Tsukishima was home to Monja Street, a street lined with restaurants serving savory monja pancakes, where the smell of sauce drifted through the air. It was nearby, so I’d always planned to visit at some point, but the opportunity had never really come up. Eventually, I’d completely forgotten that Tsukishima was famous for it. The day after Fuyutsuki and I kissed, I visited one of Tsukishima’s monja restaurants. It was my first time kissing anyone before, so I was unsure how to process the events of the previous day. After anxiously puzzling things over, I concluded that I had no choice but to ask Narumi for advice. After listening in silence, he came up with a suggestion. “How ’bout we go get some monja?!” The monja restaurant we went to was small, with only six seats. It was full when we arrived, but luckily we managed to take the places of some customers who were just leaving. All the other people there were proper adults, which made me restless. I was glad I’d enrolled in college, but I was the kind of indoorsy student who spent most of their time loafing about inside their dorm. Eating out with a friend felt like a mini adventure for me. “Wait, people from Kansai don’t eat monja, do they? You guys eat okonomiyaki instead, right?” I was sitting on a backless stool looking at the menu board. There was no okonomiyaki on there—just a range of different types of monja pancakes. Narumi, sitting across from me, was finely chopping up fried cabbage with his metal spatula. He seemed like a total pro at it. When a tough-looking guy like him handled a spatula in front of a griddle, it inevitably made him look like a nighttime street food vendor. “My mom’s from Gunma, so I’m mixed—half from Kanto, half from Kansai. We used to have monja all the time at home.” “What d’you mean ‘mixed’?” I asked. “Hang on, Gunma’s actually in the Kanto region?” “You just turned half of Japan against ya saying that.” Narumi glared at me. “Whatever. Let’s just make the monja already!” I said in a desperate attempt to pacify him. Narumi started pouring the Worcestershire sauce–flavored monja mixture onto a donut-shaped base of cabbage. The sizzling sound of oil and water leaped off the griddle, and the scent of Worcestershire sauce wafted up from it. It looked delicious. Just then, the sliding door of the restaurant rattled open. A lone woman stepped inside. It was Hayase. I wondered if she was with a friend, too. Just then, Narumi raised a hand and called out to her. “Over here!” “Sorry, did I keep you guys waiting?” she asked. Hayase took the seat by the wall next to Narumi, then asked the server for an oolong tea as if she’d done it a million times. “What’s going on?” I demand an explanation, Mr. Narumi. I shot him a look. “Gimme a moment! This is the important part,” he said, breaking the cabbage base and spreading the monja all over the griddle. It started to sputter, releasing clouds of steam. “After three more minutes, you hafta poke it with the small spatula.” Hayase watched Narumi. “You sure know what you’re doing. I thought people from Kansai didn’t eat monja, though.” “I asked the same thing just before,” I said. Narumi ignored my comment. Judging by the look on his face, he was pleased that he’d been asked. “My mom’s from Gunma, so I’m mixed—half from Kansai, half from Kanto.” “What do you mean ‘mixed’? Ah-ha-ha.” Hayase laughed so hard she ended up staring at the ceiling. “Wait, Gunma’s in Kanto?” “I asked the same thing…” Was this Narumi’s go-to conversation whenever he was in front of a griddle? The thought brought a smile to my face as I sat there in front of it. I looked at Narumi, expecting him to snap at Hayase like he had at me. But he didn’t. “My mom’s folks live way out in the sticks.” “Hey!” Wasn’t Hayase making an enemy out of half of Japan, too? Just then, the serving lady came back with Hayase’s drink. “Cheers!” Hayase and Narumi clinked their glasses against mine. “It’s just about ready,” said Narumi. We poked at the pancake, which had turned crispy on one side, with our small spatulas. I put a small piece of the hot monja in my mouth, burning my tongue. The scent of the sauce went up my nostrils, and the savory taste of cabbage spread throughout my mouth. “Tastes pretty good,” I said. “Yeah. It’s delicious,” Hayase added, looking surprised. “Right?” replied Narumi. He seemed pleased with himself. “That reminds me, Sorano. Where are you from again?” asked Hayase. “The western tip of Honshu.” “People don’t really eat monja in Shimonoseki, do they?” Narumi chimed in. “Don’t y’all just grill soba on roof tiles?” “Huh? What are you talking about?” asked Hayase. “It’s called kawara soba.” “It cracked me up when he showed me a photo. They grill green tea soba on roof tiles,” Narumi explained. He