Chapter 10: The Scent of Stern’s Back
I’D been feeling strange lately. I hadn’t been able to look Stern in the face ever since the monster hunt.
Whenever I walked to his dormitory to apply more ointment to his burns, my heart slammed against my chest. I didn’t want to see him but disliked the thought of leaving him in someone else’s care even more.
Felzen had looked at me funny when I first nervously entered Stern’s room. Unable to bear his puzzled expression, I fled in a panic. Although I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I couldn’t help but feel a weird sense of guilt. Felzen tagged along a few more times until, abruptly, Stern threw a massive fit. Stern put up a brave front when he and I were alone, but I doubted he was comfortable exposing his wounds to others.
One day, I knocked on his door and opened it only to see Stern fresh out the shower and smiling. His wet, golden hair was practically glowing. A stray drop of water trickled down his collarbone. I didn’t know where to look.
Has he always been this…er…um, seductive? I averted my gaze, sighing as I wondered what had happened to the cherubic boy I once knew. He was so cute back then.
I’d never forget how I confused Stern for an angel when we first met in front of the royal stables. The lighting had made his flaxen head of curls and matching amber eyes appear green. Just looking at him had filled me with delight. I’d wanted to gobble up his soft, creamy, peach-pink cheeks. His guarded, fairylike gaze had been so cute that it didn’t seem human.
Now he’s nothing but a devil. I stopped my train of thought, schooled my face into a deadpan expression. Stern had gotten a little too used to teasing me. I must hold my ground!
“Show me your back.”
“Here you go.” Stern sat down on the arm of the sofa and did as requested.
It’s gotten so much better. I’d recently started using a moisturizer instead of the medicated salve. Marlena had sent it, saying it’d lessen the chance of scarring.
The lotion had a nostalgic, foresty smell that brought me back to my childhood days. The scent reminded me of wind blowing through Eisberk’s abundant pine trees. I dabbed some on my palms and smoothed it over Stern’s back.
There’s no way he’d be able to apply this himself.
Stern’s shoulders shuddered whenever I touched him. The sight of his back still trembling after so many sessions was a guilty pleasure of mine. Only I got to see that side of him.
I ran my fingers across his slightly puffy wounds. They’d become hardly noticeable, yet remembering that he’d gotten them protecting me filled me with emotion. The joy I felt exceeded my guilt, which in turn made me feel guiltier.
“They’re almost fully healed now,” I remarked, a sense of emptiness washing over me. How awkward.
“Shame.” Stern’s reply took me by surprise.
I was both embarrassed and happy that we felt the same way. Mostly embarrassed. “Shame? What if they leave a scar?” Reluctant to reveal my true feelings, I said the opposite of what I thought.
Per usual I rubbed the leftover lotion into the backs of my hands. So pleasant.
“And what if they do?” Stern asked.
“Not this again.”
“They’re a badge of honor.”
“There’s nothing honorable about a back wound.”
“They’re proof that I protected someone deeply important to me. What could be more honorable than that?”
Shocked by the gravity in his voice, I glanced at Stern only to see him soberly staring back. “I… I don’t know.” I looked away, unable to muster a proper response.
Stern sighed as he stood up. “I’ll go pour us some tea.”
“Thanks.”
Stern had recently started to offer me tea after our moisturizing sessions. It had become something of a tradition for me to return to my room after finishing a cup.
Stern placed a teacup in front of me while I settled onto the sofa. I felt weirdly tense, though I never did otherwise—neither in class nor when the three of us were in my and Felzen’s room—it was only in Stern’s. Being alone with him, just the two of us, scared me. I wasn’t intimidated by him or anything, it was just that I’d feel something welling up deep inside my chest.
Pre-hunt Stern and post-hunt Stern were like two different people. He’d get angry out of nowhere for seemingly no reason now. I didn’t know how to handle him.
Stern sat down beside me. “Do I make you uncomfortable?” he asked, leaning closer.
I stared at my hands. “No. Why would you?”
“Liar,” he said, calling my bluff.
I didn’t know how to explain myself. He hadn’t done anything; there was no real reason. I had no idea what was causing my unease. In the past I’d been able to occupy the same room as Stern. I could have gazed at his naked body, and my only thought would have been that his skin looked whiter than Felzen’s. What changed?
