“Doesn’t look that way to me,” Haruka said after a pause, staring pointedly at the desk littered with my notebooks and textbooks.
Crap. She was spot-on. Based on the current state of things, there was no way I could have “just gotten here.’ If I’d considered that for even a moment, I wouldn’t have told her such an obvious lie. Why did I feel the need to act cool over every little thing? I tended to freak out whenever I was around Haruka, and it was like my body and brain would cease to function. Talk about embarrassing; I could feel my cheeks growing warmer by the second.
“You’re so kind, Hiromichi.”
Haruka didn’t laugh at me for feeling flustered, though. How could I not adore someone so nice? She had not only a pretty face, but also a great personality. I must have done a million good deeds in my past life in order to deserve such a flawless beauty for a girlfriend.
Cheers to you, past self.
“Well then, shall we head out?” Haruka asked.
“Y-Yeah. I’ll put my stuff away in a jiffy!”
“There’s no need to rush.”
“Got it.”
Having said that, I still quickly stuffed my textbooks and writing utensils into my bag. With Haruka at my side, I wouldn’t let these textbooks waste another moment of my time. Plus, we had something special planned for later today.
We left the study room together, walking side-by-side down the sunset-lit corridor and chatting about this and that. All in all, speaking to her was a lot like speaking to my guy friends. The main difference was that we would also discuss our date plans for the weekend like a proper couple would. We went over what had occurred at school earlier and what we’d watched on television last night. I had lent her a few volumes of my favorite manga, and I was eager to hear her impressions on it and gush about it myself. We also discussed various other topics, like the team of four we’d assembled with my guy friends to play Splat Two.
“The club president and teacher have been giving me a lot of praise lately,” she revealed.
“Really? Like what?”
“According to them, my performances have more depth now. They said I’m no longer a huge ham—I’m a honey-glazed ham now!”
“You consider that praise?” I asked hesitantly.
“Ahaha. It’s better than a half-hearted critique, right?”
“I mean, you’re not wrong.”
Haruka’s mother, who had left her family after a divorce, had once been an (unpopular) actress. Apparently, Haruka had decided to follow in her footsteps by joining the drama club, although she—in her own words—was terrible at acting. It was obvious she loved it, however. Whenever I went to watch her practice, she was always giving it her all. Her sweat-drenched hair would stick to her cheeks, and her eyes would shine brightly with a brilliant flame of passion. Whenever I saw her trying so hard, I couldn’t just reduce her love for acting to an “ill-suited obsession.” Regardless of whether she was skilled or not, she loved to do it; that was the most important thing.
For that reason, I enjoyed hearing Haruka talk about her club activities. Those who gave their all at something were admirable, in my opinion, and even more so if they happened to be your adorable significant other. I could listen to Haruka go on forever, and she was the type of girl who could keep a conversation going indefinitely. Since I wanted to share so much with her, our time always ran out before our conversation could exhaust itself.
But today was different.
As we approached the school gate, the two of us ended up falling silent. We stopped in our tracks, gazing furtively at the destined spot. Yesterday, we’d exchanged an important promise, and this location served as its boundary line.
When I glanced at Haruka, our eyes met, but rather than entangling, our gazes came undone. She’d averted her eyes with an embarrassed expression. Still, she cautiously extended her right hand toward me.
That’s right. A month had passed since we’d started dating.
We’d discussed ideas on how to grow closer, and we finally came up with a brilliant solution. Today marked a special day—we decided we’d hold hands for the first time! I mustered all of my courage and… and grabbed hold of Haruka’s delicate, pale hand!
Whoaaaa! Th-This is a girl’s hand?!
Upon feeling our fingers intertwine, my heart practically leapt out of my chest. The difference between her hand and a guy’s was like night and day—hers was thin, soft, and, most importantly, incredibly smooth. The stark contrast and unusual sensations caused my heart to pound, and I wondered how Haruka felt in this moment. When I glanced over at her, I noticed her cheeks reddening slightly.