looked it up on his phone, then showed a picture to Hayase. “You weren’t kidding. Why grill the noodles on a roof tile, though?” “They conduct just the right amount of heat. Every family near where my parents live has a tile of their own.” “So it’s like the local equivalent of a Dutch oven?” There was a local dish that grilled soba noodles on a tile, but the part about every household having a tile was obviously a joke. The fact that Hayase took it seriously made me laugh. “How’s it anything like a Dutch oven?” “Oh! You were lying to me!” “I was clearly joking. Anyway, let’s eat some monja.” Sure enough, Hayase realized I was lying, and Narumi laughed along with me as he started to dig in. After enjoying our regular monja, we devoured the crispy noodle monja and another called the Super-Tasty Monja with mentaiko, mochi, and cheese in it. We’d originally come to the restaurant to talk about the Fuyutsuki situation, but with Hayase around, I didn’t know how to bring it up. Having missed my chance to broach the topic, I polished off one monja after the next, making the same comment—“This is great!”—over and over as I did. “Sorano, are you okay?” I heard Narumi ask. He sounded concerned. “Never been better.” “You’re eating way too much,” remarked Hayase with an air of exasperation. I’d ended up eating way more food than I usually would. Maybe the monja was just that tasty. The other two were already full, but I suggested ordering another one anyway. I’d gotten carried away and eaten so much it had started to hurt. “All right. It’s about time you told us about Fuyutsuki,” Narumi said. He must’ve sensed my reluctance to bring it up, but at that moment, I wasn’t in any condition to talk. “Just…let me rest a bit,” I said. I caught the server’s attention and asked for some more oolong tea. “I came along because I heard you had something interesting to share, but it seems like this just turned into a monja party,” Hayase said with a laugh, holding her glass of tea. I took my refilled glass and guzzled the contents down—but there was something off about the taste. “Is this…alcohol?” I’d never drunk alcohol before, but the oolong tea had a sort of hand sanitizer smell to it and tasted weirdly bitter. “Sorry! Did I give you someone else’s oolong tea highball?” the serving lady asked, rushing over in a fluster. She soon came back with my tea. “Are you all right, Sorano?” I heard Hayase ask, sounding concerned. “I’m fine.” “Your eyes are startin’ to glaze over,” Narumi said with a grin. It must be because I’d drunk half the glass in one go. My thoughts were clear, but my vision was swaying, and I almost felt like I was in a dream. It was like I was having some sort of out-of-body experience, looking down at myself through a shaky camera. Is this what it felt like to be drunk? “Ah-ha-ha.” I found myself laughing, even though nothing was funny. “Uh-oh,” said Narumi. “I dunno if you’re in a state to talk about Fuyutsuki now.” “Don’t worry, it’s fine. I can talk.” “Well, maybe being slightly tipsy is what ya needed,” said Narumi, looking straight at me. “So tell us what happened with Fuyutsuki.” “I already told you.” “All you said was ‘I kissed Fuyutsuki. What should I do now?’ How am I supposed to offer any advice based on that?” “Nooo, I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.” “Either way, just hurry up and tell us!” said Hayase. She seemed like she really wanted to know. After the student festival fireworks were canceled due to the rain, Fuyutsuki and I had decided to shelter beneath the outdoor stairs right next to the terrace. I could think of two options we could take: We could either continue sheltering from the downpour, or I could walk Fuyutsuki back in the rain. Logically, I knew taking Fuyutsuki home was the right thing to do. The truth was, however, that I wanted to spend a little more time with her. The temperature had dipped on the terrace, and it was getting cold. Neither of us had an umbrella. That was when it happened. “Achoo!” Fuyutsuki sneezed adorably. We discussed heading back to the dorm for a while, and I invited Fuyutsuki to my room. I covered her with the shirt I’d been wearing and walked hand in hand with her. By the time we reached the dorm, both of us were soaked from the rain, so we wrapped ourselves in bath towels to dry. “You got pretty wet back there. Are you okay? Did you manage to dry off?” I asked. “I’m fine. Thank you for the towel,” Fuyutsuki replied. “Um, this is sort of awkward to ask…but has the rain made any of my clothes go see-through?” Fuyutsuki brought her long hair to the front, exposing the nape of her neck. I knew she wanted me to look at her clothes rather than her neck—I genuinely did—but I couldn’t help but take a glimpse. The rain had