Fuyutsuki was wearing a knitted yellow hat and her complexion looked good when I went to see her. She said she’d grown accustomed to the medication, so the side effects had eased. I told her what the children had been doing during Kids’ Time, and she shut her eyes and started nodding off. I stopped talking and held my breath. A bunch of flowers I didn’t recognize decorated the windowsill. They had numerous white blooms at the ends of their thick stalks, and as I drew closer, I caught a whiff of their strong smell. “Sorano?” “Mm?” “I thought you’d gone somewhere.” “I’m right here.” “I get scared whenever you go quiet, thinking you’ll play a prank on me.” “Who do you take me for?” “Someone who’s persistent, who can’t let things go.” “Uhhh…” My shoulders slumped. Meanwhile, a joyful smile spread across Fuyutsuki’s face. “The medicine…,” she whispered. “It seems to be working. Apparently, it’s gotten a little smaller.” For a moment, it felt like the room had been engulfed by silence. It surprised me—but in a good way for once. I stared at Fuyutsuki, lost for words. “R-really?!” I couldn’t help but shout. “That’s great news!” I knew I was delighted not only for Fuyutsuki but for my own sake. Still, I couldn’t hide my joy. “Yes, it is.” “You’ve really tried your best, haven’t you?” Tears fell from the corners of her eyes. She asked for a tissue, and I handed one to her. No matter how strong a front she put up, she must have been terrified. I wanted to circumvent discussing her illness any further, so I changed the topic to the flowers in the vase. “Those white flowers smell nice.” “They’re called spider lilies. Mom must have put them here. They’re my favorites.” “Whoa.” “There you go again. ‘Whoa.’” “Huh?” “It’s just, you always say that.” “Do I?” “Yeah, you say it all the time.” I responded with another “Whoa,” making Fuyutsuki chuckle. She was right—I do say it a lot. “Now that you mention it, you used to have that flower as your LINE icon,” I told her. Fuyutsuki didn’t respond. She just narrowed her eyes, and there was a certain melancholy to the look on her face. When I visited Fuyutsuki the next day, her hospital room was empty. A neatly folded blanket sat on her white bed, and sunlight streamed through the white lace curtains. It felt so lonely. I had a bad feeling in the bottom of my stomach. I set off at almost a jog and left the room, looking for Fuyutsuki. Fuyutsuki. Fuyutsuki. Fuyutsuki. Where had she gone? I turned the corner of the corridor—and there she was. There was a handrail on the wall below waist height, which Fuyutsuki was putting all her weight on as she made her way down the hall. “Fuyutsuki! What’s going on?” “Oh, Sorano. Is that you?” “Don’t you ‘Oh, Sorano’ me. Where are you going?” “Everything’s fine. I’ve just been laid up in bed for so long my muscles have atrophied. If I don’t take a walk every now and then, my illness will get the better of me.” Fuyutsuki walked arduously down the corridor. She relied on the handrail to guide her, but it cut off between the individual hospital rooms, so she had no choice but to run her hand along the wall for those sections. She was putting everything she had into it. “Did your doctor tell you it was okay to do this? You shouldn’t push yourself too hard.” “But…” She turned to face me, still leaning against the handrail. There was sweat on her forehead, but her smile hadn’t faded. In fact, she laughed. “But wouldn’t it be awful if I couldn’t walk by myself on the day of the fireworks? I’ve decided to keep trying my hardest until then.” She jokily puffed out her cheeks and said, “So please give me your support.” “I’ll lend you a hand on your way back.” “Would you mind if I held on to your left arm, then?” Fuyutsuki groped the air in front of her, then grabbed hold of my left arm. She started walking slowly, taking it one step at a time. After doing a lap of the corridors, she started making her way back to her bed. “I won’t let this beat me,” Fuyutsuki said, her sightless eyes fixed directly on the corridor ahead. That day after, though, her condition deteriorated, and I wasn’t able to see her for a week. For college students, summer break could be unbearably boring unless you filled up your schedule with things like visiting family or working part-time. I was used to Narumi’s company at home, so it was weird when he suddenly wasn’t there anymore. Our silent dorm room made me feel weirdly restless. Since we didn’t have any air conditioning, I found myself covered in sweat, and my T-shirts stuck to my skin. The heat made me irritable, adding to my restlessness. The fact that I was worried about Fuyutsuki’s health didn’t help, either. I was bored, but I didn’t feel like working. Fuyutsuki wasn’t allowed any visitors, so I