Chapter 3

3 As the long winter drew to a close and spring approached, Yuki turned six. More than anything, Yuki wanted to go to elementary school like other children her age. She didn’t know exactly what kind of place elementary school was, but she imagined it was terrifically fun, and just thinking about it made her excited. She knew, however, that she would have to convince her mother to let her go, and so for a while, she was as good as could be. Her efforts proved successful, and it was decided she would attend school starting in April. Hana went to the town hall and filled out the necessary papers, then lugged an old desk in from the barn and turned the room next to the bedroom into a study. Yuki was dancing deliriously with joy, but Hana told her she could go to school on one condition only: No matter what, she must never turn into a wolf. “I know, I know!” Yuki said, fingering her brand-new backpack as she sat in bed in her pajamas the night before her first day of school. Still, Hana insisted on this point. “Promise me.” “I promise I’ll be good!” “Well then, three presents, three octopuses.” “What’s that?” Hana smiled wryly as Yuki looked up at her. “Hee-hee-hee… It’s a spell to keep you human.” “A spell?” “You do it like this—three presents, three octopuses.” As Hana chanted, she tapped her chest three times with her fist. “Three…” “Presents, three octopuses.” Yuki thought it was such a strange combination of words that it had to work. “Three presents, three octopuses! Three presents, three octopuses!” She quickly memorized it and repeated it over and over as if it was the most important thing in the world. The next morning, Yuki set out in high spirits with her new backpack, leaving behind the house still buried deep in snow. Hana followed in her good black suit, pulling a whining Ame along by the hand. The closest bus stop was a fifteen-minute walk down the forestry road. Yuki skipped along swinging the cloth bag that held her indoor school slippers, shouting the spell her mother had taught her over and over. When they reached the bus stop, she swung from the rusted signpost, craning her neck to see if the bus was coming yet. Once the empty bus was jostling them down the road, she squealed at the wild cherry blossom trees and bounced up and down on her seat. As they wound down the mountain, the snow on the ground gradually thinned so that by the time they reached the center of town, half an hour later, the world was in full spring bloom. The elementary school occupied a two-story wooden building from the 1930s or so that everyone was quite proud of. Although it had once been full of children, the classes had steadily shrunk as the community aged, and now it was a small school with only ten or so children in each grade level. The entrance ceremony took place next to the main building in a newer, steel-framed concrete gym. The place was abuzz with current students, teachers, guests, and parents, all focused on the nine new students sitting directly in front of the stage. Yuki had never in her whole life been surrounded by so many people. Bewildered, she shrunk shyly in her seat. The happy excitement of just a few minutes earlier had completely vanished. The other new students, who had all gone to preschool together, were playing boisterously; Yuki’s was the only new face among them, and since no one talked to her, all she could do was stare at the floor and swallow nervously. She didn’t hear a word of the principal’s kindly greeting or the guest speaker’s lengthy congratulatory address, and the welcoming choral number by the older students only made her legs turn to jelly from intimidation. She had wanted so badly to come, but now that she was here, she was consumed with worry over whether it would go all right. She glanced around hoping her mother would save her, and Hana smiled back encouragingly from the parent seating area. Nevertheless, the anxious feeling would not go away. The only thing that got her through it was silently repeating the spell over and over to herself. But that was only at the very beginning. Once classes began, Yuki quickly returned to her usual cheerful self, largely thanks to her classmate and first friend, Shino, who took the bus with her every morning and talked kindly to her the whole way. As the only daughter of a large lumber dealer, Shino had inherited her father’s talent for gentle leadership and brought Yuki into the group of girls in their class. As a result, Yuki was comfortable despite being a newcomer. During class, she always raised her hand and spoke up confidently, and at lunchtime, she ate with gusto. She raced down the halls and stairway so much that a teacher scolded her for being too wild. During races, she easily overtook the scrawny boys, grinning with satisfaction when the girls gathered round to shower her with surprised admiration. Before she knew it, she was relishing every day at school. Each night, she could hardly wait for the morning to come. Hana felt confident sending Yuki off to school, watching her backpack sway as the little girl sprinted down the hill without a backward glance. As the mother of a wolf child, she was relieved nothing unusual had happened so far, and as an ordinary mother, she was happy to see her daughter so fulfilled. She went to the city office and for the first time applied for public assistance for the children. She wanted to make sure that Yuki was able to properly attend school. Money had been scarce before, too, and she probably could have received benefits sooner, but she had worried that the cost would be the children’s secret, and so she had stayed away. With Yuki “being good” in the public sphere of the school, though, Hana felt she had to do what was necessary, too. The paperwork was finished so quickly it was almost anticlimactic. “I’m back,” she said, returning to the spot where Ame was waiting. “…Look.” Ame, his cap pulled low over his eyes, was pointing to a bulletin board. On it was a poster advertising jobs at the Niikawa Nature Preserve. Mixed in with the photographs