At just ten thousand yen a month, my ultra-cheap dorm room had no air conditioning. The power limit for each floor was so low that even the smallest load could make the breaker trip, so buying a unit wasn’t in the cards, either. The floors were lined with rooms, each around sixteen square meters in size. If people were using rice cookers in more than two of those rooms at the same time, the breaker would trip. As a result, “What time are you cooking rice?” had become a frequent topic of conversation among the dorm residents. Naturally, we didn’t have our own showers or toilets in our rooms. There was a shared toilet and a large communal bath and shower room. The bath could only be used at specific times in the evening, but the showers were always available. Each room was furnished with single beds, study desks, and a refrigerator. I was indifferent about interior design, so Narumi had taken charge of decorating our place. He’d even chosen the color of my bedsheets. Our room had a subdued color scheme, with a dark brown rug, charcoal bedsheets, and gray curtains. As dilapidated as the building’s exterior was, the inside of our room had turned into a very stylish space, complete with potted plants and downlights. It was seven in the morning. I got out of bed just as Narumi was pressing the switch on the rice cooker, and I headed to the shower room, towel in hand. We’d kept the window wide open, but it had been a humid night with no breeze whatsoever. Someone must have tripped the breaker, because even the fan had stopped. “What’s goin’ on?” asked Narumi. His perceptive question startled me. “…Nothing,” I said. “Sorry. You’re a guy, after all, Sorano.” “Are you making fun of me?” “All you’re doin’ is takin’ a shower before going to meet a girl, yet you look all wet behind the ears. I’m really jealous,” Narumi said. “You are making fun of me.” “I ain’t, promise,” responded Narumi, waving it off with a hand. “So whatcha like about her?” “I don’t like her in that way.” “Damn. You’re so cute it’s killin’ me.” “You are so making fun of me!” Narumi denied it once again, roaring with laughter. “Fuyutsuki just wants me to keep her company,” I said, before asking, “Do you want to join?” on the off chance he could come. Narumi furrowed his brow and shot me a look. “Man, you’re such a chicken.” “Shut up.” “Chicken, chicken, chicken!” “Shut up, shut up, shut up!” “Well, I can’t make it anyway. I got work.” “Isn’t that in the evening?” “I thought you were interested in datin’ her, Sorano. That was the impression I got, at least.” “Huh? All we do is chat, though. I’ve never even thought about it.” “Ya sure?” “I mean, I still don’t know how to deal with her—you know, with her eyesight and everything. I don’t have the confidence to handle it as well as you do.” “Whaddaya mean, ‘deal with her’?” There was a rare hint of annoyance in Narumi’s tone. “Ah, my bad. I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, you speak to her so normally.” “So why don’t you act normally, too?” “I don’t even know what that means.” Was I supposed to avoid mentioning her eyesight when we chatted? Or choose streets that were easier for her to walk on? Or keep my hand on her? Or was I supposed to question every little thing and run all my doubts past her? Since the opportunity had arisen, I decided to voice all my concerns to Narumi. His response was a simple one: “Why don’cha just ask her?” “Wouldn’t that make things awkward?” “It’s worse havin’ someone keep their distance from ya, though,” Narumi responded, scratching his head. “I learned that firsthand.” I bought some chicken nuggets at the convenience store right outside the dorm. I’d been craving them ever since Narumi called me a chicken. I headed toward Tsukishima, eating as I walked. The sky was blue, and clouds gently drifted by. As I was crossing the Aioi Bridge, I looked out over the vast expanse of water and saw a fish jump into the air where the river met the ocean. The water’s surface rippled gently, giving off a silver shimmer. The swift currents of the Kanmon Straits back home in Shimonoseki gave them a refreshing feel—as if the waters carried away everything, both the good and the bad. In contrast, the calm seas around Tokyo seemed to hold on to everything. Ah, is this why so many people are drawn to Tokyo? I wondered, overcome by an unfounded sense of awe. We were supposed to meet at nine, but I was aiming to arrive five minutes early. When I’d offered to pick Fuyutsuki up in front of her apartment, she’d complained, “That doesn’t seem very date-like.” “We’re just going shopping together,” I told her, but she laughed at me. “That’s what a date is.” In the end, Fuyutsuki had insisted on meeting at the foot of the Aioi Bridge. I gazed out at the glittering sea as I crossed the bridge, but it didn’t take long for bright spots to form in my eyes from the strong glare coming off the water. When I looked back ahead, trying to give my sore eyes some relief, I noticed that Fuyutsuki was already on the other side. There were trees at the foot of the bridge creating a gentle shade, and sunshine poured down on Fuyutsuki through the leaves. She was dressed in a white blouse and a sheer skirt, and she had a leather bag slung over one shoulder. Fuyutsuki stood there in silence, looking almost ethereal to my dazzled eyes. I couldn’t help but notice how breathtakingly beautiful she was. “Hey, Fuyutsuki. It’s me, Sorano. Did I keep you waiting?” A lot of dates begin with this clichéd line, but it’s usually the girl saying it to the guy. “I’ve been waiting for two hours already,” she replied. “Well, that’s your fault, then, right?” “No way. I’m blaming you.” She laughed, then told me she was just kidding and suggested we get going. “Okay, Tsukishima Station is this way,” I said. “Which way is this way?” she asked. “Sorry. I mean, we’re turning right.” Under normal circumstances, pointing in a certain direction would have been enough to get the message across—but that didn’t work with Fuyutsuki. Nor did she notice me staring at her face from the side as we walked. “I thought you were interested in datin’ her, Sorano.” Narumi’s words suddenly