I hadn’t been able to stop myself, though. I mean, she was speaking about the Akira Aizawa—a fellow student in junior-year AP and a notorious playboy. At school, he and his little posse would roar with laughter about the girls he’d humped and dumped. Naturally, his shallow nature meant that he had a poor reputation among the female students, as well. Regardless of whether or not I was “soft,” being compared to a guy like him had coaxed an odd yell from my throat.
“Isn’t he the lowest of the low?” I asked. “He fools around with one girl after another! How many girls do you think he’s made cry in our class alone?!”
“But girls like him, right?” Shigure prodded. “So much so that he’s never alone on the weekends.”
“Ugh. That’s because they think he’s hot, right?”
“He might be stylish, but he’s nothing to write home about. In terms of looks, he’s not that much different from you.”
Honestly, I’d noticed the same thing. I guess we were both equally lackluster according to Shigure, but if we compared him to someone like Tomoe, the difference was like night and day. Their facial features and other minute traits differed on a fundamental level. So yeah, with all that being said, I’d often wondered why this guy did so well with women despite being nothing special. Since Shigure had pointed out my very own misgivings, I couldn’t argue with her.
When I fell silent, she continued. “Women often claim to like ‘nice guys,’ right? Losers like you tend to take that at face value, but that’s a serious misunderstanding. Women are always speaking subjectively. In this case, they’re not talking about kindness in the general sense. No, women want a man who’s kind to them—their girlfriend. In other words, they want a man who suits their convenience. Sure, Aizawa’s a scumbag who might be about as far from the general definition of ‘nice’ as you can get, but at least he keeps the girl happy while they’re together. After all, he never leaves them confused.”
“Confused?”
“Does he truly like me? How flirtatious can I be without coming on too strong? Should I have tried getting closer to him today? Did... Did he stop liking me today? When you’re trying to win someone’s heart over, there’s a lot to think about. And thinking is absolutely exhausting.”
Oh...
“Guys like Aizawa don’t let girls feel that sort of uncertainty,” Shigure continued. “Instead, he takes action without giving them time to think. He skips over all the annoyances by providing nothing but the joy of romance. Sure, the world might call that ‘shallow,’ but it must seem very kind from the girl’s perspective, right? Aizawa is a far ‘nicer’ guy than you. Listen: making Haruka back herself into a corner on the phone isn’t kindness.”
“Guh!”
I had no words—not a single rebuttal. Shigure had convinced me: my commonsense definition of “kindness toward women” had been fundamentally wrong. No, even if it hadn’t been wrong, applying it to my girlfriend as if it were a universal definition had been a mistake. After all, I’d forced Haruka to make that phone call.
“Well, what’s done is done. More importantly, what are you going to do from here on out? Make Haruka kiss you? Will you wait for her to agonize over every word until she finds some excuse to approach you? Or will you finally muster up the courage to take the first step this time?”
“O-Of course, I’ll be the one to—”
“Aha!”
...take the first step.
When I’d tried to say those words, Shigure cut me off with her derisive laughter. “You could never do something so bold!”
“Wha—?!”
“Oh, my spineless beta of an older brother. If you can’t even make a move on a stand-in like me, how will you ever have the balls to kiss your precious girlfriend? You’re clearly going to find some convenient excuse to chicken out and say something like, ‘Well, Haruka’s feelings are more important than mine.’ You understand that more than anyone, don’t you? That’s just the sort of person you are. No matter how much I ridicule you, your inability to retaliate is proof of that.”
“Urgh.”
Why?
“What’s the matter?” Shigure asked in a mocking tone. “You can practice with me before kissing the real deal. Look—these lips have done nothing but piss you off for the past half hour. Go ahead and shut them up. I’m giving you permission to do it myself. What, too scared?”
Why is she taking this so far?
