As summer turned to fall, the first- and second-year students started to talk incessantly about the school festival. Our high school generally didn’t put much energy into school events. Still, there was always a sports festival and a school festival, like they were part of the standard operating procedure. Since the school festival took place close to university entrance exams for third-year students, the first and second years handled most of the preparations.
The event only lasted one day, and it wasn’t open to the public. There also weren’t any stalls cooking or heating food, which would have required a notification to the health department. But some students looked forward to it anyway.
Maori was one of them. The night before the festival, when we talked on the phone, she seemed a little jealous of her tomorrow’s self. That she would get to spend the whole day walking around the festival with Tooru.
The next morning as I was getting ready, her mother called me.
“I’m sorry to call so early,” she said. “Maori has a bit of a fever and doesn’t feel well. She’s come to grips with her amnesia, and she’s calm now…but I’m thinking of having her stay in bed today.”
A few minutes later, Maori sent me a text.
Izumi?
What’s up? How’s your fever?
A “read” notification popped up right away. But no message followed. Just as I was thinking of calling her, a reply came.
Oh, good. I knew because I could see that we’ve been texting every day, but—
Yeah?
I’ve been getting on with life even with amnesia, haven’t I? I’ve been going to school, and we’re still friends, right?
I could tell she was feeling discouraged today as a consequence of her cold. She woke up in the morning feeling sick, but reality didn’t stop because of that. She’d learned about her accident and memory loss and that nearly a year and a half had passed. It was only natural that she would feel anxious. I wanted to cheer her up.
Of course! Nothing has changed. Don’t worry.
Okay…that’s a relief.
You go to school every day. Just like your journal says, you seem to be enjoying life.
I read a little of it. I was so surprised. I have a boyfriend now?
Yeah, Kamiya, a guy who was in a different class from you last year. He’s tall and thin. Sound familiar?
Vaguely. He’s a nice guy, right? Not like my impression of him.
I smiled wryly. If Tooru hadn’t been nice, a lot of things probably wouldn’t have worked out. Maori might have felt anxious every day. She might not have managed to stay in school. I wouldn’t have gotten a crush on him…
I hear you’re sick today, so take it easy, okay? You don’t have to be afraid of tomorrow. I know it will be another good day for you. There’s nothing to worry about.
You’re right. Today…I’ll take it easy.
Good. I’ll get in touch with Kamiya. Don’t worry about anything, really.
Thanks, Izumi. Thanks to you, I think I’ll be okay.
I read her text and closed the messaging app. Then I opened my email and sent a message to Tooru, who had an old flip phone. I told him Maori had a cold and was staying home but that her mood was stable.
Got it. Thanks, Wataya.
I read his reply, finished getting ready, and headed to school.
My last high school festival was beginning. Homeroom ended quickly, and the start of the festival was announced over the intercom. Since I was in the advanced class, some students stayed in the classroom studying or took their things to the library instead of going to the festival. I was planning on doing the same. Whether Maori was there or not, I intended to spend the day quietly studying in the library.
“Wataya?”
But someone stopped me on my way there. I turned around. Tooru was standing there alone. He walked down the hallway until he was right in front of me.
“Want to go to the festival together?” he asked.
I must have looked pretty surprised.
“What, why?”
“Why? Because today is the festival.”
“I…don’t need to go. Maori’s not here, and you’d probably be more relaxed by yourself. Don’t worry about me. Bye.”
I turned around and started walking away. The hallway leading to the library was sunless and cold. The noise from the festival didn’t reach here. It was quiet, so quiet…
Maybe that’s why my heartbeat sounded so gratingly loud.
“Did I do something to make you hate me?” Tooru asked.
I stopped walking and faced him again. He was frowning, as though the situation troubled him. My heart refused to calm down. Along with the pain, something stirred and spread throughout my chest.
Tooru didn’t really need to interact with me if Maori wasn’t there. Both of us were good at spending time alone. He might as well kick back with a novel. But maybe because he thought I’d been acting strange, he made a point of seeking me out. He invited me to the festival and tried to cheer me up because we were friends.