came rushing back. When I thought about dating someone who couldn’t see, my gut instinct was that it’d be a challenge. That was why I’d never viewed Fuyutsuki as a potential love interest. I knew how rude that was. Still, I doubted she cared whether I liked her or not anyway. Just telling myself that excuse made my heart ache. “Do you know where we’re going?” she asked. “Oh yeah.” “I’m so excited for this.” Then she suddenly developed a slight bounce to her step. That’s right. She was skipping. “Huh?” I blurted out, making her turn in the direction of my voice. “What is it?” “You can skip?” “You can skip with your eyes closed, can’t you?” Seeing Fuyutsuki looking so happy caught me off guard, and I couldn’t help but laugh. “Why are you laughing?” she said with a frown. “Sorry.” The two of us boarded the train. “Let’s have our own fireworks display!” It was an unusual request, especially considering the fact that she’d guilted me into it. We were on the Toei Oedo Line, heading for the specialty fireworks stores in Asakusabashi. We were planning to ride the Toei Oedo Line to Daimon, then take the Toei Asakusa Line to Asakusabashi. Although it wasn’t the shortest route, I’d chosen the one with the easiest change to make things simpler for Fuyutsuki. During the ride, I discovered that carrying a white cane didn’t guarantee that someone would offer you their seat. Just as I was thinking about how cruel the world could be, an elderly woman stood up and offered Fuyutsuki her spot. “Thank you, but don’t worry; I’m used to standing,” she replied with a smile. I guided Fuyutsuki to an empty spot just beside the doors, then turned to face her. “Thanks for the help,” she said. “Nah, it’s really no big deal.” Fuyutsuki turned her face to me but kept silent. “What’s up?” I asked. “I was just thinking about what a gentleman you are, Kakeru.” “What do you mean?” “You went to the effort of guiding me to a spot that wouldn’t get crowded with people.” “I didn’t!” She was right, but I still felt like I had to reject it. As soon as I raised my voice, Fuyutsuki started to giggle, making me miss my chance to refute her. I felt kind of shy, standing there face-to-face with Fuyutsuki. Maybe it was just because she was beautiful, or maybe it was because I admired her for all the qualities I lacked, but whatever the reason, my heart raced whenever I looked at her. The train clattered along. Whenever the evenly spaced lights of the subway flashed by the window, they briefly illuminated Fuyutsuki’s face. I spoke louder than normal so I wouldn’t be drowned out by the sound of the train. “You know, I’ve been wondering this for a while, but why do you want to set off fireworks?” “I’ve always loved them,” Fuyutsuki replied with a smile. “But you can’t see them anymore. That’s the part that intrigues me.” “Fireworks aren’t just for looking at, you know.” “Well, no, but still…” “There’s also the sound of the bang, the smell of the explosives, and the oohs and aahs everyone makes. Next time you see a fireworks display, try enjoying it with your eyes closed. You’ll realize it’s a whole-body experience.” “That appreciation for fireworks sounds way too advanced for me, so I think I’ll pass. I’m happy just crouching on the ground staring at sparklers.” “Oh, sparklers are great, too. Should we buy some if they have them?” “You really do like fireworks, don’t you?” I said, impressed. Fuyutsuki narrowed her eyes. “My family and I used to go and see them all the time,” she said in a gentle tone of voice. “Fireworks displays?” “Yeah—back when I could still see. I used to go with my mom and dad.” “So that’s why you want to set off fireworks,” I said, thinking I’d solved the puzzle—but Fuyutsuki shot me down. “Sorry, that’s not what I meant. I only felt this strong desire to set off fireworks after I lost my sight.” “What do you mean?” “Well, how should I put this? Like, it makes me think, ‘I really want to do my best!’” “I’m not following,” I said, confused. The train stopped at Shiodome Station, and people piled in. As the carriage began to get crowded, I got pushed forward and suddenly found myself much closer to Fuyutsuki. “Has it gotten busy?” she asked. “What makes you think that?” I said, wondering how she could tell when she couldn’t see. “Your voice sounds closer.” Fuyutsuki’s face was now right in front of mine, and she blinked in surprise. “No, not really.” “Thank you for protecting me,” she said with a smile, so close I could almost feel her breath. I held my own breath for as long as I could until we reached our station stop, trying not to breathe on her. It normally would’ve taken around thirty minutes on foot to get from the station to Asakusabashi, but since Fuyutsuki couldn’t walk very fast, it ended up taking us about an hour. “Are you tired?” I asked her. “I’m fine.” “…I’m exhausted.” “What was that?” “Off we go.” Fuyutsuki walked along the yellow tactile paving, tapping the ground with her white cane. I wondered if I’d be able to walk with my eyes closed—but it took me only a second to conclude that I wouldn’t. “We’re taking a left here.” I’d looked up our destination in advance, and I continued guiding Fuyutsuki, holding my phone in one hand. A man came walking straight toward us, his eyes glued to his phone. I had a bad feeling about what might happen and grabbed Fuyutsuki’s arm, but just as I did, the man bumped into her with a thud. He only glanced briefly at Fuyutsuki before striding away. Huh? I was furious. How could he just look at her and walk away? He’d crashed into her, for God’s sake. Can’t you tell she’s blind?! Just as I was about to yell that at him, Fuyutsuki grasped tightly on to my sleeve. “Let it go,” she said, shaking her head from side to side. “But—” “It’s fine. This happens all the time.” I was still angry. “But he—” “He was probably holding his phone, right? I’m sure he got a message from someone he cares about.” Fuyutsuki was smiling. “You sound angry. Please don’t get mad,” she said, giving me another smile. How was Fuyutsuki so strong? It felt as though she’d scolded me, and I gave a vague reply. “I understand,” I told her—though I wasn’t quite sure