Chapter 5: The Fearsomely Fearsome Cave Guardian
AFTER successfully making it past the checkpoints, the four set course for the monster cave.
“They just keep getting stronger and stronger…” Hatta’s face was riddled with fatigue.
“You can do it, Hatta! I believe in you!”
“Go believe in me somewhere safer, like the coach!”
Haigha, having used up what little energy she had left, was now completely useless to the party.
“I have to say the fragrance really adds to the taste.”
Alice was also completely useless to the party…as usual.
“Seb, we need to find the Fountain of Life.”
“Absolutely. I can’t keep this up for much longer…”
By this point, the monsters had gotten so strong, even Seb was showing signs of fatigue. Really, it drove home how necessary Haigha’s support magic was to them.
“I can feel a strange magical energy coming from the left,” Haigha told them.
“Welp, guess it’s about as good a time as any to use the ward I got from Deedledee.” Hatta stuck the ward to the coach. “It’s not much, but it’s better than nothing.”
They zoomed past all oncoming enemies, the presence of monsters gradually fading, the air turning crispy cool.
“It’s right up ahead, inside the forest.”
“Understood.” Seb followed Haigha’s directions.
And, surely enough, the sparkling mythical spring came into view. Hatta and Haigha froze in place, utterly captivated by its unspeakable beauty.
“I dub thee the Fountain of Alice!”
“I’m afraid it already has a name, my lady.”
Those two never change, Hatta thought.
“Taste test it.”
“As you wish.” Seb scooped up a handful. “Oh my!” He clenched his fists, a faint light washing over his body.
“Seb?”
“I feel…stronger.”
Hatta and Haigha took a mouthful.
“I don’t feel tired anymore!” Hatta exclaimed.
“I got all my energy back!” Haigha cried.
Hatta and Haigha exchanged surprised glances as Alice tried some of the magical water for herself. Nothing happened. Apparently, she wasn’t the least bit tired.
“I just got a brilliant idea. Let’s fill up a few jars with water from the fountain. That way, we’ll be able to use them in a pinch.”
“That’s actually not a bad idea. Lemme go grab them real quick,” Hatta said.
“Don’t bother.” A familiar voice rose up. “It’ll turn into regular old water the second you step foot outside this place.”
They turned around and saw the White Rabbit, cackling to himself.
“I see you’ve managed to escape the dungeon after all,” Alice said witheringly.
“And whose fault is it that I got thrown in there in the first place?”
“You have no one but yourself to blame for that one. Anyway…you were saying?”
“I had the same ‘brilliant’ idea as you. But not only did the water lose its magical properties, but it also turned lukewarm. What a double whammy of disappointment… You’re not buying any of this, are you? I can tell it from your eyes.”
As if I’d ever trust a word that comes out of your mouth, Alice thought.
“I don’t think he’s lying, Alice. This place is teeming with holy energy.”
“Now you I can trust, Haigha. Unlike a certain someone.”
“Brazen as always, I see. And here I thought I’d share an invaluable piece of information with you, but…oh well.”
“Out with it! I don’t have all day.”
“Again with the cocky attitude. Oh, who cares at this point! Basically, all you have to do is submerge yourself in the fountain’s waters, and your defense stats will shoot through the—” Alice and Haigha stared at him, disgust all over their faces. “What? What’d I do?”
“If you want to watch me bathe,” Alice seethed, “at least have the guts to say it.”
“Pervert!” Haigha spat.
“No, wait, you’ve got the wrong idea! I only wanted to watch Haig—” Alice punched him in the stomach, knocking him out cold.
“We’ll be bathing now. Hatta, stand guard.”
“Aye, aye!”
“Seb, boil him into a fine rabbit stew.”
“As you wish,” Seb said, dragging away the White Rabbit’s unconscious body.
“Huh, that’s odd…” The White Rabbit was suddenly torn from his restful slumber. “Is it just me, or is it a little…hooot! Hot, hot, hot!!!” He jumped out of the boiling pot.
“I see you’re awake,” Seb remarked.
“‘I sEe yOu’re aWakE…’ I nearly got cooked to death!” he protested. “I need to go jump in the spring to, erm, heal my burns! Yeah, heal my burns! Not because I want to peep on Haigha or anything like that!”
“Go ahead. No one’s stopping you.”
“Don’t even try to stop—” he paused for a second. “Wait, really? Thanks, Seb, you’re the best!” he said, zooming past Haigha and Alice.
“Wasn’t that the White Rabbit? You let him escape?” Alice asked.
“My sincerest apologies,” Seb proffered.
“Meh, who cares about that slimeball, anyway? But what about our food?”