of birds and alpine plants at the bottom of the paper was a picture of a wolf in a cage. A wolf. Hana stared at the picture for a long time. The Niikawa Nature Preserve was nestled among the hills not far from the town hall. Starting in 1984, the environment ministry had encouraged the establishment of similar public centers for nature observation and environmental education throughout the country. The one that Hana and Ame found themselves at sat at the center of over 250 wooded acres. Inside, large pictures showed all kinds of forests. The one labeled COUNTRYSIDE FLORA AND FAUNA was dotted with representative trees, flowers, animals, and insects so that visitors could easily understand the whole rural ecosystem. As Hana gazed intently at the illustration, she heard someone calling her from behind. “Sorry to make you wait. Shall we go?” “Oh, yes!” The voice belonged to Mr. Tendo, the middle-aged man who both oversaw the center and served as a conservationist. He invited Hana to observe him as he led a group of junior high students through the forest. Mr. Tendo talked about the trees and birds as he led the students down trails running through the nature preserve, stopping to chat with volunteers doing maintenance work on a marsh and make friendly conversation with a visiting university research group. Hana tagged along, taking notes. “Conservationists don’t just protect nature,” he told Hana after they had returned to the center. “We also do environmental education and field studies, and we help conserve wild animals and plants. Those are the three key parts of our work, and we do it with the help of volunteers. Our tasks are very diverse, so we have to be ready to do anything on top of our work as specialists. We’re looking to hire an assistant since we’re so busy. That being said…” They were sitting in a drab meeting room lined with whiteboards. Mr. Tendo glanced over Hana’s resume. “To be honest, the salary is very low. We only have the resources to provide something like a stipend for those who want to become conservationists themselves in the future. It’s less than what high school students get at part-time jobs.” He looked up at Hana and smiled brightly before continuing. “Still interested?” Hana paused for a moment, then hesitantly asked a question of her own. “…Um, I heard you have a wolf here?” In response, Mr. Tendo led Hana and Ame to the on-site animal house. The wolf was in a large, clean cage lit up with sunshine from the skylight overhead. It lay against one of the concrete walls, glancing nervously toward them. Its light brown fur was mottled here and there, maybe with dirt. Mr. Tendo lowered his voice. “He’s an eastern timber wolf,” he said. “…He’s calm, isn’t he?” “That’s because he’s so old.” A staff member stuck her head around the door and called to Mr. Tendo. “Uh, Director…” “Excuse me for a minute,” he said, leaving the building. Hana waited until the door closed after him, then squatted beside Ame and looked the wolf in the eye. “Pleased to meet you. We’ve come because we want to ask you something,” she said by way of greeting. She felt as though she could understand his language. The wolf rose slowly to his feet, and Hana put her arm around Ame’s shoulders as if to present him to the wolf. “This boy is a wolf child. His father was a wolf, too, but he passed away. I’m his mother, but I don’t know how to raise wolf children. How did you grow up?” “—” The wolf stared at them through the bars of the cage. Hana leaned toward him. “Please, can you tell us how you were raised in the forest?” “—” The wolf continued to stare at them with his nervous eyes, as if he was sizing Ame up. But a moment later, he suddenly turned away, folded his legs beneath him, and laid down against the wall, as if he had decided they were too tiresome to bother with. He apparently wasn’t going to tell them anything. “—” After that, no matter how many questions Hana asked, he would not answer. Now and then, he groaned softly, but that seemed to be more a complaint about his poor health than anything else. “…” Discouraged, Hana stood up. When Mr. Tendo returned from his errand, he gently explained the wolf’s story. “…A wealthy individual received special permission to keep him as a pet, but no one wanted him when she passed away. Finally, someone brought him here. I hear he was born at a zoo in Moscow.” “…So he’s not wild?” “It’s rare for a zoo to have a wild wolf, I think. When wolves breed in captivity, the cubs are usually sent away to be fostered.” He went on to explain that injured wild birds, racoon dogs, and other animals were also brought to the center, where they were nursed back to health before being returned to their homes. The whole time the two adults were talking, Ame stared piercingly at the wolf. By the time they left the center, the hills were dark. They bounced and jostled toward home on the empty bus. Hana had decided to take the job. She might be able to teach the children how to live as humans, but she didn’t trust herself to teach them to live as wolves. She was grateful for a job that would allow her to learn about wild animals while she worked. The bluish-white fluorescent lights of the bus shone down coldly on her and Ame. As rice paddies streamed by outside the windows, he stared silently at the lights in the houses on the far side. “…I’ll be going to work at the center from now on. You don’t mind coming with, do you?” Hana asked. He nodded silently, still looking out the window. “I’ll learn all about the mountains and nature while I work, and then I can teach you.” “…He was the first real one I ever saw.” “The wolf?” “Was Daddy like that?” “No, not at all.” “I’m glad.” “Why?” “He seemed kind of lonely.” Ame scooted closer to Hana, still looking out the window. “I wish I could’ve met Daddy,” he murmured. Hana scooted closer to Ame. “I wish I could see him again, too,” she replied softly. Around that time, things changed for Yuki at school. She learned girls were supposed to love wildflowers and make flower crowns and search for four-leaf clovers. Girls