For once, he was looking just at me, thinking only of me.
My heartbeat was deafening. I was hurting, I was suffering, and I was happy. For a moment, I couldn’t speak.
Maori wasn’t here. Maybe I could get away with it. I wouldn’t tell anyone; I wouldn’t leave any traces. Maybe it was okay to create a memory that belonged only to me and Tooru.
I gazed silently at Tooru. Then, for the first time in ages…I smiled at him.
“What are you talking about, Kamiya?”
He seemed surprised by my cheerful words and attitude. I burst out laughing and walked over to him.
“I’m sorry, I’ve been so nervous about exams that I’ve been kind of high-strung since summer. You didn’t do anything, and I don’t hate you.”
How long had it been since I’d let down my guard around him? I had to be careful not to talk too fast out of pure happiness.
“Really? I guess that makes sense. I bet you’re applying to a national university. The test sounds hard, especially with all those subjects.”
“You’re taking the public service exam, right? I heard that one has a lot of subjects, too.”
“Yeah, but the exam was this summer, so it’s over.”
“No way. The civil service exam is that early? So you’re free to take it easy now?”
“There are more tests down the road, but I’m free enough to have some fun today. How about you?”
He smiled at me. He was always a little mischievous like that when he talked to me. My heart trembled at the familiarity of our exchange. I realized I was happy and there was nothing I could do about it.
“I’m free enough to have some fun today, too,” I said, matching his joking tone. “Since it’s our last festival and all…I think I’ll let you show me a good time.”
Tooru and I were going to walk around the festival together as friends, just friends. That was the objective reality. Reality is stubborn. It doesn’t change. But it didn’t matter. I didn’t care how he felt. I made up my mind to create my own special memory that day. I was sure the gods would forgive me. After all, it was just a little thing…
“So where should we go? Is there anything you want to see?”
“Let me put away my books and stuff first. We can decide where to go after that.”
“Oh, sorry. You’re right.”
“Since you invited a lady to the festival, you’d better escort her properly,” I teased before arranging to meet him by the entryway and heading back to my classroom.
“Ladies don’t run down hallways,” he shouted after me. I must have broken into a jog without realizing it.
“Shut up!” I shouted back, my voice as bouncy as my steps.
I quickly fixed up my hair and makeup before meeting Tooru at the entryway to head into the festival. He had dutifully fetched the festival pamphlet handed out in homeroom. We studied it before heading out.
Naturally, we were standing close together, but I pretended not to feel anything.
First, we went to buy some cotton candy so we could walk around eating it and feel like we were at a festival. Everyone else must have had the same idea because there was a long line by the stall in the courtyard. It only cost fifty yen, so we did rock-paper-scissors to decide who would treat the other. Even though I lost, Tooru insisted on paying when we got to the counter, saying, “I invited you, after all.” Pleased and embarrassed, I jabbed him in the side with my elbow. Maybe it surprised him, because he gave me an odd look.
After that, he said there was something he wanted to see, so we walked over to the athletic field, cotton candy in hand. A flea market had been set up there, organized by the teachers and clubs. Items were displayed in messy rows. Judging by the old electronic devices mixed in, the teachers had clearly scoured their houses for stuff they couldn’t otherwise get rid of.
Tooru went into housewife mode searching for deals, and I burst out laughing at how intense he was. He protested bashfully, and we joked around about it. This wasn’t intimacy between a boy and a girl, but banter between friends who got along well. I smiled so much at the silly jokes that filled our casual conversation that my cheeks started to hurt.
I knew this would be painful to look back on in the future. It wasn’t like the times we’d ended up together without Maori by chance. He and I were intentionally spending time together, and it would probably never happen again. It wasn’t a date, but to me, it was. Since I knew this was my one and only chance, I wanted to enjoy it to the fullest. I wanted us to smile and laugh together.