“Yeah... I get a three-hour pass. If you show them your student ID, you get a discount, so I can study there without having to worry about anyone looking at me. I don’t have to feel guilty about it either, like hogging the drink bar at a diner.”
“Oh, I get it. It’s cheaper than a manga café too. I guess it would be a pretty convenient spot to study.”
“And you can sing when you want to take a break.”
“I’m not sure about taking a break to sing when that’s the main purpose of the place...but I get it.” He nodded, looking convinced.
Suddenly I got an idea. “Well...”
“Hm?”
“Do you wanna...come with me?”
“To karaoke? Are you sure?”
I nodded. “Just to study, though.”
“Oh, okay. Ah ha ha.”
“Huh? Why are you laughing?”
“I’m just happy. I feel like you inviting someone to a karaoke place is a pretty rare opportunity,” he said with a grin.
I started to feel embarrassed so I whacked him in the shin.
We decided to go study at the karaoke place after school that day. Once we got inside, we took out our study materials and started studying. We quietly read and took notes while we listened to the faint sounds of music coming from other rooms, and commercials from TVs that had been left on in vacant ones. An employee came by with our drinks and gave us a look that said, “What in the world are you two doing in here if you’re not singing?”
After we’d been studying for a while, I stood and picked up the remote control and the microphone.
“Are you going to sing something?”
I nodded silently and then chose two songs. They were two songs that I hoped would convey my feelings—Billy BanBan’s “I’m in Love with You Again” and “I’ve Always Loved You.”
After that day, Yashiro-kun and I studied together at karaoke occasionally. And after I’d sung those two songs to take a break (but actually to confess my feelings) several times, he figured out that I liked those songs.
Before long, he’d say he wanted to take a break and queue up those songs, then ask me to sing them. He had no idea he was actually asking me to sing my secret feelings for him every time, so it was unknowingly sadistic of him...but I still sang them.
◊◊◊
After some time had passed, I’d finally gotten used to the summer school uniform.
“Hey, Torano-san?” Yashiro-kun said, leaning over.
“Hm?”
I was expecting him to tell me something random like he usually did.
“You’ve got a really cute name. Tsugumi.”
I froze; he’d stepped on a land mine. It must’ve been obvious on my face because he looked flustered.
“Oh, sorry—is that a sensitive topic?”
I didn’t answer. He was staring at me with an apologetic look on his face. Great, now he was concerned. But maybe...maybe I could tell him. “I...don’t really like my name.”
“What? Why not?”
“Because my last name is Torano. And so my full name sounds like toratsugumi.”
“Toratsugumi...? Oh, you mean nuedori.” Since Yashiro-kun was an avid reader, he understood what I meant right away.
The nuedori—a pillow word for crying in the shadows, unrequited love, and other extreme forms of sadness. Such a sad word was inside of my name. It made me feel like the nuedori crying in the shadows was a reflection of myself; it was a harsh reminder that no one would understand my feelings—a name I could never grow to like. I’d forgotten about it for a while since Yashiro-kun had started talking to me, but once again it had caught up to me.
I wondered what he thought of me, having a name like that?
“Hm, I guess that’s where the yokai called nue came from too.”
I knew it. He probably thinks it’s creepy...
“Don’t you think the name Nue is kinda cute though?”
“Huh...?”
“Cute”?! Nue?
Yashiro-kun laughed. “I know the yokai looks like a chimera, but the name itself—Nue—is cute. It’s like a nickname you’d give a little kid. ‘Nue-chan!’ You know?”
I was speechless.
“It’s like the contrast between that name and yourself. It’s intimidating at first, but cute once you get to know it. Just like you.”
I’d been haunted by this name my whole life because it sounded so similar to a nuedori. And here he was, saying Nue is cute. No one had ever said such a thing to me before. My mind went totally blank.
Oblivious to my racing thoughts, Yashiro-kun continued, “Plus, eventually you’ll have a different last name anyway, so I don’t think it’s something to be too concerned about.”
“Huh...?” I’ll have a different last name? “My parents get along great.”
“No, I didn’t mean that your parents will get divorced,” he said with a wry chuckle. “I meant when you get married, you’ll take your husband’s last name.”
“Ohh...” Of course. So if I married Yashiro-kun, I’d be Tsugumi Yashiro... W-Wait, what am I thinking? Ahh, I’m so embarrassed! I turned my face away from him to hide my flushed cheeks.
