“That’s weird. Maybe it’s just you that can’t see it? Well, whatever. Not everyone looks at the world the same way. Utena, you know, is a little different from other kids.” Puffing out her chest with a huff, Utena started talking about herself.
She probably loves herself. Or rather, maybe she just doesn’t have that much interest in other people.
“It’s because Utena’s a Kagamimori, you know?” she went on. “Everyone’s just a little formal.” The Kagamimoris are the rulers of my town, and she’s their only daughter, a princess. Her surroundings always prize and pamper her. Saying yes to everything, willingly doing whatever she wanted. But that might be loneliness, too. It was a situation where interests and human relationships aligned, and the only people around are her slaves and servants. The throne is probably a lonely place, but that’s still a luxurious problem to have.
“That’s why, I was a little jealous of you, Hitomi.” Utena said something unexpected.
✦ ✦ ✦
My surprised face was obvious enough that even I noticed I was making one, and I ended up staring straight at Utena. She looked down kind of awkwardly, while playing with her fingers. I had thought she was the type of girl to always go around boldly, with her head held high though.
“Kousuke talks about his childhood friend a lot, you know?” she asked rhetorically. “You’re the one, aren’t you? I heard she was the daughter of the Denkiyas... And there’s only one set of Denkiyas in town.” Utena was talking as she pleased, one-sidedly.
Is that so, Kousuke, you... So you’ve been talking about me. I realized. So the days we spent playing around as if we were one person are still inside him, if only a little. I wanted to ask what he thought of me, but I felt a little too embarrassed to actually put that into words— so, unable to reply, I just kept silent.
“You played together every day, didn’t you? And you’d come home covered in mud... Utena’s never done anything like that. It was all lessons for me. Even at home, I had to study and force smiles.” Breathing on the window behind her, Utena started drawing a picture in the fogged up glass. This is probably just idle chat to kill boredom; this gondola ride has been long and slow. “I didn’t know why I was living. The same days just repeated, over and over... But you know, I have a goal now. No, it’s more like a dream. Until now it’s just been a simple dream.” This was like when a small child was going to show you their ultimate treasure. Utena gave me a lovely upwards look, before whispering: “Utena, you see, wants to become an idol.” She acted shy while telling me that it was a secret.
She also mentioned a name. “Did you know? Utena’s mom was an idol named Hanemori Joururi... You probably don’t know, it’s a pretty old name. That’s why, Utena should also have some talent.” While talking, Utena took something out of her pocket and showed it to me. It looked like a postcard— On it was a beautiful and lovely girl dressed in an idol’s costume, and she looked like she was shining. It also had Hanemori Joururi’s signature on it, although it wasn’t handwritten, just printed on. With both her eyes shining passionately, Utena stared at the postcard for a while before putting it back into her pocket. Probably because it didn’t seem like you’d be able to bring anything with you that you didn’t already have on your person when you cross dimensions. That just meant that Utena always had the postcard on her person. It was just that important.
With enough passion that she could be called a fanatic, Utena spoke like she was in love. “Hanemori Joururi, Hanemori Joururi... She was a genius, a Super Idol. She’s already retired though, so the only way I can watch her in action is in videos. In this rural place, gathering those videos and stuff was hard work. And that person is my mother,” Utena told me happily.
I was working off of limited information, and I didn’t know the name of that Idol in the first place, so my only reaction was, “Is that so?” But somehow, I remember hearing that name from somewhere. She was probably just that famous. Enough that you knew her name even if you weren’t paying attention to the TV. At the level where even I know her name, at the very least.
“Utena wants to become like Hanemori Joururi, too. Just like mom... Once I realized that dream, every day was shining. Life needs to have goals. Don’t you think, Hitomi?” I think that, too. Just existing every day isn’t the same as living. But in that boring town, what kind of dream are you telling me to have? Utena said that she was jealous of me, but really, I’m jealous of her. Born into a high class family with more money that she could use in a lifetime...and she even has a dream for herself. She’s a winner. It was almost hateful, how much she resembled a story’s protagonist. In our world, Utena had a starring role; she was born that way.
“But you know, life just isn’t that convenient. I decided I wanted to be an idol, but...Papa would probably say no,” Utena said sadly. “I don’t know what I need to do to become an idol, either. I asked Kousuke, and he’s been looking things up for me, though.”
“Hmmm, for that, wouldn’t you have to go to the city?” I tried saying whatever popped into my mind. “Show business, the world inside the TV— it feels like a city thing.”
“Recently, local idols have started becoming popular too, though,” Utena remarked. “But in order to become like Hanemori Joururi, the city’s the way to go, isn’t it? Yeah, yeah. You understand, Hitomi.” Utena nodded before looking out the window at the scenery, seeming lost. She, who embraced her dreams, shouldn’t have any time to waste in this nightmare of an amusement park. She probably wants to get back as fast as she can. “If it was for my dreams,” she said, “I’d even throw away my family name.” That statement shocked me.
So she wanted to become an idol so badly that she’d be willing to throw away the status and wealth that was the envy of so many people. Was it that wonderful, the world on the other side of the TV? I did feel like if she was gonna throw it away, she might as well give it to me, though.
“I’m serious.” Utena said that clearly, even while shivering hopelessly. “I’m not just playing. This is Utena’s life, I don’t want to have even my dreams decided on by Papa.”
“You’re amazing, Utena-san. You already have a dream for your future.” I said something that was way off the point of the conversation, even for me. Utena was blessed for even being able to have a dream; I had no such options.
No. If I thought enough about it to throw my family away, the future would be filled with endless possibilities. But I probably can’t make such an important decision myself. I’ll probably just go to school as usual and graduate, before inheriting the store. I’ll become a true Denkiya. I had thought it wasn’t that unhappy a thing, though.
“That’s right. That’s why Utena doesn’t have time to waste being here. There’s a mountain of things to do. I’ve got a one-way ticket to my dreams, after all. I managed to meet Yuudai-kun.”
“Kurashima-san?” I asked. Why did he pop into the conversation here, of all places? I don’t get the connection— If I remember correctly, he said he was an actor, though. Maybe she plans to get into contact with a TV station in the city through him, or something. “I’ll be rooting for you. I really do think you have talent, after all.” This wasn’t just flattery, I meant what I said. “You’re great at singing, after all.”
“Huh?” she asked. “Did Utena ever sing in front of Hitomi?”
“No...” I explained. “Yesterday, I saw a video of you singing and dancing.”
“I didn’t sing at all yesterday,” Utena said, sounding puzzled. “I did have a dream about it, though. Maybe you saw one of the demo videos I had Kousuke take of me... Even though I told him to tell no one that Utena wanted to become an idol.” Hrm... So that video I saw yesterday in the control room was Utena’s dream, was it? Now that I think about it, Utena was sound asleep when we saw her. Why were those monitors in the control room showing her dream? I’m not surprised at anything that goes on in this mystery park anymore, though... I got the feeling that this conjecture had a huge hint in it that would help in figuring out the nature of this alternate dimension.
I peeked at someone else’s dream. No. Thinking normally, it was more likely that Kousuke threw up the demo video on the screen by accident. Like he would be walking around carrying a PC or a terminal like that, and played it by accident. But I’m not so sure; it didn’t feel like that was the case. Kousuke reacted like that was the first time he saw that video, after all.