Ukawa Ai
“NNNNGH…”
Walking down the street, Ai voiced a groan as he clutched his head. Alas, he had earbuds in, so it came out louder than he intended, and the woman next to him looked at him in alarm. There was no telling what conclusion she must have jumped to. But he was merely living his truth, so he wasn’t worried.
No, what worried him was Gotou Julia and Itobayashi Akane. Thanks to an old video, Akane had learned about the connection between him and Julia. Nothing wrong with that, per se (since it was the truth), but in his eyes, it was something he should have told her himself instead of letting her find out through an external source. It felt especially dishonest considering all the opportunities he’d had to mention it.
Ideally he wanted to have a conversation with Akane as soon as possible, but as a working adult, his day off wouldn’t line up with hers for quite some time. And no, he didn’t believe in apologizing over text.
Today he had come to this district wearing black high-heeled boots, a white skirt, a cocoa-brown trench coat and a chunky red scarf around his neck. The fake glasses were an uncommon accessory for him, but perhaps it was proof that Akane was on his mind.
In the evening, prior to meeting up with his friends at a pub, he decided to make a detour in order to pass by a certain bookstore he’d never been to before. Peering inside through the glass door, he could see Akane working the cash register.
So she really does work here… Not that he had questioned it, but this was his first time actually seeing her on the job, and it came as a relief. To avoid getting in the way of her work, he refrained from going inside and instead headed straight to the pub, where his friends had made a reservation.
The next three hours were spent making stupid jokes unfit for a teenage girl’s ears.
“All right, who wants to keep this party train rolling?!” shouted Horikita Asahi, his friend and roommate, her obnoxiously loud voice melting into the winter sky.
Whenever Ai was presented with this choice, even if he had every intention of coming home before midnight, he typically chose to stay out until the last train. He wholeheartedly loved spending time with his friends, and as long as it wouldn’t impact his work, he was willing to compromise.
The four who opted to continue headed down the street to their regular bar. As the others were joking about drinking a mutual friend’s reserved bottle, Ai glanced at his wristwatch and got an idea. “Hey, anyone know how late the bookstore stays open?”
“Which one? There’s like a million. Just Google it!”
At this suggestion, he pulled out his smartphone and checked the store’s hours of operation. After some hazy mental math, his mind was made up. “Sorry, you guys go on ahead of me. I gotta take care of something.”
“Something come up? Got a craving for a beef bowl at Yoshinoya?”
“You’re quoting Beck, aren’t you?”
“Ooh, how’d you know?”
“You reference that scene constantly.” He considered himself truly blessed to have known a friend long enough to understand her silly in-jokes. “Anyway, no, I just gotta run to the bookstore real quick.”
“That’s a new one. Okay, well, I’ll call you if they’re packed.”
He waved goodbye to his good-natured friends and headed off. Since he had some time to kill, he stopped into a corner store and bought a canned coffee on the way.
By the time he arrived at the bookstore, it was already closed. To avoid drawing suspicion while he watched for the employees, he stepped into the alley and leaned against the neighboring building. Some time passed, and he still hadn’t heard from Asahi, so they must have managed to get seats at the bar.
As he tapped around on his phone, he kept tabs on the two entrances to the store. Eventually, three figures appeared at the one closest to him, one of whom was Akane; he recognized the big plushie hanging from her bag.
“Itobayashi Akane,” he called, so the other two would know he wasn’t a random stranger. Immediately afterward, he realized it would have been less weird to address her by first name only. It was too late now, but he didn’t regret it.
Naturally, she was startled, and the other two looked at him suspiciously.
“What the… Ai-san?!”
“I see you just finished work. Can we talk for a sec?”
As he was debating how to explain himself to the other two people, who had the good sense to be cautious, Akane came to the rescue with her quick wit. “Sure, I don’t mind. Oh, um, this is…uh…my friend who works at a music venue. He’s not a stranger or anything, so you guys can leave without me.”
“We’re just gonna chat right here for a few minutes,” Ai chimed in.
The other two seemed perplexed by the contrast between his appearance and voice. While they didn’t look fully convinced, they inclined their heads and walked away. He had specified this location under the assumption that another employee was still inside the building, affording Akane relative safety, and evidently he was correct.
“Okay, seriously, what’s going on, Ai-san?”
“Sorry, I know this is sudden. I just couldn’t find the right timing.”
“Whoa, you reek of booze! Are you, like, super drunk right now?”
“Jus’ a little.”
She laughed, probably at the unintended slur of his tongue. “Juss a little, huh?”
