Now that the heat of the moment had subsided, the embarrassment had gone, and in its place came a sense of newfound security and belonging. Like maybe there was a place for me in this world after all. Like maybe I’d be all right, so long as I had Anzu to keep me grounded.
“…Yeah. I’m okay now. C’mon, Kawasaki’s probably getting tired of waiting.”
“You sure you’re all right…?”
“Yep. I’m all good, thanks to you. I owe you one.”
As we made our way back to where Koharu was waiting, I said a silent farewell to my mother. I knew I’d likely never cross paths with her again.
On the shuttle ride home, the bus was virtually empty. The three of us sat side by side all the way in the back, me at the window seat, staring out into the night and offering only yes or no responses to Anzu and Koharu’s attempts to engage me in conversation. I was officially ready for bed, and not just due to eye strain. If anything, my exhaustion was more mental than physical.
When I thought on that unfortunate encounter, I realized that I had expected something more from my mother. Maybe somewhere deep down, I’d always assumed she would return to us once she recovered from the trauma of losing Karen. I knew that was a pretty fanciful delusion on my part, but it at least explained why I felt so crushed.
I’d known from the moment my mother walked out on us that she’d never come back, and I thought I’d come to terms with that. Yet merely seeing her face had given me a resurgence of false hope. It seemed blood ties truly were the hardest to sever. Maybe it was that blood connection that had brought us together again, some invisible bond of fate. I liked to imagine that it was, because it gave me renewed hope that I might be reunited with Karen one day, given that she and I shared a far, far stronger bond.
…No. It wasn’t a matter of “might”—I would see Karen again. Someday very soon, in fact. Before the end of summer vacation, I was going to head deep into the Urashima Tunnel, and I wouldn’t return until I found her and brought her back. That was my mission: my obligation as her brother.
After seeing Anzu and Koharu off at the station, I took a ten-minute taxi ride home. When I walked in the front door, I saw a pair of white high heels I didn’t recognize sitting in the entryway. Apparently, my father had a guest, which was unusual enough on its own, but a woman? Now that was a first. I sneaked down the hall so as not to disturb them, but then the living room door opened and my father poked his head out.
“Oh, there you are, Kaoru! Was wondering when you’d make it home!” he grinned, his face so red and slack-jawed that I instantly knew he was drunk. He’d come home like this a lot lately, but today he looked especially bad. “Well, don’t just stand there! C’mon in and say hello!”
“Uh… Okay.”
I did as I was told and walked into the living room, where I made immediate eye contact with the woman sitting politely atop the tatami mat floor. She was a clean-cut young lady who appeared to be in her mid-thirties, and her whitish skin had an artificial sheen. She offered a pleasant greeting, which I returned in kind. I looked at the table and saw a big platter of catered sushi and a row of large beer bottles. Half the sushi platter had been picked over, and they’d gone through two of the beer bottles as well.
“Well, go on! Have a seat!” my father said.
“Sorry?”
“I said have a seat, my boy. Take a load off for a while.”
My father grabbed me by the shoulders and more or less forced me to my knees. He was making it abundantly clear that I had no say in the matter, but it was all so sudden that I couldn’t really fathom what was going on. My father sat beside me and put his arm around my neck with a giddy smirk. His breath reeked of alcohol.
“This is my son, Kaoru,” he said. “He’s a sophomore at Kozaki High.”
“Aww. He seems like a very well-mannered boy,” the woman smiled.
“Oh, he is. He can cook, do laundry—you name it. Only thing it seems he can’t do is shoot his poor old man a text when he decides to go AWOL, ha ha ha!” he chuckled heartily. “Oh, you know I’m just teasing, Kaoru. Hey—you hungry? Feel free to have as much sushi as you like! It’s all yours, son.”
“No, I’m fine, thanks…”
“This kid, I tell ya. Never been a very big eater. Though it saves me money, so I dunno why I’m complaining, ha ha ha!”
I just sat there in silence. My father’s words, his tone of voice, his mannerisms, his expressions—it was all so transparent. He was merely playing the part of a good father. Like a costume party that only he had dressed up for. Why was he trying so hard to give off the illusion that we had a good relationship? Why had he insisted I come join them? Who was this woman, anyway? She was clearly a fair bit younger than my dad, so why were they speaking so candidly with one another? Was she a distant relative? A co-worker? A friend? My mind was filled to the brim with all sorts of questions, but nary a single answer.
“Oh God, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce you!” My father removed his arm from around my neck. “Son, I’d like you to meet your new mom.”
…Huh? My “new mom”?
“I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while, but I’ve been so busy with work. I wanted to wait for it to feel right, you know? So, yeah. Sorry if this is all a little sudden, but that’s where we’re at right now!”
What do you mean, “that’s where we’re at”?
“Y’see, she and I have known each other from work for quite a while, but we only really hit it off about a month ago when”—“and so we met up for lunch a few times and”—“she’s been married once before too, so”—“and then when you ran away from home that one time, she”—“emotional support, and”—
The words he was saying barely registered in my brain. My head spun like crazy. I was nauseous. What the hell was this crap? And on the same day I’d had a traumatic experience with my old mom, no less? Could I really not catch a goddamn break?
Yet the two of them happily carried on, totally undeterred by my lack of enthusiasm.