❤❤❤
AND so, they moved on to the third and final door.
“Why do I have to put up with all this nonsense just to smack some sense into the Demon Lord?” Alice huffed.
Now you know how we feel. The words died inside Hatta’s throat.
“Complaining’s not going to get us anywhere, Alice.”
“You’re right, Haigha. In we go.”
Alice casually opened the door without any second thoughts. Inside, they came upon two flamingos, one of which flew over to greet them.
“And who might you be?”
“Alice.”
“If you want the key, you’ll have to play with us.”
“That’s it?”
“Yup, that’s it! It gets a little boring around here since we don’t get many human visitors, and even when we do, they never make it this far. The Demon Lord told us we could play around with our guests as much as we like.”
He most certainly hadn’t meant that literally. But they weren’t about to point that out.
“What’s the game?”
“We’d just like to quickly show off our shapeshifting abilities.”
“Made possible by a Poem of Jabberwocky?” Haigha asked.
“Not exactly. Observe.”
His fellow flamingo walked up beside Haigha and shapeshifted into her.
“You see, we’re able to shapeshift without the use of magic, and, better yet, we can copy memories too. Say hi for us.”
“I’m Haigha. Nice to meet you, Alice.” Ahgiah—the shapeshifted Haigha—said, perfectly mimicking Haigha’s tone and inflections. Ahgiah then grabbed her by the hand and started dancing in a circle. “Can you find the real one?”
They already did. For one, the real Haigha would never ask that question to begin with. Second, she had Onion Boy perched atop her shoulder, unlike Ahgiah.
“Not a clue.”
“Nuh-uh.”
“I’m afraid not.”
The three played dumb just to see what would happen.
“I guess that leaves us with no other choice but to move on to the questioning phase,” Alice said. “Got any, Hatta?”
“We’d need one heck of a banger to outsmart that memory copy ability.”
“What if we have them do their best bunny impressions? There’s no way the fake can top the real Haigha. Show us what you’ve got, you two.”
“A-Alice?” Haigha started fidgeting, but Hatta made sure she was going nowhere, locking her in place.
“I’ll be keeping my eye on you. Very suspicious,” Alice said. “What about you, other Haigha?”
“Watch me!” Ahgiah made bunny ears with her hands and started hopping around the room.
“Make it stop! Please make it stop!” Haigha’s cries fell on deaf ears.
“See? I’m the real Haigha.”
“I’m quite sure the real Haigha would vocalize every bounce.”
“Erm…bouncy, bouncy, bounce!”
“Please stop! I can’t take it anymore!” Haigha cried, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Hush, faker,” Alice ordered.
“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?! You know full well I’m the real Haigha!”
“I’d need to see some love magic before making any serious accusations,” Alice smirked.
“Love magic isn’t real! It’s just something I made up!”
“Or so she claims. What about you, other Haigha?”
Suddenly all eyes were on Ahgiah.
“Love magic is real! Behold!” Ahgiah bent over ever so slightly, clasping her hands behind her back. “A smile to make your day a little brighter!” She broke into a great big smile, winking coyly.
Haigha’s eyes rolled back into her skull as she dropped to the floor unconscious.
“Seb, this is…beautiful.”
“It really is, isn’t it? I’d even go as far as to say that Haigha should seriously consider breaking into the idol industry. Her path to stardom is virtually guaranteed, seeing as a vast majority of idol fans are very much in line with the White Rabbit when it comes to certain…preferences, shall we say? To really nail down the bunny aesthetic, it might even be a good idea for her to pose as an alien from Lepus.”
“That could work! But I think Moon Envoy rolls off the tongue much better. Actually, what if we took the other Haigha and have them pass off as twins? Twice the idol means twice the profit, after all. You could even be their manager, Hatta.”
“It’s…tempting, but I don’t think my pride as an item shop owner would allow it.”
No one showed any concern for Haigha whatsoever. Not for lack of care, by any means; psychological wounds were simply out of their control.