had jewelry boxes handed down from their mothers or fancy cases they’d begged for as birthday presents, and they took turns showing one another the colorful buttons and glass disks for playing ohajiki that they kept inside. These hard truths came as a shock to Yuki. She was the only girl who enjoyed catching rat snakes and waving them around or wrapping them on her arm. She was the only one whose treasure chest was an aluminum can filled with the bones of small mammals and the dry skins of reptiles. The moment Yuki realized no one else did these things, she was terribly embarrassed. She nearly fled school that day clutching her little can. She had made up her mind: From now on, she would act as ladylike and feminine as she could. Hana tried very hard to keep from laughing out loud when she heard Yuki announce her decision. “Tee-hee-hee-hee…” “…What?” Yuki glared at her mother, her chin cupped in her hands. “Don’t laugh! It’s important!” “Why don’t you just keep doing what you like to do?” “I hate it when everyone looks at me weird!” She didn’t cheer up in the least when Hana told her she needn’t worry because everyone would be friends again soon. “Well, I guess I don’t have a choice, then,” Hana said. “Huh?” She announced she was going to make Yuki a new outfit. Yuki watched over her shoulder as she skillfully stitched away on the old foot-pedal sewing machine they’d discovered in the barn. Now and then, Yuki asked timidly if Hana wouldn’t mind making it a little girlier. It took two nights to finish the sleeveless dark blue dress with snowflakes around the hem. Yuki wore it to school the very next day. She felt self-conscious, not quite herself, nervous to see how everyone would react. When the other girls spotted her as she walked up to the school, the compliments came pouring in. Ooh, that’s a pretty dress! I like the style! It looks so good on you! I want one! This had nothing to do with the quality of the dress itself; it was their way of validating Yuki as one who shared their feminine values. In other words, it was a rite of passage in which they agreed to treat Yuki as an equal. Yuki felt a tremendous sense of relief at their reaction. She was sure she wouldn’t feel out of place anymore, and now she could enjoy her time at school. She silently thanked her new dress and the one who’d sewn it for her. Soon, it was spring again. Hana was promoted from a part-timer to a full-time permanent staff member. The family became more financially stable, and Hana started paying back her student loans. The trade-off was that, in her downtime, she was swamped with classes and studying for her conservationist’s certification. Ame was now old enough to attend elementary school, so Hana added another desk to the study. Unlike Yuki, however, he didn’t want to go. More precisely, he didn’t understand why he had to. In the mornings, he would leave the house with Yuki, only to turn toward the mountains at the end of the driveway. “School’s this way!” Yuki would say, pulling his hand. Even getting him to school was a struggle. Ame didn’t fit in. During class, he gazed dreamily out the window instead of paying attention. Soon, the other children were whispering about him. Sometimes older students would come into the classroom just to tease him, poking his shoulder or pushing him, and Yuki had to come to his rescue and chase them away. Starting his second year, he spent more time in the library than the classroom. He would pass the whole day quietly paging through illustrated books about plants and animals. In his third year, he began staying home from school often. His teacher asked Hana again and again to make sure he came every day, but she didn’t want to force him. Instead, she took Ame to work with her. He sat next to her in the used Jimny mini SUV she’d taken out a loan to buy, staring out the window. Mr. Tendo was quite understanding. “Hey, Ame. Got the day off?” “Nuh-uh,” Ame said with a happy-go-lucky shake of his head. “Playing hooky, then?” “Yup.” He gave another, equally carefree nod. “Well, you’re always welcome here.” Mr. Tendo ruffled Ame’s hair. It was May, and the nature preserve was packed. A long line of people waiting for a tour had formed inside the center. “This is the Observation Pool. If you take a look, you’ll see tadpoles that still have their tails… Hana, can you help me for a minute?” “Coming!” Hana and the other staff were scrambling to take care of the milling crowds. Meanwhile, Ame spent most of his time in the animal house. The timber wolf slowly made his way to the bars of his cage, stuck his nose through, and looked down at Ame. Ame looked up at the aging wolf as if he were about to receive an important lecture. After that, he started taking frequent walks up the mountain by himself. By her fourth year of school, Yuki had grown nearly a foot compared to when she started. As she got taller and taller, Hana adjusted the blue dress to fit. It showed off Yuki’s glossy black hair and long, limber arms and legs very nicely. Her external appearance wasn’t the only thing that had changed; the former wild child was now a calm, ladylike student who preferred quietly reading books to running cheerfully around the playground. This was partly due to the influence of her close friend Shino and partly a decision Yuki had made to help carve out a place for herself within the social world of the school. The plan had worked. During the past four years, she had kept her secret perfectly concealed. One morning, as usual, Yuki was reading a book she’d borrowed from the library. “Listen up, everyone!” Mr. Tanabe, her teacher, stepped into the noisy classroom a few minutes late. “I’d like to introduce you to a new classmate.” Yuki looked up to see a boy in a T-shirt standing next to the teacher, his backpack slung over his shoulders. “This is Souhei Fujii… Here, say hello to everyone.” While Mr. Tanabe was writing his name on the blackboard, the boy bowed slightly. “I’m Fujii. Pleased to meet you.” A thrill of excitement ran through the room; he was the first student to transfer