“I’m not that drunk, okay? I can still count how many drinks I’ve had. I’m about to head to another bar with some friends.”
“Wow, sounds like a fun night! I’m jealous. Take me with you!”
“Ask me sometime when you’re not carrying a school bookbag. Either way, the answer is no.”
“Oh, I love the glasses!”
Through the faint haze of his mind, he found charming the ease with which teenage girls could change the subject. Regardless, he had come here for a reason. “I just wanted to talk to you about Julia.”
From the look on her face, she had forgotten all about it until now. “Ohhh! Don’t worry! I haven’t told anyone that I know someone who’s friends with Julia-chan!”
“Thanks, but I wasn’t worried about that. It’s the truth, so you’re free to tell anyone you want. I just…”
It wasn’t until he attempted to organize his thoughts that it occurred to him: while he could remember how many drinks he’d had, perhaps he was in fact fairly intoxicated. Every word he had rehearsed while waiting here had been knocked away into the shadows like the blocks of a Daruma tower. Reflexively, he went for a drag of his cigarette, only to find he wasn’t holding one.
“Uhhh… Oh, that’s right. People are allowed to know about it since it’s the truth, but I thought maybe you’d think it was a little weird that I kept it from you this long. I just wanted you to know it’s not because I don’t trust you or anything like that.”
He was looking into her eyes as he spoke, which was how he spotted the change in her immediately. Her eyes widened again, but only for a moment. In the next, as if she’d gotten bored, she switched to a tight-lipped smile. “You came all this way just to say that?” she asked, in a quiet voice befitting a dark alley.
Ai didn’t make a hobby of reading faces, but even he could detect a blend of surprise and embarrassment and joy.
“Yeah, I did. But when I say I trust you, I’m not trying to be patronizing, either.” He needed to explain to her that he wasn’t here to suck up to her. “Anyway, I’m just making excuses. Point is, I support everything she does. Julia, I mean. When she chooses not to make something public, then it’s not part of her brand as an idol, and that’s not my business, so I haven’t complained about it and I probably never will. Even if it’s as minor as being friends with the staff at a music venue. So it’s nothing personal against you, Itobayashi Akane. It’s not because you’re underage or because I think all teenagers will blab to their friends—I don’t. So if I made you feel bad or anything, I wanted to apologize.”
This was most likely everything he had wanted to say over the past few days, but as he sipped air from the empty coffee can, he racked his brain for anything he’d missed.
When he lowered the can, however, Akane’s face came back into view—frowning. Had he upset her? Well, no amount of excuses would change the fact that he hadn’t told her the truth, so she was entitled to feel that way. He braced himself to accept whatever criticism she wanted to hurl his way.
And criticize him she certainly did…but in a way he never expected.
Glaring at him, she let out a sigh. “And you call me a guilt-tripper?”
“Huh? No, no! I’m not trying to do that! I was just worried it bothered you.”
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about! I bet your ex-girlfriends used to yell at you.”
“Uhhh…I don’t think any of them ever called me a guilt-tripper, no…”
“Oh my god. Then they must have had the patience of a saint. Every one of them.”
“I’ve been told I have no filter, though.”
“Yes! That!”
She shrugged and let out a cartoonishly dramatic sigh. The melodrama of it made him laugh, which earned him a second sigh.
“Guilt-tripping aside…well…I mean…uhhh…okay, thank you. Since you came all this way, I should probably be honest: I was maybe a little…teeny tiny bit worried.”
Ai was the type of person to wholeheartedly appreciate a friend’s vulnerability. “Sorry about that.”
“No, it’s fine! I’m just overly self-conscious, that’s all!”
Had he inadvertently made her feel like she was wrong to be bothered about it? Now he felt guilty all over again. “Also, sorry I’m making you stand around out here when you’re probably tired from work.”
“Don’t be! I wouldn’t want to interrupt your plans.”
“Nah, it’s cool. It’s just drinks, y’know. But since I’m here, why don’t I walk you to the station?”
“Oh my god, I knew you’d say that!” After yet another sigh, she burst out laughing, as if to wrap up the whole conversation and stow it away in her heart. He suspected this was her way of being considerate. “That reminds me, there’s something else I wanted to do with you, Ai-san.”
“Something from the book again? As long as it’s nothing bad.”
“Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t.”
She had a mischievous look on her face. Though he didn’t know what exactly he was in for, he decided to hear her out. This was a new side of her, one she had to have kept hidden back when they first met—which was fine, of course, but he was happy to see it.