When you grow into a boring adult, there’s little wonder or mystery that you don’t understand the workings of. Even the weird legends back in our hometown were just vestiges of those who fled from the war and used those abandoned homes to hide so they wouldn’t be attacked by the people who already lived in the area. Eventually, those bloodlines began to mix and the refugees became indistinguishable from the rest, leaving nothing behind but words and old habits. They weren’t fairy tales, or creepy myths, or anything like that.
Many of the pointless actions that men and women take eventually turn into rituals.
Today, for the first time in a while, both of our days off had aligned, so there was no reason for either of us to force ourselves awake. But she leapt out of the bed anyway, immediately making a racket.
I looked at the alarm clock, which seemed to have made its way over to my pillow somehow at some point in the night. It was five minutes to ten. First to rise, Saitou was now sitting in a desk chair, apparently waiting for her computer to boot.
I sat up, pulling on a T-shirt that was on the floor nearby, and scooted to the edge of the bed.
“Sorry, did I wake you?” she asked.
“Nah, it’s whatever. Got some work e-mails?”
“No, I just forgot something’s going on sale today.”
“What is?”
“Tickets to a show.”
The word “show” was one that I rarely used in my daily life, so it took my brain a few moments to register what it meant. She meant a concert, presumably.
“It’s a performance by a band I like, Her Nerine. They’ve been on the program I direct a few times too. I completely forgot about the pre-sale lottery, so I figured I’d aim for the general sales, which open at ten o’clock. Two minutes left… God, this is always so nerve-racking.”
She sat there, looking a bit sloppy in her underwear and T-shirt, hand on the mouse waiting for the clock to turn. Of course, this was her home, so I was probably the one who could stand to look a bit more put together.
“If they’ve been on your show, couldn’t you just get some tickets from them, Sanae?”
“Just a sec.”
Apparently, the clock had ticked over. She stared at her screen, voracious and so silent that I didn’t even think she was breathing. She clicked once at some specific moment, then started clicking over and over again at regular intervals. Did it really take that much work just to get some tickets? Not being an active music listener, I had certainly never purchased concert tickets, so I had no idea.
To clarify, Sanae was the name Saitou had been given by her parents—her first name.
Finally, she thrust both her fists up into the air.
“Yes! Got ’em! Sorry for making all this noise so early. Anyway, what were you saying?”
“Glad you got them. But I was saying, since you already have a connection with the band, couldn’t you just get tickets from them?”
“Mm, now that you mention it, I probably could’ve.”
Saitou spun her chair around, facing toward me. She had a habit of overacting all her casual everyday words and actions. Even now, she pretended to be embarrassed of her private self, but her words and smile suggested she was actually quite proud.
“I don’t want to corrupt our business relationship with my own love of what they do, though.”
Approaching the things you like with an immaculate internal self-satisfaction… I didn’t understand the point when the end result—going to a concert—was the same. That said, it was totally unnecessary to be exasperated by or disparage someone else’s self-satisfaction.
“I do have my place in the business though, so I do what I can.”
I chose some words that I figured she would want to hear—if we were a couple in a TV drama.
“Gotcha. Well, maybe I’ll go make us some breakfast. Something you’ll like.”
“Oh, thanks! But you know, we could just sleep a little longer.”
Counter to what she had just said, Saitou stood from her chair and walked toward me with eyes fiery, sitting down beside me. Her slender fingers traced my own sinuous hand.
“I mean, that’s fine with me, but if we go back to sleep now, we’ll never make it out in time.”
We had an errand to run together that afternoon. Honestly, I didn’t really care about it either way, but the way things were going, it seemed like we’d be using up too much physical energy first thing in the morning, which was a bit of a pain. I pressed my lips to hers briefly and stood up.
“You can grab whatever you like from the fridge,” came her voice from behind me, heavy with afterglow. I moved to the kitchen and opened the fridge.
I had at least enough cooking skill not to disappoint myself with the dishes I made. And in the past four months that we had been together like this, I had come to grasp some idea of the things she liked.
In the kitchen, whose layout I was now familiar with, I made an omelet with milk in it, a little more than half-done, and slid it onto a plate with two slices of fried ham and some lettuce folded in the middle. I toasted one slice of bread and cut it in half, which would be enough for us to share. I set it down in front of Saitou, who was sitting at the table waiting and sipping some instant coffee.
“Sorry it’s so basic.”
“That’s fine. I’m usually eating by myself in a hurry, so it’s nice to share a meal. Thank you.”
I accepted her praise with an appropriate smile.
After we finished our leisurely meal, we quickly cleaned ourselves up to go out. There was no point in wondering what use we might make of our leftover time, as Saitou had already started working on her computer.
“You should really try taking a day off sometimes.”
Though of course, I didn’t actually think that at all. People were free to use their own time however they wanted. I’d only said it because I figured it was what Saitou would want to hear.
“It’s fine. I do this because I enjoy it.”
“You know, I’m always impressed you can be so enthusiastic about your work.”
“I am pretty proud of it, though you could also say that I kind of use it as an escape.”
She smiled as she looked between her computer screen and her phone. What she said was true; her heart and soul were completely governed by her work. Like many others, she’d made the mistake of believing that this was her raison d’être.
Finally taking a break from her work, she came up behind me as I sat on the couch and wrapped her arms around my neck. After lingering like this for what seemed the appropriate length of time, I got up and put my phone and wallet into my pocket. When we made it to the front door, it was warmer outside than I’d expected. I stepped outside, waiting for her to lock up.
Saitou and me walked to the station wearing clothes that were suitable for the season, our age, and our income levels. We had plans to go to the theater today. It was not something that either of us had much interest in, but Saitou had gotten it in her head that we should go see a performance by some little acting troupe she’d heard of from somewhere, reasoning that we could only do this on a day off. It wasn’t anything that was worth my turning down.
As we walked, Saitou rattled off what she had learned from looking up this troupe, when I realized that she was staring at my face. This again?
“Is there something on my face…?”
I knew that there was something she wanted to say to me, but that question was traditionally how we started these exchanges.
“No, I was just thinking how handsome you look today,” she’d say, taking a good, hard look at me.
In response, I’d say, “I know,” or some other similarly affirmative words.
At this, Saitou’s face would scrunch up, and she’d chide me with a “You could at least try being humble,” after which we’d look at one another and laugh.
I had no idea what was so funny about this, but Saitou was always orchestrating such exchanges, sometimes several times a day. It did me no harm to go along with it, so I did. I had plenty of time in my life to waste on these things.
I had some idea of how this had started—it was during a conversation several days after that day in May when we’d affirmed through our actions that we would grow into the sort of relationship we had now. Saitou had explained to me why she would want to keep me bound to her as a lover.
“I just look at you and think, I’d like to see a bit more of this person, both emotionally and physically.”
“Physically…?”
“I like the face you’ve grown into.”