“If this gets uncomfortable, just say so.”
I waited for her to nod, then gingerly stretched my right hand out toward her invisible body. Obviously, I was not so consumed by my own lusts that I would reach for where her chest or whatever would be, assuming her body had the same structure as a human woman’s.
I merely wanted to confirm that she was there. And I wanted to make her certain of me.
I wasn’t thinking that I wanted to make Chika happy with my kindness. I wasn’t operating by a drive as vague as that.
I wouldn’t fool myself anymore. I had done it because Chika was special to me. I treasured the things she said and the things she thought with every fiber of my being, and not simply because she lived in another world. In the end, this was nothing more than my own intentions, my own ego. I wanted to make that clear to myself as well. I wanted to drill into my own skull that any sense of justice and mercy I thought I possessed were all lies.
I brushed one of her small, shining nails with my fingertip.
I felt her hands, cold as ever. On what would be the backs of her hands if she were human, I felt humanlike tendons.
I traced up her hand with my finger, finding what must be her wrist. A little farther up, I felt a soft material. I thought at first it might be a long-sleeved garment, but the fabric was spread out, not encircling her arm.
“What kind of clothes are you wearing?”
“It’s something that covers your whole body from the top down. It’s called a ××××××. You might not have them in your world.”
Perhaps it was like a robe or a cloak. Judging by the feel, it was light and soft.
“Seriously, if you don’t like this, just say so.”
“Okay. But I mean, I don’t mind being touched by you.”
I was both thrilled and terrified that she trusted me so much.
I tenderly gripped what was probably her arm through the clothes and moved slowly up. There was a bonelike protrusion midway, probably an elbow joint. From there, her arm got a bit thicker, and even farther up I found another bony protrusion, like a shoulder.
“So your bodies are the same as ours.”
“Yeah. I can tell that from looking at you.”
Her eyes narrowed in amusement. As far as I could tell, that meant she was smiling. Seeing this at such close range made my heart throb.
I had already achieved my goal. I could stop this now. But she didn’t tell me to.
My fingers trailed toward her neck. When I reached where her neck must be, I saw her eyes quiver slightly. I frantically pulled my hand away.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“I thought you were upset.”
“…You’re so sweet, Kaya.”
Her eyes narrowed again as she softly gripped the hand that had just been touching her. Then, she guided me to her neck, to the spot I had just reached, placing my hand there with hers, like she was taming some sort of adorable creature.
Her neck had a pulse, just like a human’s. Even if her heart flowed with glowing blood, it was a sign of life.
She brought my fingers up to her chin. I felt the contour of her face. As I traced the edges, Chika laughed like she was being tickled. I felt the air of her exhalation on my fingers. I pressed one of them to her cheek, confirming it was there but careful not to stab her with my nail, before following it with my palm. Her cheek took the warmth of my palm. Though we were in different worlds, we could share heat.
Chika was there.
“Hey, Chika.”
I couldn’t think of a single excuse for my actions—not that there was something in the air, or that I was drunk, or that my lips were speaking all on their own.
“What is it?”
Even if I didn’t say a thing, I was sure that my body temperature would convey my feelings. I steeled myself, wanting to make my intentions known.
“I doubt you’ll understand this, and I don’t intend to make you understand it. There’s something I’d like to say though. Sorry in advance.”
She probably wondered at first what I was talking about. Still, Chika saw me as a treasured friend, so she put her own hand atop mine on her cheek and said, “Tell me.”
How much courage could I possibly muster here?
“Chika, I like you.”
“Yeah, I like you too, Kaya.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Rather that tilt her head, she moved her palm just slightly.
“I think we talked about this before. In my world, there’s a concept called romance. It’s different from friendship, different from family. To be honest, I don’t think I could even fully define it for you. It’s not the extension of some other feeling. I don’t even know if it even has a clear connection with sexual attraction. But whatever it is, I feel it in my heart, right now.” I swallowed here because I was afraid to even breathe. “I like you in a way that qualifies as romantic. That’s why I wanted to touch you. But that’s something you can’t understand, just like how sometimes I can’t hear the words you say. I’m sorry. That’s why I wanted you to hear me out.”
I have no idea how pitiful my face looked then.
“Sorry for being so selfish.”
Chika stared at me from up close. I didn’t have the awareness to fully tell what this girl was thinking when I could only see her eyes. Was she shaken? Was she afraid in the face of this unknown emotion? Or was she consumed by some other negative feeling that didn’t even exist in my world?
I could ponder it all I wanted, but I would never know the truth. All I could do was wait.
I stared into Chika’s eyes.
“Kaya.”
Never before had I been so nervous to hear someone speak my name. Our eyes remained locked.
“Teach me how to kiss.”
As I’d felt just once before, my heart gave a single, echoing throb.
“Wha…?”
“I’m sorry. Like you said, I can’t understand this rohmanse thing.”
“Uh-huh.”
“No matter how strong of an emotion it is, there’s no way for me to comprehend it. But I want to cherish that feeling, the way you do. So teach me. People kiss each other when they’re having rohmanse, right?”
I was suddenly shamefully lost.
“Well, I mean, um, kissing is…”
“When you put your lips together, right?”
“I mean it is, but…”
She didn’t take her eyes off me.
“So how do I do it?”
“Um, I mean, you don’t mind doing that?” I needed to get that much out of the way. “If you’re forcing yourself to do this to pay me back because I broke the siren, then please don’t bother.”
“I’m not,” she insisted. “We don’t have a practice of putting our lips together, so I don’t have any feelings toward it to force myself through. I’m doing this because I value you and your feelings. But we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”