I wondered who he was speaking to. I looked to the door, thinking someone might have entered when my back had been turned, but there was no one to be found. We were alone in the room.
“What do you mean?”
“Hmm? You know, the house.”
As we spoke, his fingers ran over the keys with unchanging speed, producing clean sounds. He seemed as happy as the music piece sounded, even while speaking nonsense.
This is your house, dumbass.
“The house we’ll live in when we graduate. We’ve already furnished it with all the basics, so it’s ready for us. Did I not mention that?”
“You didn’t mention it was ready—you didn’t even mention I’d have to move.”
The campus was a little far from both my run-down apartment and the Nishikawa residence. It was about two hours one-way by train. It was a commutable distance and there was no real need to move, so I’d fully intended to stay where I was.
He must have agreed that this was too big a decision to make on his own, because he stopped playing, turned to me, and apologized.
“It’s kind of far, so Masudzuki-san won’t be able to drive us around. So we thought it’d make sense to live close to campus. Like, walking distance! Of course, we’d cover all the costs and hire a whole moving team who will pack everything for you.”
I knew it was far. The commuter pass alone would cost an arm and a leg. I didn’t have enough good memories from my apartment to be attached to it, and the building was so old that when a big earthquake finally hits the area one day, it’ll fold like a house of cards. Not to mention, it had always been too small. If anything, making sure my father had nothing to come home to was satisfying in its own way.
And unlike Toyota, I didn’t have any family I would bring with me anyway.
“You won’t be paying rent. Plus, because the place is on the bigger side, you’ll have your own room too,” he insisted.
Like always, he made full use of his innate charm. He was so used to being loved that his expression was pure and honest, as if it were only natural that everyone would protect him. Who could hurt somebody who oozed perfection?
I had no reason to turn him down. I didn’t understand why we had to live together, but if I had my own room and didn’t have to pay rent, that was good enough. Even having a little more to my name now, my penny-pinching wasn’t going anywhere. I had nothing to lose, and it really was an appealing offer. And I mean, he already got the place—it was too late now. I fought my doubts and worries, and in the end, it was the economic concerns that prevailed.
“We don’t even know if I passed yet. Shouldn’t you be worrying about that first?”
“I mean, you got an A on all your mock exams in the end. What’s there to worry about?”
Those eyes were used to someone’s protection. They contained not even the slightest suspicion of evil.
“Fine. I’ll get back to you soon on when I can move.”
“Yay!” he exclaimed in delight.
He really did emanate the innocence of an actual child, which actually didn’t bother me. Still, I had to keep us in reality.
“Assuming I pass.”
Things were too peaceful here. This pristine world was devoid of any concepts of aggression. I had thrust my legs into a different world—I might trip at any moment. I hadn’t even decided which world I was supposed to live in.
No, I suppose I had decided. I had weighed my options, and I had chosen the one I wanted to stay in.
Even if it scared me. Even if I didn’t like it.
And then we were graduating. I couldn’t relate at all to the bawling students, teachers, parents, guardians and siblings. They had enough possibilities to keep them from falling into desperation, from throwing away their futures.
Graduating high school was a critical point for everyone. Most people already had a path set before them, whether it be college or getting straight to work. Toyota and I didn’t have that. We had to keep groping in the dark for a path that might not even exist. There was no going back now.
To me, it was a day where I had no choice but to cling to my employer’s mysterious motives.
To Toyota, it was the first day of his forced run across thin ice.
In an empty corridor, Toyota was looking out the window. He turned to me and asked in a calm voice—it reminded me of our lunch hangouts—“I heard you got in?”
It had been a while since we’d last spoken in person. Both the folks who were going to college and those looking for a job stopped coming to school as soon as their futures were secured. If he hadn’t continued to visit my place in the evenings, I wouldn’t have seen him at all.
Through the window, we could see the students lining up in front of the front gates to take their commemorative photos. They seemed to be enjoying themselves, crying with their parents and teachers. Toyota’s parents didn’t attend the ceremony, and obviously mine didn’t either. I suspected there weren’t many kids like us at the school.
“Just barely,” I answered.
“I guess your boss must be happy.”
“Yeah, he’s pretty hyped.”
“So, I guess your job continues.”
“I guess so,” I mumbled. I wasn’t entirely confident in my future.
I had made my choice.
I could have chosen the wrong answers in the entrance exams. If I didn’t get into the same college, I’d have breached our contract. That would have been the smoothest way to quit.
But I’d taken the test in earnest. If I passed, if I actually got in, I thought it might not be so bad to stay by his side.
I did it for the money—that’s what I told myself. I didn’t know when he might push me away.
There was no way I could rely on something that would vanish one day. I wouldn’t build a sandcastle that would be taken away by the waves.
“Good luck in college,” Toyota said.
“What about you?”
“We’re leaving today.”
Suzuka wouldn’t be home until the afternoon. If they were going to leave, it would have to be at night. I never asked where they were heading. I suspected Toyota wouldn’t tell me, afraid I might leak the information.