“Sorry to make you worry. I really don’t think there’s anything you could do that would bother me.”
All that said, it did make me happy that Chika had been worried about the same sort of thing I was. I knew there were differences in the ways we felt, but because we understood so little about each other’s alien cultures, we were both trying our best to make sense of them.
“That’s good. Um, well then, if you don’t mind it, there are some more things I’d like to know about rohmanse.”
“Sure, I can tell you anything I know,” I said, then immediately wondered how much I did know.
“Rohmanse is like a feeling of wanting to get closer to someone, right? So I was thinking the practice of kissing must be a way to get as close to the other person’s body as possible?”
“Something like that, I guess. I don’t know the origins of kissing, but that sounds plausible. I feel like that’s a big difference between romance and friendship, that it makes you happy to be both emotionally and physically close.”
“Do you feel that way?”
“I do.”
“Then let’s get close.”
As she said this, Chika’s lights moved up high. Before I could react, she got close to me, sitting at my side so close our shoulders touched. As she sat down, our knees touched, whatever garment she was wearing sandwiched in between them.
“Is this bad?”
“N-no, not at all!”
Of course it wasn’t bad. I was too shy to look her in the eye from this distance, though, so I turned to the front. What I assumed to be one of her arms was adjusting to the heat of mine.
“Since you first touched me, I’ve been thinking about how warm you are,” she said.
“I did think you were a bit colder than people from my world.”
“My body temperature isn’t especially low, so I guess we’re just colder overall.”
Though we couldn’t convey taste or smell, heat got through just fine. I tried to keep my heart in check as I wondered what that difference might mean.
“My body heat might be a bit higher than usual.”
“Is it? I’d love to be able to confirm that, but since you’re the only one I can see here there’s no one else I’d be able to touch at the same time.”
Even if there was someone else who could see Chika, would I really be able to go along with that? I supposed I might have considered it in the past, but only before I realized my romantic feelings.
“Right,” she continued, “if you wanted, I could try bringing someone else here with me next time, so we can find out whether you can see them? We might be able to tell if I’m the only one you can see.”
This proposal was the next logical step of our conversations, and by all rights it was something that we probably should’ve tested out, but I shook my head.
“No,” I said. “Seeing you is enough.”
What I said was true, but behind those words was the sinking feeling that Chika still didn’t see me as her one and only. I suppressed the feeling lest it show on my face.
“If you ever do want to try, just let me know. I offer this only because I’m so grateful for all that you’ve done. But the part of me that treasures you feels the same way. As long as I can be with you, that’s enough for me.”
Any petty thoughts within me were painted over by her words. What simple creatures we were, those of us who knew of romance. Chika didn’t know the first thing about romantic love, and yet every single word she chose seemed to perfectly reflect my feelings. Or perhaps it was because she knew nothing that she was able to speak words that would delight a person in love without shame. There were so many words that I couldn’t say to her because I knew of the love I felt inside my heart.
Putting all that aside, though, I didn’t want to deny Chika’s feelings of gratitude, so I offered a counterproposal. I’d been thinking about it while we were apart.
“Well then, let me ask something of you instead.”
“Sure.”
“I want you to draw me a picture.”
“Huh? But that didn’t work when we tried it before.”
I had in fact brought a pen and notebook with me once, thinking I could get Chika to write down her language and the words that I couldn’t hear. As Chika said, it had failed. She couldn’t hold my notebook or pen.
“Well, when I tried to hand you that pen, it just fell on the ground. But remember how we were able to eat the food when we gave it to each other directly? I figure if you hold the pen while I’m also holding it, it should work.”
“I see. That might be good to try. But you don’t want to try words like last time but a picture.”
“Yeah. There’s something I want you to draw.”
“What?”
It was impossible to know whether asking for this would be rude or not, so I was prepared to say I was sorry if she found it offensive. “A self-portrait.”
“Hmm…”
“Ah, never mind,” I apologized, almost on reflex. As I turned to her, the first time I had ever done so from this distance, she tilted her eyes curiously. I already knew we were close, but the distance still stunned me.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Well, I…”
I wasn’t sure I could explain this, even if I was in my right mind. If I thought too hard about it, I certainly wouldn’t be able to, so I gave her the first answer that came to my lips.
“I just thought it might be rude of me. I’ve developed feelings for you without even knowing what you look like, so it seems weird to ask for a self-portrait just so I can try to form a mental image of your appearance.”
“I see. But I mean, that’s not why I didn’t agree immediately. You really don’t need to apologize to me, for multiple reasons.”
“Multiple?”
She lowered her gaze, hesitant. I wondered if there was some major reason why she couldn’t draw a picture. Had I asked something rude of her without even realizing it? I waited for her reply, worried, when she finally moved her invisible lips, still looking away.