My company was recommending that I be transferred somewhere far away.
A surprise transfer had always been on the table. There was no point in hiding it. I decided to ask Saitou out the next day and tell her. It was the night before her day off. I knew that telling her I had something important to talk about would only frighten her, so I invited her over for dinner as casually as possible.
I told her I had gotten a nice bottle of wine from my boss. I did not want to leave this tale with an anticlimactic ending no matter how Saitou reacted to my news, so I thought it wise to have her over to my place, somewhere where neither of us could leave without fully making our intentions known. There was nothing peculiar about this; I had invited her over plenty of times before for the sake of an alibi. Incidentally, I had lied about the wine.
Once both our workdays were said and done, I met up with her at the station and we headed for my place. We passed through the generic condo entrance, exchanging a friendly greeting with a parent and child we passed by. When I unlocked the door and stepped inside, I could smell the lifelessness of my own home.
“Stark a place as ever,” she remarked. “It’s the same size as my place, but it feels so much bigger.”
“I’ll take your coat.”
I hung both our jackets on hangers. As she had noted, there was nothing in my home beyond the bare essentials for living. I had only a minimal amount of furniture and appliances plus a computer; no television or bookshelf in sight, much less any decorative items.
After she finished gargling in the bathroom, I called her over to the L-shaped sofa that sat framing the coffee table.
“You wanna start with the wine? I do have beer and stuff too.”
“Well, it’s a special occasion! Let’s wait until the food gets here. Waiter! A beer, if you would.”
“Gladly, Miss.”
I poured one of her favorite canned beers into a glass and placed it on the table. “Pour the rest how you like,” I told her and then returned to the kitchen. At Saitou’s request, I’d ordered Italian food for delivery. I’d bought some cheese to tide us over until the food arrived, and I piled it on a plate and placed it before her. I opened a beer myself in response to her thanks and sat down kitty-corner to her.
I could have just launched immediately into the topic at hand, not bothering to wait for the food, but given that the conversation might result in a loss of appetite, I thought it best to fill our stomachs first. As we waited for the food to arrive, I filled Saitou in on this fictitious boss of mine. I set him up as a good-natured single guy who enjoyed trying out different restaurants. I also explained that the wine had been a gift for finishing up some last-minute work for him.
After a little while, the doorbell rang, and a young man—probably college-aged—handed us a number of dishes. Saitou and I placed them on the table with plates and chopsticks, and then I set some glasses on the table alongside the red wine. Saitou had already drained her second beer.
After we poured the wine and said our thanks, Saitou, who had just taken a bit of salad, put her hand to her mouth happily.
“Is delivery food getting good these days or what?”
“It really is!”
We sampled all the dishes as we carried on a vapid conversation. The wine seemed to suit her palate. Every item tasted as bland to me as ever.
As always, here I was, eating with her. We shared an active connection only in the things that had a direct link to living. The only other things for us to do were the necessary tasks to lead a hassle-free life. That was why I needed to have a talk with Saitou, my girlfriend, about the future.
With a sip of wine in my mouth, I waited for the right moment. I opened up the chicken fritters and tried to catch a gap in Saitou’s chatter, thinking it was about the right time. However, Saitou, who had really picked up the pace in her imbibing, chose that moment of all times to knock over a glass full of wine. Casting a sidelong glance at her as she panicked, I grabbed some dish towels from the kitchen and sopped up the spill. I tasked her with separating the food that was still edible from what had been soaked in wine.
“God, I’m so sorry! I think I’m drunk.”
“That’s unusual for you.”
“Mm, I haven’t been getting much sleep lately. That might be why it’s getting to me.”
As I noted concern for her health, the conversation shifted to the usual kvetching about Saitou’s work. We had completely blown past the moment for the subject I wanted to bring up, but we still had plenty of time.
“It’s like, there’s this misogynistic side to my boss, and every time it crops up in casual conversation I have to wonder, like, what is going on in this office?”
“I see… I think it’d be one thing if you were really happy there, but have you thought about moving to a different station?”
“I can’t say I haven’t, but it’s not realistic, considering I don’t have a whole lot to show for myself right now.”
Despite having already noted how drunk she was, Saitou took another swig of her drink. So she had been backed into a corner by her job, the thing that was supposed to be her raison d’être. I wondered how she really felt about that. If she felt betrayed, then perhaps that gust of hers already had one foot out the door. Or perhaps it meant that her once-in-a-lifetime gust had nothing to do with her work in the first place.
After a while, Saitou had finally aired out enough complaints to satisfy herself—or maybe she was simply tired—she clapped her hands together and said, “Sorry for griping so much in the middle of such a good meal.”
“It’s fine, food that tastes good always tastes good,” I said, when suddenly, the perfect pass came hurtling my way.
“On the previous note, have you ever thought about changing careers or anything?” she asked.
I glanced upward, then tilted my head as though I was thinking hard.
“Mm, well…”
There really was no need for me to contemplate it, since I had just been given the perfect setup for the talk I already wanted to have. Thus, my reaction was only what I felt constituted the appropriate hesitation to a sudden question from a lover.
“What’s up?”
“Well, actually, there was something that I wanted to talk to you about today on that subject.”
Her right eyebrow twitched at my tone.
“What? You’re…”
Her mouth clamped shut as though she was trying to force back the words, “…scaring me,” that probably would have followed. That was how it looked to me, anyway.
Choosing my words carefully, I explained to her that I might be transferred. I told her everything, not concealing any detail—the timing, how long, and that the proposed location would be quite far away. There was no point in hiding anything. The most important part was what would come after I had clearly outlined the facts.
“Anyway, nothing’s been decided yet, we’re still just in talks. But, um, I wanted to get your opinion on it. What would you do if I got transferred?”
“Hm…”
Unlike mine, her sigh probably actually came from the heart.
“I realize that neither of us could easily quit our jobs,” I continued. “But to be honest, I don’t want to have to end things with you, either. Still, it’s like you said before. I’m worried that if we couldn’t see each other as much anymore, I’d just be wasting your time.”
This was largely a lie, but it was true that I wasn’t actively hoping to end things with Saitou. I was ultimately leaving the decision up to her. I had no problem with carrying on a long-distance relationship, and if she decided to break up with me on the spot, I would accept that just as well. As long as there wasn’t any lingering animosity, I didn’t care either way.