couldn’t go to visit her. I literally had nothing to do. I didn’t feel like going back home, and I didn’t have any friends to hang out with. Nor did I have any money. When I got in touch with Hayase, she told me she was going to visit the fireworks manufacturer, so I decided to tag along. We had to transfer trains to get to where the fireworks were being made, and when we finally arrived, I found out that Kotomugi was working there part-time. “Come on, Sorano, lend us a hand!” he called out, and after he’d been the one to find Fuyutsuki’s bookmark, I felt obligated to help him out. Kotomugi was carrying several fireworks shells about the size of small watermelons in his arms. “We’re moving them over there,” he said cheerfully. The shells were sitting in a cool, dark place, and we had to carry them to a spot in the sun so they could dry. “You’ve got this!” Hayase said, cheering me on from the shade. When I suggested we take a break, Kotomugi pointed to a small window in the fireworks factory. It seemed like he was inviting me to take a peek inside with him. “Looks like they’re pasting shells at the moment,” Kotomugi said. I could see people in overalls pasting thick strips of paper onto softball-shaped spheres. The workers had cotton towels around their necks, which they were using to regularly wipe the sweat off their foreheads. “What’s shell pasting?” I asked. “It’s the final stage of the firework-making process. They put two hemispherical shells filled with gunpowder together to create a single shell and tape them together, then paste strip after strip of kraft paper onto it in a specific crisscross pattern.” “Sounds like hard work.” “It sure is. Once the paper’s glued on, they roll the shells on a board to squeeze out any air bubbles, and after letting them dry in the sun, they paste on more kraft paper. They repeat that same process over and over again to ensure the pressure is even on the inside when it bursts, making the firework explode in a perfect circle.” As I watched the workers systematically continue to paste paper onto the fireworks shells, the only response I could muster was “That really does sound tough.” “It’s this process of layering strips of paper that creates the energy when the firework explodes. I think that’s why everyone loves fireworks so much.” “What do you mean?” I asked, and Kotomugi explained with a smile. “Everyone has things they keep bottled up inside, right? Fireworks explode with a Bang! and they release all that energy. That’s what makes them great. I’m sure people feel the same sort of way when they watch fireworks.” That night, while I was reading a book in bed, my mom called me for the first time in a while. As soon as I heard her voice, it felt as though we’d spoken just the day before. I gave her a brief update on my studies and life in the dorm, and when she responded, she sounded relieved. “You’re not coming home to visit?” she asked. “No. I didn’t plan on it.” “I take it you have a girlfriend, then.” “How’d you come to that conclusion?” “It’s been three months, so I’m sure you’ve had a girlfriend or two. Unlike here, there are lots of young girls in Tokyo,” Mom said over the phone. She made it sound like Tokyo was my own personal harem. “Are you and your boyfriend getting along well?” “Uh-huh.” She was living with a man she’d met when I was in my senior year of high school. He seemed like a mild-mannered sort of guy. I didn’t want to get in their way, so the idea of going home made me feel uncomfortable. “Can I ask you a bit of a tough question?” I asked. “Sure.” “If your boyfriend got sick and ended up being hospitalized, what would you do?” “I guess I’d go visit him every day.” “What if his prognosis wasn’t good?” “I’d hold his hand until he took his last breath.” She said that as if it was no big deal without even asking for any more context. “You’re so strong,” I told her. “Raising a child of your own makes anyone strong.” “So there’s no easy way to toughen up mentally?” “There’s nothing wrong with being weak. And this may just be coming from me, but you’ve grown into a very kind person.” “Quit it.” I felt embarrassed, and I could feel my ears burning. “The fact that you distance yourself from people…well, it’s just because you’re young, Kakeru.” “I told you to quit it.” “If you stay by someone’s side, it doesn’t matter whether you’re strong or weak. Just be there for them. That’s all you need to do.” “Thanks,” I murmured. Mom told me she’d transfer some money into my account, then hung up. It seemed like she’d just assumed I had no money and was too embarrassed to mention it. I lay on my bed, staring at the ceiling. All of a sudden, I got the uncontrollable urge to see Fuyutsuki. The sound of cicadas and a warm breeze drifted in through