into the class in four years. The teacher told him to sit behind Yuki, next to the window. “Hey, do you have a dog or something?” he asked out of the blue as he sat down. “Huh? Why?” “It’s just—you smell like an animal.” “—!” Yuki’s mind went blank. She racked her brain for an answer, but she couldn’t come up with anything to say. Not a single thing. “…I don’t have a dog.” The simple reply took all her energy. “Really? That’s weird. I was sure you had one,” Souhei said, sniffing around. Yuki felt as though she had turned to stone. “What’s up?” Shino, who sat next to Yuki, craned her neck over toward them. “Huh? Oh, nothing, just that smell,” Souhei said. “What smell?” Shino asked. “…Maybe I’m imagining it.” Yuki shrank into her seat and waited for the conversation to end. At recess, she went to the girl’s bathroom and meticulously washed her hands, then carefully dried them with her handkerchief. She sniffed her body, but she couldn’t smell anything. Of course she didn’t smell funny. But that boy had definitely said she did—like an animal. Maybe he noticed because he’d come from another school. After all, no one else had ever said that to her. But it was true—she must have a scent that was very slightly different from other people. Would her secret be revealed now, after four peaceful years at school? She looked at her anxious face in the mirror and tried very hard to calm herself down. It’s okay. Everything will be okay. She breathed deeply. After a while, she began to feel calmer. She looked in the mirror again and saw an anxious girl, ready to start crying at any moment. When she got back to the classroom, Souhei was playing Old Maid with the other students. “Hmm, which one? I’ll take…this one! Aw, come on! You gotta be kidding me!” Everyone was cracking up at Souhei’s clownish performance. Yuki stood in the doorway, watching. Shino noticed her and gestured for her to join them. “Hey, Yuki! Come over here! Souhei’s really funny.” “—” There was no way she was going anywhere near him. She abruptly became very interested in her library book. “Oh, right, I have to return my book,” she commented, loudly enough for everyone to hear, then turned away. Her odd behavior seemed to bother Souhei. “…What’s with her?” he asked. “She’s not usually like that,” Shino answered with a frown, trying to ease the tension. After that, Yuki tried not to go near Souhei. Instead of playing with the other children, she spent her time reading in a corner of the library. But the more she avoided him, the more he tried to approach her. “Hey, Yuki…” “…!” Yuki closed the book she was reading and walked off, trying to escape. When it was time to clean the classroom, Souhei followed her around. “Yuki…so, um—” “……!” “Yuki, hey…” She ran circles around the room to get away from him, sweeping the floor as she went. She thought it would be best to spend as little time as possible in the classroom, so she took refuge in the library during every break. But Souhei pursued her relentlessly. “Yuki…” “………!” “…Come on, Yuki!” She ran out of the library. Souhei chased after her, and halfway down the wide staircase, he shouted at her loudly. “Tell me the truth!” Yuki stopped short. Her anxious face stared back at her from the mirror on the landing, and she tried to force a calm expression as she looked up at Souhei. “…About what?” “Did I do something to upset you?” His voice sounded weak, and his worry was plain in his expression. “No, you didn’t.” “Yes, I did.” “You didn’t.” “Then you just don’t like me ’cause I’m new? Is that it?” He was jumping to conclusions. Before she knew it, Yuki was yelling at him. “I said no!” “Then why do you keep running away?” “I’m not running away!” She ended the exchange by sprinting down the last flight of stairs. Something in her heart was beginning to spin out of control. She wanted to be alone. In the darkness below the staircase, she tapped her chest and softly recited the spell. “Three presents, three octopuses. Three presents, three octopuses…” She could hear Souhei approaching. “Hey, wait!” She had to get away. But where else could she go? Where could she go to escape this horrible feeling? She ran down the first-floor hallway just to get somewhere else, anywhere else. That something in her chest was about to explode now as she desperately tried to push it down. Three presents, three octopuses. Three presents, three octopuses… This had never happened before. She had no idea, no idea at all what to do. She flung open the outside door and burst out of the school. Morning glories were lined up in pots. Still Souhei pursued her. She ran along the school building until she reached another door. She put her hand on the knob, planning to go back inside. But it was locked, and the knob wouldn’t turn. Three presents, three octopuses. Souhei was coming. Three presents… Nowhere left to run. Her back pressed against a corner of the building, she shouted hoarsely, “Get away!!!” She was surprised by how ugly her voice sounded. “…!” Souhei gave a start and reached toward her worriedly. “Hey…” “Get away from me!!!” Without meaning to, she found herself shoving at him. The explosive thing in her chest was trying to break free. She had to keep it inside. “…What are you doing?” “Don’t touch me!!!” “Hey, Yuki! Yuki!!” Souhei tried to grab her flailing arms. And the thing in her chest finally split open. Hadn’t she said not to touch her? She felt like every ounce of blood in her body had reached a boil. The howl of a wild animal echoed through the school, and an instant later, sharp claws tore through Souhei’s ear. He squatted, pressing his hand to the side of his head. Blood spattered the concrete. “Huff…huff…!” Struggling for breath, Yuki looked at her left hand and saw wolf claws stained red. It took her a minute to realize they were hers. The school called Hana at work and asked her to come in. That had never happened before. The person on the phone said Yuki had injured one of her classmates. Although Hana hated to impose on her coworkers, she asked to leave work early and sped to the school in