made her thin white blouse look translucent, revealing the camisole she had on underneath. The combination of her bare neck and the camisole peeking out through her clothes was pretty alluring, and I could feel some weird feelings begin to stir within me. I pretended to stay calm, unsure of what to say. I couldn’t just say “Your blouse is see-through.” A blunt statement like that would just come as a shock. “It’s fine. It’s not see-through,” I assured her. “That said, you do look cold. Wrap this towel around your shoulders.” I put the towel around her. …This is so awkward. Fuyutsuki was sitting on my bed. Unsurprisingly, I’d never been alone with a woman in my small room before. I’d been the one to invite her in, but I’d begun to feel oddly nervous and found myself focusing on the sound coming from the clock on the wall. With each tick of the second hand, I could hear the beating of my own heart. After a few minutes of silence, Fuyutsuki said, “So this is your room, Kakeru?” “Y-yeah. I share it with Narumi. That’s my bed you’re sitting on.” “This is your bed?” Fuyutsuki lay down and buried her face by my pillow. I could see her long, pale legs sticking out from underneath her skirt. “Uh, you should probably watch out… I can almost see your underwear.” Fuyutsuki jolted upright, pressing her hands against the bottom of her skirt. “……” Silence. I felt so awkward. My heart was beating so loud. “Did you see them?” “I warned you before I caught a glimpse.” “You’re such a perv.” “I told you, I didn’t see anything!” “I’ll take your word for it,” Fuyutsuki said, laughing again. She really never did stop laughing. “That was such a shame,” she added. “Seriously, I saw nothing!” “Oh, I was talking about the fireworks.” I’d jumped to the wrong conclusion, and my cheeks started to flush. I was so embarrassed I wanted to die. “They’ll do it again next year. It’s a staple of the student festival, apparently.” “I want to join that club. Setting off fireworks at the student festival… That’s like the epitome of youth. I bet they’d turn me down, though.” “Why don’t we both join?” “Huh? Really?!” “Doesn’t bother me.” “It’s a promise.” That settled, Fuyutsuki turned toward the window. “What’s up?” I asked her. “The rain doesn’t sound as loud as it did before.” She was right; the rain I could see through the window wasn’t as heavy. I thought now might be the best time to take Fuyutsuki back to her apartment, so we went outside. What’s more, I was at my limit. If we’d stayed together any longer, I might have lost control of myself. I’d kept having to swallow my saliva watching Fuyutsuki’s bare feet move across the carpet. Fortunately, my sense of reason won out, but only just, and the thought of what might have happened made my heart race. Sharing my umbrella, Fuyutsuki and I walked together beneath the streetlights. It was hard for her to use her white cane, so she held on to my arm, and we looked like we were taking part in a three-legged race. The misty drizzle seeped into the umbrella, getting my cheek wet. Fuyutsuki smiled beside me. I could smell her shampoo mixed in with the scent of the rain. I recited a Buddhist chant to try to distract myself, but as far as I could remember, it was only seven syllables long. I then tried to recall the digits of pi, but I only knew it up to eight decimal places, so that kept my mind occupied for all of three seconds. “C-come to think of it, what are we going to do with all the fireworks we bought?” I asked Fuyutsuki. “Let’s set them off in the summer with everyone.” “Can you go out at night?” “Yeah. I mean, the social where we met was at nighttime, wasn’t it?” “Good point. Okay, then let’s invite Narumi and Hayase.” “Sounds good,” she said with a satisfied smile. Fuyutsuki opened her mouth again. “Hey, Kakeru…” This time, however, she sounded somewhat hesitant. “You don’t have a girlfriend or anything, do you?” “A girlfriend?” “Yeah.” “Huh? No, I don’t.” “Oh, good,” Fuyutsuki responded, sounding relieved. …What does she mean by that? “What do you mean?” “Ah! Uh! Huh?! Oh, you know. You’re so kind to me, so I’d feel bad if you had a girlfriend. I mean, you’re letting me cling on to your arm right now.” “Is that it?” I asked before I could stop myself. “What do you mean?” replied Fuyutsuki, looking confused. “Oh, um, hmm?! I mean, you know… It just…made me wonder whether you liked me.” “Huh? Wait, what?!” The two of us just kept letting out all sorts of strange sounds. We were getting nowhere. “Guess I’m not very good at these kinds of jokes,” I said, making it look like I’d been kidding. Fuyutsuki had gone red in the face, and she softly pinched my arm as if she was a little annoyed. “Meanie.” “That hurt.” “It’s what you deserve,” she said. Then Fuyutsuki seemed to have