the open window. Once she was allowed to have visitors again, I started going to see Fuyutsuki on a daily basis. August had arrived, and the heat intensified with each passing day. The sun in the sky shone white, as if scorching the earth, and the roads were so hot that heat emanated from the sidewalk. I was being burned from both above and below. After just five minutes of walking, sweat had glued my T-shirt to my skin, and the roughly two-kilometer-long trek from my dorm to the hospital made me feel like I was going to melt. Fuyutsuki’s tumor had apparently shrunk, and she was actively trying to regain her strength. As soon as I made it out of the sweltering inferno and stepped into the air-conditioned hospital, my entire body instantly cooled down; it was heavenly. The relief also seemed to calm my desperate need to see Fuyutsuki. After wiping away the waterfall of sweat pouring out of me with a deodorized sheet, I headed to her room. “It’s me, Sorano,” I called out once I’d got there. “Thanks for always coming to visit me.” “Do you wanna go on another walk today?” Fuyutsuki swung her legs over the edge of the bed, and I told her where to find her slippers. Then I offered her my left arm for support. Her cool hand gently touched mine, and she let me support her weight. Ever so slowly, we made our way out of the room. Fuyutsuki walked down the hall clutching on to my left arm. She was putting all her effort into walking, so we couldn’t make conversation. Still, though, there were some things I could pick up on through her arm. When she was struggling to keep her balance, her grip would tighten, and it loosened whenever she felt like she could walk on her own. Fuyutsuki kept her eyes straight ahead the whole time, her expression somber and focused. We walked to the rooftop garden, which had become our regular spot. We’d take a breather there before heading back to Fuyutsuki’s room. It was a trip we did almost every day, depending on Fuyutsuki’s condition, and though it would normally take all of three minutes, it took us about ten. “Okay. We’re here.” In the shade of the rooftop garden stood a vending machine. A plastic garden table and chairs were set out in front of it. It was just like the terrace seating area back at college. “Do you want something to drink?” I asked. “I’ll buy it myself.” “I guess this is your vending machine.” “Would you cut that out already?” I led Fuyutsuki over to the machine, and she laughed as she counted out the coins in her hand. The vending machine in the rooftop garden was the same paper cup–type one as the terrace, but the button layout was slightly different. I told Fuyutsuki where the milk tea button was and how to adjust the sugar level. Sure enough, she chose milk tea with extra sugar. Even though she’d lost her memories, her drink preferences hadn’t changed one bit. I helped Fuyutsuki into a chair and placed her drink in front of her. She gently wrapped her hands around the cup and drank her milk tea with both hands. “Is it good?” “Sweet milk tea is the best.” “You’ll get cavities.” “I’ve never had a cavity in my life.” “Some people don’t have cavity-causing bacteria in their mouths, so they never get any. They can be transmitted through things like kissing, though.” “Is that right?” she said, smiling. “You’d need to be really determined to get one, then.” As I watched Fuyutsuki slowly sipping her milk tea, I thought back to that day when we’d had our first kiss. Had she been “really determined” to kiss me? I wanted to ask her, but there was no point. She didn’t have any recollection of it. My heart was filled with frustration, bitterness, and embarrassment. Suddenly, the image of Fuyutsuki putting her face close to mine went through my brain. My face grew hot. I gulped down my cup of juice in one go and crunched the small ice cubes between my teeth. I let out a sigh and looked up. The sky was blue as far as the eye could see. Sitting there staring into the bright light from my spot in the shade must have affected my eyes in some way, because the color of the sky started to look even more vivid than normal. There wasn’t a single cloud in sight, and the wind blowing around the building gently caressed my cheeks. Fuyutsuki was drinking her cold tea as if it were hot, clutched in both hands. She sat staring straight ahead with a vacant look in her eyes, and when I saw her like that, I was overcome with affection. “Sorano?” “Yeah?” “I thought you’d disappeared.” “I just went into my shell.” “You’re such a meanie.” As I watched Fuyutsuki laugh, I wished that moment would last forever. “Isn’t this annoying for you?” Fuyutsuki asked listlessly one day. She didn’t seem to be doing well, and all her body weight was supported by the bed. “I’m blind, and