her Jimny. When she got there, she nervously opened the door to the principal’s office. “Sorry to call you at work.” Mr. Tanabe came to the door to greet her. The principal just looked at her, hands clasped behind his back. The tension was so thick, it was hard to breathe. Hana saw Yuki sitting at one end of the guest sofa, her back turned. At the end of another sofa, a boy was looking down as he sat next to his mother. His head was wrapped in a bandage. Hana felt faint. The mother stood, pulling the boy up by his armpit, and glared at Hana. “Do you have any idea how much that gash on his head was bleeding?” “It was my ear,” the boy said, shaking off his mother’s hand. Hana walked over to Yuki, kneeled down, and peered into her face. “Yuki.” Yuki did not meet her eyes. Her hair was a mess and her downturned face haggard. Mr. Tanabe put his hand on the sofa. “She wouldn’t answer any of my questions.” “Did you really hurt him?” Hana asked. “—” “Did you say you’re sorry?” “—” Yuki bit her lip and turned away. She clearly had not apologized. “Say you’re sorry,” Hana said softly. “—” “Apologize, right now,” Hana instructed, gently but firmly, and stood up. Yuki got to her feet, too, as if resigned to her fate. “…I’m sorry,” she said, barely above a whisper. Now that the apology had been said, Hana turned back to the other mother and bowed her head deeply. “I am extremely sorry.” The principal turned toward the woman as well. “Well, now that that’s done, and the medical treatment will be covered by the school’s insurance—” The woman, however, was still glaring at Hana. She hadn’t moved an inch. “You don’t honestly believe a simple apology is enough for this, do you?” A chill descended on the room. Hana kept her head bowed as the woman continued. “What if he loses his hearing? What do you intend to do then? You’re a parent; you’re responsible for your child’s actions. Would you take out a loan to compensate us? Would you sell your house?” Her anger had taken over, and she was shouting now. “Now, now, let’s all remember where we are,” the principal said, attempting to stave off a fight. “I need to know what that woman plans to do about this.” Souhei had been listening with downcast eyes, and suddenly he mumbled, “It was a wolf.” “What?” she asked. “A wolf did it,” he said, staring at the floor. Hana nearly jumped. Yuki stood silently, her face averted. “It was a wolf that did it,” Souhei said very clearly to everyone in the room. “Souhei? What are you talking about?” His mother shook his shoulder, confused. His gaze remained fixed on the ground. “…!!!” Hana couldn’t even lift her head. The fourth-grade classroom was in a pandemonium. “What’s taking them so long?” “I heard they bandaged up his head.” “No way! Really?” “Stop it.” “Would Yuki really do that?” When Yuki entered the room with Mr. Tanabe, silence descended. The children returned to their seats, waiting with bated breath to learn the truth of what happened. Yuki shambled toward her seat with her hair in a tangled mess, like a ghost out and about in broad daylight. Some of the glances sent her way were curious; others were full of pity. “What happened to Souhei?” one of the students asked Mr. Tanabe. “He went home early.” “Why?” “He was injured.” “How?” “I can’t tell you the details.” “Did someone hurt him?” “Um…” “—!” Yuki had finally made it to her seat, but once she was there, she could not bear to stay. She sprang up and fled the classroom. Once again, the class was in an uproar. “Quiet! Everyone be quiet!!” Mr. Tanabe tried to regain control of the din, but he was unsuccessful. Hana waited for Yuki in her parked car. She was supposed to be retrieving her backpack from the classroom, but when she slipped into the passenger seat, she had nothing in her hands. She didn’t say a word. Hana remained silent, too. She simply waited there in the parking lot. The only sound was the idling engine. After a few minutes, Yuki opened her mouth. “It didn’t work.” “—” “The spell. I tried it over and over, but it didn’t work.” “—” “Am I gonna get kicked out of school?” Hana looked at her daughter. “…I’m sorry,” Yuki said. Her face was stained with tears and snot. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry.” As Yuki sobbed out her apology, Hana reached over from the driver’s seat and hugged her tight. “It’s okay; don’t cry. Everything is okay now. It’s okay, it’s okay.” She held her close until Yuki calmed down. Once again, she thought to herself that only she could protect them. She would do it even if the whole world shunned them for it. For a long time, the red Jimny stayed parked in the bleak school parking lot. After that, Yuki refused to go to school. She stayed huddled in her futon all day, wouldn’t even poke her head out when Hana came in, and ate very little. Hana decided to let her do as she wished. She remembered what the boy had said. It was a wolf that did it. Hana had secretly been steeling herself for something like this. Now that it had finally happened, it seemed like a miracle that Yuki had done so well for so long. Perhaps it was impossible for wolf children to fit into human society after all. Four years had passed. They were finally used to living here, and Hana finally felt secure at work. Now she might have to think about moving again. But where could they go? Is there nowhere we can live without worry? she wondered. One day not so long after that, Hana came home from work to find someone looking at the house—a boy with his head wrapped in a bandage. It was Souhei. When he noticed Hana, he gave a start and ran off. “Souhei?” Hana hurried down the road in her car, but all she could do was watch him disappear. He had left something in the entryway—a worksheet from class. Hana pushed open the sliding door to the bedroom and showed it to Yuki. “A worksheet. From Souhei.” Yuki crawled silently under the covers. After that, a piece of bread from a school lunch or a mandarin orange or some other little present appeared in the entryway every day. Hana showed each one to Yuki. “From Souhei,” she would add. Yuki