Chapter 4
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A FEW DAYS LATER, after giving lip to the idiot boys, admonishing the cowardly Kiriyuu, and recommending the tale of Huck Finn to Ogiwara, I sat on the rooftop again.
I always visited around now, when Minami-san was there. I looked up to the sky and let out a deep full-bellied breath, as satisfied as if I had just eaten a big hamburger.
Minami-san stared ahead the whole time, stroking my fine-furred friend on the back. I thought as hard as I could about how to put the feelings that had come flooding from the bottom of my heart into words. Then I turned to Minami, who sat beside me.
“Life is like a goat.”
“What the heck does that mean?”
“When I read a wonderful story, I could just eat it right up and it would nourish me.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
“Huh? But I feel completely full right now, and I just read a wonderful tale.”
Worried that my whole body would burst with the excitement, I took a deep breath and, as I breathed out, I called out to Minami-san.
“Minami-san! You’re amazing! I can’t believe you could write a story like this! You’re incredible!!!”
I offered her my utmost respects.
As I had told her before, I had dreams of writing my own story someday. However, I had one other secret. In fact, I had already tried writing plenty of stories in the past. But whenever I tried, it never came out right. I could never bring characters like Tom or Homeless Huck into the world. It made me depressed, as depressed as if one of Granny’s muffins had gotten stuck in my throat. At this rate, I wondered if I might just wither away.
To me, Minami-san, who could pen such shocking turns and such compelling characters, was more impressive than any important person on TV. I couldn’t help but want to know how to write a story like this. Minami-san, however, suddenly went quiet, and would only say, “I see,” no matter what I said to her.
“I wish everyone could read this story!”
“No way. No one is ever gonna see this.”
“What a waste. You’ve gotta have more people read this. Life is like an afternoon break.”
“Because you get to eat a tasty lunch?”
“Because there’s only so much time, so you’ve gotta fill it with as many wonderful things as you can. I wish everyone could read your story during their forty minutes.”
“Enough with the flattery,” Minami said.
Although I was speaking truthfully, she took the notebook from my hands. She never let me hold onto it for very long. Honestly, I wished I could take the whole thing home with me and finish reading the story there. I could only read it when I was up on the rooftop, and it had taken me days. She probably thought I would get it dirty with juice or ice cream or something, but I would never do such a thing. I preferred being tidy.
“Well, that’s fine,” I said. “That means I’m your very first fan. I’m looking forward to your next story, too.”
Minami waved her hand, still not looking my way. Then she looked up suddenly, as though something was falling from the sky. “Oh yeah…you find your answer about what happiness is yet?”
Minami-san’s story still had its clutches on my heart, but Hitomi-sensei had taught us never to ignore someone speaking to you, so I gave her a proper reply.
“No. I’ve thought of a lot of different things, but I still don’t have an answer that’ll surprise everyone, or impress Hitomi-sensei. Honestly, I don’t have a lot of time. Apparently only having half our thoughts together is enough, so we have to present at our next class observation day, too.”
“Yeah?”
Minami sounded as though she was truly paying attention. I felt the sounds seeping into me—it was a wonderful feeling. My little friend, lying on Minami’s lap and having her belly stroked, looked truly pleased as well.
“If you think of anything,” I said. “Let me know.”
“It’s not something you can come up with that easily. Although, well…lately I think I have been a little happier than usual, getting to spend time with this gal like this.”
Miss Bobtail licked Minami-san’s hand and meowed, although it was unclear whether or not she knew she was being praised. Whose eye was she hoping to catch someday with those coquettish glances?
Although I glared at my little friend, I was glad that Minami-san was happy. Everyone I liked should be happy, and everyone I didn’t like should just disappear.
I noticed then that the scabs on Minami-san’s wrists were all gone.
I stood up, stretching my arms out high as if to reach up to the blue sky. Right now, I was too small to even reach up to high shelves, but if I kept going, I might stretch myself out tall enough to touch the basketball hoop in our yard.
Seeing me stand, Miss Bobtail looked my way and climbed down forlornly from Minami-san’s lap. Minami-san, of course, did not look at me.
“I’ll see you next time then,” I said. “Hurry up and write your next story, I can’t wait to read it!”
“Do what you like.”
“That’s right! I still don’t know what answer to give about happiness, but reading your story made me happy.”
Minami waved to me again silently, or so I thought. But a voice, softer than my own childish tone, came as if carried on the wind.
“Thanks.”
I left Minami-san’s rooftop with my chest warm and my heart full, and decided to head to Skank-san’s place for the first time in a while. I hadn’t been there in a few days, but even those few days were far longer than Skank-san and I should have ever spent apart. Skank-san felt the same way. She was drinking coffee when she greeted me in her cake-like cream-colored building down by the river.
“Been a while, little lady. How’ve you been?”
“I’ve been keeping myself calm, but I’ve had lots of energy, too.”
“I see? This little one’s been a Jiji to your Kiki, then, huh?”
“Unfortunately, I still can’t do magic. So, I’d say we’re more like Charlie and Snoopy. Even if I’m a girl and she’s a cat, instead of a boy and a dog.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to do it someday. All right then, come in. Just so happens I’ve got some cake today, and milk too.”
“I’ll have some!”
As I sat in her apartment eating cake, I explained to Skank-san why I had not been there in some time. Then I asked her about Minami-san.
“I don’t think Minami-san is weird in the head,” I said. “She can write really good stories, too! But I think it’s weird that she cuts her own body if her head is normal. Do you know why she’d do something like that?”
I saw the space between her brows tighten. Unlike my own eyebrows, Skank-san’s were sharp, so sharp that I could imagine them making a ka-shing! sort of sound.
“Mm, people are like that sometimes. It’s something you have to ask the person themselves about. They might want to see blood, or they might just be curious, or it might calm them down.”
“She said that it calms her down.”
“Yep, so did that help you understand it?”
“Not at all. I tried scratching my arm, just to see, but all it did was hurt and leave a red mark.”
“Right? So really, I think that it’s something only the person doing it can understand. But it’s all right not to understand, particularly for you. When you saw this girl, you wished that she would stop hurting herself, right?”
“Yeah, I hate knowing that my friends are feeling hurt.”
“That’s right. I think if you understood the reason someone might hurt themselves, and you started doing it too, then I would want you to stop. So, there’s no need for you to understand it. It’s just like I told you before: I think it’s wonderful for you to only be able to enjoy the sweet parts of the pudding.”
“But…but Skank-san! I really want to understand how she’s feeling!”
“Mm, of course.” She held up a finger, just like Hitomi-sensei would. “Little miss, do you know what number I’m thinking of right now?”