To whom it may concern, (all of you)
This is my goodbye.
If you are reading this right now, then I must be dead. (Is that too cliché?)
I want to begin by apologizing for hiding my illness from nearly everyone. I’m truly sorry.
Keeping this secret has been selfish of me, but I
wanted to keep living a normal life, where we could all share in fun times and laughter. And now I’ve died without telling you.
Some of you may have some things you wish you could have told me. If that’s true for you, then go to everyone who isn’t me and tell them the things you wish for them to know. I want you to tell them if you love them, if you hate them, and everything. They could die at any time, just like me. It’s too late to tell me now, but you can still tell them. I hope you will.
✦ ✦ ✦
To everyone at school, [maybe pick out a few to address directly?]
I had so much fun studying with all of you. The cultural festival and sports day were really fun, but what most made me happy were the average days where I could just be with everyone. I’m sad I won’t be able to see where you all go and what you end up doing. Make all the memories you can and tell them to me in heaven. So no bad behavior allowed! (Ha ha!) To everyone who liked me, and everyone who didn’t, thank you.
✦ ✦ ✦
Mom, Dad, big brother, [probably should write separate messages here at least?]
Thank you for everything. I love having you as my family. I really, and truly love each of you. When I was still little, we used to go on trips, the four of us. I still remember them well. I know I was a handful, to put it lightly, but I hope I grew into a daughter you could be proud of. Whatever comes next, if there’s a heaven, or reincarnation, or anything else, I want to be your daughter again. So, you two need to keep loving each other. When you’re reborn, I want you both to raise me again. I want to be a Yamauchi again, with my parents and my brother. Hrm. There’s too much I want to write. I have to figure out what to keep.
✦ ✦ ✦
[Okay I definitely need to write separate messages to everyone who’s important to me. I’ll rewrite the family section later.]
✦ ✦ ✦
Kyōko.
I’m going to start by saying I love you.
I love you Kyōko. There’s no mistaking it. I love you. And so, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until the very end. [Maybe I shouldn’t wait. Think about when to tell her.]
I can’t ask you to forgive me.
But please, just believe this: I loved you.
That’s why I couldn’t tell you.
I loved being with you. Laughing, ranting, being silly, crying… I loved all of it.
No, not loved—love.
Forever. Not past tense, but present and continuous. Whether I’m in heaven or if I’m reborn, I’ll always love you.
I don’t have the courage or the strength to destroy the time I get to spend with you.
To all my other friends, I’m sorry, but Kyōko will always be number one. Who knows, maybe I’m even in love with Kyōko. That settles it, in your next life, Kyōko, you should be born as a boy. (Ha ha!)
Be happy, Kyōko.
I know that whatever happens to you, you’ll be fine. Nothing can beat you.
Find a perfect husband, have adorable babies, and build a family happier than any other.
I really wish I could see your future family [<- Don’t cry when you write this for real.]
I’ll always be watching over you from heaven.
Oh, one last thing. I want you to do one thing for me. Think of it as my last request.
There’s someone I want you to start getting along with.
You know who it is. Yes, the boy you’re always glaring at.
He’s a good person. He really is. Even if he teases me sometimes.
But he is
[I can finish writing about him later, ha]
[Write your feelings to Kyōko better.]