what I was understanding. I could feel my anger dissipating. At the same time, the fact that I’d almost shouted “She’s blind!” at a passerby made my chest feel tight. I’d nearly let my anger drive me to say something really insensitive. Noticing that Fuyutsuki looked a little tired, I suggested we take a breather. “Wanna stop by a café?” I asked. We went to a place nearby—one of a chain of coffee shops that had originated in Aichi Prefecture. A grinning server greeted us and showed us to our seats. Once we’d gotten ourselves settled, another smiley server came to take our order. Our eyes met, and I froze. “Hayase?” It was Yuuko Hayase, wearing an apron and a headscarf. “Huh? What are you doing here?” she asked, the surprise clear on her face. “Oh, Koharu!” “Ah, Yuuko. Good morning,” Fuyutsuki responded with a smile. Her voice was slightly higher than normal. “So, Sorano, you’re hanging out with Koharu, are you?” Hayase asked, giving me a smug look. “I’ll get an iced coffee and set menu C,” I told her. “There’s no reason to rush your order,” she replied. “I thought you were supposed to be working,” I said, earning a giggle from Fuyutsuki. “Fine, then.” Hayase proceeded to write down what I wanted. “So what brings the two of you here today?” “Fuyutsuki wants to put on a fireworks display,” I explained. “Fireworks?” responded Hayase, understandably doubtful. “Do you want to help us set off the fireworks, Yuuko?” “Sure, I’d love to! When’s it happening?” “Uh, when should it be?” Fuyutsuki asked, shifting the question to me for some inexplicable reason. “Huh? You’re asking me?” Fuyutsuki covered her mouth with her small hands, smiling gently. The expression on her face made my heart skip a beat. “We’re here to buy the biggest fireworks we can find today,” she declared enthusiastically. “And her budget is one million yen,” I joked. “Don’t underestimate the Fuyutsuki family fortune,” she quipped back. Me and Hayase went “Huh?” and “Seriously?” at the same time, making Fuyutsuki chuckle. Hayase’s eyes widened in surprise seeing our usual banter. “Since when did you two get so close?” “Do we seem close?” Fuyutsuki asked. “I bet Sorano always looks grumpy, doesn’t he?” “I dunno about that. He’s got a pretty huge grin on his face right now.” A blatant lie from Hayase. “You do?! Let me touch your face!” “No way! Come on, just focus on ordering,” I said. I couldn’t quite grasp why Fuyutsuki wanted to touch my face, but more importantly, we couldn’t hold Hayase up here forever. “Sorry. I can’t see the menu.” As I was looking at the menu for Fuyutsuki, Hayase suggested the iced milk tea. I knew Aichi was famous for its generous serving sizes, but still, it was huge—about twice the size of a normal iced tea. “Would you be able to drink one that size?” I asked, pointing at the photo on the menu. Fuyutsuki just looked confused. I apologized, but she looked just as confused as to why I was apologizing. “Oh, sorry.” …It was one of those moments. I’d mishandled the situation and made things awkward. I really didn’t like it when that happened. “The hot milk tea comes in a regular size,” said Hayase. “I’ll have that one, then,” said Fuyutsuki with a smile. A short while later, Hayase came back over with our order. She’d even given us a complimentary boiled egg, likely as a gesture of hospitality. The table was now filled with coffee, milk tea, thick slices of toast with butter and sweet red bean paste, and a boiled egg. “Thanks,” I said. Hayase told us to take as long as we wanted, then left with a wave. Fuyutsuki slowly reached out for the table. “The milk tea is right in front of you,” I said, spreading butter on my toast. “I’m okay,” she replied. She carefully touched the saucer, then eased her fingers through the handle of the cup and gently lifted it with both hands. At soon as she took a sip, Fuyutsuki stuck out her tongue. “It’s so hot.” “Be careful.” “It’s delicious, though,” she assured me, laughing. The smile she was giving me…felt kind of unfair. The two of us never had that moment where we locked gazes, yet for some reason, every now and then, I got the feeling we were looking into each other’s eyes. Whenever that happened, I got nervous, and my chest felt tight. I channeled all my focus into spreading the red bean paste on my buttered toast—and before I knew it, I’d created a whole mountain of beans. “Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat?” I asked. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” “Not even a bite?” “Are you going to feed me?” “No chance.” “Meanie.” “What do you want to do for lunch today?” “The truth is, I don’t really like people watching me eat.” “Ah, I’ve heard a lot of girls feel that way.” “No, that’s not what I…” But Fuyutsuki trailed off before she finished her sentence. She giggled, and a smile stretched across her face. “It makes me happy that you’re treating me like a girl.” I felt shy whenever Fuyutsuki smiled at me, so I took a big bite of my toast to distract myself. She kept that grin on her face the whole time I was eating. There it was again. That smile of hers was so unfair. “Hey,” I said, having mustered up the courage to speak. It felt like a good time to ask a question that had been on my mind for a while. