“When the rumor about us dating spread around the school, I was thinking about how I could protect you. I even went to the ‘Death God’s Mansion’…”
“Death God’s Mansion?”
“You don’t know? It’s an urban legend that a spirit who can grant wishes lives there.”
“Wishes? I thought the story was that if you get close, you’ll be taken away by the Death God?”
“It doesn’t matter now. In the end, nothing happened. What I want to say is I even clung to such jinxes because I wanted to be with you!”
At Kusunoki-san’s words, Miyoshi-sensei choked on his coffee in surprise.
“Actually, I was planning to ask Hajime to play the role of smokescreen for the rumors. He didn’t seem interested in dating anyone, and I thought he didn’t feel anything for me anymore… That’s why I was surprised when he confessed.”
While choking, Miyoshi-sensei made a serious face.
“I thought I couldn’t ask him to do that if he had serious feelings. That’s why I initially refused. But because you carried me to the infirmary, it could become a rumor again and cause trouble for you. I couldn’t think of any other way to prevent that… I don’t care what anyone thinks of me as long as I can be with you.”
What is she talking about?
As I listened to their conversation, I was simply stunned.
“And Hajime hasn’t changed.”
At Kusunoki-san’s sigh-like laugh, Miyoshi-sensei tilted his head and said, “Eh?”
“I tried to see if he could touch me. He held my hand, but he was trembling. That’s strange that he says he likes me.”
“Why…” I let out a voice.
The image of Soejima-kun tightly holding Kusunoki-san’s hand, the gaze staring at her, and the words “I love you” that Soejima-kun stated without hesitation raced through my head one after another.
“I wonder if there’s any girl Hajime wants to touch…”
Without noticing my voice, Kusunoki-san continued to chat with Miyoshi-sensei. The sight of her smiling face made my chest burn. My irritation turned into sadness, and I felt tears welling up in my eyes.
Unable to watch Miyoshi-sensei and Kusunoki-san any longer, I slipped out of the art preparation room and into the hallway.
I can’t tell Soejima-kun. There’s no way I can tell him…My hands gripping my head tightened. The bangs I held down with my hand ruffled, and a familiar figure appeared in my blurred vision. I held my breath at the sight.
No way…
I raised my face in disbelief. Soejima-kun was standing next to the door of the art preparation room.
“Soejima-kun…”
My heart trembled. His face, looking at me, was calm.
Without saying a word, he looked at me and started walking down the corridor in silence. My heart pounding, I followed behind Soejima-kun.
When we finally climbed the stairs, that felt horribly longer than usual, Soejima-kun opened the door to the rooftop and shrugged his shoulders.
“It’s cold.”
Soejima-kun’s hair and the hem of his uniform were fluttering. It had to be cold and windy. The sky was covered with thick clouds, and it looked like it would snow at any moment.
Soejima-kun looked back at me, who had followed him.
“I’ve had this feeling of discomfort for a while now…”
I braced myself for a story about Kusunoki-san.
I still hadn’t sorted out what happened in the art preparation room just now. I didn’t know what to say to Soejima-kun. But what he said next wasn’t about the girl.
“Why are you dressed so lightly, Yuu?”
“What?”
I was taken aback by Soejima-kun’s words.
“If Yuu became a spirit right after the accident and met me… It’s strange to walk around outside in just a school uniform at this time of year. Even more so if it was raining.”
I looked down at the sailor suit I was wearing, then raised my face.
“It’s also strange that I can’t find any news about the accident no matter how much I search. It’s odd that an accident in our local area doesn’t have any articles…”
“Soejima-kun…”
Without paying attention to the voice I let out, Soejima-kun continued as if trying to feign calmness, as if trying to dodge an important matter. My trembling heart ached as if it were being squeezed. I could clearly see the disturbance Soejima-kun was trying to hide. Having heard the conversation in the art preparation room, I didn’t know what to do.
“Maybe we are…”
“It’s okay!” I cut off Soejima-kun’s words.
Soejima-kun finally stopped speaking. His face, that looked at me, was far from calm. “Are you seriously saying it’s okay?”
Soejima-kun laughed as if amazed and looked at me with a face as if biting down on something bitter.
“Why were you in the art preparation room?”
His tone was flippant.
“I saw you at the window of the art preparation room from the classroom. I wondered what you were doing and found it strange when the curtain closed. You can’t touch the curtain; there must be someone else. ‘Who is it?’ I thought…”
Soejima-kun was looking at me with suspicious, cold eyes.
“You were there because you doubted Kusunoki’s feelings, right? You didn’t tell me because you thought you couldn’t, right? Because you understood that our fates weren’t truly tied, right? From the beginning, we were wrong about everything. That’s why you’re still here, isn’t it?”
I barely held myself from being taken aback by Soejima-kun’s words. “No. Nothing was wrong.”
To my shaking head, Soejima-kun spoke in a strained voice. “You’re becoming more and more transparent.”
“Huh?”
“Your figure is becoming more and more transparent…”
Trying to hide the shock that ran through my entire body, I let out a voice. “The listless god appeared!”
I was saying the lines I had made up when I believed I couldn’t tie the threads of fate anymore and decided to disappear without making Soejima-kun sad. But it was different from that time when I considered giving up everything and disappearing from Soejima-kun.
I haven’t given up yet. Yes, because I haven’t given up, I say this.
“I was told that if I remembered my memory and announced it, I would have to disappear from you, and I couldn’t tell you. I wanted to stay with you a little longer. The reason I’m becoming transparent is because of that. I can’t clearly say when, but I can return to my original body. It’s thanks to you.”
He looked at me with a sad face.
“You’re lying, aren’t you?”
I desperately tried not to mind Soejima-kun’s gaze, which was clearly doubting me.
“It’s true.”
I stared straight at Soejima-kun, who was stunned.
“I will definitely come to see you again in my non-spirit form.”
As I told a lie, a sharp pain pierced through my chest. I should have realized it earlier. If I had thought to deal with it myself earlier, I wouldn’t have hurt Soejima-kun.
The boy, who had been staring at my face, apologized to me quietly.
“Let me sort things out. For now, I’m going to talk to Kusunoki properly, so stay here.”
With that, Soejima-kun turned his back to me and left through the door. I was left alone on the rooftop, looking up at the gray sky. My determination was solid.
I caught sight of Soejima-kun running down the hallway from the rooftop stairs. Taking my eyes off his figure, I quietly left the place.
I went through the school’s main gate, took the train, and returned to Soejima-kun’s house.
The aged pillars of the house, the slightly damaged corridor floor, the guest room where I woke up every morning, the sofa where Fuyu often slept, the internet news article printed on the table in the living room… Images of Soejima-kun diligently searching for who I was throughout the house appeared and vanished from my sight.
As I stepped out of the entrance, I stopped and turned back. I faced the house in front of me, which felt like my place at some point. There are plenty of kind memories I wished for here. I thought I couldn’t do anything alone in a form that no one would notice.
Soejima-kun always reached out to me. I admired Soejima-kun’s strength, who hid this weak part of himself while saying he couldn’t see a future for himself. That strength lit me up like a candle. Because I wanted to be like that…
It’s not good to keep clinging to the hand that reached out. If I can’t stand on my own two feet, I can’t do anything for anyone. I won’t return to this house anymore. I will surely come back to life. And… I’ll keep the promise I made with Soejima-kun. I’ll go tell him who I am.
I averted my gaze from my grandfather’s house, where I spent time with Soejima-kun, and looked forward.
I started walking toward the place of the last memory I really needed to remember.