“You do make me a bit uncomfortable, yes. I couldn’t tell you why—but I don’t think it’s you that’s the problem. It’s me…probably,” I muttered, stumbling over my words. I ducked my head.
“Hmm.” Stern grinned, pretending to sink deep into thought. “Do you feel uncomfortable around me?
“Not when Felzen’s around, no. It’s weird.”
“Felzen…” The air suddenly grew chilly. Stern placed his cup down. “How’s this?” He snaked his arm around my shoulders. “Does this make you uncomfortable?”
Stern often did the same in the mess hall and hallways, and I never really thought much of it. I still felt mostly okay. “This is fine-ish.”
A shiver rippled down my spine as his hand slid across my cheek all the way up to my ear. I was reminded of the time he lectured me in the back of a wagon, and my chest tightened.
“What about this?”
“A little.” My heart was racing. Truth be told, the “a little” part was a lie.
Something’s wrong with me. Stern can’t find out. I don’t want him hearing my heartbeat.
I gasped as Stern’s other hand snatched my chin, forcing it upward. He lowered his face, the tip of his nose chafing against mine.
“Stop. Please…”
“And this is bad?”
“Yes.”
“Then why aren’t you resisting?”
“Because you put me under some weird spell. Knock it off. I’m scared.”
Stern’s eyes widened in surprise, and an angelic smile graced his lips. “Magic doesn’t work that way. You can freeze blood gushing out of a body, but you can’t freeze the blood inside one, can you?”
Thank you for the polite explanation, Professor Stern. “Maybe I can’t, but I’m sure you could.”
“I wish.”
“Then…why?”
“Really think about it.”
“Haven’t got the slightest clue.”
“Here’s a hint.”
“A hint?”
Stern smiled. “You mean the world to me, Bern.”
“Likewise?”
“You’re not following.”
“Following what?”
“You do realize I’m trying to kiss you, right?” he said with a wry smile.
I shoved his chin away in shock. I did it. I’m free of his magic.
“A little rude, don’t you think?”
“I, erm, I’m a guy, remember?” I sputtered. Well, I’m not but am. Actually, does he know I’m a woman? My head began to spin.
“And?”
“D-Didn’t you give me a whole speech about—”
Stern’s eyes lit up. “I said you mean the world to me, Bern.”
“But wouldn’t that make you a homose—”
“I’m not into guys. I’m into you, Bern. Your gender means nothing to me.” His intense gaze pierced my very soul.
“I-I’m sorry. I don’t know how these things work.”
“I know you don’t.” Stern laughed. “If I ever make you feel unpleasant in any way, make sure to show some resistance. Lead a guy on, and they might just get the wrong idea.”
Unpleasant? I find it uncomfortable, maybe, but not unpleasant.
I can’t let him find out that I’m a woman. I’ve lied about it for so long. Actually, I’ve been deceiving Stern for as long as we’ve known each other. How can I accept his love if I haven’t even shown him my true self?
I hung my head, biting my lip. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
“Do you hate me?”
“Why would you ask me that? You know I don’t.”
“I just wanted to hear it from you.” Stern grinned. He knew what he was doing.
“Sorry, but I’ll have to turn you down.”
“Who’s the lucky someone? Felzen? Wolfe? Someone from the White Lily Tea Party?”
Why is he bringing up those two?
“No one. It’s a me thing.”
Stern’s eyes narrowed, a wicked smile on his face. He took my hand, inserting his fingers between mine. The lotion made our hands slippery. How embarrassing.
“Understood. I won’t bring this up again. I’ve heard everything I need to hear. It’ll do for now.”
“Sorry, and thanks.”
“I’m the one who should be sorry. I hope we can remain friends.”
“Of course.”
I liked Stern. Was it a romantic kind of like? That I didn’t know—but I did know that I wanted to stay his friend.
Stern gave a satisfied nod.
“I’ll head back. It’s getting late.” I pulled my fingers from his grasp. They slipped right out of his hand, another shiver running down my spine at the perverse sensation. Stern got a laugh out of my reaction. I looked down in shame.
“See you tomorrow.” Stern blew hot air into my ear, the whisper of a devil.