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, but…” After leaving the coffee shop, the two of us visited a few specialist fireworks stores. They had a wide range of handheld fireworks on offer, as well as large, fifty-centimeter-long fireworks designed to set off at home. The selection was impressive—just as you’d expect from specialist dealers. After looking at several stores and describing the range of fireworks to Fuyutsuki, I bought the ones she said she wanted. We ended up with quite a lot, and I was weighed down by the heavy plastic bags. “Are you sure you want to take these home with you?” Fuyutsuki asked. “It’ll be fine. We might be able to set them off on campus, so it makes sense to keep them in my dorm. It’s closer.” “Thank you.” As we were chatting in front of one of the fireworks stores in Asakusabashi, we realized we were blocking the entrance for other customers, so we went to stand under a nearby tree instead. “So when should we set them off?” Fuyutsuki looked like she was about to jump for joy. “We probably need permission to launch fireworks on campus,” I said. “Should we ask Yuuko?” Despite being right by my side, Fuyutsuki was speaking in a really loud voice. I wanted to tell her to calm down, but when I saw her looking up at the sky, her eyes sparkling, I bit my tongue. “So we’ve bought the fireworks. What should we do next?” “Huh? You want to keep our date going?” “I told you, this isn’t a date…” “I’m just messing with you. Those fireworks must be pretty heavy, though, and I’m sure it’s a lot to carry, so why don’t we just head home?” One of my hands was taken up carrying all the fireworks we’d bought. She must have figured it out from that. “Yeah. If we wander around with this many fireworks, we might get stopped by the police for possession of dangerous goods.” “Would they consider me an accomplice?” “In this scenario, you’d be the main culprit.” “Oh, you always have a joke ready to go,” Fuyutsuki said with a laugh. Her voice was high-pitched and clear. I was starting to enjoy making her laugh. “Should we take the water bus home?” she asked. “The water bus?” In my hometown, there was a ferry that took you to Moji Port on the opposite shore. I was surprised to hear that Tokyo also had a form of water transport. According to Fuyutsuki, there was a water bus that ran from Asakusa and went down the Sumida River to Odaiba in Tokyo Bay. She told me she’d taken it in the past and that it would take us back to Tsukishima, so she wanted to ride it home. You can ride a water bus? I almost verbalized the question, but I stopped myself. Fuyutsuki might’ve been blind, but she could still ride a boat, hear it cutting through the water, feel the wind, and enjoy it in all sorts of other ways. “Wait a second, I’ll look it up,” I said, pulling out my phone. To my surprise, there was a water taxi stop nearby. “Oh, there’s a stop in Ryogoku, just over the Kuramae Bridge. It looks like it goes all the way to the university.” “Thank you,” Fuyutsuki said, a smile spreading across her face. “What for?” I asked. “It was kind of you to look that up for me.” She was still smiling. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her face any longer. “Nah. It’s the normal thing to do.” “Only someone with a Level 2 Kindness License would call that ‘normal.’” “A what license?” Fuyutsuki giggled, and I began leading her to the water bus stop. We joked around as we walked, but it didn’t take long for us to arrive at our destination. We bought our tickets at the terminal building and boarded the water bus at the dock behind it. We got on from the back of the boat. There was a ramp leading down into a cabin filled with seats and stairs going up to an open-air deck, from where you could get a full view of the Sumida River. “Where do you want to go?” I asked. “The open-air deck!” Fuyutsuki replied without hesitation. Since the boat’s stairs were so narrow, I was forced to take the lead, holding Fuyutsuki by the hand. “Your hand is so warm,” she said. “Never mind that—just make sure you don’t hit your foot. It’ll hurt.” Fuyutsuki laughed, not caring in the slightest. The open-air deck had no seats and was surrounded by a square-shaped railing. It seemed like the rest of the passengers had gone inside, so luckily for us, we had it all to ourselves. “Okay, there’s a waist-height railing straight ahead of us. Hold on to it.” I could hear the low sound of the engine puttering away, while the boat seemed to gently sway back and forth in the water. I guided Fuyutsuki to the front of the boat, where she grabbed hold of the railing. “Thank you. I’m so excited!” “You do seem to be enjoying yourself.” “I am. I never thought I’d get the chance to do something like this.” “Well, if you’re okay with having me around, I’ll—” I stopped before I could finish my sentence. If you’re okay with having me around, I’ll keep you company whenever you like. Having realized what I’d just been about to say, I cocked my head to one side. Was I happy to meet up with Fuyutsuki outside of college? Was I okay with getting more involved with her? I didn’t know. I had no idea how I felt. Looking ahead, I could see the surface of the Sumida River stretching out before me. The water gave off a humid scent reminiscent of midsummer rain. Over the top of that, I caught a whiff of the oil that was fueling the boat. Though it wasn’t the most pleasant of smells, the blue sky was reflected on the surface of the Sumida River, and I found it, quite simply, beautiful. “Is it pretty?” asked Fuyutsuki. It wasn’t until I heard her voice that I noticed I’d gone quiet. Her silence reminded me that she couldn’t see the sky mirrored in the water’s surface, which was such a shame. “You can’t see this view, can you?” “No, but I’m still having fun. I think I saw the view from this very spot when I could still see. I was just recalling what it looked like.” “What did it look like then?” “Hmm, I think it was cloudy.” “Today, it’s really sunny, and the sky is blue. That blue color is reflecting off the water’s surface, and it looks really beautiful.” Fuyutsuki turned toward me. “I appreciate you telling me things like that, even when I don’t ask. It’s really kind of you.” “Well, I did just get my Level 2 Kindness License.” Fuyutsuki burst out laughing. Just then, an announcement that we would soon be departing sounded from inside the boat. “Hold on tight,” I said. “I’ve got this,” Fuyutsuki replied, taking one hand off the railing to clench her fist tenaciously. “I said hold on,” I retorted, making her laugh yet again. The water bus flew down the Sumida River faster than I’d expected. A strong breeze blew toward us, accompanied by the loud noise of the engine. The boat swayed gently from side to side in rhythm with the waves it was making, and every now and then, small splashes of water hit my cheeks, which felt refreshing. “That breeze is so nice,” I said. “It really is. Thanks for helping me on board,” Fuyutsuki replied. We continued making our way down the wide Sumida River. There were buildings on both sides