I knew she wouldn’t have any answers. However, now that the lid was off, I couldn’t help but let all the emotions I’d bottled over the years gush out all at once.
Koharu took a long, unwieldy sip of water before attempting to respond. “Sorry, Anzu…but I really couldn’t tell you. That’s not for me to decide.”
“…I know. Sorry, didn’t mean to kill the mood. Don’t worry about it.” I smiled awkwardly in a futile attempt to mediate my embarrassment and then went back to eating my pasta. It was supposedly the most popular item on the menu, yet at present, it tasted like flavorless sludge. Like nothing at all.
“But y’know what? This kinda takes me back to an old conversation we had,” Koharu said, her expression abruptly turning wistful. “Remember in high school, when you punched me in the face? Then things got a little out of hand, and you guys came over to my place to drop off my summer homework? I remember telling you that I wanted to learn to be just like you. Do you know what you said to me?”
I didn’t respond, so after a short pause, she continued.
“You said that at the end of the day, there’s no one right way to live our lives. All we can do is pick a path and run down it as fast as we can to see how far we can get in the time that’s given to us… Or at least, I’m pretty sure that was it. Maybe I got the wording a little jumbled, but I still remember it plain as day.”
All of a sudden, Koharu’s lips widened into a broad and all-encompassing smile.
“Those words changed my life, you know. So I figure that if you follow your convictions and stick to the path your gut tells you to, then maybe—just maybe—things will work out the way you want in the end. Just like they did for me.”
Koharu’s words rang in my ears, then slowly permeated throughout my body. Deep in my chest, I felt a warmth, as though magma was bubbling up from the bottom of my weary heart, dissolving all the clotted dregs of anxiety that had built up inside it over the years. I felt a kind of exhilarating energy return to every corner of my body, one that I hadn’t felt in ages. I knew exactly what this strange feeling was—because it was one I used to know. One I used to call my own, once upon a time. It was courage. It was fearlessness.
“I mean, granted, all I’m really doing here is handing your own advice back to you. I still have no idea what I’d recommend, but… Wait, Anzu? Are you okay?”
I hadn’t noticed, but tears were streaming down my cheeks. “Kawasaki…”
“Yeah?”
“I think you must be misremembering. I’m pretty sure I never said anything that cool. Either that, or you’re embellishing an awful lot.”
“Huh?! Y-you think? Oh God, that’s embarrassing… Sorry, it’s just been so long, and…”
“No, it’s fine… I appreciate it.” I dabbed my eyes with one of the warm moist towels the server had brought to the table. How had I not realized any of this before? It was all stuff that I was supposed to know, but somewhere along the way, I had apparently lost sight of it all. “…God, I’m so stupid.”
It was like someone had flipped the switch. Now my eyes were wide open, and I could see the road ahead once more. I grabbed my plate of food and raised it to my chin, then proceeded to shovel the remaining pasta directly into my mouth.
“A-Anzu?! What’s gotten into you all of a sudden?!”
“Here! I’ll pay the bill!” I pulled a ten-thousand-yen bill from my wallet and slammed it on the table before dashing out of the café, mouth still filled to the brim with pasta. I couldn’t afford to stay there a minute longer, because I’d finally realized something. Something crucial. Simply waiting around wasn’t ever going to get me anywhere. However, I wasn’t about to give up on Kaoru or my manga aspirations. I couldn’t possibly pick between the two. I’d just have to find a way to claim them both.
I would take on the Urashima Tunnel. If I didn’t find Kaoru there, I’d search the whole wide world if I had to. And like Koharu said, I would keep drawing manga while I looked for him. So long as I drew breath, nothing could stop me from drawing manga if I truly wanted it badly enough.
Yes, I knew this greedy decision very well could give me nothing but heartbreak. A hunter who chases two rabbits at once catches none, as they said. But if you felt you had no choice but to go after both rabbits, there was simply no other option—you had to learn to multitask. Perhaps more importantly, you sure as hell weren’t going to catch anything by standing still and hesitating. It would be a cold day in hell before I let that happen!
Every fiber of my being was telling me the same exact thing:
Run. Chase after him as fast as you possibly can.
I felt a rush of hot blood swirling around in my head, and a jumbled mess of memories flashed before my eyes like slides from an overhead projector. The day I transferred to Kozaki High. The day I got in a fistfight with that senior thug. The first time I ever followed Kaoru down the train tracks. The day Koharu and I settled our differences. The day Kaoru and I first held hands inside the tunnel. The night we all went to the festival together. The day he up and vanished without a word. Every moment I’d spent with him during that fleeting, still-unending summer propelled me forward, pushing my legs as fast as they could go as I kicked myself for having ever waited so long.
Are you listening, Tono-kun? Because I’m on my way, and I’m going to find you.
I’ll run as fast as I can. I’ll track you down to the ends of the earth if I have to.
So please, promise me you’ll stay safe until I get there. I’m coming.
It had been five long years since Kaoru entered the Urashima Tunnel.
It was finally time to run in there and take back what was mine.