I’m sick. You’d be better off spending your time on someone who’s healthy and can see.” “Is something wrong?” Her emotions seemed all over the place. After a short pause, she eventually answered me. “The cancer has shrunk, but they think it might have spread elsewhere.” She said it so matter-of-factly it almost sounded like she was talking about someone else, rather than herself. There was an IV drip in her arm, her speech was somewhat sluggish, and she looked as though she was in pain. “Are—?” She cut me off before I could finish asking “Are you all right?” “I’m lying.” “Huh?” “I’m lying, lying, lying, lying, lying.” Looking up at the ceiling, Fuyutsuki forced a smile, but I could only see it in the very corners of her mouth. “I let my gloominess get the better of me, even though I’ve decided to keep going until the fireworks display. Forget everything I just said.” “Hey, you don’t need to try to force yourself to be happy,” I told her. “My doctor told me something.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and she pasted on a smile. “He said that smiles scare cancer away. That’s why I’ve got to keep smiling. Once I’m better, we can practice walking again.” Seeing Fuyutsuki smile like that, her face visibly emaciated, my chest tightened. I put a hand to my heart, grateful that she couldn’t see me. I should have said something encouraging like “You’ll get better” or “It’ll be all right,” but I just couldn’t. “I’m being transferred to a hospital in Hokkaido in October.” It was so sudden that all I could say was “Huh?” “To be honest, I’m still debating whether or not to go. There’s a proton therapy machine at a hospital up in Hokkaido, and they asked me if I wanted to go there.” At this point in her explanation, Fuyutsuki started coughing a little. “Still…that’s only if…this medication shrinks…the cancer enough…before I go.” “I’ll be rooting for you.” “You’d better not follow me all the way to Hokkaido,” she said, grinning as a tear slid down her cheek and onto her pillow. “We decided on a date for the fireworks,” I told her. “When is it?” “The fourth Saturday of September. Keep on fighting hard until then. Let’s chase off this cancer.” “I’ll try my best,” Fuyutsuki said slowly. “There’s something I want you to do for me, though.” “Sure.” “Huh?” “Hmm?” “Aren’t you going to ask what the favor is first?” “I’m sure it’s something I can manage.” I was willing to do anything for her. “Thank you,” Fuyutsuki said quietly. She slowly passed me a book that was lying at her bedside. “Could you read this book to me?” It was the same white book that Fuyutsuki had always been reading at college. “I can’t read braille.” “Then learn.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” Fuyutsuki chuckled, coughing as she did so. “It’s The Diary of Anne Frank, right? I’ll look for it next time I get the chance.” “Thank you,” Fuyutsuki said sluggishly, before falling asleep. From that point onward, I started reading books to Fuyutsuki during my visits. It became my daily routine, and I visited her frequently, regardless of how well she was doing. One day, while I was reading The Diary of Anne Frank to her aloud, Fuyutsuki asked me a question. We were over halfway through the book by that point. “Sorano, your voice sounds hoarse. Do you have a summer cold?” “If you had to read this much every day, you’d sound hoarse, too.” Fuyutsuki laughed lightly—but then, all of a sudden, it devolved into a coughing fit. A wheezing noise was coming from the back of Fuyutsuki’s throat. I quickly pressed the nurse call button, repeatedly reassuring her that everything would be okay, and the ringing of the alarm echoed in my ears. Fuyutsuki spent about two weeks in the intensive care unit. By the time she was let out, it was September, and summer break had come to an end. “I can’t die before I see the fireworks.” There were three strings of a thousand paper cranes laid by Fuyutsuki’s pillow. Apparently, Narumi had been making them the whole time he’d been on the ship, and with the help of other people in his course, he’d managed to fold three thousand of them. Word of Fuyutsuki’s hospitalization had spread through the university, and everyone who knew her was rooting for her. It seemed like Fuyutsuki had even become famous around school, being called “the stunning beauty skipping around campus” and “the angel of the terrace.” We had our first-semester exams at college, and somehow or another, I managed to make it through them. However, I did end up failing several of my elective subjects. That was fine, though. I could make up the credits at a later date; right now, Fuyutsuki was a bigger priority for me. And the following week was when we’d be having the Children’s Fireworks event.
Chapter 8
18 min read