Ukawa Ai
“NEED A LIGHT?”
This was one of countless tiny smoking areas peppered around the district like holding cells for society’s unwanted. Beside him stood a woman in a suit, and when he noticed she was digging around in her pocket, he offered her his lighter.
“Oh, thank you. Wait, what?”
The confusion on her face was palpable as she gingerly took it and lit her cigarette. But this trepidation evaporated by the time she handed it back, suggesting she had managed to rein herself in—save for the furtive glances thrown his way.
Ai was used to getting his share of curious stares, and he was prepared for this outcome well before he offered. Thus he chose to turn a blind eye to it, returning the lighter to his pocket and exhaling a cloud of smoke.
Ultimately, the woman left before he managed to finish his first cig. Maybe she felt awkward around him, or maybe he was just slow.
After savoring the nicotine, he checked the slender wristwatch he’d chosen to match his outfit. He considered staying for
a second cigarette, but then remembered his Suica balance was running low and he needed to top it up. Luckily, there was a subway station on the way to his destination.
He stepped out of the smoky area, his black Chesterfield coat flapping in the breeze as he walked. At one point it smacked against a nightclub promoter in passing, but in this part of town, that wasn’t enough to bother anyone. Passing under the railway bridge, he set his sights on the ticket vending machine.
In the station square, a large crowd of people were shrieking about something or other. “Keep your voices down,” Ai muttered to no one in particular as he wove through the flow of foot traffic. After successfully adding funds to his Suica card, he once again checked the round watch face pressed against the inner side of his left wrist. Though it was still a little early, he decided he would head onward to his destination.
He felt his heart race in anticipation of the night yet to come, and it made him happy. He liked being the sort of normal, simple guy who looked forward to supporting a friend’s efforts.
As he waited at the major intersection for the light to change, he checked his hair and makeup with his smartphone camera. Following some slight adjustments to his windswept bangs, he faced forward with confidence.
On this side of the street, someone was shouting over a cheap loudspeaker; on the other side, a giant digital billboard was blasting promo material to draw attention to an upcoming film. But nearly all of the pedestrians were too focused on their own hectic lives to notice or care. No matter the volume, it was just noise. As for Ai, he found himself looking at the billboard—not out of interest in the film itself, but rather, the theme song used to promote it.
“Girl’s March: coming soon to theaters. Ai will lead you to the truth.”
They really phoned that one in, he thought to himself.
The crosswalk light turned green, and each person who’d been standing there set about taking their first step. There was a pair walking slowly while holding a smartphone up to film something—a music video or a YouTube video, perhaps. Ai dodged around them and strode forward, clicking his heels loudly. He could already see his journey’s endpoint: the record store with the eye-catching yellow sign. Downstairs at the underground stage, a pop idol group was holding an event to celebrate their latest album release.
Normally at this time of day, Ai would be at his workplace up the hill behind this record store, but he had taken the day off. For someone whose shifts normally barred him from attending any sort of concert or music event, today was a break from routine.
The crowd continued well past the other end of the crosswalk, clogged with so many people that if he tried to catalogue them all, he’d be standing there all day. Tired businessmen, groups of teen girls taking up the entire breadth of the sidewalk, young guys who whispered “She’s hot!” as they passed and then looped back around a few seconds later with no subtlety whatsoever—Ai ignored them and kept walking at his own pace. He gratefully accepted their compliments, but he wasn’t invested in their opinions of him.
When he loaned his lighter to that lady at the smoking area, it wasn’t out of a desire to be thanked. All he wanted was to be of some small assistance to someone right in front of him who needed the help.
The only rule he set was to be himself. His appearance, his actions, his gait…each of these were reproduced precisely the way he wanted them to be. He liked being the sort of guy who was capable of following his heart.
“Ai?”
So in the moment when he heard that voice, hand on the doorknob to the record store, he turned back simply because that was part of living his truth.