“Ehehe…” Haruka giggled. “This is sorta embarrassing, isn’t it?”
“Y-You think?” I managed to respond with a squeak.
I see. So Haruka also felt embarrassed—at least slightly.
This should go without saying, but I was far more than just a “little” embarrassed. I was so nervous that a mysterious falsetto had leapt out of my throat, making me sound like a mangled cat.
When we’d first started dating, just being in her vicinity had turned me into a stiff, nervous wreck. I’d clearly managed to beat that cowardice out of myself, but I still had a long way to go. As an obvious example, pretty much anything that brought attention to our romantic relationship caused my composure to fall to pieces.
How did the popular guys do it? They could get all handsy with girls they weren’t even dating. What were they, shape-shifting aliens with nerves of steel?
As I considered the possibility, Haruka spoke up. “I’m sorry. Taking a whole month just to hold hands is weird, right? But this is my first time being in this sort of relationship with a boy. I get so nervous…”
Her face clouded over, and she seemed apologetic. It appeared as though she’d interpreted my silence as me being in a bad mood.
Don’t get the wrong idea, Haruka! I was just such an anxiety-ridden mess that I couldn’t think of what to say!
I hurried to give a proper response. “No, I feel the same way. In fact, going any faster would be exhausting. Sure, you could say it took a whole month to hold hands, but it only took one month, right? I think we’re moving at an awesome pace! I mean, if we can hold hands after one month, how well will we get along for the rest of our lives?”
“Squee!” Haruka exclaimed, turning an even deeper shade of crimson. It was as if a fire had been lit beneath her face—likewise, her hand grew distinctly warmer.
Did… Did I just say something really gross and creepy? Damn it, I definitely did! “For the rest of our lives?!” Pull yourself together, Hiromichi! We’re still in high school, for God’s sake! Why’d I have to jump the gun?
“I didn’t mean that!” I cried. “Wait, uh, I did mean it! I just, uh, got a little ahead of myself. I was only talking about “the rest of our lives” in terms of my feelings, okay? It’s not that deep! I just thought, ‘It’d be pretty nice if that happened,’ and I ended up blurting it out! That’s all!”
Ah, crap. I’ve ruined everything. No matter what I said, I was only covering up repulsiveness with more repulsiveness—a creep matryoshka. How was I supposed to dig myself out of this hole? At this rate, Haruka would see me as some weird, delusional asshole and leave me for good.
“No,” Haruka assured me. “I’m happy you said that.”
She squeezed my hand tighter in response and leaned against my left arm with a smile. This wasn’t the sincere, innocent smile that she showed to my friends. No, this was a special smile that she only showed to me—her boyfriend.
“I told you people have been praising my acting recently, right?” Haruka continued. “It must be thanks to you, Hiromichi.”
“What?”
“Ever since we started dating, each day has been so fun. I’ve never felt so happy in my life. The world is so much more dazzling than before—it’s not even a fair comparison. It’s like feelings of tenderness and strength I had no idea existed are overflowing from my heart. Until now, I never knew how wonderful it was to have someone on this massive earth care about you so deeply. So, thank you. Thank you for choosing me, Hiromichi. I really, really like you!”
“Squee…”
Yeah, it was clear to me now—I’d been born into this world to meet Haruka. No other girl could ever accept me so earnestly or value the same things as I did to such a profound extent. At this point, I couldn’t think of anything but her.
Haruka remained nestled against me until we parted at the train station. Since we were both nervous, we couldn’t hold a proper conversation. From where our bodies were connected, I could feel Haruka’s heart beating as loudly and as frantically as mine. Even so, we never separated. The moment lasted for 15 minutes. Without a doubt, those were the greatest 15 minutes of my 17 years on this earth.
And yet, everything would soon change. I would end up meeting a person who would turn everything on its head—my newfound conviction to remain loyal to Haruka, and the plans for our youth that I’d believed would never end.