of the waterway, with parks and patches of greenery occasionally appearing along the banks. The sun was high in the sky, and we passed under bridges and elevated highways. I described the scenery to Fuyutsuki as it went by, detailing everything I saw and felt so she could experience it, too. “Whoa!” “What is it?” “The bridge in front of us has Eitai Bridge written on the side, so I’m guessing that’s its name, but it’s lower than the others. We better crouch down so we don’t hit our heads!” Fuyutsuki squatted down, still clutching on to the railing, and I did the same. The bridge soon passed over our heads. “Sorry, it wasn’t as low as I thought. We never would have hit our heads on that.” Still crouching down, I turned toward Fuyutsuki. Our faces were even closer than I’d assumed. “Why did you make us crouch, then?” she asked with a smile. Seeing her enjoy herself so much made me want to help her feel that way again. Then I came to a realization: Oh, I know what’s happening here. People who smile all the time and laugh out loud are total people magnets. It was amazing how much Fuyutsuki smiled—even though she couldn’t see. At some point, she’d started to look radiant to me. Her smiling face was so close to mine. The loud noise of the boat splashing through the water made my pulse quicken, and the river shimmered in the sunlight behind Fuyutsuki. Overcome by embarrassment, I averted my gaze and rose to my feet. “I guess we’re in Tokyo Bay,” I said. A vast expanse of water spread out in front of us, and I began to catch a faint whiff of the ocean. “We must be almost there,” remarked Fuyutsuki. “I can’t see the university from this angle, though.” The water bus turned left. We must have been nearing Etchujima. At that moment, the boat hit a wave, causing it to rock slightly. Fuyutsuki nearly lost her balance, so I put a hand over her shoulders to keep her steady. She felt so soft. It was like I was hugging silk. “Eek!” “Oh, s-sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to startle you.” “It’s fine,” Fuyutsuki responded. “This is so much fun.” Seeing her smile like that in my arms made my heart skip a beat. “I’m back.” I was back in my apartment in Tsukishima on the forty-sixth floor. “Ahhh, that was fun,” I said to myself. I felt my way along the handrail and counted the doors from the entrance. The second door was my room. After leaving the café, Kakeru and I had ended up visiting several fireworks stores in Asakusabashi. Once we’d worn ourselves out from walking, he even joined me on the water bus. He’d made me laugh a lot, too. I searched the wall for the light switch, then turned on the lights. It was just a habit of mine; I couldn’t see whether they were on or not, but the idea of the lights being on made me feel like I’d actually come home. “Welcome home! You haven’t eaten yet, have you?” Mom called out. “Hi, Mom! What’s for dinner?” “I was thinking of making tempura.” “Yay!” I was starving after walking around the entire day. I got hungry, just like everyone else did. It was just that eating in front of other people was so hard for me. I ate at home without anyone’s help, of course. Once Mom told me where the food was, I could feel my way to it, pick it up, and eat it on my own. I was used to it by now, but the idea of getting food around my mouth still bothered me. If I had to eat in front of Kakeru, it’d bother me even more. “Did your date go well?” “How did you know it was a date?” “You took more care with your makeup than usual, and you tried on so many different outfits.” I did my own makeup by relying on my memory and the feel of my own face to help me. For clothes, I felt the fabric with my fingers and asked Mom what color things were so I could pick out what I wanted to wear. Although I asked Mom to give me one final check before I went out, I was still capable of dressing myself. Today, however, I’d been more determined than usual. I wanted to look good for Kakeru, so I’d woken up earlier—or I’d happened to wake up earlier, at least. I’d had a shower, then taken my time getting dressed. Not once had it felt like a chore. In fact, the mere thought of wanting to look good made it so much fun. If I’m having this much fun simply getting dressed up, what’s it going to be like when I actually see him? I hadn’t been able to stop myself from feeling like that. “You’re smiling,” Mom said with a laugh. Thinking about my date with Kakeru had brought a smile to my face. “I am not,” I replied, trying to play it off. I felt so embarrassed. There had been so many fireworks Kakeru had never seen before. He’d told me what they all looked like and read out the descriptions and warnings. By the time we were done, his voice was hoarse from talking so much. That was the sort of thing that made Kakeru so kind. Our date had been a short one, lasting less than half a day. Still, the fact that he’d made time for me and that we were able to spend it together made my heart leap with joy. Occasionally, Kakeru would speak to me in a particularly gentle tone of voice, as though he was being extra careful not to hurt my feelings. “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay…” I’d sensed his kindness whenever he said that. “That must be so tough, being blind.” “You’re really okay going outside?” There are people in the world who say things like that. It’s sad but true. It serves as a reminder of just how rare being blind is. Most people simply aren’t used to it. I just want to tell them “I’m a normal person.” Sure, when I’d first been told I was going to lose my sight, it had come as a shock. But over time, I’d gotten used to it and accepted that fact. I could still eat meals and take baths. I could still use my phone and listen to audiobooks. I could still do my makeup, dress up nicely, and wear skirts. I couldn’t wear shoes with thin heels because they made it hard to walk on the tactile paving, but I could still wear boots and sandals. To the surprise of many, I live a pretty normal life. There are lots of things I can’t do unaided, but I still manage to get by. I’ve learned to ask for help when I can’t do something. It’s even helped me make friends. But