrast to the smile she’d worn when she’d stabbed Siegfried—an image burned into my memory. I never would’ve suspected she was capable of such a thing had I not seen it with my own eyes.
“Is something the matter, Lord Kreis?”
“Ah, I’m sorry.”
I’d been staring at her, lost in thought. The last thing I wanted to do was rouse her suspicions. I hastily tried to regain my composure and felt Siegfried’s hand brush against mine under the table.
“I can’t believe you’re staring at Risthea. I’m jealous.”
“N-No, that’s not...”
“Goodness, how troublesome! I had no intention of competing with His Majesty, but I’m afraid I can’t return your feelings, Lord Kreis,” Risthea said with a playful chuckle.
“I knew you’d say something like that, Risthea. Honestly, I’m relieved not to have to fight you for him.”
“Surely you mean you’re relieved not to have to crush me for Lord Kreis’s sake?”
They bantered back and forth with calm, pleasant smiles, as if they were just talking about the weather, though their words didn’t match the mood at all.
“P-Please wait. I think there’s been some kind of misunderstanding, Lady Risthea...” I said.
“Oh? His Majesty’s making quite the show of things. I thought perhaps he finally expressed his feelings for you and they’d been returned. Or am I wrong?”
“N-No, it’s not like that...”
Siegfried turned to me with a smile. “Remember what I said? Risthea knows how I feel about you.”
“Yes, of course. True love is a beautiful thing. Still, Lord Kreis, royal marriages aren’t always straightforward. I have to remain as a stand-in until your feelings catch up with His Majesty’s. If he were without a fiancée, it could spark pointless conflict among the noble factions.”
She looked at me fondly. If I’d still believed she was just a noblewoman acting as Siegfried’s coconspirator, I might’ve thought she truly was a worthy future queen. But knowing her true identity as the fallen angel made her every graceful move unbearable to watch.
She lied so flawlessly I doubted Siegfried would believe me even if I told him the truth. Still, watching the two of them smile at each other made me feel quite unsettled.
She was still close enough to kill him at any time. Professor said that her real target was me and that Siegfried’s death had only been collateral damage, but knowing that didn’t ease my anxiety.