“The children in Hinata Dorm are not pitiful children.”
“…”
“The ones who are pitiful are the adults.”
“Adults?”
“Yes. It’s heartbreaking that adults who can’t raise adorable children are the ones to be pitied.”
“…”
“It’s the responsibility of the adults. The children are not at fault, yet they always suffer. That’s unfair.”
“…”
“Those children are strong. They embrace their loneliness and prepare themselves for independent lives. Those resilient and beautiful children are not pitiful.”
“…”
“We mustn’t be mistaken. If the world were kinder, those children would have an easier life.”
I contemplated the world Saki lived in, a world I couldn’t fully comprehend. The anxiety of children who have been separated from their parents and live without emotional support were undoubtedly immeasurable. That was why these children supported one another to keep going, and some even chose to confine themselves to the limited world they knew just to avoid further pain.
Saki, too, had felt despair in that world, leading her to plunge into the spring on the night of the blue moon six years ago.
“He saved me when I fell into the spring.”
“Yeah.”
“Even though it was our first encounter, he called me Saki. He scolded me, saying, ‘Don’t die.’ And he showed me the purpose of my life. Those words enabled me to keep living until now. He is my savior, my first love, and the reason I’m still alive.”
For her, her first love was not a mere fictional character from a dream. Saki’s love was a genuine, destined love.
“That person was probably in high school. He was backlit by the moonlight, making it difficult to see his face clearly. He was tall, wore a blue shirt, and had a bandage around his pinky finger…
“If he were here with me now, I wonder if he would be like you, Keiichi-kun, the same age as me. We wouldplay and talk together like this, we surely…”
“Surely what?” I inquired.
“Forget it. It’s nothing.”
With those words, she shook her head slightly and turned her gaze toward me. However, Saki didn’t say anything more.
I, too, found myself unable to speak.
Frustration welled up within me, but I came to understand the significance of Saki waiting for that person for six years. The person she was waiting for saved her life.
And even now, waiting for him had become a reason Saki continued to live.
I couldn’t compete with someone like that. In the indigo night, all sounds seemed to fade away. At the edge of the spring, where the wind blew stronger than usual, we forgot our conversation and stared at the swaying blue moon.
We simply gazed at the spring. I wished I could say something clever but didn’t know what. Yet, I didn’t want to let time slip away like this, so, in an attempt to change the mood, I stood up and suggested, “Shall we take a walk?”
Saki rose to her feet next to me and asked, “Where should we go?”
“Should we walk around the spring?” I suggested.
“Or maybe we should go to the forest?” Saki said.
“Yeah, let’s not go there,” I quickly replied.
I decided to wait with Saki for that person. I understood how important blue moon days were to her. And I felt guilty for complaining about it being boring and taking her to town without her consent. Regretting that I had taken up her precious time, I gazed at her. Despite being an honors student, she always prioritized other people’s feelings over her own.
“Okay, then let’s explore around the spring,” Saki suggested.
I thought, How kind she is.
As she stood, she exclaimed, “Rock-paper…”
“Huh?” I was taken aback. “Scissors!”
I managed to shout in time with the chant and played rock while she presented paper.
“Okay, we’ll go left.”
“What was the rock-paper-scissors for?” I asked, bewildered.
“The winner decides which way to walk.”
“What kind of game is that?” I shook my shoulders and laughed. I admired her for finding enjoyment in anything. We strolled along the edge of the spring, surrounded by the blue-green hues of the sky and trees.
“It’s my first time seeing the spring from this side,” Saki remarked, casting a sidelong glance at the spring.
“Do you always stay over there?”
The place where Saki always stood was where the blue light shined the brightest. Seeing the spring from this perspective, with the trees obscuring the moonlight, gave it a completely different impression.
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m always there.”
I wondered if that was the spot where she had been saved. Perhaps she always stayed in the same place so her first love wouldn’t get lost.
“But, today…” Saki’s voice trailed off as she looked down at her sneakers.
“What is it?”
“I thought I would be waiting alone today. Honestly, I had given up on the idea that he would come.”
“Who?” I asked, pausing in my steps.
Noticing my halt, Saki also stopped and looked up at me as she spoke.
“Keiichi-kun.”
“Me?”
“Yeah… Yesterday, I said something strange, right? Even though I had never told anyone before, I was able to talk about it with you.”
I realized she might have been worried about sharing something like that. Come to think of it, even after crying at the Suzumushi Temple, she persistently apologized. It seemed like she believed causing trouble for someone was a sin… Saki seemed like the type to think that way.
“Even so, we’re only talking about this now… I’m sorry?”
Saki had called me a good listener before and expressed her desire to talk a lot. I found her chattiness endearing. It seemed like she had opened up to me, which made me happy.
I see… Then, at the very least, I want to be Saki’s number - one confidant, I thought. A friend with whom she could discuss anything. That wouldn’t be so bad. I wanted to listen to all of Saki’s worries.
Even if my feelings didn’t reach her, Saki was still important to me. I looked down at her and said, “I’ll listen to anything.” Then I added, “You don’t have to choose your words or your stories.”
It was me who had said, “Tell me.”
“Really?” she asked, suddenly looking up at me.
My chest creaked as if it were breaking apart when I was met with her moist, brown eyes. Pretending not to notice the sound or the pain it caused, I replied, “Yeah. You’ve confided me a lot so far, haven’t you? It’s too late to hold back now.”
“I see.”
“What you told me yesterday, is that what’s been troubling you lately?”
“Yeah.” She nodded.
I couldn’t help but admire the strength of character she displayed. She always seemed to think about others more than herself. Maybe that was just how she lived, but it pained me to think about.
She was likely worried about her future. I was worried about her strength to hide it from others and the fragility concealed beneath.
“I thought I could handle it alone…”
“Yeah.”
“I think about it all the time, even during school and summer vacation. Even when I was in the spring, I kept replaying it in my mind, and I became so anxious that I didn’t know what to do anymore.”
“…”
“So, I’m glad you came and helped me. We had a lot of fun and forgot about our worries. These past four days have been really great.”
Her slender shoulders, flowing hair, slightly parted lips, and eyes filled with sorrow were so dear to me that I wanted to reach out and hug her.
Instead of yearning to physically touch the person I loved, my instinct was to provide comfort to the girl who worked tirelessly and carried the weight of anxiety for her future. It reminded me of the tender moment when she’d run her fingers through my hair and whispered, “Hmm… Good boy, good boy.”
Yet, I knew it was important for a man to exercise caution when it came to physical contact with a girl, so I tightened my outstretched hand, keeping it from reaching her. Hoping my words would convey the support I wanted to offer, I spoke gently. “Saki, did you know that worries are like tomatoes?”
“Tomatoes?” she asked, her curiosity piqued.
“Yes, it’s something my grandmother taught me. Worries are like tomato plants.”
That was back when I was just an elementary school student, taking my first steps into the world of soccer. I had a small body, and no matter how much I practiced, I couldn’t seem to improve as fast as my classmates.