never said a word. She just sat there under the table or the sewing machine, her arms wrapped around her knees. One day, when Hana had the day off work and was working in the vegetable garden, she saw Souhei walking on the far side of the bank. “Souhei.” Startled, he looked up at Hana. The bandage around his head had been replaced by a piece of gauze over his ear. “She’s gone to play at Shino’s house today.” “Oh.” “Hey, wait a second.” With that, she invited him into the house. Souhei sat nervously at the dining table, peering around curiously. “It’s a long trip out here, isn’t it?” Hana set a glass of juice in front of Souhei. “Thank you for coming out every day.” “…I don’t want Yuki to drop out,” he said, shifting in his chair and contemplating the floor with a serious expression. Hana took a seat across from him, rested her elbows on the table, and clasped her hands, smiling all the while. “…Um, back then, you said a wolf did it, right? What did you mean?” She had been wanting to ask him for a long time. “I meant— Well, you might not believe me.” He lowered his gaze again, like he was struggling to get the words out. “…When it happened, I saw a wolf for a second, and then I was hurt… That wolf was the one that did it…” He raised his head and continued earnestly. “What I mean is, Yuki didn’t do anything bad.” He looked down again, seeming to lose confidence. “…Everyone says I’m crazy, though…” When he had finished, he took the glass of juice and drank it through the straw. “I see… Can I ask you something else?” Hana laced her fingers together. “Do you hate wolves?” Souhei thought for a minute, then put the juice down on the table. “Not really.” Relieved, Hana relaxed her hands and giggled. “Hee-hee. Me neither.” She liked this boy. Hana didn’t tell Yuki about her conversation with Souhei, but she was confident a boy like him would be a good friend for Yuki. A tremendous weight had been lifted from her chest. One day, Yuki said she would go back to school. She had really struggled over what to do before finally making up her mind, it seemed. Can I go back? she had asked. Of course you can, if that’s what you’ve decided, Hana had replied. In the morning, Yuki slung her backpack over her shoulder and stepped out the door. Souhei was waiting out front, and Yuki was stiff with nerves. “Hey, wanna look at it?” he asked. He brought his hand to the gauze on his ear. She didn’t know how to respond, but before she had a chance to, he’d torn off the gauze. “…Ouch!” He pressed on his ear, then removed his hand to show Yuki. “Looks pretty cool, huh?” Yuki stared at the wound. A large scab had formed over it. Quite possibly, the scar would remain forever. Yuki grimaced apologetically. “Wanna touch it?” he asked, gesturing toward his ear. Surprised, she hesitated for a moment, but then she timidly touched the scar. “…It doesn’t hurt?” “It’s just itchy.” Souhei stared at Yuki’s hand as she lowered it again. She felt as though he was trying to make sure of something, so she quickly hid it and walked ahead of him. “Let’s go,” she said, and he followed after her. Hana had been watching their exchange from the entryway. They’re going to be just fine, she thought as they disappeared down the road. I can leave the rest to them. Ame squeezed past her out of the house. “I’m heading out,” he said. Hana watched him go. “Where are you off to?” “To see Teacher.” “Who’s Teacher?” “Teacher is just…Teacher.” “…All right. Are you okay going by yourself?” “Yeah.” “Be careful.” “I will.” “Don’t stay out too late.” “I won’t.” Hana wanted to ask him more questions, but he hurried off before she could. She gave up and simply watched him leave. That afternoon, Hana stopped at the Nirasakis’ house on her way to go shopping and chatted with Ms. Nirasaki over a cup of tea. “How’s Yuki doing?” “She went back to school today.” “That’s great. What about Ame?” “He goes some days, and others he doesn’t.” Grandpa Nirasaki was home for lunch and poked his head into the room. “And that’s just fine,” he said. “Kids who drop out of elementary school show a lot of promise. Like Edison. And me.” “There you go being silly again,” Ms. Nirasaki said, exasperated. Hana watched as he headed back out to work. “Speaking of which, does anyone live up on the mountain?” “The mountain?” “Ame said he was going to his teacher’s place. I figured he was talking about some old man.” “I wonder. Who would be up in the mountains during the busy season?” Ms. Nirasaki sipped her tea noisily. Hana tried to think of who else “Teacher” might be, but she couldn’t think of anyone. When Ame came home from his solitary trips to the mountain, he always told her what had happened that day. The gingko tree had blossomed, now the creeping dogwood. He had witnessed tree-frog eggs hatch. He was starting to be able to walk for a long time without feeling tired. And Teacher was the one who’d imparted all that knowledge to him. “Teacher knows everything. About the mountains, I mean.” Hana was surprised to see Ame looking so alive. Her withdrawn, irritable son had never made friends with an adult before. She wasn’t sure, but she even thought he was toughening up—a sight she was glad to see. Still, she wondered who this Teacher was. “Why don’t you invite him over soon?” Hana suggested one day when Ame was helping her in the garden. “I’d like to thank him. Plus—” “Teacher never meets with humans. He doesn’t come down to the village like the boars and bears do.” “…Huh?” Hana stared at Ame, stupefied. “But I think he might meet you,” he added softly. Hana went with Ame up the mountain. Almost immediately, he veered off the main trail and straight into the deep forest. He strode up steep trails undrawn on any map as confidently as if he were strolling through the neighborhood. Hana got winded just trying to keep up. Finally, he stopped on an animal trail crisscrossed with thick tree roots, where Teacher sat at the base of a towering, unruly cedar, and stared at the two humans. Ame’s teacher was a wild red fox. “…!” Hana gulped. “Teacher is the master of this whole