“We did what you asked,” Alice said. “Now hand us the key.”
“One last time, okay?” The first flamingo walked up beside Hatta, shapeshifting into him. “Can you guess which one’s which?”
Again, it was laughably obvious.
“Oof, this one’s a toughie.”
“Indeed.”
Alice and Seb weren’t sure if anything would come of it. But they played dumb anyway.
“Why me? I’m as dull as they come. Right, Alice?”
“I’m sure there’s something I can dig up.” Alice sank deep into thought. “Actually, forget I said anything. You really are as dull as they come.”
“I’m afraid I’m forced to side with Lady Alice on this one, Hatta. As much as it pains me to say, you are utterly unremarkable.”
“So unremarkable, in fact, I don’t think anyone’d notice even if we took the wrong one.”
Their verbal onslaught had already left Hatta in tears.
“Now that I really think about it, there is maybe one question off the top of my head that only the real Hatta could answer.”
“I knew you’d come through for us, Seb. What’ve you got?”
“Fill in the blank: ‘I want to hold Alice down against her will and—’”
“Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Hatta yelled over and over. What could’ve possibly set this man off so quickly?
“Get your hands off my ears, Hatta. I can’t hear anything,” Alice complained.
“Say one more word, and this whole place goes bye-bye!” he threatened, holding up a truckload of explosives, his eyes bloodshot. It almost felt…familiar, somehow.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but put those down.” Alice tried taking the explosives away from him, only for Hatta to slip away untouched. Attah, meanwhile, just blankly watched the whole thing unfold. “Seb, I really think you should ask him something else before he blows his fuse.”
“Very well. Haven’t seen it myself, but I hear you groveled before a shee—”
“Never mention the Humpty thing again,” Hatta pleaded, aggressively groveling before Seb’s feet. “I beg you.”
Alice and Seb fell silent as Attah just watched in utter disbelief.
“Was that amusing enough for you?” asked Alice.
“It was…certainly something, I’ll say that much,” the first flamingo said as the two of them shifted back into their original forms. “Here’s the key. Oh! And have you collected the other ones?”
“Sure enough.”
“Want to crash here for a bit? Your fellow party members aren’t looking too hot, we’ve noticed.”
Haigha was still unconscious, and Hatta was still down on his hands and knees.
“Don’t mind if we do.”
“Come, take a seat. There’s plenty of tea for everyone.”
They did just that while waiting for Hatta and Haigha’s psychological wounds to heal.
“How come you’re this cordial? Aren’t you supposed to be the Demon Lord’s servants?”
“Yeah, but we’re in it to have a fun time! A lot of us monsters are, actually.”
As is evident, Alice thought, by Cheshire’s usual antics. Even the Dodo just does his own thing most of the time.
“Just to be crystal clear,” Alice started, “we will find the Demon Lord inside his throne room, correct?”
“He was merrily walking toward the throne room with the princess by his side last time I checked. So yes, you should.”
Seemed like Jean was safe and sound after all.
“Are there any monsters inside?”
“Not to my knowledge, no. Although there are plenty outside the room. Despite, you know, the fact no human has ever gotten that far. They’re just looking to score brownie points so they can reach that coveted direct servant rank, really. Because direct servants get to just do their own thing.”
“How do we get to the throne room?” Alice asked.
“Go back to the entrance and head straight. Although I should warn you that eventually, you’ll come across this giant room, guarded by the Demon Lord’s right-hand man himself. You’ll have to defeat him to get through.”
“That’s about all I needed to hear, thanks. We’ll be going now.”
Hatta and Haigha had joined them at the table partway into the conversation. It seemed as though the two’s psychological resilience had gone up over their time with Alice.
“The bomb planting can wait,” Alice stated. “First, let’s go pay this supposed right-hand man a visit.”
“As you wish.”
And so, with all three keys in their possession, the four went back to the entrance.