The first pages are a sort of monologue. She would have been in junior high.
November 29—
I don’t want to write about really depressing stuff, so I’ll get this part out of the way. When I found out I was sick, my mind went blank, and I didn’t know how to handle it. I got scared and cried. I got mad and took it out on my family. I did a lot of different things. First, I want to apologize to my family. I’m sorry. And thank you for staying with me until I settled back down. […]
December 4—
It’s been cold lately. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I found out about my illness. For one thing, I’ve decided not to resent my fate. That’s why I didn’t name this book about fighting against my illness, but rather, living with it. […]
After that, there’s an entry every few days describing various events in her life. This goes on for a few years, and each entry is fairly short. I don’t suspect anything in this part contains the answers I seek, and I decide to skim the entries for now. A few stand out to me, however.
October 12—
I got a new boyfriend. I’m not sure how I feel about it. If we stay together for a while, will I have to tell him about my illness? I don’t want to.
January 3—
We broke up. Not an auspicious start to the new year. Kyōko consoled me.
January 20—
Eventually, I’ll have to tell Kyōko about my illness. But not until the very end. I want us to still have fun together. I’d better apologize here in case she ever reads this. Kyōko, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was dying.
She writes about finishing ninth grade, moving on to high school, and celebrates this time of her life with Kyōko-san. A year passes, and she’s a second-year student. She senses her end is coming, but she still strives to live a joyful life. Her words etch themselves deep in my soul.
June 15—
I’m more and more a high school student now. I thought hard about joining a club but eventually decided not to. Some of the cultural clubs sounded better than the sports clubs, but I finally went with the “going home after school club.” I need to prioritize the time I can spend with my family and friends. Kyōko is back on the volleyball team again, playing hard every day. You go, Kyōko!
March 12—
Some people say falling sakura blossoms can be a melancholic sight, but that’s how I feel when they bloom, too. I start counting how many more times I’ll be alive to see them bloom. But it’s not all bad. I think the flowers seem more beautiful to me than to anyone else my age. […]
April 5—
Sophomore year, here I come! I’m in the same class as Kyōko! Yay! I’m also with Hina and Rika, and on the boys’ side, Takahiro-kun. Lucky me! Well, maybe that’s where all my luck with my pancreas went. Speaking of, […]
Then, one day, she meets me.
We’d been in the same class before, but this was the day we met for real.
April 22—
For the first time, I told someone outside of my family about my illness. It’s my classmate, ****-kun. He just randomly found my book in the hospital and began reading it, so to hell with it! I told him. Maybe I’ve been wanting to tell someone. He doesn’t seem to have many friends, so I think he’ll keep my secret locked safely away. Actually, I’ve been wondering about him for a little while. We were in the same class last year, too, but I don’t know if he remembers me. He’s always reading his books. I get the feeling he’s struggling with himself. But when I tried talking to him today, he was really funny, and I liked him right away, simple as that. ****-kun seems a little different from other people. I’d like to get to know him better. He already knows my secret, anyway.
She’d blacked out my name with ink. She must have gone back and done that after I told her not to put my name in her journal.
From here on, her chronology overlaps with mine. There’s an entry usually every three days. Almost all of it is trivial.
April 23—
I’m a student librarian now. Writing my opinion down here won’t change anything, but I’ll write it anyway: What kind of school lets students switch around their activities at will?! How is this not total chaos? I tried to talk to ****-kun today, but he looked uncomfortable. Still, it looks like he’ll teach me all the library stuff anyway. I’m going to see if I can get him to talk.
June 7—
I aced the quiz today. Classic me! I’ve been feeling more carefree lately. Sometimes, I joke about dying to ****-kun and he scrunches up his face and says something funny. I’m slowly beginning to understand the kind of person he is. He’s definitely struggling with himself.
June 30—
It’s hot. I don’t hate the heat. Sweating makes me feel alive. We played basketball in gym class. ****-kun asked me not to write his name in this book. I did what he’d do and said something mean, but unlike him I’m agreeable at heart, so sometimes I let him have his way. I won’t write his name here anymore.
I was right, then. When I keep reading, my name doesn’t appear again. I make another connection: That’s why her mother hadn’t been able to identify who she’d told about her illness. When I think about the anxiety I put her family through, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have made that request. The more I read, the stronger that feeling becomes.
July 8—
Someone suggested I should use my time to do the things I want. I thought about what that was, and what I came up with was… I want to do something fun with the person who told me that. I’ve been craving yakiniku, so we’re going out to eat on Sunday. […]
July 11—
The yakiniku was so good! I had fun today. I wish I could write more about it. Too bad. All I’ll say is that I’ll make him see how delicious offal is before I die. After I got back, I […]
July 12—
I had to think on my feet today. After I got to school, I got the idea to go out for something sweet, so I quickly came up with a scheme to rope him in and put it into action. I spent so much time thinking about that, I probably didn’t do so well on the exams.