Lucianus looked up and saw a pained expression on Dominatus’s face. “Havilah was our cook when I was still in gladiator school. I was still young and immature back then, and Havilah was kind to me. We soon became lovers as I was polishing my skills to become a popular gladiator. We promised to save up our money to buy our freedom and live together one day. But the older gladiators didn’t take my promotions kindly. They colluded and attacked me, and Havilah sacrificed her life to spare mine. She was brutally murdered, and ever since, I’ve been filled with regret for being unable to protect the woman that I loved. That feeling still resides deep within my heart. Last night, I dreamed about Havilah dying again for the first time in a good while. I was probably afraid of losing you and felt anxious. I’d thought that I was going to lose another beloved person because of my incompetence.”
The setting sun illuminated Dominatus’s face, his sorrowful, amber eyes glowing golden. His eyes resembled a wolf’s, and to Lucianus he looked like a battered, lone beast. The gladiator’s nation had been destroyed, his family had been stolen away by his enemies, and the woman he loved had been killed right in front of his eyes. He wandered around as a slave, worked his way up to a gladiator, fought in countless battles, and by some weird twist of fate, was now in front of Lucianus.
“I didn’t want to lose you, but when I saw you weeping, I thought it was best to set you free,” Dominatus said. “Precisely because I love you, I didn’t want to tie you to my side.”
He had chosen to part ways out of love. Dominatus’s feelings for Lucianus had driven him to decide on a path that would cause his own suffering.
“You fool!” Lucianus said. He pounded Dominatus’s chest with his hands. “We were about to split up even though we love each other so much! I may never have been able to see you again. You absolute dunce!”
“I’m sorry. Forgive me,” Dominatus apologized. “It’s all my fault. I know that you’ve had worries of your own bottled up within you during our trip. Tell me whatever is on your mind. I’ll listen to all your complaints.”
He hugged Lucianus tightly, and tears welled up in the noble’s eyes as he started to speak. “I’ve got a mountain of things I’d like to say. In the first inn that we stayed at, you said that you’d massage my buttocks, but I saw you happily talking with some young ladies.”
All of this was in the past, and Lucianus knew that there was no use bringing it up now. But as Dominatus spoiled him, a torrent of words tumbled out of his mouth.
“I wanted to ask them about the city. That’s all. I’m sorry,” Dominatus said.
“You woke up by yourself that morning and ate breakfast all alone. I wanted to eat with you,” Lucianus said.
“I wanted you to sleep in. I should’ve had breakfast with you when you awoke. I wasn’t considerate enough, and I’m sorry.” The gladiator’s gaze softened as he apologized to Lucianus’s silly complaints.
“I was freezing to death under the icy rain, but not once did you ask about my well-being.”
“My mind was filled with the Imperial Guards catching up to us, and I prioritized moving ahead. That’s all my fault. I’m truly sorry about that. Anything else?”
“You always seem to prioritize the horses instead of me.”
“You’re more important, of course. There’s no denying that. But if we don’t treat our horses well, it’ll slow down our travels immensely. I made you so lonely that you started comparing yourself to the horses, I see. I’m sorry.”
Lucianus knew that he was just taking his frustration out on the gladiator, but Dominatus continued to apologize solemnly. Lucianus began to hate himself for complaining so much, heightening his emotions.
“I-I’ve still got more!” he stammered.
“Go on, tell me everything,” Dominatus replied. “I want you to tell me every thought that’s on your mind.”
“It’s been painful for me. I thought that I was a person who was tougher and more reasonable. B-but I was wrong. I was willing to throw my life away for you, but only seconds later, I-I found myself angry as I saw you enjoying your time talking with those ladies. I even grew jealous of your former lover. I’m a foolish and small-minded person, and it makes me feel embarrassed and pathetic. The more I learn about myself, the more painful it is. I-I believed that I wasn’t such an unpleasant person, and yet…”
Lucianus wept like a child as he spoke, and Dominatus gently stroked his head.
“You’re not unpleasant at all,” Dominatus said. “You’re not to blame. Love can change a person, and the same goes for me. I climbed to the top as a gladiator, and nothing scared me. Even the emperor didn’t strike fear in my heart, but as I loved you, and you reciprocated my feelings, I’ve grown weaker. Pathetically so. I don’t want to see you suffer because of me, and I don’t want you to have any regrets. As I became weaker, the belief that this whole trip was a mistake plagued my mind and loomed over me like a dark shadow. Ultimately, I started to believe that you’d be happier if you left my side. Yet, I was angered as I assumed that you no longer loved me, and I fought with that man at the inn for no reason. It seems I love you far deeper and more than I’d thought.”
Dominatus peeled himself away from his beloved and peered into Lucianus’s eyes.
“Lucianus, are you happy with a man like me? Do you still truly love me?”
“That goes without saying,” Lucianus replied. “I love you. And that love always makes my chest feel so tight.” He placed a hand over his heart, and Dominatus finally cracked a smile.
“This is where your love for me is, I take it?” Dominatus whispered. He placed his hand over Lucianus’s, over his chest.
“That’s right. It’s filled and overflowing with my affection for you.”
“Then I’ve got a request. Will you envelop me with your love tonight?”
Dominatus gripped Lucianus’s hand and planted a kiss on his palm.