area,” Ame explained calmly. “Uh…thank you for looking after Ame,” she said, coming to her senses. She dug through her bag and pulled out a bundle wrapped in cloth—a ripe peach and some fried tofu she had brought as presents. With great composure, Teacher climbed down and gave the tofu a quick sniff. Then he picked up the peach in his mouth, jumped lightly down to the tree’s roots, and disappeared between some rocks. Hana hadn’t noticed Ame had changed into his wolf form until he was climbing up the rocks after the fox. He glanced back once at his mother, as if to say, I’m heading out. Long after he was gone, Hana remained where she was, dumbfounded and unable to believe what she had witnessed. Once, the timber wolf at the nature preserve had told Ame something. I don’t know anything about the woods myself. I’ve lived my whole life in ignorance. I can’t teach you. If I can tell you only one thing, it’s that you shouldn’t spend your time here. If you want to learn, don’t talk to an old wolf in a cage. Venture out into the wild. Ame had followed his suggestion and gone up the mountain. At first, he was at a loss for what to do. He spent days wandering the woods without learning a thing, watched the sun set, and went home. He couldn’t find anyone or anything who might give him what he was searching for. There was not a single wild wolf left in Japan. Ame was deeply aware of the fact. Japan wasn’t a place he could learn the way of the wolf, because the kind of wolf who would teach him simply didn’t exist. Instead, he met Teacher. Teacher was a bit odd, even for a red fox. He had to be, to accept a wolf child as his student. Ame could probably search the whole world without finding another one willing to take him in. He was very fortunate to have made the acquaintance of this older creature—and when he did, his world expanded overnight. Teacher knew everything Ame had ever wanted to know, though Ame hadn’t even known what that was before they met. Afterward, the things he was searching for became extremely clear. The more he learned, the more new questions bubbled up inside him. A fox of few words, Teacher mostly let Ame observe him and the mountain. But for Ame, each observation was a revelation. Everything was so different from the “ecology of wild animals” he had read about in books at the school library. There was an enormous gulf between “nature” as humans viewed it and wrote about it and the truth of the natural world. Ame took it in through Teacher’s eyes and learned about every nook and cranny. For example, Teacher had a different name for the beech trees, and the rhododendrons, and the gentian flowers, too. The clouds and wind and raindrops and setting sun. These names comprised a system completely unlike the only one Ame had known to exist, and they held entirely different meanings as well. Some words could not even be translated into human language. When Ame explained that certain things lacked a corresponding human equivalent, Teacher was flabbergasted. He wondered aloud how one could live without such things. The shock ran through Ame like an electrical current. An entirely new world surfaced before his eyes. Before long, he arrived at the true questions that lay at the bottom of his heart. Why had he been born a wolf? And what did he want to do with his life? Hana gazed incredulously at her chattering son. He was excitedly trying to convey to her what he had seen and learned on the mountain. Quite often, he described plants and insects that even Hana had never heard of in her work at the nature preserve. When he searched enthusiastically through their field guides, they were nowhere to be found, so he detailed their characteristics and ecology and habitat to Hana and urged her to take down notes. He bounced happily from one story to the next as if he could never tell her everything, no matter how much he talked. As she watched his lively profile, Hana felt a sense of fulfillment for herself, too. His truancy might be a problem, but she believed he had discovered something that was even more important for him, all on his own. So long as he was living free and true to himself, it was enough. Watching her children change and grow was such a joy. Moving to the mountains may have made life a little hard, but she was happy she had done it. Yuki sat at the dining table after dinner, clearly annoyed. Ame was being unusually talkative and completely oblivious to the fact that she was trying to get her homework done. “…Yuki, I think you should study with Teacher, too, so you can get better at hunting. You need to know the trick to running through the woods as fast as you can. And how to read the earth. You’d learn a lot, like how to find streams or sense changes in the weather, and stuff about territories and how animals respect one another—” “I’d never do that. Obviously.” “Why not?” Yuki stopped writing. “Why don’t you go to school?” “’Cause it’s so cool. The mountain, I mean. There’s so much I don’t know.” “Stuff you don’t need to know.” “Why not?” “Never mind, just come to school.” “…I don’t want to.” “Why not?” “’Cause I’m a wolf,” Ame replied, like it was completely natural. “You’re a human,” Yuki responded in an attempt to quell his protest. “I’m a wolf,” he countered decisively. “—” Yuki opened her mouth to say something, then stopped. “I’ve decided I’ll never turn into a wolf again,” she finally stated before returning to her homework. The words were more for her own sake than his, an attempt to regain her cool. Of course, Ame knew full well what she’d just gone through at school. After so much pain for herself and trouble for her mother, she’d finally managed to overcome it. No—every day she went to school she still felt like she was walking on thin ice, but she pressed ahead anyway. Not as a wolf, but as a human. It was so strange that Ame couldn’t take that into consideration. She shouldn’t have to spell it out for him. Yet, there he went, obstinately asking once again: “Why?” “—” “Come on, why?” “Because I’m a human! Is that good enough for you?! Because I’m