As we arrived at school, Kiriyuu’s fingers gripped onto my jacket. I was sure that he had no intention of touching a girl’s behind, so I said nothing. Besides, I knew exactly how he was feeling. Because I understood this, I puffed out my chest. It did not have the volume of Skank-san’s or Hitomi-sensei’s, but I puffed it out with all my might nonetheless. If you cowered in fear, your enemies would think they had won. So at times like these, it was better to thrust out your chest and pretend to be strong, even if it was a lie. My father taught me that once, as we walked along a road at night.
I led Kiriyuu-kun in through the back door of the classroom, and it was as though time had stopped. Everyone stared at us, not moving a muscle. But time soon rebooted itself, and everyone averted their eyes, muttering. After that, only one person was looking at us. That person was, naturally…
“All right, quiet down everyone. This is still class time. You two are here just in time. You’re a little bit late, but class is just getting started, so don’t worry.”
I grabbed my skirt and bent my knees in greeting to Hitomi-sensei, curtsying like a princess. I was sure that I heard her reply “Merci,” even if she did not say it aloud.
Kiriyuu-kun nervously bowed his head to Hitomi-sensei, then took his seat. Oh, right, I thought. “Sensei, I forgot all of my textbooks, so I’m going to share with Kiriyuu-kun,” I announced.
A murmuring kicked up in the classroom again, but Hitomi-sensei only said, “Make sure you bring them tomorrow,” and allowed me to move my desk closer to Kiriyuu’s. I actually hadn’t brought the right books, since I had never intended to come to school today. The two of us placed our backpacks on the shelf in the back and soon we were ready to start.
We were about fifteen minutes into first period, language arts. Perfect, right? I thought, sending Kiriyuu-kun a wink, but he did not notice and it dissipated into the air.
As usual, today’s lesson was about happiness. We split into pairs to discuss a short story we had read in the previous class, in preparation for our final presentation.
I did not think that Kiriyuu-kun had read the story, so first I would have to explain it to him. Or so I thought. In fact, he had already read it. He had diligently read all of the handouts Hitomi-sensei brought for him while he was locked away in his room.
We discussed the story, and Kiriyuu-kun was even more reserved than usual. We talked about whether suddenly having enough of something you once lacked was happiness, or whether being satisfied with not having enough was happiness, and so forth. Since Kiriyuu-kun still had his head down, I did most of the talking. As we talked, I was fully aware of the glances our classmates stole in our direction here and there. They all must have been weird in the head to be so interested when they were ignoring us.
Somewhere in the middle, Hitomi-sensei came over to us. She always made the rounds during discussion. As she approached, we gave the morning greetings that we had not previously been able to.
“Good morning, Hitomi-sensei,” I said.
“Morning. And good morning to you too, Kiriyuu-kun.”
“Good morning,” Kiriyuu replied in a teeny tiny voice, his head still bowed.
But he was by no means afraid—he had wanted to see Hitomi-sensei, after all. There was a different word for this sort of feeling: unease.
Even I had times when I was uneasy. When I had that fight with my mother before class observation day was just one such time. So I knew that when you’re in an uneasy circumstance, you have to do something about it yourself, sooner or later.
I gripped Kiriyuu’s hand, just out of sight of Hitomi-sensei, hoping to share my courage with him. However, there was no need. He returned the squeeze once, then pulled away. Before Hitomi-sensei could ask anything, he lifted his head.
“S-sensei, I found a d-different answer about…what happiness is. Different from what I s-said on observation day.”
Although his words were faltering and his voice soft, he was presenting. I cheered him on silently. My thoughts were only on him. That was the happiness Skank-san had found.
So, what was Kiriyuu-kun’s happiness? Both he and I knew the answer the entire time. I was proud of him, thrilled at the prospect of hearing it out of his own mouth for the first time. I was surely still his only fan in the class, so it made sense, didn’t it?
“Oh? What would that be?”
Perhaps Hitomi-sensei was surprised at this sudden presentation, but her face did not betray it. She entreated him politely, her expression warm. It was the sort of face that suggested she would listen to whatever it was he had to say.
Kiriyuu-kun looked her straight in the eye, his lips hanging limply. Suddenly I realized that everyone else in class was looking our way. I thought this surprising, given how little they had minded him before this, but it also felt right. The chance for everyone to hear how Kiriyuu-kun truly felt.
Now he just had to say it.
“M-my happiness is…draw—”
He stopped mid-sentence. Hitomi-sensei waited for him patiently, her face kind, but I stared at him wide-eyed. How can he have gotten this far, only to get afraid again? I thought, and maybe I gave him a critical look. Maybe I had misjudged him. It was true that I was his ally, but honestly I started to think that he was still a bit of a weakling. For that I must apologize. I remembered Granny’s words: That boy might be less cowardly than you think.
Kiriyuu-kun breathed in and out several times and bit his lip, then puffed out his chest and said “My happiness is…”
“Yes?”
“When my friend says that they like my drawings, and when they are sitting beside me.”
Honestly, life really is like a game of Othello. Because even when there are dark, unpleasant things, there’s a bright and lovely side, too? No, that isn’t it.
It’s because a single shining piece can turn one’s dark feelings right around.