Itobayashi Akane
“The moment they met was as mundane as a rolling orange colliding with someone’s shoe.”
GIRL’S MARCH, PAPERBACK EDITION, PAGE 9, LINES 2-3
AT THAT VERY INSTANT, the pocket paperback was watching over Akane from inside her bookbag, and the full-sized edition was waiting for her at home on her bedroom shelf.
With approximately 960,000 copies in circulation, Girl’s March could be summarized like so:
The Girl spends every day concealing her inner ugliness behind a veneer of flawless beauty and poise…until she meets someone special. At first the two of them are simultaneously drawn to and threatened by each other’s traits, but they develop a unique bond. The Girl’s new friend sees through her façade and accepts her for who she truly is, and from that point forward, for the first time in her life, The Girl is able to confront the world as her genuine self.
Throughout the entire book, The Girl was never named—nor was her friend, technically, save for The Girl addressing him as “Ai.”
✦ ✦ ✦
There, in the middle of the massive intersection, it was no surprise that Akane could scarcely believe her eyes. This just wasn’t possible. How could a fictional character be here in real life? And yet everything from the face to the height to the outfit was exactly as she had always imagined it. The deafening click of each footstep, in particular, had left a strong impression.
Just as she decided to give chase, however, a tall shadow appeared in front of her. When she looked up, she found a man in a suit looking at her with annoyance, and her emotions stabbed her like a knife.
“Oh! I’m sorry!”
Flinching, she donned an expression that suggested it was an accident and that she never meant to get in anybody’s way. Then she gave him a quick bow and dodged around him without waiting for a response. Only then did the need to be liked withdraw its blade.
Before the light could turn red, she went back the way she’d come, back to the street corner. She couldn’t afford to lose sight of her quarry until she got a better look. Making note of the trajectory of each person she passed, she took care not to get on anyone else’s bad side. Even when she was in a rush, her actions were restricted.
Apologizing several times, she escaped the crowd of people and made it to the yellow record store where she had previously met up with her boyfriend. Her target had just grabbed the door handle. This second look only confirmed her suspicions.
“Ai?” she blurted out, almost uncontrollably.
Except her voice didn’t reach an obtrusive volume, and “blurting” was entirely her intention. In reality, it was yet another action that prioritized her craving to be liked.
She had hoped, but had not expected, that this person would turn back. She didn’t know if they’d heard her, but even if they had, surely there was no way they’d think “Ai” was directed at them.
And yet they withdrew their fingers from the door handle and looked over their shoulder directly at Akane, as if drawn to her by a magnetic pull. When she saw their face, she sucked in a breath.
Ai.
It couldn’t be. There was just no way he could be standing here, or so she told herself. But that only lasted until she heard the mismatched voice.
“Who, me?”
The only thing that kept her standing upright was the perpetual ball and chain of her emotions.
Not once had she ever felt the joy of conveying her feelings exactly as she felt them. Even if by some miracle she managed to throw off the shackles of wanting to be liked and expressed herself just for expression’s sake, even if she thanked him at the top of her lungs through streams of tears, no one would understand her. Here in this busy district, they’d just label her a weirdo.
When Akane heard Ai’s jarringly deep voice, she felt a bliss that was just for her.
I was right! I’m not destined to spend my life alone! she howled silently, deep in her heart where no one would ever hear. At the same time, she ignored the trembling awe she felt inside and performed mild confusion on her face. Times like these, she felt like a robot who could only operate based on logical analysis. “Hi, um…”
“Sorry, who are you? I don’t remember.”
It must have been the sound of his masculine voice and blunt word choice—two teen girls reacted with audible alarm nearby. Surely he must have heard them, and yet he didn’t look bothered in the slightest. Akane chose not to care, either.
Unlike them, she knew to expect this. She was startled, but she wasn’t surprised. After all, despite the feminine presentation, she had always known that Ai was a man.
“Uh—sorry to put you on the spot! It’s just…when I saw you from behind, you looked exactly like…someone I know.”
“Oh, okay.” Ai seemed to accept whatever she said as fact. He glanced back toward the door for a moment, then looked at her again. “Is their name Ai?”
“Yeah, actually, it is.”
“Huh. So is mine. That’s why I turned around.”
I know, Akane nodded internally. Externally, however, she expressed surprise. “Whoa, that’s so crazy!”
“No kidding. Welp, say hi to your friend for me.”
Leaving her with a personal message that was both effortlessly casual yet seemingly sincere, he turned back to the door—direct and unassuming, just like in the book. Could this all be a very vivid dream? Either way, if she lost sight of him now, something told her she’d never see him again.
Ai took a step forward, and to avoid obstructing the flow of foot traffic, Akane followed suit. Then she realized the most natural course of action was also a perfect match for her objective, so she walked right up to the door with a look on her face that suggested this was her destination all along. Of course, she made sure to regulate her pace so she wouldn’t end up breathing down his neck; she could never choose to do anything that might bother him, after all. So she waited for the right moment under the guise of sheer coincidence, hoping that they might exchange just a few more words. Surely her need to be liked would allow her that much.
Really, that was all it was.
But as Ai was about to open the door, perhaps out of habit, he shot a one-eyed glance over his shoulder. In doing so he must have seen Akane right behind him, because he paused to hold the door open for her.
“Oh, th-thank you.”
“Mm-hmm,” he replied nonchalantly, and in response, she carefully concealed her true feelings beneath a smile. The real her was deeply touched—not because of his kindness, but because there was a scene just like this in Girl’s March, the world where Ai belonged.
Near the start of the story, The Girl found herself at a place she hadn’t intended to visit. She met someone there, but before she could ask what was ahead, the other person opened the door and looked back at her, waiting for her to step forward.
The fact that Ai was here at all was more than enough, but now he was giving her the same treatment as the protagonist! Her heart was racing so fast, it was practically screaming. This had to be a dream.