human!!” “But why?” “Why, why, why! Why don’t you shut up?” “You’re a wolf, but you’re still—” “Shut up!! You don’t know anything!!” “I know plenty!!” The next instant, Yuki snapped and slapped him across the face. “You better go to school tomorrow, or else!!” Ame glared at Yuki, pressing his cheek. Up till now, she had always out-argued him. But today, he didn’t give in. “I don’t want to!!” “I’m warning you!!” “I don’t want to!!!” Ame shoved the dining table with all his strength, and it toppled over with Yuki pinned underneath. Her mug shattered on the floor. Ame jumped up, suddenly half-wolf. His eyes brimmed with quiet anger. Yuki took up a position across the table. “…You wanna fight?” Hana, who was drawing a bath, looked up as a loud crash boomed through the house. “What was that?” She hurried into the kitchen and gasped at what she saw. The table and chairs were knocked over and scattered around the room. Shards of glass from the china cabinet littered the floor. And among it all, two large animals were tangled in a brutal fight. Grrrrrrrrr……arrrrrrrrrrrr…! Fur disheveled, fangs bared, the two beasts took turns tearing into each other amid an exchange of threatening growls. One of them was Ame. The other was Yuki. “…Yuki?! …Ame?!” Yuki was straddling Ame, only to be kicked off and hurled against the wall. When he tried to pounce on her, she dodged him by a hairbreadth and escaped across the sink counter. The dishes and pots that Hana had just finished washing went flying. Trying to temporarily put some distance between herself and Ame, Yuki darted for the study but crashed into the door. The frosted glass shattered in a hail of tiny fragments, but that didn’t stop Ame from following in hot pursuit. The fight continued in the dark study. Over and over, Hana heard the crack of wood exploding into splinters. “Stop this immediately, both of you!!” Hana’s desperate shouts fell on deaf ears. The wooden door closest to the barn slammed down with a loud bang, and Yuki came rolling out of the study as if she had been shoved. Unable to weather Ame’s merciless attacks, she sped toward the back of the sitting room, her paws skittering over the tatami mats. But since she kept looking back over her shoulder, she ended up colliding head-on with the sewing machine, which crashed down heavily and punched into the tatami. When Ame caught up with her, he aimed straight for her throat and sank his sharp teeth in. Yuki yelped in pain. They struggled ferociously from one end of the room to the other. Yuki had been caught off guard by Ame’s sudden strength, and he completely overpowered her. She didn’t even have a chance to go on the offensive. She couldn’t believe she’d been cornered like this. She raced down the long porch, but Ame pursued her with surprising speed and pounced. She was forced to flip over and kept rolling, her body bent in half, until she smashed into the sliding door next to the entryway. She tried to escape Ame’s relentless attacks by fleeing into the main room. “Stop it, Yuki!! Ame!!” Hana screamed pleadingly. But Ame chased Yuki round and round with terrifying speed, nipping at her heels as if he could neither hear nor see his mother. She fearfully approached them. “Stop it… Ack!” Ame had barely brushed her as he ran past, but she went flying onto her backside. She watched as the two wolves banged into the bookshelf in the corner of the main room, and the whole house shook with the tremendous blow. Books were thrown onto the floor, scattering the summer cushions, and the little vase with a buttercup in it fell, along with his driver’s license. At last, Yuki had no place left to run. Ame pinned her to the floor with his powerful front paws and bit mercilessly into her throat. Blood soaked her fur as she let out a high-pitched scream. Still Ame did not loosen his hold. He snapped at her again and again, as if he intended to rip her ears, nose, and legs to shreds. He was trying to prove his dominance. “Oh… Oh my god…” Hana had no words for the horrifying scene. One of her children was tearing into the other with overwhelming violence. It was cruelly evident who was winning. The suffering Yuki writhed around and managed to crawl away, fleeing with a whimper to the hearth room. She was so shaken, she tripped over the edge of the hearth and pitched disgracefully into the pile of firewood in the corner, sending a curl of smoke up from the ash. When she saw Ame approaching with a measured stride, she dived, terrified, into the bathroom. The door slammed shut, and Hana heard the lock turn from inside. With that, the fight was over. “Ame…Yuki…!” Hana arrived belatedly in the hearth room. “…!” She froze. Before the frosted glass of the bathroom door, Ame slowly stood up. His skin was covered in wounds, and his supple muscles rippled powerfully. He had returned to his human form, but the eyes glittering behind his disheveled hair were those of a wild animal. “…Ame…?” Hana managed to call her son’s name, but that was all. From a corner of the bathroom, she could hear Yuki weeping softly. Afterward, Hana cleaned up the house alone, without saying a word to the children. It looked as if a storm had blown through. Glass was broken, cupboards and doors were toppled, and dishes and pots had been strewn into the oddest places. Yuki’s dress was in tatters. The tatamis were striped with fresh claw marks. To Hana, this was the evidence of the different paths the two siblings had chosen, and she realized they would soon be at the stage where no one could hold them back. Under the jumbled mess of books, she found his driver’s license. She put it back in its place on the bookcase. As always, he smiled out at her. “…Yuki and Ame are beginning to go their own ways…” More than anyone in the world, Hana wanted her children to grow into adults, and she had tried to do everything she could so they would be able to choose their own paths in life. Still… “This is what I wanted, so why do I feel so anxious…?” He gave her no answer. “Tell me…why.” She asked over and over, but he only smiled back at her.