Lately, I was attending language arts class with some rather complicated feelings. Although I looked forward to it, it felt sort of like standing at the bottom of a long set of stairs. It was the same feeling that the hero of a fantasy tale would have when facing down a massive dragon. I was the type to stand proudly before both steep hills and dragons, but there were children who would shrink back into their own shells. My neighbor was just once such child.
“Hey, what’re you drawing there?” I asked Kiriyuu-kun.
“I, uh, nothing…” he replied, reluctant as always.
Although he was fine as a partner in group projects, I worried how he would fare as an ally on an adventure. Because he was my neighbor, we also ate lunch together. After that, I headed to the library alone and then, after school, I decided to head to Minami-san’s building again. There was a particular reason for this.
“It’s better to have lots of allies on your adventure.”
“Meow.”
Miss Bobtail seemed to enjoy Minami-san’s company as well. Although we were completely opposite in appearance, our tastes in people usually aligned.
“You here again?” Minami said brusquely as we came out onto the rooftop.
Her words carried the same meaning as Granny’s “Good to see you.”
I sat down on the ground beside Minami-san, copying her huddled-up pose. “Salutations,” I said. “I trust you are having a marvelous day?”
“What the heck is that about?” She returned my refined greeting by spitting her words out on the ground, but I had already figured her out. She worked very hard to sound that way. “It’s not marvelous. Looks like it’s gonna rain.”
“It didn’t sound like it was going to rain from the weather report. They said it was only a ten percent chance, which means that nine people said it wasn’t going to rain, and only one person said it was.”
When I started to think about one person standing against nine, I had the urge to cheer them on, but I couldn’t do it. If it rained, I couldn’t meet with Minami-san here.
“That’s not what the percentage means.”
“Huh? Really?”
“It’s based on how many days it rained in the past on days like this one. A ten percent chance means that if you took ten days like this from the past, it would’ve only rained on one of them. It doesn’t mean that one person was standing apart from their colleagues.”
Once again, I was moved. That was Minami-san for you. I was thrilled to see that I had found the perfect ally for my adventure.
“I guess if I’m the hero then she’s the fairy, and you’re the sage living in the forest.”
“What’re you talkin’ about?”
“There was something I wanted to ask you about,” I said.
I launched into it straight away. I always was the type to eat the most delicious thing first.
“About my story?” she asked.
“I mean there is that, but this is something else. I’m dealing with a really difficult question in class right now.”
“Is it a math thing? You need to deal with that stuff on your own, brat.”
“That’s not it. I can solve my own math problems. This problem is really hard. It is part of language arts class. The question was, ‘What is happiness?’”
“Happiness…”
“Yeah. I wanted to ask what happiness means to you? It might give me some idea.”
She did not answer me right away. She looked up at the clouded sky, stroking my little black-furred friend on the head. When she finally opened her mouth, her voice was clouded as well.
“I’ve never known happiness.”
“Not even when you’re writing? You aren’t happy then?”
“Writing is fun, but I dunno if it makes me happy. I think happiness means being more fulfilled than that. Like your heart is full of good feelings.”
She gave me an idea that was easily comprehensible. Only a high-schooler could give such a reply so readily. I wished I could grow up more quickly.
“I see…so that’s why I’m happy when I’m eating a cookie with vanilla ice cream on top.”
This also meant that I was filling Skank-san’s and Granny’s hearts with good feelings just by showing up. I was so overjoyed, it felt like the sky might clear right then and there.
“Minami-san, when does your heart feel full?”
I looked at her arm. There was no blood today, but she quickly hid the scabs with her hand.
“Never.”
“Does that mean you don’t have any happiness?”
“Probably,” she said, mimicking me, mimicking her.
“What about when you’re reading books? Or eating sweets?”
“It’s fun, and those are tasty, but I don’t think that’s happiness,” she said, feigning gruffness.
“What about when you’re eating dinner with your mom?”
“My mom and dad are gone.”
“Gone? Do they live somewhere else?” How typical of a high school student, I thought.
“They’re dead.”
My tiny jaw dropped in shock. Minami-san forced my lips shut with her fingers and let out another sigh. She did not look me in the eye.
“They died. A long time ago, in an accident.” Her fingers were gripping her skirt. “It’s been a long time, so I don’t cry about it anymore. Still, I think even a brat like you can understand why I’m not happy.”
She still did not meet my eyes and so she had not noticed. But the little one sitting on her lap was looking right at me. I quickly placed a hand over her tiny eyes.
“So, sorry,” she said. “But I can’t help you with your home—”
Minami-san finally saw my eyes, and they silenced her. She saw my face and, in one clean movement, reached into her pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. It was not stained with blood today. She handed it to me.
I made use of it right away.
“You can keep that.”
In the end, I was unable to say anything more that day. Looking at it later, the handkerchief she gave me had the same pattern as one my father bought for me once. I began to wonder if Minami-san’s father had given it to her.
I left her behind and traveled to Granny’s house, to find that she had baked sweets for me again today. However, before she offered me any, she asked “What’s wrong, Nacchan?”
As I sipped the orange juice she’d poured, I told her about Minami-san. However, I avoided the parts that would bring up Minami-san’s notebook and her precious story. I was worried that Granny might grow cross with me. I was a horrible child in that way. And yet, Granny offered me the financier cake she had made.
“I think that girl, Minami-san, is happy,” she said mysteriously.
I shook my head with such force I’m surprised it didn’t come off. “I don’t think she is.”
“No, she most certainly is. After all, she met you, the first person to ever cry for her. That’s why she gave you her precious handkerchief.”
I looked down at the damp, soiled handkerchief.
“So, there’s no reason to worry so much over it. And there’s no need to apologize to her. Still, I want you to promise me one thing, Nacchan.”
I looked her straight in the eye and nodded.
“The next time you see Minami-san, greet her with a smile. If you like her, that is.”
“I do like her!”
“Then you have to fill her heart up with memories of your smile, rather than all those painful things.”
“I wonder if I can.”
I felt unusually weak, but Granny placed her soft hands on my slim shoulders.
“People can’t get rid of their sad memories. But if they can make lots of good memories, then they can live happily. Your smile has the wonderful power to do just that. For Minami-san, and for me.”
“I wonder…”
I thought of Minami-san’s face when she had handed me the handkerchief. I screwed my eyes shut, and thought with all my might—with my brain that was sharper than those of the other children, but not yet at the impressive level of an adult. And then, I made a decision.
I met the gaze of my little friend with her own shining eyes, then stood, displacing her from my lap.
“Granny, I’m going home now. I need to hurry up and finish reading The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn!”
“Aha, well if that’s what you’ve decided, then you better go do it! What about your snack?”
“I’ll take it with me!”
The sweet, tender financier tasted how I thought the sun would, if you made it into a dessert. And I realized that the sun had reemerged from the once-cloudy sky, as well.
On the way home, I saw that adult from before in the park at the bottom of the hill. However, I still could not remember who he was.