Soejima-kun directed his gaze to the white undergarment his grandpa had unfolded.
“Huh? This is the white undergarment we have at home, right?”
“The name. It’s written so small in the corner,” his grandpa said.
In the corner of the undergarment, “Hajime Soejima” was written in small letters with a marker.
“I’ve been telling you this since you were little, right? You should write your name on your belongings. Have you been properly writing it big on your things?” his grandpa said as he intentionally showed his teeth like a child. Soejima-kun picked up the book that had fallen to the floor and quietly muttered.
“Yesterday, Dad and the others came to see me.”
Soejima-kun’s expression changed at his grandpa’s words.
“I thought you said you didn’t want to see them.”
His grandpa looked at Soejima-kun with a gentle face.
“They just came to deliver some things.”
Without responding to his grandpa’s words, Soejima-kun stood up from the chair and faced the door. Seeing the boy like that, his grandpa smiled.
“Wait a moment.”
His grandpa called out to Soejima-kun, then rummaged through the nearby drawer of the shelf where the television was placed. He grabbed something and handed it to Soejima-kun.
The boy held out his palm bluntly, and his grandpa placed a five-hundred-yen coin in it.
“What’s this?” Soejima-kun looked at the five-hundred-yen coin in his palm and asked bluntly.
“Use it to buy the second series of ‘Masterpieces of Erotica,’” his grandpa said in a higher pitch. Soejima-kun, with an annoyed expression, slammed the five-hundred-yen coin onto the bed.
“Hehe.”
Seeing the interaction between his grandpa and Soejima-kun, I couldn’t help but laugh. The boy glanced at me briefly from behind and furrowed his brow.
“Oops,” I thought. In front of his grandpa, Soejima-kun looked like a cute child.
“I’m going home,” he said with a tired expression, quickly heading toward the door of the hospital room. I followed behind him.
“Hajime!” his grandpa called out to Soejima-kun’s back again. Soejima-kun stopped in front of the door and turned around.
“Aren’t you lonely being home alone?” his grandpa asked.
“It’s you who must be lonely… I’ll come again,” Soejima-kun replied.
His grandpa smiled faintly at the boy’s words.
It started raining outside the hospital. Soejima-kun muttered, “Stay here for a moment,” and ran toward the convenience store.
I slipped through the automatic doors and reached out my hand, standing at the edge of the entrance canopy. Raindrops fell through my palm and onto the ground. I lowered my gaze to the ground, knowing there was no way I could touch them, and a ball rolled toward me.
A boy, around the third or fourth grade of elementary school, ran up beside me and lightly kicked the ball, passing it to another boy. Are they here playing because they’re bored while visiting someone at the hospital?
Amid the conversations and applause of the boys, faint memories of the child version of myself in school resurfaced. Each of these faint memories made my heart ache with sadness. Did I have any memories that would make me look back and feel happy?
I just wanted to remember one kind memory. If I could do that, maybe this inexplicable void in my heart would diminish a little. I noticed a loud noise and turned to the side, where Soejima-kun had opened a plastic umbrella. He held the umbrella up and stepped out from under the entrance canopy, leaving half of the space under the umbrella empty for me.
“Uh…” I realized that he was making space for me to join him. “I-It’s okay. Rain can pass through me, so I won’t get wet,” I stammered.
Soejima-kun furrowed his brow and moved his lips, saying, “It’s fine.”
The boys who were playing nearby were looking at Soejima-kun, who stood there holding the umbrella with suspicious eyes. I hurriedly jumped into the space under the umbrella that Soejima-kun was offering. The umbrella blocked the raindrops falling from the sky. I looked up and saw the raindrops hitting the plastic umbrella and bouncing off. I had a vague sense of déjà vu. What was it? Had something similar happened before…?
A slow gaze shifted from above and met Soejima-kun’s. With the boy looking at me with a tilted head, our proximity made my heart feel like it was about to jump out. I hid my flustered feelings and casually shook my head as if nothing was wrong. Soejima-kun pointed forward, and we started walking.
A few people were scattered along the way from the hospital to our house. Under the umbrella held by Soejima-kun, I couldn’t calm down, and my heart was pounding. It was probably because I was worried that anyone would think it strange that Soejima-kun was walking with the umbrella tilted to one side.
Because there were people around, we didn’t say anything. The rain blocked out the surrounding sounds, making it quiet. The sound of my heartbeat echoed, and I wondered if Soejima-kun could hear it too.
When I first met Soejima-kun, my chest became restless, and an unpleasant tension ran through my body. Now, I had a slight understanding of the reason behind it. The child version of me in my memories was frightened by the boys who sneered at me, calling me the “worst.” Perhaps I was subconsciously afraid of boys my age. Soejima-kun might have felt the same way as the boy in my memories.
But Soejima-kun was someone who took a spirit that couldn’t get wet in the rain under his umbrella. As we walked side by side in the rain, I thought about how I had to talk about the memories I couldn’t bring myself to speak about.
But I couldn’t say them. I didn’t want Soejima-kun to know that I was someone who was ridiculed by others. That’s why I couldn’t ask him.
“I can’t imagine a future where I’m happily spending time with someone,” he said.
I wondered why he, who was so kind, would think that way.