❤❤❤
AND so, having cleared the red door, they moved right on to the blue one.
“Two more keys left to go. Ughhhh,” Alice grumbled. “Actually, what if we just get my uncle to open the throne room door for us?”
“Your uncle’s a direct servant of the Demon Lord, brainiac,” Hatta snarked.
“We’ll just tell him Haigha is dying to talk about muscles, and that should cut it.”
“Yeah, no way!” Haigha cried.
Alice had no other option but to open the blue door with her brilliant idea falling flat on its face.
“A-Alice?! Woo-hoo! I knew you’d come to save me!” cheered the White Rabbit, hog-tied to the floor.
“Sorry, wrong door!”
“W-Wait, Ali—” His pleas fell on deaf ears as Alice ruthlessly shut the door behind her.
“On to the yellow door.”
“Alice!”
“What is it, Haigha?”
“Did you forget about…you know…?” Haigha glanced at her brother.
“What? Is there something on my face?” he asked.
“Fine. You owe me big time, Hatta,” Alice sniffed.
“Owe you for what?!”
The two girls were still fully convinced there was something between Hatta and the White Rabbit. Although—unlike Jean and the Demon Lord’s budding romance—there was little excitement to be found there.
“After you, hero.”
“Sure thing…” Hatta languidly opened the door.
“I knew you’d come back for me!”
They then noticed a large turtle next to the White Rabbit.
“I’ve been waiting for you, Alice,” the turtle said.
“How do you know my name? He told you, didn’t he?”
“I, the Mock Turtle, have lived for hundreds of winters. I know everything there is to know, including that you’re friends with the White Rabbit.”
While the “hundreds of winters” part was impressive in its own right, he clearly overplayed the “know everything” bit, Alice thought. If he did, he would’ve known we abandoned the White Rabbit back at the monster cave. Not very buddy-like, now, is it?
“Call me every name in the book for all I care,” the turtle continued. “I take pride in my cowardice. I’m on a constant lookout for information to hit the enemy right where it hurts—the heart. You thought you lost your precious friend in battle and yet here he is, waiting to be rescued. Devilish, isn’t it?”
Not really, no, thought everyone in the party. They hadn’t lost him in battle; they’d just forgotten he existed.
“Who did you hear this from?”
“Cheshire; the name might ring a few bells.”
Cheshire must’ve been watching from somewhere and told him a bunch of nonsense to spice up their future encounter, Alice realized.
“Swear allegiance to me, and then we’ll—”
“Split him in half? Sounds like a plan,” Alice declared.
“Exactly; we’ll split him in…half?”
“Roast. Stew. Either works.” Her eyes were dead serious.
“Wh-Why me?! I taste terrible!” the White Rabbit squealed, struggling for dear life. “Haigha, help!”
“Hang in there! Hatta’s going to rescue you in no time!”
“Hatta? Oh, who cares? Just help me already!”
Hatta, fed up with the curious looks coming from both Alice and Haigha, responded with a plain and simple “Nah.”
“Dammit! If it wasn’t for these ropes, I would’ve gotten away by now!”
The Mock Turtle, meanwhile, had now completely lost the plot.
“He’s confused. Now’s our chance, my lady,” Seb urged.
“I’ll only say this once. So listen carefully, Mock Turtle,” she said, “you can have our half of the White Rabbit if you hand over the key. How does that sound?”
“Your half?”
The Mock Turtle was completely dumbfounded. And why wouldn’t he be? He had no intention of eating the White Rabbit whatsoever.
“Or would you like to get turned into turtle soup instead?”
Suddenly, the pressure was on the Mock Turtle. If he didn’t act fast, tonight’s dinner menu would consist of slow-roasted rabbit and turtle soup. He saw that Seb had already begun preparations.
“I-It seems as though I’m forced to personally destroy all of you myself!”
The Mock Turtle attacked…or at least he tried to, for his move speed was laughably slow. Alice casually circled around and plopped down on top of him.
“Wh-What’s the meaning of this?!”
“Nuh-uh. Nothing like a sheep. Hard as a rock and slimy. Very slimy. Final verdict: ten points.”
“What?!”
While Alice and the Mock Turtle were busy playing, Seb slowly approached the White Rabbit with a lit-up stick in hand.
“D-Don’t come any closer! Don’t come…any…” he passed out, frothing at the mouth.
“Don’t you think you’re taking this a little too far?!” the Mock Turtle yelped.
Is this seriously the Demon Lord’s castle? Hatta and Haigha thought as they witnessed the carnage unfold right before their very eyes.
“Actually, I’m only feeling a little peckish. Leave the rabbit for later, Seb.”
“As you wish.”
And so, the White Rabbit would again live to see another day.
“Let’s take the key and move on to the next room ASAP.”
“Can’t you see he’s got a full tea set inside his cupboard, Hatta? You know what that means.”
They rustled through the Mock Turtle’s stuff, setting up a makeshift tea party.
“That’s it, now you’ve made me angry!” the Turtle huffed, not taking too kindly to this gesture.
“Oh no! Whatever shall we do?” mocked Alice.
“Let’s see you keep up that attitude after I unleash my true power for the first time in decades!” he said as he started to approach the party, spinning rapidly.
“Hatta, take care of him for me.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Hatta tried whipping the Mock Turtle, only for his shell to deflect the attack altogether. “Er, this might take a while.”
“Don’t—mess—fools—prefer—slow—agonizing—”
He spun so fast, his speech kept cutting off after every other word, rendering him nigh-incomprehensible. He supposedly meant to say, “Don’t even think about messing with me, you fools! Unless, of course, you’d prefer a slow and agonizing death!”
“Allow me to fill in the gaps,” declared Alice. “Ahem. ‘Don’t eat me! I taste horrible, and you might seriously mess up your stomachs, fools! Also, I personally prefer slow-roasted rabbit to an agonizing degree.’ ”
Naturally, she wasn’t even remotely close.
“He’s scared of getting turned into soup, so he’s begging us to have the White Rabbit for dinner instead. Am I getting that right, my lady?” Seb presented his rather disturbing interpretation.
How come they had time to be fooling around when the Mock Turtle was hot on their trail? Well, he was still slow as molasses. Eventually, he ground to a halt, his eyes spinning uncontrollably.
“Look, Alice. He dropped something,” Haigha said, picking the blue key off the ground as the Mock Turtle wept without a sound.
“Is he giving birth?” asked Alice.
“He could just be sick after spinning for so long. Either way, let’s leave him be.”
“I suppose it’s the least we could do, seeing as not only did we get the key, we also got to rest in the process.”
And so, they acquired the second key without any real resistance. What happened to the White Rabbit, you might ask? He got left behind…again. Which wasn’t a surprise by now.