“See, you can’t do anything,” she continued. “Talk about pathetic. You’re nothing but slime. Just a puny, sexless blob of slime! I was right—you and Haruka won’t last much longer. Well, that works out just fine for me. The sooner you break up, the sooner I won’t have to hide our living situation any longer. While we’re at it, why don’t I just steal you away from Haruka? Honestly, I actually like you being a worthless loser.”
Shigure’s condescending eyes, derisive laughter, and scorn—which slipped off her tongue as smoothly as a song—caused my blood to boil. For the first time in my life, I understood just how pointed that expression was.
“I’ve had enough of this shit!” I cried.
Driven by my impulses, I acted in a way that usually would have been unthinkable. I grabbed her arms and pressed them against the tatami mat as I wrestled her to the floor. I loomed over her, pressing myself down against her with my weight. Through brute strength, I’d pinned her to the ground. Shigure’s body stiffened, and her eyes were practically popping out of their sockets. In all likelihood, she’d never expected me to respond to her provocation.
When had I last gotten so rough with a girl? Elementary school? Kindergarten? I couldn’t even remember. Perhaps this was the first time in my life I’d done so. In any case, my blood boiled hot enough for me to choose violence, and it was exactly that reckless anger that made me uncertain of what I’d do, what I was capable of.
And yet...
“Ah!”
I could feel Shigure trying to push back against me, but her resistance felt so meager. Hadn't she claimed to have some kind of martial arts experience? Or perhaps her strength was futile—no matter how much she’d trained, she couldn’t push off a man looming over her. Her wrists, dainty and thin, fit snugly into my hands; her arms seemed so much weaker than a man’s. As I stared at her delicate skin, I realized I could whatever I pleased with this frail creature—the mirror image of my girlfriend. Ice coursed through my red-hot veins, cooling me down, and a chill ran down my spine. I panicked at the resistance I felt against my hands. I let go, shot to my feet, and cried out, “I-I’m sorry!”
Shigure smiled innocently. “See, you can do it if you try.”
“Huh?!”
“Well, you get points taken off for being so forceful, but it’s better than nothing.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Remember what you just said? ‘Is there anything that girls hate?! Teach me everything you know!’ Listen carefully: you value women too highly. No, that’s not right. Rather than valuing them too highly, it’d be better to say you’re too scared of them. But if you walk around with your tail tucked between your legs every time you’re with her, Haruka will start to grow timid, as well. You need to show more emotion. Don’t hide your feelings while expecting Haruka to reveal hers. In some cases, your passion might surprise or frighten her... but if your actions are rooted in love, she’ll forgive you. Haruka’s a good girl.”
“Erm...”
“Well then, that concludes Professor Shigure’s lecture on women. Now hurry up and eat. I want to clear the dishes away.”
Oh, I think I get it now.
Shigure could easily discern the difference between “just playing around” and “fighting.” So why had she crossed that line now, of all times, and prodded until I’d lost my cool? Perhaps she’d wanted to provide the unique experience of pouring my heart out to a girl. What’s more, it definitely hadn’t been for my benefit—no, it had been for Haruka’s.
“You know, you’re actually pretty nice,” I said.
“Oh, you just realized that now? You’re a horrible judge of character.”
It all seemed so obvious now. Shigure had probably been mad at me—her brother—for forcing her sister into making that call. I’d been prancing around like some ecstatic, love-sick baboon over Haruka’s words, but I’d essentially forced her into being the one to call the shots in our relationship. How long had she fretted over making that call? And once she’d actually done so, how nervous had I made her feel? When I considered her circumstances, my ecstasy quickly turned to self loathing, and I felt the strong desire to punch myself.
I’m positive that Shigure felt the same way about me, so I made a promise to her.
“Listen, Shigure—I’m definitely going to kiss Haruka tomorrow. And of course, I’m going to initiate it. She might reject me, but I’ll be the one to do it no matter what. After all, Haruka was the one to confess her feelings to me! If I don’t do this much, I won’t be setting a good example as a man.”
“Well, give it your best shot, I suppose.”
“Yeah. You bet.”