some kind of idea. “All right,” she said quietly, sounding determined. “What’s up?” “Did you know that even if you’re blind, there’s a way to see a person’s face?” “There is?” She gave me a satisfied smile. “We touch people’s faces with our hands to see what they look like.” “So basically, you wanna do that to me?” We were standing face-to-face outside Fuyutsuki’s apartment. “May I?” she asked. Fuyutsuki gently touched my chest. She ran her fingertips upward, eventually reaching my face, where her small, cold hands cupped my cheeks. “Can you crouch down a little?” “Like this?” I said, squatting down. Then something warm touched my lips. Fuyutsuki was right in front of me, her eyes closed, and her soft lips were against mine. We were kissing. When I realized what was happening, my heart started beating so hard it felt like it was going to explode. One second passed, then two, then three. Fuyutsuki let out a small “Mm,” then moved her lips away. “Kakeru… “How are you with these kinds of jokes?” Fuyutsuki’s words made my heart throb so intensely it hurt. I was frozen, unable to say a word. “Good night,” Fuyutsuki said, grabbing hold of the ramp’s railing. Ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dump. My heartbeat was so loud. “Night,” I mumbled to Fuyutsuki. But all I could do was watch her walk away. I could still feel the sensation from earlier on my lips, and a sweet scent came from them, presumably left behind by her lipstick. “So that’s what happened,” I concluded, having summarized the events of that fateful evening. “Damn you, livin’ yer best life,” Narumi grumbled, his pupils dilated. Hayase, meanwhile, shouted, “That ain’t the way I thought it’d play out!” in a fake Kansai accent, and lay face down on the table. “How come you weren’t the one to chase after her?!” “Is that really what’s important here?” “Well, whatever. Just give me a sec to calm down,” Hayase said, before looking up at me with a stern look in her eyes. “Isn’t the guy supposed to be the one to confess his feelings, though?” “Sure, but we live in a genderless world nowadays,” chimed in Narumi. “Sorano’s got his own way of doin’ things.” “But he took her to his room and still didn’t make a move.” “I couldn’t have.” “Why not?” “I mean, Fuyutsuki can’t see.” “What?!” exclaimed Hayase, infuriated. I must have hit a nerve. “You couldn’t make a move on her because she’s disabled?” “Huh? That’s not what I meant!” I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about that in the past, but I still felt like Hayase was getting the wrong idea. “Y’all need to calm down!” said Narumi in an attempt to defuse the situation. His voice was louder than both Hayase’s and mine, though, and it reverberated around the restaurant, attracting glances from nearby customers. When Narumi realized, he apologized to the room. “Explain, Sorano,” he said, turning things back to our previous conversation. “Well, Fuyutsuki…” “Yes?” said Hayase. She was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed and a grouchy look on her face. Every now and then, she’d interject in a low voice. “She’s blind…” “Uh-huh.” “So I thought she’d be scared.” “Huh? What do you mean?” “I mean, she’d be scared if I suddenly just touched her. And if I started chasing after her or something, that’d really freak her out.” Hayase’s eyes widened hearing that. She started laughing and clapping her hands. “Ah-ha-ha-ha.” “Hey, ya don’t have to laugh so hard,” said Narumi. “But he’s just so innocent,” responded Hayase between bouts of laughter. Even Narumi, who’d been quietly sitting there with his arms crossed so far, started chuckling. His whole body shook with laughter. “Are you making fun of me?” I said. “Not at all.” “’Course not.” Their voices overlapped, and the pair exchanged glances with a snicker. “You so are!” The two of them burst out laughing, clutching on to their stomachs. I honestly wished they’d go to hell. “Just let me ask you one thing,” said Hayase. “What do you like about Koharu?” “Like I’d tell you.” “Oh? It must be her face or her figure, then. Gross. Koharu doesn’t deserve a guy like that.” “It’s not that.” I downed the rest of my oolong tea. “She always has a smile on her face.” “Oh?” said Hayase, propping her elbows up on the table. She looked at me with a gentle smile. “If I lost my sight…” “Yeah?” “I doubt I could be that positive.” “I get that.” “I mean…” “Mm?” “I couldn’t even stay positive when my parents got divorced.” “Oh yeah?” “I couldn’t stop feeling sorry for myself, wondering why I had to suffer when it wasn’t my fault.” “Oh… Right.” “Fuyutsuki is so much freer than someone like me, who spends all their time trying to gauge people’s expressions. It’s incredible, really. I feel like she has everything I lack. She’s