that’s why I don’t want people to be too worried. I might be blind, but there are still loads of things I want to do. Still, people just assume my life is a struggle—and they distance themselves from me because of it. That was the thing that upset me the most. But Kakeru was different. “How do things look to you when you’re blind? Is everything dark?” He was trying to understand me. “Uhhh.” “If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine,” he added, so hesitantly it made me laugh. “People tend to think things are pitch-black, but in my case, it’s the opposite.” “How so?” “It’s like a whitish, transparent haze, I guess.” “Whoa.” There it was again. “Whoa.” That must have been a habit of his. It was pretty cute. That catchphrase came out when Kakeru was thinking carefully about what to say. I liked that about him. “You don’t have to answer this question, either, but…” “No, go ahead. Hit me with it.” “When did you lose your sight?” I was diagnosed with cancer when I was in sixth grade. They told me I had a small tumor in my brain, about the size of a pinkie fingernail. The first surgery was over before I knew it. I almost felt like, Oh, is it over already? But in my third year of middle school, they found that the cancer had spread. This time, it was in the retinas of both my eyes. I was given a choice: either have both my eyes removed, or keep them and undergo surgery and chemotherapy. I chose to keep my eyes. I had the surgery, and I started chemo. I had to stay in the hospital for a while, so I couldn’t go to my graduation ceremony. “Chemotherapy was really tough. My hair fell out, I felt dazed, and my memory was all foggy.” For some reason, I wanted Kakeru to know the whole story. So I told him everything. “After that, I lost my eyesight. I learned braille, went back to studying, and got my high school equivalency diploma four years later. Truth is, I’m a year older than you, Kakeru. You should show me more respect.” I ended my story with a joke. I was the one who hadn’t been able to bear the heavy topic any longer. It had taken a lot of courage to reveal the truth. I wondered if I should have left out the part about being a year older than him, and I soon began to regret mentioning it. Kakeru reacted with a blunt “Whoa” before continuing in a gentle tone of voice. “When’s your birthday, Fuyutsuki?” “March twenty-eighth.” “Mine’s April second. Our birthdays are really close together.” Due to the way school cut-off dates work, he was only a few days younger than me, despite being a grade below. “You’re just five days older, so I think I show you plenty of respect,” he added. I hadn’t wanted him to console me with sympathetic comments like “That must have been so hard” or “You’ve done so well.” I didn’t want him to take pity on me. All I wanted was for him to hear my story. He seemed like someone who’d truly understand. There it was. That was it. His kindness was irresistible. “Kakeru?” “Yeah?” “You’re really kind, aren’t you?” I said. Kakeru’s voice cracked as he tried to refute me. He sounded cute when he was flustered. I like that about him. He cares for me in his own quiet way, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I like his warm hands. I like his high-pitched voice. I like how he made me laugh. I like his kindness. Sometimes, a tiny part of me wishes I could see his face. I was certain I’d still fall for him if I knew what he looked like. I like Kakeru. But then a thought suddenly crossed my mind. I was scared of confessing my feelings. Would it bother him that I had a disability? I couldn’t help but wonder. Kakeru isn’t that kind of person. As much as I believe that, I was still unbearably anxious and scared. But what if I could see? What if I weren’t disabled? Even then, I was sure I’d be scared. Oh, right. Confessing your feelings is always scary. I couldn’t help but smile with delight. Making this kind of discovery filled me with joy. I was happy. Even with my condition, I could still know what love is. I wondered how Kakeru felt about me. Would he tell me he liked me? Was I the one who was supposed to confess? What if he rejected me? We might have added each other on LINE, but he’d never contacted me first. “Hee-hee.” I couldn’t help but laugh. It was all so much fun—so much fun it hurt. My chest felt like it was going to explode. I felt so happy and so pained at the same time. “…Kakeru.” Embracing the mess of emotions I was experiencing, I began to cry. Truth be told, there was one thing that made me want to leave my dirt-cheap ten-thousand-yen dormitory as soon as possible. I’d already gotten over several minor hang-ups, such as having to share a room, the breaker tripping so frequently, and the fact that the bath and toilet were separate. So what was my issue, then? Cutter training. A tradition forced on all dorm residents, cutter training had been going for over a hundred years, ever since Commodore Perry first landed in Japan. However, in that time, the tradition had definitely been elaborated on. Dorm residents would gather at Harumi Wharf before five AM and get in small boats called cutters. Then we were relentlessly made to row around the Tokyo Bay coastline until the sun came up, shouting “heave-ho” in unison. Some people got blisters on their hands, while others had the skin peel off their buttocks. It was an incredibly outdated pursuit. All of this was to prepare for the Cutter Rowing Experience that our dorm held at the college festival in early June. The cutter-style rowing boats had six benches seating two rowers each. However, during the festival, only three of those benches held rowers, with the others taken up by festival attendees. The route spanned the triangular stretch of water bordered by Etchujima, Tsukishima, and Toyosu, and after going under the Harumi Bridge, we’d loop back around. It was one of the top attractions at the festival. With only half the usual number of rowers on board, we had a huge burden to bear, and all the extra passengers weighing the boat down made it feel like we were rowing through an ocean of lead. During the festival—which ran over one weekend—we were made to row