I heard him laughing. “But I really feel like Nue fits you, Torano-san. Can I call you that as a nickname?” he asked teasingly. He really had no clue how I was feeling, did he?
I’d been worried about my name forever, but now it didn’t feel so bad. And if he wanted to call me that, then maybe I’d let him. Hmm, I know. I suddenly had an idea. “If you want.”
“Huh?”
“You can call me Nue if you want.”
“Oh, um, it was just an idea. I don’t have to if you don’t want me to.”
“I do want you to,” I told him, looking right in his eyes. “But then...can I call you Hachijo-kun?”
“Hachijo...? Oh, like a different reading of the characters for Yashiro?” He grinned and nodded. “Sure. Calling each other by nicknames makes us feel closer.”
“It’s a deal, then.” From now on, you’ll be Hachijo-kun. When I thought of the potential name Tsugumi Yashiro, it dawned on me. Yashiro Tsugumi... You could read that as Hachijo Tsugumi! And hachijo tsugumi were small, ordinary birds you could find just about anywhere. Maybe one day, you’ll turn the nuedori who cries in the shadows into a regular bird... That faint hope grew inside of me.
And ever since that day, he’s called me Nue and I’ve called him Hachijo-kun.
◊◊◊
Finals were over, and it was almost time for summer vacation. I was sitting in the library, feeling worried. There would be no job at the library during summer break. I wouldn’t be able to spend time with Hachijo-kun here again until next semester. And that made me feel sad.
I realized that at some point, I’d just come to expect having him by my side every day.
“Hey, Nue?” he said to me suddenly. “Are you the type of person who doesn’t like leaving the house during summer break?”
I was hesitant to answer at first. What should I say? I normally didn’t like to go out unless I had a specific errand to run, but I didn’t particularly dislike going outside either. I didn’t mind going to the public library where it was cool, for example.
“I go to the library...”
“Yeah?” He sounded relieved. “I was afraid maybe you liked to stay at home all summer.”
“Why?”
“Because we’ve been spending every day together at lunch like this, and the thought of not seeing you during summer break made me sad. Can I invite you out sometime?”
I paused. He’d been thinking the same thing. I knew it probably didn’t show on my face, but I was so happy. “Sure.”
“Great. Oh! Also, there’s one other thing...” For a moment he looked relieved, but then all of a sudden he trailed off, his eyes swimming around. It wasn’t like him to be awkward like this. I wondered what in the world could be bothering him.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Well...” He took a deep breath before answering. “I’ve always just gone out to places alone, so I don’t really know much about boundaries with other people.”
I just looked at him and let him continue.
“So I don’t really understand what it means to go out with a girl, or how you feel when you say yes. I’m not really sure how far to take it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I really want to make it clear where we stand with each other.” He looked right into my eyes. “I think I have feelings for you, Nue.”
“What?!”
“You don’t say much and you don’t show your feelings on your face that often, but when you do, I think it’s adorable. And every time I get a glimpse of how you feel, it makes me so happy. I absolutely love spending time with you, Nue. And if we’re going to hang out this summer, I want to do it as boyfriend and girlfriend, without holding these feelings back. That’s how I feel right now.”
I stared at him in silence. Wait. Wait, wait, wait! He can’t just say something so shocking all at once and expect me to catch up so fast! Hachijo-kun just told me he has feelings for me. I’m so happy. He told me I’m adorable. I’m so happy. He told me he wants to be my boyfriend! I’m so happy!
I was overwhelmed with happiness. It truly felt like my head was filled with nothing but sunshine and rainbows. He said, “If we’re going to hang out this summer, I want to do it as boyfriend and girlfriend.” And I felt the same way. I wanted to be special to him. I wanted him to feel like it was only natural for me to be by his side. And I wanted him to be special to me. I didn’t want anyone else to have him.
“Well...what do you say?” he asked, looking anxious.
It frustrated me that I couldn’t show him how I was feeling right now. “Sure. Okay...” But the least I could do was put it into a few awkward words. “I...think I like you too, Hachijo-kun.” When I finally managed to squeeze out the words, his eyes went wide with surprise. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it’s just...I’ve never seen such a soft smile on your face like that.”
I didn’t answer right away, but I hoped I was actually smiling right then. I couldn’t tell. But if I was... “I think...that’s because I’m with you.”
“Ah!” Hachijo-kun’s face flushed deep red.
Right before summer break in my first year of high school...I got a boyfriend.