As I looked forward, Masudzuki-san adjusted the rearview mirror to watch me. When our eyes met, I quickly turned away. Was I doing something wrong?
Meanwhile, his expression was the same as always. “Yeah?”
“Could someone take over my position?”
“I’m afraid not.”
“I’ve already got a person in mind. I’ll introduce you.”
“I said what I said.”
“He could really use the money, and I—”
“Sacchan.”
He interrupted before I could finish. His expression still seemed the same to me, but once I took the time to really see him, I realized I was wrong about that.
His expression didn’t change, but the feelings behind his face did. He was putting on his usual smile now. He was forcing himself to, and what his face concealed seemed far from kind. He spoke in a way that made me think he was holding himself back.
“I hired you, not anyone else. If you want to quit, I can’t stop you, but I’m not looking for a replacement.”
“But why me? Why can’t it be someone else?”
I had asked the same thing at the very beginning. He’d replied after a prolonged silence: “Because I know you can’t refuse.”
I had assumed he’d been mocking me with that silence. Now I realized this wasn’t right either. After studying, talking, spending time together for so long, I’d gotten to know him better than ever.
He had a habit of smiling while wrapped in his own thoughts. He was quiet again, only because he needed time to think.
About what? What could he possibly tell me now?
Finally, he said, “Because I want to go to college with you.”
I knew he was lying. We’d known each other for less than a year; he had no reason to be so attached to me. There was some reason for why it had to be me. I just didn’t know what it was.
I looked into the rearview mirror again. I didn’t avert my eyes this time.
Masudzuki-san smiled sheepishly.
I managed to catch Toyota three days later after school. I invited him to a nearby McDonald’s with the promise of paying for his meal.
“You’re not working today, Sakata?”
“I’m off every third Tuesday of the month.”
“Why? Is there a supersale in the supermarket?”
“He has piano lessons, apparently.”
Toyota went ahead and ordered two burgers, a large set of fries, and even an apple pie. It added up to quite the price with my own food order, but I had no issue paying for the both of us. Before this strange job, that would have been my entire week’s food budget. It made my head spin, which was becoming a more frequently occurring sensation. It was like I lived in a different world now.
“This is awesome. Thanks, man.”
He sank his teeth into the burger with a big smile. It somehow only made me feel more guilty.
As we ate, I told him about everything. Of course, telling him wouldn’t change anything. It wouldn’t help Toyota. Now that my employer had rejected my idea, I couldn’t do anything. I was just reporting the results to him. It didn’t mean anything. If anything, it was self-indulgent.
“But if you want the job, I can ask again,” I offered.
Toyota had been listening in silence until now. He looked me straight in the eyes. “It’s fine. I told you I’m skipping town after graduation.”
“But if you had money, maybe you wouldn’t have to go.”
“It’s not about money,” Toyota said. His voice was all too stern, considering he was actively putting fries in his mouth as he spoke. He wasn’t trying to be hostile, so it didn’t feel intimidating. Rather, it was his way of expressing kindness.
I knew that. It was never about the money. Money wouldn’t protect Suzuka from their father’s violence. What he needed wasn’t a physical object but complete separation. A full-blown escape.
If the age of adulthood were lowered to eighteen, the things we could do would increase dramatically. Even then, many other things wouldn’t change. So many lives were ruined by people deciding that keeping a child with their parents was for the best, or that a parent should be allowed to do whatever they wanted to their kid.
Why does Toyota have to go and leave everything behind?
Why does the world’s injustice have to manifest in his life?
“So you two are really gonna run off? Suzuka is only in second grade.”
I clung to desperation, hoping to change his mind if I tried hard enough. He had to have some doubts.
On the table lay the burger wrappers and the empty boxes for the fries and apple pie.
Toyota smiled as if he knew exactly what I was thinking. “I know I’m making a mistake.” He sipped his orange juice with that calm expression holding steady on his face. “I’m sure there are other, more ‘correct’ paths. I’m sure people will tell me I’m irresponsible and callous, but doing things the ‘right’ way will only chip away at you until there’s nothing left. Because there’s no violence in that. Only violence can challenge violence. I have to separate her from our parents to make sure she’s safe. That’s all I want.”
Toyota wanted to take Suzuka away from home so that he could protect her. I’d seen him looking up all sorts of stuff on his phone when he came to my place. He said he could trust no one, but he still kept searching for a way to keep his little sister safe.
“Thanks for the food,” he said.
I hated hearing that from him. I hated how I could do nothing to help him. There were so many issues money couldn’t solve. What was the point if it couldn’t even help my closest friend?
I was so powerless.
“You know, Sakata, you didn’t used to butt into people’s business like that,” Toyota said, arranging the trash on his tray. He was smiling at me, but his eyes held something else: regret. “You’ve changed.”
And then it was February; the situation was unchanged.
As usual, I listened to him play the piano after dinner.
The Common Test for University Admissions and the midyear exams were over, but the results weren’t in yet. I figured we should have been preparing for the final semester by now. Was this really the time for piano?
But then I came to the bitter realization that there was no way he would fail.
“Oh, right! When do you wanna come to the house?”