four times daily from eleven AM to four PM with just an hour break in between each trip. We had a lunch break sandwiched in the middle, but the ordeal was still beyond grueling. Inevitably, we were left with intense muscle pain in our arms, backs, and waists. Students came out of this series of hellish experiences looking slightly more muscular, but for someone like me, who had zero interest in bulking up, it made me seriously consider not just leaving the dorm but going back to my family home and shutting myself away. But the college festival arrived, and I was still there. I’d made it to the final ride. Amazingly, I’d gotten that far. I was finally going to be freed from this hell… That thought brought me some measure of relief as we boarded the rowboat for the last time. Beside me was Narumi, who was getting more and more muscular every time we made the trip. Two smiling women in life jackets sat on the bench in front of us. “You’ve got this, Kakeru,” said Fuyutsuki. “Wait! Aren’t we turning to the right?” asked Hayase. Why were they here? “Put some oomph into it, Sorano!” yelled Narumi. “You’re pushing too hard, Narumi!” I snapped back. “Eek!” yelped Fuyutsuki. “Fuyutsuki, are you okay? You’re not scared, are you?” I couldn’t help but worry about her and whether she’d be okay not being able to see. But it seemed like I had no reason for concern. “I’m having so much fun!” she reassured me. “Go, Kakeru, go! Go, Kakeru, go!” I couldn’t help but find myself taken aback at how excited she was. “Why are you enjoying this so much?” I asked her. “The breeze and the smell of the sea is so refreshing! What’s not to enjoy?!” Water splashed up from the sea below, and I felt the cold sensation on my cheek and smelled the strong scent of the ocean. Tiny droplets of water glistened as the light hit them. There was Fuyutsuki, smiling. I didn’t know why, but I was drawn to her smile. “True that!” Narumi piped up. “The sea really awakens a man’s adventurous spirit! If this doesn’t getcha fired up, nothing will!” Shouting “heave-ho,” Narumi lifted his oar out of the water, then dipped it back in and pushed the handle forward powerfully. I matched his actions, yelling and using all my strength to pull my handle toward me. When our oars touched the surface, they moved vigorously through the water, and the momentum propelled our cutter forward with a jolt. Fuyutsuki laughed, swaying backward and forward along with the boat. “This is amazing!” Narumi, who was now a hundred percent fired up, let out a loud “heave-ho!” Seriously? I thought, fed up—but I joined in with his chanting anyway. “Once this is over, I’m gonna drop out of college and grow vegetables back home…,” I said, acting like some sort of movie character just before they die. However, the naive girl in front of me took my words at face value. “You’re dropping out?!” “He isn’t really, Koharu. Don’t fall for his silly jokes,” Hayase said. She’d been tightly holding on to Fuyutsuki’s hand for some time now, and she looked pale. “Hey, Hayase—” “Heave-ho!” “—okay?” “What was that?” she responded crabbily. I’d been trying to ask if she was okay, but it must have been drowned out by Narumi’s shouting. “Hayase! Are you—?” “Heave-ho!” Narumi shouted over me yet again. “What did you say?!” “Heave-ho!” He was so loud. “I was asking if you were okay!” “Heave-ho!” “—not okay!” He’d yelled over Hayase this time. Narumi’s shouts were starting to get a little much for me. They kept interrupting my conversation. There was an upperclassman sitting at the stern of the boat, manning the tiller, and I called out to him, suggesting we ease up a bit. “Someone’s feeling seasick,” I explained, “so let’s slow down.” “Stop rowing, everyone,” he commanded, and we all raised our oars. “Thank you,” said Hayase. “You’re so kind,” added Fuyutsuki. “Sorry, my bad. I got kinda carried away there,” Narumi said, apologizing. The boat moved along at a slower pace. From the bay, the high-rise buildings of Tsukishima looked even taller. The sunlight reflected off the water’s surface, making it glisten like a wobbling mirror. There was a gentle breeze in the air, and Fuyutsuki held down her hair as the wind moved around her. I gazed at her, mesmerized. When I realized what I was doing, I felt so embarrassed. The fact that I’d been doing it involuntarily made my cheeks burn even more. “Did you know that every year, there’s a fireworks display at the end of the student festival?” Fuyutsuki asked with a gentle smile, her eyes narrowed. “I’m on the festival committee, so I’d really appreciate it if you could take Koharu,” said Hayase. “I’ve got night shift starting at seven,” said Narumi. …He was going to his part-time job after this hell? The fatigue-detecting system in his brain must have been totally busted. “Okay, I’ll go with you, Fuyutsuki. We can meet up later on. Wait for me on the terrace of the student center.” “Sure!” she replied. Maybe it was just my imagination, but she looked really happy. “Come to think of it, we still haven’t set off the fireworks we bought.” “Yeah. If I’d known they were going to have some at the festival, I wouldn’t have needed to buy so many.” “What do you mean?” I asked. Hayase smiled at me, looking a little exasperated. “Oh well. At least you got a date with Koharu out of it,” she teased. Next, Narumi chimed in with some unnecessary information. “He even took a shower before he left.” “Seriously? You’d better watch out, Koharu…,” Hayase said, giving me a distrustful look. “Watch out for what?” Fuyutsuki asked, looking confused. “Seriously, cut it out,” I snapped, trying to smooth things over. At that moment, the boat suddenly shook. “Hyah!” Hayase squealed. A wave of chuckles filled the boat hearing her high-pitched yell. “Hey, don’t laugh,” Hayase said, looking embarrassed—but this just made it even funnier, causing us all to laugh even harder. Cast in the light of the setting sun, we turned the cutter back around toward the university. As we got closer, we began to hear a cover band performing. It was impossible to make out the lyrics, but we could hear the guitar and the drums, along with the cheers of the excited