“I’ll whip something up right away! And while I do, would you two mind fetching Hatta for me?”
The White Rabbit made a beeline for the spring, unaware of what really awaited him.
“Haigha? Haigha! Boy, am I glad to see you. Look at what that bad ol’ Seb did to me.”
“What the blazes are you doing here?!”
“H-H-Hatta?! Get away from me, you sicko! Gross!”
“Who you callin’ sicko, sicko?! Out!”
“H-Help! I’m drowning!”
“Get your dirty hands off of me!”
Sadly, the Fountain of Life could not, in fact, mend psychological scars.
“Haigha, look—they’re hugging completely in the nude! Were they always that close?” Alice wondered aloud.
“Not sure, but I fully approve of Hatta’s decision regardless. I think love is beautiful in all its forms. Even interspecies love…” Haigha said slyly.
“I suppose you’re right. Come on, let’s give those two lovebirds some much-needed privacy.”
Psychological scars and an unfortunate misunderstanding—the cherry on top of the crap sundae.
“Shouldn’t Hatta be with you?” Seb asked when the girls came back alone.
“Let’s start without him. He’s, shall we say, a little busy right now,” Alice said, trying not to grin.
Hatta returned sometime later, dragging the White Rabbit’s weary body behind him. There were no marks or bruises, just sadness. The sadness that can only come from being trapped in a limbo of getting beaten to a bloody pulp and then instantly regenerating.
“Did you settle on your wedding day?” Alice said, a little smugly.
“My what now?”
“I’ll support you no matter what, Hatta,” Haigha piped in.
“Thanks…?” Hatta responded, utterly oblivious to their meaning. “Oh! Are we leaving right after dinner or what?”
“We’re staying the night here,” Alice said. “It’s pretty much the ideal resting spot.”
“Good. I’ll get to making my new bomb then.”
Hatta jumped straight to work while Haigha frolicked in the fountain with Onion Boy by her side. Meanwhile, Alice and Seb treated themselves to a nice cup of tea.
“Tell me more about this Humpty fellow,” Alice said. “Haigha mentioned something about him being able to wipe a party out without lifting a finger, but I have a hard time believing that.”
“I can’t say I’m an expert myself,” replied Seb, “but apparently, he’s quite easy to elude alone, assuming you can brave the monster cave all by yourself. Which is highly unlikely, seeing as no one’s ever done it.”
“Why would he be easier to avoid alone? Is he slow? I don’t get it.”
Realizing that further deliberating the matter would yield nothing, Alice and Seb went back to the coach to nap. What they didn’t notice was that, at around the same time, the White Rabbit woke up again.
“I need to get as far away from these crazies as possible!” He quietly scooted off without even looking back at Haigha.
Just to show how little anyone cared about him, the White Rabbit’s escape went entirely unnoticed.
Time passed a little slower than usual inside the forest’s calm, soothing embrace. Haigha made sure everyone was sound asleep and snuck out for a midnight bath.
“I could do this all day,” she said, grinning to herself.
The spring water sparkled brightly under the moonlight, giving it a lovely, ethereal vibe. The next thing Haigha knew, a school of fish had gathered around her.
“That’s right! I can use all the magic I want here.”
Haigha clasped her hands together as though in solemn prayer, unleashing her magic’s true potential. A dress made of tiny glittering beads of light covered her body, with tiny wings of pure light sprouting from her back.
“I’m the spring fairy!” she declared cheerfully. “Prepare yourselves for a heaping dose of fun!”
Had the White Rabbit been around to see just how breathtakingly beautiful she looked just then, he surely would’ve fainted on the spot.
“Come on, fishies, dance with me! The party never ends!” Haigha giggled.
“I’m no fishie, but can I join too? Looks fun.”
“Eh?” Haigha turned around and saw sleepy-eyed Alice just standing there, imposingly. “Ali-Ali-Ali—”
“Alligator? Did you get bit?”
“Alice?! Wh-When did you get here?”
“At around the same time you donned your lil’ see-through angel costume,” Alice smirked.
She saw everything!!!
“I-I can explain…”
“No need. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to follow in the footsteps of your idol, AKA my cosplay-obsessed Uncle Dodo.”
“You’re completely off-base!”
There’s only one way out of this, Haigha thought.
“This is all a dream,” she cried, clinging to Alice. “You didn’t see anything, okay?”
Her pleas were met with nothing but silence.
“Alice?” Haigha looked up at her face, only to see her nodding off. “Is she…sleepwalking?”
Haigha changed back to her regular clothes and carried Alice back to the coach.
Please think it was all a dream. Please think it was all a dream, she prayed as she fell asleep.