taught me that happiness depends on your mindset.” Maybe it was the alcohol that was making me blurt out my true feelings, but I didn’t really mind. “I hear you,” said Hayase. “I really like her.” She made a whistling sound, teasing me, but I ignored it. “She’s made me realize it’s what’s on the inside that counts.” Hayase looked at me with a kind expression on her face. “I know what you mean,” she said. “Koharu has been like that the whole time I’ve known her. She dresses nicely every day, she dragged you out because she wanted to set off fireworks, and she attends all her lectures. She never uses her eyesight as an excuse for anything. Even I oversleep sometimes, and I haven’t got any way to justify it! She’s seriously incredible.” Hayase had a distant look in her eyes, and I figured she was picturing her friend’s face in her mind. I had a feeling that even in her imagination, Fuyutsuki would be smiling. “It’s hard to explain, so I’m not too sure how to put this,” Hayase continued. “She’s always honest with herself and straightforward. She’s the complete opposite of me, so I totally get why you admire her. Koharu’s just cool, isn’t she?” I could tell Hayase was trying to convey how incredible Fuyutsuki was. It was Fuyutsuki’s eagerness to pursue whatever she wanted and her refusal to make excuses for herself that drew me to her. That was probably what impressed Hayase, too. At that point, Narumi slapped his knee and spoke up. “All right. You gotta tell her how ya feel, then.” “I don’t know about that…” “Why not? It’s the perfect moment!” Hayase urged. “…In what way?” I asked. “Figures it’d be too high of a bar for ya,” Narumi said with a sigh. “It’s not that.” “Are you sure you like her?” Hayase asked, trying to provoke me. “Of course!” “I get why you’re havin’ trouble working up the courage. I mean, she is blind and all,” said Narumi with another dramatic sigh. “I told you, that’s not the issue!” “Do you actually like her, though?” asked Hayase again. “What? Fine, I’ll tell her.” “When?” countered Hayase. “I dunno.” “Okay, then do it now. Even if it’s just practice. We’ll film it.” “…Practice?” “Oh, I get it now. You’re all talk and no action. Poor Koharu.” A sound like blood vessels bursting reverberated around the inside of my head. I tilted my glass toward me to take a swig, but it was empty. I put some ice in my mouth, crunched it up, and swallowed. Then I rose to my feet and yelled loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear. “Attention, everyone!” They all turned to look at me. I saw pair after pair of curious eyes. I hesitated for a moment, but there was no turning back now. “I have an important announcement to make!” I felt like that sleazebag who’d asked Hayase out at the welcome party. The restaurant fell silent, and everyone kept their eyes fixed on me…except for one table, where someone was pouring a fresh batch of batter onto the griddle in front of them. I could hear the sizzling sound, and the smell of the sauce drifted toward me. I knew I didn’t look cool, but there was no stopping now. “I, Kakeryu Sorano—” “Oh, you messed up your own name,” Hayase interjected. “Yeah, for real,” added Narumi. I was hoping to make a once-in-a-lifetime confession, but thanks to the alcohol, I’d ended up tripping over my words. The looks Narumi and Hayase were giving me clearly said You messed up, and a wave of embarrassment came over me, making me feel like I was about to cry. Damn it. I’m gonna do it. I’m just gonna go ahead and say it. “I, Kakeru Sorano, like Koharu Fuyutsukiiiii! I want to go out with herrrrr!” Silence enveloped the room. It felt as though the tide had gone out. And then… “Whooooooooooooo!” People started to clap, and the restaurant filled with thunderous applause. “That’s youth for you!” one customer shouted out to me. “Go out with me, too!” another man jeered, leaving me baffled. “Is that good enough for you?” I asked Narumi. He was sitting right in front of me, looking stunned. “Uh, yeah. Pretty gutsy of ya, man.” Hayase giggled and fiddled with her phone, which had been pointed in my direction. Then, for some inexplicable reason, she turned the screen toward me. “I sent that to Koharu.” “What?” I looked at Hayase’s phone; sure enough, she’d sent a video to a person named Koharu. Huh? What? I rubbed my eyes and took another look at the screen. She’d sent a video to Koharu—and the message had been read. “Are you serious?” “Very serious,” said Hayase, before bursting into laughter. “You’ve gotta be kidding me!” I snapped, but Hayase just continued to laugh. Narumi joined in, as did some of the other customers, and I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Several days went by. There was still no response from Fuyutsuki.
Chapter 4
22 min read