spectators. Was it normal to get muscle pain the same day you overexerted yourself? My arms were trembling, and my lower back felt like it was about to break. I didn’t even have the strength to open a bottle cap, and my legs were barely supporting me. My entire body was exhausted. I felt like the ground was shaking, likely because I’d spent so much time on the boat. I was even having trouble walking as I headed to our usual spot on the terrace, dragging my heavy legs along with me. For some reason, the thought of the two of us meeting up made me nervous. “I’m on the festival committee.” “I’ve got night shift starting at seven.” My head had begun to spin when I heard Hayase’s and Narumi’s excuses. I’d been unbelievably happy. Was this feeling what I thought it was? Yeah, it must be. When had it started? Was it when I saw how excited Fuyutsuki was earlier? Or had it started long before that? The idea of me and Fuyutsuki spending time together alone made me so excited. There weren’t many people outside the student center where the terrace was. The festival was taking place on the large grass lawn near the main entrance, where at that moment, the yukata contest—the last event—was being held. I could hear Hayase’s voice, amplified through a microphone; she must have been the host or something. Hayase was involved with the student festival committee in addition to her other responsibilities. She was so different from me that I found myself beginning to admire her. Fuyutsuki was in our normal spot, drinking her usual milk tea. She was just sitting there waiting for me as the world around us began to take on an orange hue. The moment I saw Fuyutsuki, my heart skipped a beat. Clutching my chest, I called out to her. “Sorry, did I keep you waiting?” “No, it’s fine. I haven’t been waiting long.” “Has your milk tea gone cold?” “It’s in a paper cup, so it cools down pretty quickly anyway.” The wind was relatively chilly, considering it was early summer. A cheer erupted in the distance coming from the yukata contest, and Hayase’s lively voice echoed through the twilight. “Kakeru?” “Hmm?” “I thought you’d disappeared.” “Oh yeah. I went quiet, didn’t I?” “You’re such a meanie.” The two of us exchanged our usual lighthearted banter, then smiled at each other. We had a nice atmosphere going. Then Fuyutsuki muttered something. “I wish I could have worn a yukata.” “I bet your super-rich family own some pretty expensive ones.” “My mom used to wear this yukata with a spider lily pattern on the obi. I always wanted to wear it.” “You should have entered the yukata contest.” “You think so?” “I’m sure you’d have come first.” “If I had, would you have voted for me?” “Well…,” I said jokingly. “Give me a serious answer.” Fuyutsuki’s voice suddenly took on a stern tone, making me a little nervous. “Of course I would’ve voted for you, Fuyutsuki.” “Even though I’m blind? Would you still pick me as your favorite?” Her voice was trembling. It sounded feeble—as if it could dissipate at any moment. I’d never seen Fuyutsuki look so anxious. “Does having a disability really matter in a yukata contest?” I wondered if this straightforward response would bother her, and as soon as I said it, I felt a surge of anxiety. Of course it mattered. Deep down, everyone knew that. It was impossible not to take note of such differences. But— “But I would have voted for you regardless.” Fuyutsuki’s face looked red. Was that because of the sunset? “That sounds almost like a confession,” said Fuyutsuki, teasing me. It was so unfair of her to mock me like that. “No, that’s not what I meant. I’m just saying you’d look good.” “I’d look good?” She stared at me, a bewildered look on her pretty face. I felt self-conscious. “No, seriously, it’s not what it sounds like. I just assumed a rich girl like you would be used to wearing yukata.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” Fuyutsuki replied, laughing. The glow of the setting sun made her look radiant. Before I knew it, the words had slipped out of my mouth. “So this must be love.” “Huh?” Fuyutsuki’s expression made it look like she was frozen in time. Panicking, I tried to smooth things over. “I mean, you must really love fireworks. You’re always talking about them.” Fuyutsuki laughed a little and turned her eyes toward the sky. “I think it would be wonderful if we could put on our own fireworks display. It’d be such a special day—a memory that would last a lifetime.” It looked like she was imagining fireworks exploding in the sky she couldn’t see. “You know those fireworks we impulse bought the other day?” Fuyutsuki continued. “They must have been pretty heavy.” “They’re just sitting quietly in the corner of my room now, looking at me resentfully.” “I wish they’d told us there would be fireworks at the student festival.” “When would they have done that?” “Uh… Maybe at the entrance ceremony?” “‘Congratulations to all our new students! I know this is a little ahead of time, but we’re going to be setting off fireworks at the student festival!’ Something like that?” I asked, laughing. “Be serious,” Fuyutsuki retorted, but she was laughing, too. I looked up at the sky. Dark clouds had gathered, and a cold wind was blowing in. “And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for! The glorious winner of the yukata contest is…!” Hayase’s voice echoed from afar, followed by a loud cheer. Fuyutsuki and I listened to her together. There was a comfortable atmosphere between us as we had an unmemorable conversation, musing about how hoarse Hayase’s voice would be the next day and commenting on the crowd’s enthusiasm. We enjoyed a moment of calm, listening to the voices in the distance. Then all of a sudden, something changed. Raindrops began to fall, one by one. The smell of rain instantly filled the air, and in no time at all, the sound of rain grew intense. The fireworks display was canceled, so we decided to share an umbrella and walk back to Fuyutsuki’s apartment. It happened as we were saying good-bye to each other in front of her apartment building. That day, hidden beneath the umbrella, Fuyutsuki and I shared our first kiss.
Chapter 3
45 min read