Not only did Kiriyuu-kun not stop crying, the tears began to drip from his face. Although, I was not sure which of my words made him so sad. Since I did not know, I was unsure of what to do to make him feel better. So, I shuffled closer and put my hand atop his on the floor. When Skank-san did that for me, I could feel my heart quieting.
He looked surprised, but just as I had done that that day at Skank-san’s, he squeezed my hand back.
I intended to sit there, quietly holding his hand until the tears stopped, but I could not do so. Kiriyuu-kun was still crying, but he said something I never imagined he would.
“Do you…want…to go to school…together?”
“Huh?” I said, flabbergasted at this sudden proposal.
In the moments it took me to pull myself together, I noticed how he flinched back at this, and I realized something.
“Did you just say ‘together’?”
“Yeah…”
My hand ached from how tightly he was gripping it, but in my surprise, I completely forgot that pain.
“Wh…why?”
His lips quavered at my heartfelt question. He was probably searching for the perfect words. I understood that feeling, so I was happy to wait as long as he needed me to.
“I…told a lie,” he finally said. “I…lied. I’m still afraid…that I might get made fun of again. And I lied…to Hitomi-sensei. So…I want to apologize to her, and tell her the truth.”
The tears still had not stopped. And yet I had never seen such strength in his eyes. I had no idea that he could show such courage. I was desperate to know the reason.
“What do you mean, ‘the truth’?”
“About…what happiness is.”
Just then, a scene flashed before my eyes. Clearly, in voice and vision. It was not of Kiriyuu-kun speaking, but of me, saying something low enough that only Kiriyuu-kun could hear. A single word I spoke on observation day: coward.
So he had been lying. Even knowing this, I felt no sadness or irritation.
“I don’t care about the other people, but I want to tell the truth to Hitomi-sensei, and to you.”
I was thrilled.
“I…actually think there’s something I need to apologize to Hitomi-sensei for, too,” I said.
“Huh?”
“She was really sad that she never got to see you when she came by. I forgot to tell you, but she told me to say that she would be waiting for you, as long as it took.”
I left in such a hurry the last time that I forgot. As I told him this, the tears began to drip down his face once more. Still, even his tears were no match for the sparkling in his eyes.
“I want to see her.”
I felt the same.
“But are you sure?” I asked. “If you go to school, those idiots who were making fun of you will be there.”
And who were ignoring me.
Up until now, I felt that Kiriyuu-kun should fight those boys, but thanks to Skank-san, I now knew that was not his way of fighting. Now I had seen this with my own eyes.
His shoulders trembled at my words, just a little. But he looked me straight in the eyes and, with his own strength, shook himself free of the devil clinging to his back.
“I really…don’t want to…but…I think I’ll…be fine.”
This time, I did not know what to say.
“Even if they make fun of me,” he said. “Even if they call me names, I think I’ll be fine, as long as you’re my ally.”
I couldn’t have said why, but tears of relief welled in my eyes, despite the fact that people only cry when they’re sad. And yet I wept with relief, knowing that when Kiriyuu said that he hated me, it was a lie.
But the tears did not fall. It was weird to cry if you weren’t sad, after all. Instead, I looked into his eyes and nodded firmly.
“Of course. I’ve never once been your enemy.”
More tears streamed from him. It was curious. It felt strange that he should be crying.
He squeezed my hand again. “I really think that you should go to school, too,” he said.
“And why is that?”
Finally, I was able to hear the reason.
“You’re not like me. You’re good at studying, and smart, and strong, and I just know you’re gonna be someone important someday…that’s why you can’t skip school.”
I was glad for this praise, but he said something else that made me even happier.
“So, let’s go to school together…I’m your ally, too.”
No matter how much time passed, I would never be able to find the right words to describe how I felt in that moment. Even at Minami-san’s age, or Skank-san’s age, or even Granny’s, never ever would I be able to label the smell or the taste of what was spreading through my heart.
I was painted with such wonderful colors that not a drop of black might be found within, but nor could it be called white. It was a color that I’m not even sure existed in the world. Perhaps a brand-new color had been born in that very moment.
I could not explain what it was, so I can only offer my usual phrase instead: Life is like…my ally.
“As long as I have you, Hikari, that’s enough.”
“Huh…?”
“You made a good point, Kiriyuu-kun, so I may as well go to school. You’ll be there as my ally, won’t you?”
He cried again, just a little. He smiled too, the tears still lingering in his eyes. It was the first time I had seen his smile in ages. Seeing an ally’s smile is always a joyous thing. And so I smiled too, with my own joy.
“Well, if that’s your decision, then hurry up and get ready! We’re already super late!”
“O-on it!”
He stood quickly, roughly rubbing the tears away with his sleeve and shutting the door. He had still been in his pajamas, so he was probably changing.
I stood outside and prepared myself to leave as soon as he was ready. At first, I thought that I would just wait there quietly, but then I thought that I had better tell his mother we were going. She might be able to call the school so that we wouldn’t be marked tardy.
I told Kiriyuu-kun my plans through the door and walked down the hall, headed for the stairs. Just as I rounded the corner, I let out a wholly unattractive scream.
“Aah!”
Stunned, I fell down onto my behind. In front of me was Kiriyuu-kun’s mother. She was crouching in front of the stairs as if trying to hide, with tears in her eyes.
Everyone seems to be crying lately. Is it some new trend? Or is it contagious, like a yawn? I wondered. As I sat there still on the floor, Kiriyuu’s mother gripped my hand, the same one that Kiriyuu-kun had gripped just minutes ago.
“Thank you,” she said.
It’s probably the first time she has seen him come out of his room in ages, I thought.
“Of course,” I replied earnestly.
But then, she said something strange. “I should have told him that, too.”
What could that possibly mean? As I pondered this, I heard Kiriyuu-kun’s door open. I looked back, and there he was in the clothes he often wore, a backpack on his back. All ready to go, I thought. By the time I stood, Kiriyuu’s mother was already descending the stairs.
I was not as hasty as her, so I waited for Kiriyuu-kun. I realized I was still holding my notebook, and went to put it away in my bag.
And then…
“That’s…”
There was something in my hand that was not my notebook. Kiriyuu-kun, coming up behind me, noticed it as well. I let him know what I was truly feeling.
“Can I…have this?” I asked.
I might be refused, I thought. No, he would definitely refuse, if he was his usual self. But he didn’t refuse. He nodded, a slight look of embarrassment on his face.
I was glad, but I did not understand why. Still, I decided I would hang it up in my room at home.
“Should we get going?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he replied.
The light in his eyes shone brightly.